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PLACEHOLDER FOR BREAKING DAWN RECAP

I just got back. *inhales breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE RECAP IS POSTED.

Um, spoilers for the one person that didn't read the stupid book,

Yep. Bit that summbitch right open. People were grossed out. I wanted to hit them, because DIDN'T YOU READ THE BOOK?! LOL.

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( 54 comments — Leave a comment )
manipulant
Nov. 18th, 2011 07:29 pm (UTC)
f5 f5 f5 f5 f5
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:33 pm (UTC)
it's up!
moosesal
Nov. 18th, 2011 07:29 pm (UTC)
spoilers for the one person that didn't read the stupid book

I'm not the only one, Stoney. There's at least two of us, as the SO hasn't read them either. (Although he has watched some of the movies on TV because he was just. that. bored. Something I totally cannot understand.)
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
whoops, I meant to say for the one person that didn't read the book and WANTS TO SEE THE MOVIE.

Also, it's up
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flaming_muse
Nov. 18th, 2011 07:34 pm (UTC)
EWWWWWWWWW

I mean, yes, it's in the book (or so I'm told; I haven't read that one), but UGH. But I was indeed curious if they were going to show that, so yay for you telling me so I don't have to think about it anymore.
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
VERY GORY. People were so grossed out in the audience.
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evewithanapple
Nov. 18th, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
WAS IT REALLY FILMED IN BELLA-CAM? Inquiring minds want to know!
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:35 pm (UTC)
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

but the recap is up!
enigmaticblues
Nov. 18th, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
HEE! I can't wait until I can get my hands on a copy of the movie so I can hold another mocking party. Alcohol + snarky friends + Twilight = WIN.
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:36 pm (UTC)
it's ready for you!
mumsisdaughter
Nov. 18th, 2011 08:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, you must have a stomach (and brain) of IRON, lady! Thanks for doing this 'cos I am living in dread of next Wednesday. A longtime friend of mine is also my movie buddy, now we are both retired. I picked 'Immortals' this week and she's picked 'Breaking Wind/Dawn' for next week. Yes, she's even read the books! When we caught the trailer a few weeks ago, I scoffed and told her there was no way I'd inflict that on my sensitivity-cells but OMG, it's gonna happen! I just know your fabulous spoilers will make the whole experience easier for me to endure :)
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:36 pm (UTC)
I do! Oh, it's so mockable, I was very amused. And it's up!
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kita0610
Nov. 18th, 2011 08:47 pm (UTC)
That was actually the only part of the series I found remotely compelling. Then again, I'm the girl with the crush on Angelus.
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:37 pm (UTC)
hahaha, you mean, the one time they acted like vampires? I like it, too. LOL.
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ladyvyola
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:10 pm (UTC)
\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

I eagerly await your mocking!
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:37 pm (UTC)
'Tis posted, link up top!
anniemare
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:16 pm (UTC)
**dances around** WOOHOO! can't wait for the recap!
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2011 09:37 pm (UTC)
Wait no more, the link is there!
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ruthless1
Nov. 18th, 2011 10:27 pm (UTC)
You are a brave soldier. I don't know how you sat through that but thank you for recapping it for me so I don't have to. I think this series and tuberculosis could be removed from the universe and we would all be better off.
stoney321
Nov. 21st, 2011 01:03 am (UTC)
"this series and tuberculosis could be removed from the universe and we would all be better off"

LOL!
fishwithfeet
Nov. 18th, 2011 10:38 pm (UTC)
BUT WHERE'S PART TWOOOOOOOOOO???? *wails*
elizardbits
Nov. 19th, 2011 12:38 am (UTC)
part two comes out next year or something, i think?
brunettepet
Nov. 18th, 2011 10:52 pm (UTC)
I didn't read any of the books. You did that for me and most of my friends. Thanks for that.
quietlyboloney
Nov. 19th, 2011 12:14 am (UTC)
I AM SO EXCITED HE BITES OPEN HER UTERUS, I WAS GOING TO GO ON STRIKE IF HE DIDN'T
stoney321
Nov. 21st, 2011 01:03 am (UTC)
TWO BITES! BIG SHOT OF HIS HANDS IN SOME INTESTINES/GUTS, TOO!
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brainchild129
Nov. 19th, 2011 01:28 am (UTC)
Oh god, that recap was awesome. Mostly I kept cackling at the description of the OH SO ROMANTIQUE honeymoon, because the idea of him running away from Bella comes off far less like "O NOEZ I WILL HURT YOU TORMENT ANGST WOOOOOEEE" and more like "EW WOMAN. IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO MARRY YOU AND TOUCH YOUR LADYBITS, BUT NOW YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN? NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO FIND RICARDO AT THE BOOM BOOM ROOM...er, I MEAN READ AND KNIT AND DO WHOLESOME NONSEXUAL THINGS. YES."

Your description of his flashback doesn't help. "Yes Bella. I sucked lots of men back then. I sucked them hard. I sucked them dry. I loved every moment of -" "That's nice Sparkle Boy. DO ME NOW." "GAH, MUST BE OFF TO STALK ELSEWHERE KTHNXBYE."

Not to mention the sheer dumbfounding idea that a guy who's been an eternal teenager for most of a century HAS NO IDEA HOW BABYMAKING WORKS. And apparently has never had so much as a wet dream, much less a wank, during that time either.

I may have to see this when it hits the dollar theater for the lulz and to soak in the horror.
shannon_f_r
Nov. 19th, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
"EW WOMAN. IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO MARRY YOU AND TOUCH YOUR LADYBITS, BUT NOW YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN? NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO FIND RICARDO AT THE BOOM BOOM ROOM...er, I MEAN READ AND KNIT AND DO WHOLESOME NONSEXUAL THINGS. YES."

+1. This is the only explanation that makes sense.
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stoney321
Nov. 21st, 2011 01:04 am (UTC)
Oh, I had to keep it down, because I didn't want to be killed, zomg!! They were REALLY INTO it. I would have been most unwelcomed.
voodoochild9
Nov. 20th, 2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
I left a big ol' comment on your recap and I figured that I should post the rest of my spiel over here before it engulfs everything. :P

Its weird, the tonal shift from all the books before "Breaking Dawn" its like a safe teen love story to something out of David Croenenburg movie. I still maintain the theory that S. Meyer was all over and done with the "Twilight" series because she stamped on her perfect happy ending with a NO BABIES ALLOWED stamp but the FANS clamored for more Twilight, a perfect wedding and a baby and wah wah wah waaaaaah! until she was like "FINE! I'll give you a flipping baby!" Never mind that vampires in this universe can't: Bella can...because she's special. Ergh.
stoney321
Nov. 21st, 2011 01:06 am (UTC)
Pah, you can leave all the comments there that you want - a lot of people subscribe to comments, so they'll want to laugh and talk with you. :D

I still maintain that Breaking Dawn is the most honest thing she's written, and was building up to her own passive-aggressive rage at her husband and culture for her being married and baby'd so young.
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quietlyboloney
Nov. 26th, 2011 02:25 am (UTC)
"Her feet are going to get fat. And she is going to want all the pillows now. And she is going to cry for no reason and be really hot, no, wait, she’s really cold, and just go back to the store and get her some damn ice cream. Deal with it."

"She touches Bella, whispers “death” and goes back to scrubbing lime scale."

"Emmett turned off the Net Nanny so there are lady parts shown, and Edward is too much of a gentleman to look at that."

"starts having sex on him"

This is so glorious, I have been excited to read this. I finally saw the movie tonight. It was a fucking masterpiece.

The wedding scene was so AWKWARD. "Make contorted faces at the camera the whole time you're walking down the aisle." At least they somehow managed to make her dress look as good as possible within Smeyer's ghastly constraints.

I was disappointed that there wasn't direct teeth to uterus action, but at least we got what we did, plus a more satisfying sex scene.

All in all, it was enjoyable. And now I can read all the reviews!
stoney321
Nov. 26th, 2011 03:32 am (UTC)
Ha!!! I'm glad you got to read and laugh with me about this movie. It is seriously MSTK3 material, right???

<3
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( 54 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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