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I don't normally post this sort of thing, but I'm just so sad about it, about something that is for such a STUPID reason. One of The Boy's best friends, someone that I find charming and funny and sweet, tried to kill himself, we just learned. His parents have been fighting all the time, about money, about their marriage, and when the friend would try to get them to stop (and I know this boy, I'm sure it was nothing short of woebegone begging) they would yell at him.

Being told you're stupid, being told to shut up, being told you're the source of financial problems (this is all stuff my son has overheard, which is why I've always encouraged them to come to our house) is damaging. Clearly. I'm so angry at these parents; I'm so sad for our friend.

My son asked (as he nervously tugged on his hair) if it would be okay for him to go to their house and just leave the message that he's thinking of his friend, and that he wants to help in some way. Of course, I told him. We don't know which hospital he is in, so until we find out, I'm just sitting here fretting.

Just...if you blame your adult problems on your child's existence, and you verbalize that to your child - know that I pretty much think you're a POS. And maybe apologize to them and tell them you love them. And keep them out of your worries. They're kids.

[ETA] The Boy just came back from the friend's house, and he had just come home. He going to stay at a facility where people will give him a lot of positive attention and help, and I'm crying as I write that, because I'm so grateful. [the school's counselor made that happen, she's lovely.] The Boy hinted that the step-parent - the #1 offender - hasn't been back home. And the friend was reminded that he can call us, come over, whatever any time he feels scared, worried or angry. Because he's loved. [I really love my son, guys. I love that he was totally fine with telling another dude that he loves him. <3] <-- because that shouldn't be weird, am I right? Sigh.

Comments

( 43 comments — Leave a comment )
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anniemare
Dec. 9th, 2011 09:39 pm (UTC)
Faahhhhk I hate hearing about stuff like this.

Having taken in a kiddo who had nowhere to go for a night while we tried to figure out a place for her, it hurts me so much to hear that these parents could not take 5 seconds from their bickering to see the impact it was having. Good grief.


Your son has a heart of gold and I am sure his caring and yours will help this poor boy heal.

Sigh. I just hurt for this child.
ruthless1
Dec. 9th, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC)
Damn. I am sorry. Your son is incredibly kind and thoughtful to want to help. I hope your post gets reposted over and over again. I agree that those kinds of parents are POS.
oatmellow
Dec. 9th, 2011 09:51 pm (UTC)
Heartbreaking and horrifying.

What is wrong with people. Poor kid. My heart hurts for him so badly.
wesleysgirl
Dec. 9th, 2011 09:53 pm (UTC)
Oh, that makes me feel sick just thinking about it. That poor kid. I hope his parents get some help for him and themselves so they can learn to handle their problems without hurting their child.
gillo
Dec. 9th, 2011 09:53 pm (UTC)
There is no maximum to the number of times you should tell your children you love them. None.

Poor, poor boy. My heart breaks to think of a child of his age who can feel the world is better without him in it. And, yes, I would happily see violence done to his parents, which I know is wrong but it's my gut reaction right now. How dare they?

My love and sympathy to your boy - it's a terrifying thing for him to experience too. And love to you.
ann1962
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:02 pm (UTC)
There is no maximum to the number of times you should tell your children you love them. None.

Oh man, THIS!!
... - tinkerbell86ca - Dec. 9th, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - ann1962 - Dec. 10th, 2011 12:40 am (UTC) - Expand
... - tinkerbell86ca - Dec. 10th, 2011 12:54 am (UTC) - Expand
lostakasha
Dec. 9th, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
I love you so much for this. Every time anyone stands up for a child they stand up for me -- and for all of us who were the perceived source of a parent's woe. ♥
stoney321
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
*hugs you soooooo tightly*

I know how it feels, too. *more hugs*
fishwithfeet
Dec. 9th, 2011 09:56 pm (UTC)
Hearing about that poor kid just makes me want to cry. I hope he finds the support and love he's seeking, and I'm so happy you've raised your kids to want to be that kind of support for their friends.
moosesal
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)
Ugh. This makes me so sad. I had a good friend growing up who had parents much like this. Instead of suicide, he started drinking. In 7th grade. The good news is he's sober now, but there's a lot of bad news still wrapped up in it all.

I hope your son's friend gets the help he needs. And I hope his parents get the help they need, to see what they're doing to their child. And maybe they can turn things around for the boy so there isn't a next time. *hugs to your boy*
ann1962
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry your son, you, and that boy, is going through this.

I can't imagine what the boy has overheard, if your son has heard that. Chilling.
kouredios
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, god. That poor kid.

Consider this rant co-signed.
partie_carree
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:31 pm (UTC)
This is just completely horrible. Hopefully the state social services are stepping in and requiring counselling for both the boy and for his parents. Some parenting/communication classes would be perfect. Until then, adopt that kid as much as you can. If you can show him that he is loved and appreciated, and he can see what a functional family is supposed to look like, then he'll survive this and grow up to be a good adult/husband/parent someday.
stoney321
Dec. 10th, 2011 12:01 am (UTC)
letting you know that our school is taking care of him getting help at a care center, which makes me love our school more.

<3 He's been told repeated by the whole family that we really really mean it when we say call any time.
ruthless1
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:37 pm (UTC)
This is where LJ needs a like button (for your addendum.) You and your son make a great team!
kuzu_no_ha
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:48 pm (UTC)
Some parents need their head held under water until they behave themselves or the bubbles stop.

Turning on someone you are supposed to be protecting just...argh. I can't make words that aren't automatically visceral violence.

I'm beyond thankful he failed at what he attempted.
harmonyfb
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, that poor boy. :(

Praying like mad for him tonight.
flaming_muse
Dec. 9th, 2011 10:57 pm (UTC)
Oh my god. :( :( :(

<3 your son, he's the best, everybody should have a friend like him
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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