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In which my head asplode

I've been lurking about LJ reading all kinds of stuff. Wanna know what the main topic of discussion is? you already know. Slash vs. Het. The other thing in our fandom that's a huge divider (and this comes as no surprise) is the FIERCE Buffy hate. People LOATHE Buffy. Which is funny. Because in their tirades against the evil chick, they devalue the entire series (and its spin-off). Because the show IS about her. Not the secret backdoor banging of Giles and Andrew. Not the SOOOO obvious love between Angel and Oz. (Oz TOTALLY forgave him for trying to kill the love of his life. Serious.) The only gay relationship on the shows was Snyder and Clem. COME ON, People!! (The series is called BUFFY the Vampire Slayer. It's All. About. Her. And her satellites.) This is a monster sarcasm rally, BTW.

And so, I give you the argument for Buffy's importance in the fandom, pro and con, as well as shipper wars as discussed by MicroBiologists and Molecular Geneticists.


Ribosomes = fandom
Amino Acids = Buffy
Purines = (adenine=Tara) (guanine=Spike)
Pyrimidines = (thymine =Willow) (cytosine = Angel) (uracil=Xander)
Genes = Jossverse
DNA = the shows, etc.

nerd 1: We can all agree that amino acids are the building blocks of protein, correct?
nerd 2: False. New studies have shown that carboxyl (-COOH)is the building block of amino acids, so boo-yah.
nerd 1: Well, certainly you can agree with me that adenine and thymine belong together. I mean, for fuck's sake. Guanine is ALWAYS paired with cytosine. Look at the evidence!
nerd 2: False. You are completely ignoring the case in which (within the ribosome) the tRNA has a new pair: uracil and guanine. The ribosomes are the powerhouses of the cell, bitch. And by cell, I mean LJ.
nerd 1: LJ? Is this a new pair? Are Watson and Crick fools?
nerd 2: Let's get back on topic. When DNA is opened for transcription, it always opens in a 5' --> 3' direction. Cleary this is because of the need for Wes/Gunn/Fred fic.
nerd 1: What are you talking about? It costs a lot to run these electron microscopes, and you are dithering on about fictional people. Focus, Wendell!
nerd 2: Alright. Let's talk about the importance of your "amino acids." Your amino acids are selfish. They only care about getting created, then witter off, worrying about themselves.
nerd 1: Did you breath in the contents of ts98205-A again? Amino acids are merely trying to HELP. Without amino acids, your ungulates, your phytokeroids, your Cyanea capillata would cease to be.
nerd 2: Without a triplet of codons consisting of the various nucleotide pairs, amino acids wouldn't even be a BLIP on the radar.
nerd 1: But see, the fact that DNA is a double helix is something you are completely ignorning. It's the SHAPE that defines life. Wrapped together, circling each other, winding in on itself...
nerd 2: What the hell are you talking about?
nerd 1: I'm talking about the two separate strands coming together, balancing each other out, causing it all to exist in the first place.
nerd 2: Right. But let's not forget mutations. Weird shit that happens when a base pair is altered, begining with the AT pair. It morphs into a UG or GC pair then gets out of control.
nerd 1: I'm working on missense mutations where something completely foreign is substituted in a place where it doesn't exist.
nerd 2: Duh, I'm a molecular geneticist. I know what it is, dumbass.
nerd 1: I think this all boils down to Spike having a big dick, and being a complete whore.
nerd 2: Right. Which is weird since he was only with three people (four, if you count Angel.). Huh.
nerd 1: SO you coming over later to check out my new Boba Fett figure? I got two. One to stay mint, the other for, well... You know.
nerd 2: Right. To bang Leia, my brother! High five me!

they attempt a high five, but being science nerd, miss by a country mile and knock over a tray of flasks. Their boss walks in.

Boss: *shaking his fist* Johnson!! Wendell!!

They go back to their microscopes and petri dishes.

I need something in my body that is NOT caffeine. And I am NOT working on a parody of The Godfather with the Buffyverse characters. Nope. Not at all.

Comments

( 70 comments — Leave a comment )
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inlovewithnight
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:27 am (UTC)
You're nuts. You know that, right?
That said...this was the funniest thing ever. And I love you.
::buys you an imaginary microscope::
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:34 am (UTC)
I AM nuts. Comes from long hours in a lab dissecting Ascaris and other ooglies.

*readies her glass slides*
sangpassionne
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:30 am (UTC)
*snerk*
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:34 am (UTC)
hee! I'm shakey from all the caffeine. I need cheese. And quite possibly some crackers.
poshcat
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:30 am (UTC)
nerd 2: Duh, I'm a molecular geneticist. I know what it is, dumbass.

I am so in love with you.

::works your nucleotide pairs into a messy lather::
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:36 am (UTC)
::spits out long, creamy strand of tRNA::

Hee! You did see that I wrote some Gilbert/Anne fic for you and my other Gilbert-phile, right?

::contemplates meiosis, is too fagged out from the replication of codons, falls asleep instead::
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:56 am (UTC)
Well, gosh. I really don't want to start any flames or the like, so I hid behind science babble.

Hee!
timeofchange
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:49 am (UTC)
Can I just say that I am so glad I friended you? And that I think you've done some important work here?
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 09:57 am (UTC)
I HAVE. This is IMPORTANT. Ha ha! Because we all know that Boba Fett was trying to nail Leia all along, and that's what drove Han Solo into Luke's arms, and you aren't talking about that, are you?

HA HA HA!
jamalov29
Jan. 13th, 2005 10:12 am (UTC)
You've got an endless imaginative mind that leaves me in awe !

This was furiously funny.


And this ?
"People LOATHE Buffy. Which is funny. Because in their tirades against the evil chick, the devalue the entire series (and it's spin-off). Because the show IS about her." what you said , baby!
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 10:41 am (UTC)
Back at you!! I love Buffy, and I'm man enough to say it.
... - jamalov29 - Jan. 13th, 2005 10:42 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 10:40 am (UTC)
I like to think of it as equal to the hypotenuse, squared.

Hee back atcha!
amontillado
Jan. 13th, 2005 10:51 am (UTC)

I think this all boils down to Spike having a big dick, and being a complete whore.

Good lord, I love you. *wipes tears from eyes*

And I never understood the Buffy hate. I love Buffy Summers! Say it loud and say it proud!
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 10:54 am (UTC)
I love her, too! I have my hair like her, I want to high kick like her, but I'm happy with my own nose. Plus? Superhero.

I can understand liking other things MORE, and being interested in other things, but HATING her? Huh? And people call her selfish which is just odd. Unless you're Dawn, and then I can see it.

And your icon is the hotness.
... - amontillado - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:18 am (UTC) - Expand
marsterslady
Jan. 13th, 2005 10:59 am (UTC)
Oh, you crack me up. :)
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:05 am (UTC)
*spackles and grouts you*

LOVE the icon. Our little manpire-whore is so purdy.
uberaeryn
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:09 am (UTC)
These are astounding theories and am incredibly impressed.

Buffy is and forever will be, to put it eloquently, da shit, and Buffy-haters are just jealous cuz she gets all the good action.

Godfather? Bwah, bring it on, can't wait!
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:21 am (UTC)
(orange tabby cats. not hamsters.)
She IS golden.

And there may come a time, but not today, when I will ask a favor of you. And that is to post more of your Buffy/Giles fic
Re: (orange tabby cats. not hamsters.) - uberaeryn - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:30 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:38 am (UTC) - Expand
... - uberaeryn - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:49 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: (orange tabby cats. not hamsters.) - uberaeryn - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:51 am (UTC) - Expand
kita0610
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:10 am (UTC)
Now you make me want to put little double helixes all over this icon.

Or instead of a gun, she can be holding an electron microscope.

Or I can just offer you cheese. *offers cheese*
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:23 am (UTC)
Double helixes are, like, so kewl.

*breaks open the crackers to go with the cheese*

I mean, Trivial Pursuit CAN'T be wrong: Q: What are the building blocks of life? A: Amino Acids.

BOOYAH! :D
julia_here
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:23 am (UTC)
Wish I had a brain to express my supreme appreciation of this; having felt a few times of late like quoting a post full of Buffyhate and commenting "They have pills for that now, you know."

Because really, that intensity of hatres should be saved for, like, Slade Gorton, and not expended on a mere fictional character.

Julia, always convinced the SG was in league with the Forces of Darkness
uberaeryn
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:31 am (UTC)
I say we all focus our hate on Anne Coulter.
... - julia_here - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:35 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:39 am (UTC) - Expand
... - julia_here - Jan. 13th, 2005 11:54 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jan. 13th, 2005 01:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
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somecandytalkin
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:40 am (UTC)
This reminds me that supposedly Tina Louise told Sydney Sheldon that when she signed on, she'd thought she'd be the star of the show. And he said, "Tina, it's called Gilligan's Island, not Ginger's Island.
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:42 am (UTC)
The love? Is huge.

UNDERLINE, UNDERLINE.
... - somecandytalkin - Jan. 13th, 2005 04:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 11:44 am (UTC)
I think we've talked about Eve. I didn't hate the words written for her, but I LOATHED the pasty, whey-faced, greasy haired blah actress who played her. She was like a 16 year old dressing up in her mommy's clothes. Yuck. They needed a hubba hubba chick there, not some chick who sucked Tim Minear's brother's dick.

Wow. I should step away from the petri dish. I miss you!! Quit being good at work! (just kidding, but only sorta)
... - ex_dovil323 - Jan. 13th, 2005 01:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jan. 13th, 2005 01:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Re: BitchSlutWhore the Vampire Slayer - ex_dovil323 - Jan. 13th, 2005 02:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: BitchSlutWhore the Vampire Slayer - cityphonelines - Jan. 13th, 2005 03:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jan. 13th, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 13th, 2005 01:38 pm (UTC)
This is more of an ongoing thing, really. I haven't seen a specific kerfuffle about Buffy hate. More just in people's post where they "I fucking WON'T read Het or buffy. Ick. Yuck. Ptooey!"

Huh? I just don't understand it, not trying to say they are bad. I let the geneticists say it for me. Hee!
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( 70 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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