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First of all, thanks for all the well wishing on my anniversary yesterday. Y'all are pretty special... Here we go on to the next bit of The Godfather-Jossed! A few new characters pop up, and I'm writing this faster and faster now that Mr. Stoney is out of town. Should be done by the end of the week. And aren't you all relieved? Info and cast list under the cut. For newbies: Rated PG-13ish for violence and bed wetting. I've stuck Jossworld into the world of The Corleones with HILARIOUS results! (Says me.)

Began here, posted sequentially up to part 4


~~~
The Godfather - Jossed!

Current Cast of Characters
Cast of Characters:
Don Vito Corleone/Godfather - Angel
Michael Corleone - Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Santino "Sonny" Corleone - Spike
Fredo Corleone - Elijah Woods
Tom Hagen (The Consigliere) - Charles Gunn
Connie Corleone - Andrew
Kay Adams (Michael's Girl) - Winnifred "Fred" Burkle
Luca Brasi - Xander Harris
Apollonia - Cordelia Chase
Virgil Sollozzo - Ethan Rayne
Don Tattaglia - Darla
Bruno Tattaglia - Anyanka
Emilio Barzini - Tavers
Johnny Fontaine - Lorne Krevlorneswath
Tessio - Doyle
Pete Clemenza - Ripper Giles
Paulie - Parker Abrams
Carlo (Connie's husband) - Warren
Bonasera, the Undertaker - Jonathon
Captain McCluskey - Principal Snyder

Part 5 We left off with Xander Brasi dead, the Don in the hospital (holy water-filled balloons) and a missing bodyguard.

[CUT TO: next morning, Ripper is coming out of his house. A car is waiting for him]
Ripper: (to a lady at his door) I'll be home later.

Lady Friend: Alright. Don't forget the jelly donuts!

Ripper: Hey, Parker. We gotta head out to the dunes. Gotta check into something before Spike goes mental over the Don. He's already thinking of going to the dark magicks.

(They begin to drive out of LA, heading for a ‘burb: Sunnydale. The car stops at a donut shop.)

Ripper: Give me half a dozen jelly - red - and some of those Long Johns. Make it two.

(Pays, get back into the car)

Ripper: Turn here. The dunes are on the other side of the school. Make a left. Pull over.

(Ripper gets out of the car to relieve himself. Walks back with a gun in his hand.)

Ripper: Hey, Parker. You know that blonde you fucked over instead of taking care of your Don?

(Parker begins to struggle with his seat belt, is frantic.)

Ripper: She was mine. They told me last night, "leave the gun, take the jelly-donuts." Bye, bye Mr. Sensitive. (Unloads entire clip into Parker. Single, perfect tear rolls down Parker's slack face.)

(Doyle pulls up alongside them.)

Doyle: You get the jelly ones?

Ripper: I got the blasted jellies. Can we get out of here now?

[CUT TO: Corleone Estate, the men are gathered waiting for Spike]
(Spike walks in, all balls and swagger.)

Spike: You take care of Parker?

Ripper: Oh. You won't be seeing him anymore.

Spike: Good. Where you going? (Wesley has stood, preparing to leave.)

Wesley: I'm going into town to the convenient hospital run by sympathetic doctors who know all about demonology and are willing to take vampires as patients. Um... To see our father?

(Spike acquieces. He scowls. He sucks in his cheeks to make his cheekbones stand out in stark relief. Everyone is impressed. Wesley leaves.)

(Wesley takes a detour into town to visit with Fred.)

[CUT TO: Hotel Room. Wes and Fred are cuddling on a couch)
Fred: I could come with you. I could just ride with you to the Demon Hospital. You know, I'd be interested to talk with some of the staff and find out where they lear-

Wesley: No, Fred. You can't come. That would be supportive, and that means I would be weak. You must stay here and I must go and be strong.

Fred: When will I see you again?

Wesley: Go to your parents house in Texas. I'll call you there. Better yet, go to University and study physics. Nice, safe science that will never cause any harm. Mainly because you are a girl and you won't be able to learn anything dangerous.

Fred: Wesley?

Wesley: (looking to the ceiling, rocking on his toes, arms crossed) Yes?

Fred: You know I'm smarter than you, right?

[CUT TO: Miraculously close and convenient Demon Hospital]
(Wesley is approaching the Visitor's Desk. It's deserted. He walks to his father's room to see there is no guard on duty. He enters Don Angel's room and picks up the phone and calls home.)

Wesley: Spike. Wesley. All of the guards are gone. No one's here with Angel.

Spike: (on phone) Stay put. I'm sending people.

(Nurse enters the room)

Nurse: What are you doing here? Visiting hours are over.

Wesley: This is my father. Do you know who he is? He's a very important man. People are coming here tonight to kill him, and they'll be packing things heavier than water balloons. They may have shirts made of garlic. We have to move him.

(They begin to roll Angel's bed out of the room and into an empty room down the hall. Ominous footsteps can be heard coming up the empty corridor. Wesley grabs the nurse, places his hand over her mouth, and tries not to notice her licking it. Wesley is a handsome man. The footsteps stop outside Don Angel's vacant room.)

Wesley: (Jumping out) Who are you? What do you want with my father?

Jonathon: J..Jesus. I wet myself. I.... Aw, shit, I'm all wet. I came here to see your father. He took care of some bullies for me with a couple of fatal noogies.

Wesley: That's fine. Good lord, you certainly did relieve yourself, didn't you? No matter. Follow me. We are going to stand outside and glower at anyone who dares approach. It is our sacred duty. (To Don Angel) Father, I'm here. I'll take care of you. I'm with you now.

(A single, perfect tear rolls down Angel's face. Crybaby.)

[CUT TO: Demon Hospital, exterior]
(They stand on the steps that lead to the entrance and jut their chins out. A blacked out van pulls up sees the tall, thin men, smell the stench of urine on the wee one and prepare to gun them down. Then they see the chins. The defiant, proud, contumacious chins and leave, post haste.)

Wesley: My god. Did you wet yourself again?

(Jonathon begins to cry. A car pulls up with official emblems on the doors. A short, balding man jumps out.)

Snyder: I thought I told you punks to clear off my hospital grounds! I'll have order, or I'll- Is that urine? Do I smell fear?

Jonathon: Shut up. (Runs away, arms flailing side to side as he cries out in shame.)

Wesley: Sir, what happened to the guards hired to protect my father?

Snyder: Why you little hooligan. Are you trying to tell me how to do my job? I sent them home. Just like I'm going to tell you. Now get out of my hospital.

Wesley: What's Ethan paying you to set up my father?

Snyder: Hold him! Hold him up. You little... (kicks Wesley in the shin.)

(Several cars pull up filled with vampires who get out and run into the hospital. Gunn runs over to Snyder, waving a stack of papers.)

Gunn: I am the Corleone's attorney. These vampires have been hired to protect Angel Corleone from any further assassination attempts. If you interfere, I'm going to give you a taste of my left fist. Then I'm gonna jam the right fist down your throat. Understand me?

(Snyder visibly trembles.)

Snyder: Degenerates. Fine. Fellas, let's go. I think someone forgot to dispose of waste properly and I'm feeling feisty.
~~~
TBC clickity here!

An aside: got a cd from chantal87 today! Woo hoo!! Kick ass covers of great songs. Thanks! I love it! [ETA] Also just got a "Domestic Godess" mix with a kick ass drawing on the front from sangueuk!! Holy Crap! It's like Christmas in January! Thank you, it's AWESOME.

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
sangpassionne
Jan. 19th, 2005 01:21 pm (UTC)
Heeee! You is funny.
stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 01:29 pm (UTC)
Ha! You is sweet.
inlovewithnight
Jan. 19th, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC)
Fred: Wesley?
Wesley: (looking to the ceiling, rocking on his toes, arms crossed) Yes?
Fred: You know I'm smarter than you, right?

No comment necessary.

Good lord, you certainly did relieve yourself, didn't you?
For some reason, this line killed me the most...I think it's that I could actually picture Wesley saying that. Oh Lord.

stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 01:47 pm (UTC)
I had fun writing Wes and Jonathon. Jonathon. Jane Espenson was write. He's terrific to stick in bad situations.
likeadeuce
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:03 pm (UTC)
Wesley is a handsome man
he is indeed. . .and I've noticed that about Jonathon too ;)

No, Fred. You can't come. That would be supportive, and that means I would be weak. You must stay here and I must go and be strong.

Poor Fred! I'm so loving this :)

(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 02:27 pm (UTC)
yup.

Thanks!

*kiss*
mirasol
Jan. 19th, 2005 02:37 pm (UTC)
BWAAAAH!

The wee one wee'd!

PMSL. Oh dear.

And the chins. Fear the power of the chins.

Cracked me up. No mean feat when I'm watching The Untouchables at the same time. Damn. Sean Connery's full of more holes than a string vest again.
stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC)
Ha!! I love the Untouchables, aside from the unfortunate appearance of Costner.

(Ever see Miller's Crossing? Brilliant little movie about life in the mob. It's a thing with me. Can you tell? Heee!)

Fear the power of the outthrust chin.
mirasol
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:30 pm (UTC)
Johnny said - "You never say 'I told you so'"
I think that the Untouchables has a couple of the best scenes in film. Of course one of them is that one at the station.

Asking me if I've seen Miller's Crossing! I live and breathe movies, so it's a definite yes for the Coen Bros films. Absolutely effing loved O Brother etc.
spuzz
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:48 pm (UTC)
BWAH. Genius.
mirasol
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:53 pm (UTC)
Excuse me for jumping in here but...

ICON LOVE!

And now I'll be going.
spuzz
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:57 pm (UTC)
Hee. It's by lvlwing_icons, which hosts some nice icons.

David Brent is a hero to all. And you can type in sex fetish.
stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:57 pm (UTC)
Pshaw. Bit of humor is all...

Whatever you do, don't look at the Sound of Music or Gone With The Wind parodies. Conveniently stored in my memories under parody. Don't. Do. It.

I give you my Dancing David icon.
chantal87
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:49 pm (UTC)
First let me just say that you are an insane woman who makes me giggle way too much.
I'm glad you got the cd.
Yeah!! Everyone should have a cover of Love Roller-coaster.
stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:58 pm (UTC)
Everyone SHOULD have that. That is a belief system I can get behind. Might even wave a flag.

Whee!! Laughter! Same to you, toots.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 04:37 pm (UTC)
Wee is the best word ever. I heart it.

I'm cramping and crabby and wanting cheese covered salt with a side of gravy and feel gross. Mainly because of the sentence before this one. You doing okay?

Or rather, How YOU doon?
lonelybrit
Jan. 19th, 2005 06:14 pm (UTC)
BWHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Loved Fred's little question at the end =) Adore Gunn, and the uncovering of Xander's head and 'it seems to be a message' had me giggling out loud. THank you!!
stoney321
Jan. 19th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)
The Fred question was a direct snub in the face of one Lawrence Summers, President of Science at Harvard, which is detailed in my earlier post, should you want to get angry...

I'm glad I can make you laugh! Makes my day.
crayonbreakygal
Jan. 20th, 2005 09:03 pm (UTC)
" ...tries to not notice she's licking it." Whoa baby. I thought we were going NC-17 there for a minute. Damn. I hope Fred kicks Wesley's ass about the smarts comment. Stupid guy. She is smarter than all of them (at least your Fred is).
mskakaako
Jan. 24th, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! It's the little things that crack me up...
Wesley grabs the nurse, places his hand over her mouth, and tries not to notice her licking it. Wesley is a handsome man.
AND
(A single, perfect tear rolls down Angel's face. Crybaby.)
Heeeheee! You're so funny! And cute! And freakin' smart! *mwah* I swear I try to be cool, but you make me gush. And swoon. Heeehee!

_beetle_
Feb. 2nd, 2005 12:32 pm (UTC)
[CUT TO: Demon Hospital, exterior]
(They stand on the steps that lead to the entrance and jut their chins out. A blacked out van pulls up sees the tall, thin men, smell the stench of urine on the wee one and prepare to gun them down. Then they see the chins. The defiant, proud, contumacious chins and leave, post haste.)


The "wee one"? Oh, Jeebus. . . .

Gunn: I am the Corleone's attorney. These vampires have been hired to protect Angel Corleone from any further assassination attempts. If you interfere, I'm going to give you a taste of my left fist. Then I'm gonna jam the right fist down your throat. Understand me?

Your Gunn is pretty badass. Rock on!
stoney321
Feb. 2nd, 2005 12:47 pm (UTC)
I'll let you in on a little something: I love all things WEE. It's the funniest word EVER.

And just be warned: Wee usually refers to my Wee!Spike series, which was a response to reading tons of fic where Angel calls Spike his "Little One" and Spike acts like a teeny little girl baby, all snuggly. Just saying... Over in the memories...
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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