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Busy busy morning. But there isn't anything on TV to watch, so here's something to read instead. If you missed a bit (and my god, you will be LOST if you aren't up to speed. HA HA HA!) the chapters are organized here.

New characters introduced (names in bold), and full cast list is under the cut. Amping up to the big finale. *snerk*

~~~
The Godfather - Jossed! Part 8

Cast of Characters:
Don Vito Corleone/Godfather - Angel
Michael Corleone - Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Santino "Sonny" Corleone - Spike
Fredo Corleone - Elijah Woods
Tom Hagen (The Consigliere) - Charles Gunn
Connie Corleone - Andrew
Kay Adams (Michael's Girl) - Winnifred "Fred" Burkle
Luca Brasi - Xander Harris
Apollonia - Cordelia Chase
Virgil Sollozzo - Ethan Rayne
Don Tattaglia - Darla
Emilio Barzini - Tavers
Johnny Fontaine - Lorne Krevlorneswath
Tessio - Doyle
Pete Clemenza - Ripper Giles
Paulie - Parker Abrams
Carlo (Connie's husband) - Warren
Bonasera, the Undertaker - Jonathon
Captain McCluskey - Principal Snyder
Fabrizzio (bad bodyguard of Michael) - Faith
Calo (good bodyguard of Michael) - Buffy
Don Strachi of Staten Island - Lindsey MacDonald
Don Barzini of New York - Drusilla
Don Corleone of the Bronx (no relation) - Gavin of Wolfram & Hart
Moe Green, hotel manager in Las Vegas - Samwise Gamgee

~~~~


[CUT TO: Boardroom with the heads of the Five Families and their aides sitting around the table. Drusilla Barzini is at the head of the table.]

Don Angel: (To Drusilla, both are standing) I want to thank you, Drusilla, for helping me arrange this. And to all of you from the Five Families and your associates who came. I'm now going to deliver exposition and explain who all of you are. And let's pray to the PTB that the FBI or the Watcher's Council aren't recording this. We have from the Hollywood Hills Darla Tattagli. From the Valley, Drusilla Barzini, myself from downtown LA, Lindsey Strachi all the way from West Texas, and Gavin Hart from our overseas Eastern family. Thank you.

(Sits down)

Don Angel: How did things get so far? Don't we all like killing people and drinking their blood? (Lindsey raises his hand, Angel shoos it away) Well, maybe not the blood drinking part, but Lindsey, you know you like the power associated with the killing. Quit being a crybaby. Darla, I've lost my son and in a humiliating manner. He was only 126 years old. Too soon... too soon. It ends here. It ends now. If you are willing to call it quits, Darla, I'm willing to let things go back to the way they were.

Drusilla: (in a sing-songy voice) An angel burned up in fire today. He called to me and spoke in rainbows.

Don Angel: Pain-bows.

Drusilla: Yeah. Beautiful bloody things. Miss Edith don't like it when the angels stop singing. You. You are my Angel now.

Darla: Uh, yeah. I agree with Drusilla that Angel shouldn't stop sharing all of his connections. Not all of us have a direct line to O positive. The way those celebrities up in the Hills taste? Feh. That goddamn Zone diet is raising the cholesterol of my minions. Now, this chocolate bar deal was going to make all the Joe Normals walking Happy Meals for all of us. Don Angel is being selfish.

Don Angel: When have I ever been selfish? Broody, moody, gloomy, a loner, yes. Selfish? When I have I ever refused you? Except that one time you came on to me, but please, you may have talents, but you are just a nice fuck.

Lindsey: You shut your mouth! (Mouths to Darla) Call me.

Drusilla: (growls and sways) My Angel knows how to make the girls come crawling.

Gavin: Aren't we supposed to be talking about the chocolate bars? My people don't care for it. We don't understand your palate, but if it means putting people under our control, we'll support it.

Darla: Then we are understood? The chocolate bar plan goes forward, we all eat, and Don Angel will provide protection downtown?

Angel: (stands) Let me make one condition. I will support you and I will not retaliate for my son's dusty end. Because I have another son who had to leave this city. But he needs to come home now. And I am a superstitious man. And should some mishap befall him... Should he eat a tainted mini-Reuben, or should he slip on a banana peel and land on a Bavarian axe, or should someone slit his throat in the night... I'm gonna blame some of the people in this room. And that I will not forgive.

(Darla stands and smirks, then slinks around the table to meet Angel in an embrace. The room applauds, then looks away as Darla begins to run a tongue up the length of Don Angel's neck and Angel cups her breast through her silk blouse. Lindsey clears his throat loudly.)

Drusilla: (clapping her hands) A party! I want music and screaming and blood and music...

[DISSOLVE TO: Angel and Gunn driving home from the meeting]
Gunn: When I meet with Darla's people, should I mention that they shouldn't eat the chocolate?

Angel: You can say it, but don't insist on it. Drusilla, although bat-shit crazy, is a person who will know that without being told. Well, her voices will tell her what she needs to know.

Gunn: You mean Darla?

Angel: Darla's a one-track mind. Sex and blood. Okay, two-track mind. She never would have gone after Spike. She wasn't fucking him, so no. I meant Drusilla. I didn't know until this day - that it was Drusilla all along. Probably shouldn't have tortured her and made her crazy.

[CUT TO: Corleone Estate. Michael is home and walking with his father in their garden]
Angel: I'm too blocked emotionally to say I'm glad you're home.

Wesley: That's quite alright. I'm too British to return in kind. That being said and out of the way... Did you honestly say that you won't retaliate?

Angel: I did. And I am Man-Pire of my word.

Wesley: Well, I am far more butch now after losing the love of my life in such a manner-

Angel: Fred?

Wesley: No, the beautiful bombshell that first caught my eye. The one that is the complete opposite of Fred. Now that she's gone, I am hardened somewhat. Look at my stubble!

Angel: Yes, you are quite the little ruffian now. (Ruffles his son's hair)

Wesley: (beams and toes the dirt) I could kill them. Please? I promise to do it in such a splashy manner that no one will confuse gay with British again! I might slip into the abyss of despair, but I'll be far more handsome and quixotic than I am now...

[CUT TO: Science labs at Los Alamos, NM. Winnifred "Fred" Burkle is heading a group on nuclear propulsion]
Fred: And it's kinda hilarious how the quarks can rip through- Wesley!

Wesley: I daresay that may sting a bit. I appreciate that you may be mad at me, but to rip me to pieces with super-charged quarks... (Smiles)

Fred: But- How long- Why are you here? I thought you suffered from dry skin? This desert air must be murder.

Wesley: I use an oatmeal-based lotion. Marvelous really. Pardon. I didn't come here to test it. I need you Fred.

Fred: You can't just come in here and interrupt a lecture. These students need credit hours.

Wesley: This facility is going to lose it's funding soon, anyway, so just give them the credit hours and come away with me. I need you, Fred. If not you, who else will I put on a pedestal and worship? I'll be left with nothing but mind-blowing sex with the enemy...

Fred: W..w..what?

Wesley: Nothing. Class, don't you think Fred should walk away with me now and you all graduate with honors? Hmm? I can throw in some Subway points for free sandwiches...

(The class hurriedly grabs their things and files out.)

Wesley: Come back with me. I need a beard. Uh, I mean, I need a wife. Every powerful business man needs one.

Fred: You... You took over your father's business? But you aren't a vampire! Um, are you? Shoot. (Grabs a number 2 pencil for protection)

Wesley: (laughing) No. But my business is my business. We won't discuss it further. Just give me babies, won't you?

Fred: For eating?

Wesley: (laughs)

Fred: You didn't answer me...

Wesley: (laughs and takes Fred by the arm)

[CUT TO: Corleone Estate, Don's Office]
Doyle: That Darla... She may be a stiffener, but she's chipping away at all my favorite bars. She's put Willy in the hospital and there ain't nowhere I can get a pint in peace.

Ripper: Don Angel, give us a chance to recruit new, well, recruits to protect ourselves.

Wesley: Be patient. We won't have to worry about Darla after we make the move to Vegas.

Doyle: What's this Vegas chatter? Don Angel-

Angel: Listen to me. Wesley is the head of this family now. You listen to him and do what he says.

Ripper: You joking? Vegas? Well... It is the city where you can get a pint and a poke for under ten bucks.

Wesley: Just a few weeks. If you can wait that long, all of your worries will be over.

Doyle: But Don Angel-

Angel: Just do as he tells you.

Wesley: Now, when we make the move there, Warren... You are going to be my right hand monkey, er, man.

(Warren nods and secretly makes double thumbs up and squeals.)

Warren: Kick ass. The SciFi Convention there is the shiznit.

(Ripper looks away in shame.)

Wesley: Gunn? When we make the move, you are no longer Consigliere. You'll just be the family lawyer. Angel will act as my Consigliere.

Gunn: What? You kicking me out? Aw, hell no!

Wesley: It's not like that. I can't go into more detail, but just trust me that it is for all of our best interests.

(Everyone leaves the room, save Wesley, Angel and Gunn.)

Gunn: Why am I out?

Angel: Gunn, I advised Michael. It's nothing against you. I can't tell you any more, but just know that we are looking out for your best interest.

Wesley: Basically, it boils down to the fact that I have a sinking suspicion that you'll double cross us, kill my wife, and put us all in jeopardy. All in order for you to get some "book learnin'."

(Gunn stares in silence. Wesley laughs.)

Wesley: I'm kidding! We just want to keep you out of what's to come.

(Angel pats Wesley on the face and soul kisses Gunn. Gunn leaves the room quickly.)

[CUT TO: Las Vegas Strip, interior of Excaliber hotel]
(Frodo is leading Wesley and Gunn to a suite)

Frodo: Wesley... (gasp) I can't... The room is too far down the hall... (Falls down in a faint.)

Wesley: Oh, for- Gunn?

(Gunn rifles through Frodo's pockets and find the hotel room key.)

Gunn: Goddamn. The room was two more doors down. You telling me he couldn't make it that much further after all the way from the car garage?

Frodo: (weakly) Sam... Sam...

(A voice from down the hall can be heard getting louder)

Sam: I'm coming Mr. Frodo!

(A squat, short, and hairy man shows up, picks Frodo up in his arms and begins to carry him to the suite.)

Sam: I'm Samwise Green. Pleasure to be making your acquaintance finally.

(The group enters the suite. Rather subdued room, actually. Lorne Fontaine is waiting inside with a bottle of champagne.)

Lorne: Wesley! Long time no see. Look at you all manly and scruffy. Looks good on you. I see you've met Samwise? I swear, those two are never three steps away from holding each other. Kind of disgusting in a way.

Wesley: Hello, Lorne. Frodo, where's Samwise Green? He was just here. I'm only here until tomorrow and I need to talk business.

Frodo: He goes in and out. He'll be back shortly. Probably getting something to eat.

(Sam enters with tubers in his hairy hands)

Sam: I see you've all settled in? Anyone up for ‘taters?

Gunn: What's "taters?"

Sam: You know: po-ta-toes?

Wesley: Um, yes... Let's get down to business, shall we? Lorne, I want you to know how proud we all are of you. You've done well, you've had some singing lessons, and we don't notice you scooping to hit the high notes anymore. The Don has a favor to ask of you, however.

Lorne: Anything for ol' Broody McSadpants. Name it.

Wesley: We want you to get some of your Hollywood big-shot friends to come out here and perform a few times a year. We need to change the air of this place. It's all families and Disneyland. It used to be fun.

Lorne: Well, this place is pretty much a joke. Wizards? Jousts? We're filled with red-necks most nights, and they don't tip.

Wesley: Yes, it is hard to sell the Rothschild ‘58 to someone named "Emmitt." Don't worry about that. I'll handle the image. Sam is going to sell us his holding interest in Excaliber so I can do just that.

Frodo: Sam? SAM??! I... I need you, Sam...

Sam: I ain't going nowhere, Mr. Frodo. I don't know who this big-shot thinks he is, but nobody's kicking me out of my own place.

Wesley: You're time is over. It's time for the people over 4 feet now, Sam.

Sam: You right bastard! I'm tall for my people! And I'll leave when I say I'll leave. I made a promise, and than means something. It... (sobs) it means something... I tried to do my best and look after this whiney shit who passes out all the time. You know, I get tired of walking too, and I have to carry him?

Wesley: Let's not forget who bankrolled this casino in the first place. We wanted "Middle Earth" and we got a cartoon version of King Arthur. A watery moat? Please.

Sam: Well, I got a call from Drusilla. She's bat-fuck crazy, did you know that? But: she'll let me keep my "dragon out of the moat" show. I like having kids here. They... They're fun.

(Shocked gasp from everyone in the room. Wesley gathers his papers.)

Wesley: Think about a price. I leave in the morning.

(Sam leaves in a huff, which is actually ADORABLE, the little furry bugger!)

Frodo: Wesley, you can't just come here and yell at him. *chokes and coughs* Who do you think you are? *coughs/chokes* You have no idea what he means to me... He's special... He's... (whispers in a gravelly voice) precious....

Wesley: Yes, he is a cute little blighter, but that's neither here nor there. (Rummages through his pocket, pulls out something) Take this. Nasty little cough you have there. Oh and by the way... (Slaps Frodo across the face) Don't you ever take sides against the family again.

(Frodo curls into himself, clutches the lozenge to his chest and sneers as Wesley and Gunn exit.)

~*~*~
TBC: Here - final chapter!

On an unrelated note, I recieved a package of FANTASTIC and BEAUTIFUL music from my little Frenchie, jamalov29!! It's WONDERFUL!! What did I ever do to deserve such a great flist? You guys are the best.

Comments

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
mskakaako
Jan. 24th, 2005 04:52 pm (UTC)
OOoh...that reminds me...I still need to mail the Arcade Fire cd out to you. Give me time...I've been sooper busy! It will get there though!
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)
Just read this frickin' thing. Hee hee!

How much did you love AD last night? And read this story!!
mskakaako
Jan. 24th, 2005 10:12 pm (UTC)
How much did you love AD last night?
HOT COPS!!!
And read this story!!
I'm on it! :D
mskakaako
Jan. 24th, 2005 11:08 pm (UTC)
Sam: I see you've all settled in? Anyone up for ‘taters?

Gunn: What's "taters?"

Sam: You know: po-ta-toes?


Okay, I still haven't seen The Godfather, but I have seen LoTR!!!! Hahahahhaha!
Sam: You right bastard! I'm tall for my people! And I'll leave when I say I'll leave. I made a promise, and than means something. It... (sobs) it means something... I tried to do my best and look after this whiney shit who passes out all the time. You know, I get tired of walking too, and I have to carry him?

Heehee! Poor Samwise! He *is* adorable, isn't he?


(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:20 pm (UTC)
I just can't hear Angel's real voice when I write this. It's always Brando's. Ha ha ha!

Thanks, Mari!
inlovewithnight
Jan. 24th, 2005 05:52 pm (UTC)
This has totally revived my rather blah evening. Whee, hobbit jokes!

Angel: I'm too blocked emotionally to say I'm glad you're home.

Wesley: That's quite alright. I'm too British to return in kind.
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:22 pm (UTC)
It is because you are a lesbian.

Hobbit jokes: not too much? I'm really writing this for my own amusement, and am constantly suprised that my flist isn't cut in half after each post.

I had the Jon Belushi/emotionally blocked/choking on an orange as Brando gag from the first ep of SNL in my head. Because I'm an uberdork like that.
inlovewithnight
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
Dude, it's the funniest thing ever, because that is SO how the hobbits behave. (My brother...the ultimate LotR fanboy...won't watch the movies with me anymore because of my "SHUT UP, FRODO" rants. Oh, and also because I keep pointing out the slash, which he doesn't believe in. I mean, c'mon, how can you watch the hobbits and NOT think they're gay? They're gayer than Angel and Spike in "In The Dark," and that's saying something.)
I wonder how much more time I have to use that icon before the "because I'm a lesbian?" thing ceases to be funny...though personally, that quote in combination with the facial expression in that cap will NEVER get old.
violethamster
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:02 pm (UTC)
I want Wesley to fall in love with my professors. Even if he does eat their babies.
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:23 pm (UTC)
And I want you to tape them "falling in love" and show the tapes to me later in a dark theater. I'll bring the 'corn.

I need hours and hours of therapy, huh? It's cold and the blankets are calling... (Is school kicking your butt?)
violethamster
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
You would need hours and hours of therapy after watching a tape of them "falling in love" - my professors tend toward the portly, balding and elderly. And I'm so gonna be trying not to giggle during lectures as I helplessly envision Wesley falling in love with them.

It is bitterly cold here, there are obscene amounts of snow, and I am stapling blankets to my skin. It is a new semester, and all is hope and joy and new beginnings as school and I go through the honeymoon stage before it resumes kicking my butt.
lynnenne
Jan. 24th, 2005 08:51 pm (UTC)
That goddamn Zone diet is raising the cholesterol of my minions.

BWAH!
stoney321
Jan. 24th, 2005 09:12 pm (UTC)
Seriously. My sister is on it and she smells like meat. I would think the vamps would come out by the droves for a more meaty smell to their meat, but their poor arteries don't heal!

*cries for the fat vampires*
jamalov29
Jan. 25th, 2005 02:19 am (UTC)
Oh i'm so glad , Laura ! First that you received the cd , and that you seem to enjoy it so much!

What do you think of Jacques Brel ? He's got such an amazing and extraordinary voice. Say me more about what you liked the best among the singers , m-okay?

Have a lovely day.

*hugs you*
stoney321
Jan. 25th, 2005 01:36 pm (UTC)
posted a nice, long comment on your journal about the loveliness that is your CD. Have a girlfriend coming over to bake on Thursday who is homesick for Paris. (She lived there for several years.) I hope to put a smile on her face!

*hugs you back, but HARDER!!*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 25th, 2005 01:35 pm (UTC)
SF nerds rule. Frodo is fun (and easy) to write. That is, when you apply the Stoney Method: gasp, cry, faint. cry, accuse, repeat as necessary.

Ha ha ha!

Thanks, Anne.
somecandytalkin
Jan. 25th, 2005 01:15 pm (UTC)
Don Angel: When have I ever been selfish? Broody, moody, gloomy, a loner, yes. Selfish? When I have I ever refused you? Except that one time you came on to me, but please, you may have talents, but you are just a nice fuck.

Lindsey: You shut your mouth! (Mouths to Darla) Call me.


Hee! That is SO Lindsey.

Also? Found this.

of which this is a sample.
stoney321
Jan. 25th, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC)
And because I have seen the movie so many times I don't need to hear the clip, just get the prompt... Cannolis. Hee! One of the great lines. Had to keep that, but morphed it into jelly-donuts.

Can I say how much I'm loving the AD icon? Wait. I just did.

It's almost 80 degrees today!?!? I want/need a tan.
somecandytalkin
Jan. 25th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC)
OOps. The banana stand icon went away. That's what I get for messin' around with icons while I'm at work. So, I'll just try again.
I love my AD.

Also? 80?!?!?!
Hey, wha' happen?!
(Deleted comment)
likeadeuce
Jan. 26th, 2005 08:22 am (UTC)
I could kill them. Please? I promise to do it in such a splashy manner that no one will confuse gay with British again! I might slip into the abyss of despair, but I'll be far more handsome and quixotic than I am now...

Lord, man, you're genius knows no bounds! I love the Sam/Frodo bit, too.

I got exactly halfway through burning the CD's and then ran into the fact that I have no attention span. will get them done and out SOON, promise. have to go argue with the school library and financial aid for a while.
crayonbreakygal
Jan. 26th, 2005 04:01 pm (UTC)
The Sam/Frodo bit was hilarious. You've kicked it up a notch with good ole' Wes being the head of the family now. I must have snorted like ten times during this chapter. Thank God I wasn't drinking any milk or anything.
_beetle_
Feb. 2nd, 2005 02:01 pm (UTC)
Angel: (stands) Let me make one condition. I will support you and I will not retaliate for my son's dusty end. Because I have another son who had to leave this city. But he needs to come home now. And I am a superstitious man. And should some mishap befall him... Should he eat a tainted mini-Reuben, or should he slip on a banana peel and land on a Bavarian axe, or should someone slit his throat in the night... I'm gonna blame some of the people in this room. And that I will not forgive.

Wow.

Wesley: (laughing) No. But my business is my business. We won't discuss it further. Just give me babies, won't you?

Fred: For eating?

Wesley: (laughs)

Fred: You didn't answer me...

Wesley: (laughs and takes Fred by the arm)


Horrible. . . yet I am compelled to laugh on. . . .

Wesley: Now, when we make the move there, Warren... You are going to be my right hand monkey, er, man.

(Warren nods and secretly makes double thumbs up and squeals.)

Warren: Kick ass. The SciFi Convention there is the shiznit.

(Ripper looks away in shame.)


Shiznit? Oy.

(Sam enters with tubers in his hairy hands)

Sam: I see you've all settled in? Anyone up for ‘taters?

Gunn: What's "taters?"

Sam: You know: po-ta-toes?


Very nice *bows*

Wesley: Yes, he is a cute little blighter, but that's neither here nor there. (Rummages through his pocket, pulls out something) Take this. Nasty little cough you have there. Oh and by the way... (Slaps Frodo across the face) Don't you ever take sides against the family again.

(Frodo curls into himself, clutches the lozenge to his chest and sneers as Wesley and Gunn exit.)


You're disturbingly good at this. I'm so gonna pimp you in the journal. . . .
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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