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not a fandom rant, but jesus H. christ

Let me preface this vomitous explosion of rage with the following bits of info about myself: I have three kids, very close in age. The oldest is ADHD, and there were times that I thought about shipping him off to a "push-ups in the mud" school until he was 18. I am the second oldest of 5, my dad is number 13 out of 15 kids, and to say that I have an idea of kids and their behavior, is well: underkill. I'm surrounded.

I also get how hard it can be some days. Man, do I know. Days where you hide in your closet and either eat a 5 lb block of chocolate, polish off a bottle of whiskey, or rock and cry yourself calm. That being said, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SOME PARENTS?? Daughter went to a friend's house to play after school. Friend whines and yells and HITS her mom. The child is 7. Mom whines and asks daughter to forgive her for not making the perfect snack.

At the ortho today and see some boys call their mom a dirty name, and she laughs, then says in a whiney voice for them to stop it.

Watching a show (couldn't take more than a few minutes) called Supernanny where the mom has NO idea where her three year old is, then finds him in the street with SCISSORS. The hell??

Folks, YOU are the boss of your kids. If you don't make your kids treat you with respect, how on earth are they going to learn to show repsect to anyone else? I'm not a beater, but my kids know when I mean business. My kids say "ma'am" and "sir," they don't need to be prompted for "thank you" or "please," not even the three year old. Wanna know how? I TAUGHT them.

When my kids try to interrupt grownups, I ignore them. If they keep it up (I'm not talking about blood or bone showing - those are the house rules for interrupting) then they get sent to their room. They don't get sent to their room to play video games and such. I have taken EVERYTHING from my son (except a bed and two books of his choice) for destroying property last year. Everytime he did something nice, he got to earn something back. You know what? It was a pain in the ass. But he learned.

I love my older sister, but she is raising some whiney goddamn kids because she wants to be their friend. I see that everyday with the parents in my neighborhood. Your kids aren't your pals. They don't need to like you, but they sure as hell need to respect you. If you can't handle being a teacher to your own children, don't have them. That may sound harsh, but hell. I heard the best thing ever from a woman I modeled my parenting after. Her son (my cousin) was acting the fool at a football game and spoke back to an adult. My aunt hit the back of his head and told him to watch his mouth. A stranger told her to not hit him. My aunt replied, "lady, I can hit him now, or he can rob you in four years."

Now, I'm going to kiss my kids and be grateful they are turning out into decent little shits, er, humans.


To change the tone (because I got my venom out) I leave you with an icon I made for my three year old to enjoy based on the PotterPotter/Weasley Weasley ear worm. Oh. And go read dovil's funny new fic, that is REALLY GOOD, to boot. Not enough people bringing the funny out there...

Comments

( 52 comments — Leave a comment )
inlovewithnight
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:41 pm (UTC)
I'm only 20 (and, thank the good Lord, without children for possibly ev-er), but I thank my parents mentally every single day for not letting us get away with crap. I remember we were waiting in line at McDonald's...long line, hungry antsy children...and she told us that if we did (whatever) ONE MORE TIME, we were leaving. Well, we did it one more time. And we left, even though we were at the counter by that point. [I believe that once we got to the car, my brother asked "Can we go through the drive-through?" Needless to say, the answer was NO.]
So speaking as someone in quasi-their age group...your kids love you for this. Really.
I'm oversharing, I'll leave now...;)
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:49 pm (UTC)
Pfft. No such thing as over sharing over here. Your mom is like the other women in my family. THey taught me how to deal with temper tantrums (say, a 3 year old). "When you scream, I think you are on fire. I love you and don't want you to burn, so I'm going to put the fire out." Biiiig pitcher of water. Dump it on them. By the third tantrum, you only have to turn on the tap. My other cousin thought he'd pull a fast one and do it in public. His mom borrowed a coke and dumped it on him.

You have to be brave, and willing to look like an ass. And man, there is NOTHING wrong with not having kids. More people should choose that (and I'm referring to some of the parents on my block.)

I swear to god I am not a mean mom, even though it may sound like it. (You can't be mean when doing flips on a trampoline, 'sall I'm saying.) Hee!
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mskakaako
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:55 pm (UTC)
Folks, YOU are the boss of your kids.
SING IT, SISTER!!!!

I was nodding vigourously throughout your post.
In my profession, I see many of those parents you have just described.
It's called boundaries, people. The hell...is right.

Hey! I'm also one of five kids. Not Mormons though.

I just tried YIMing you. No worries though. You must be approaching sleepy time. :)
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:04 pm (UTC)
Naw, I just turned off messenger. Mr. Stoney has gone to bed out in Atlanta, so I didn't think anyone would want to talk...

And seriously. I bet you encounter a hell of a lot more in your job... Sometimes I get in trouble because I have no problem telling other kids to knock it off, and the parents get mad at ME. I wanna yell at them that it was THEIR child that knocked down the display in Target... Bleh.

The Anya icon? HA!! (And what about Gob and the lighter fluid? The wolf? HA!!! I love AD.)
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_jealousy_
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:56 pm (UTC)
*standing ovation*

Oh how I wish more people thought like you. It absolutely disgusts me how much society coddles children these days, and then turns around and whines about how terrible their behavior is. Well how the hell do you think they got to be that way? When I was a kid I got grounded (in the no phone, no TV, no radio sense of the word), made to stand in the corner, and hit (hit, mind you, not beaten), and sure I hated it then, but now I know I deserved it and I'm grateful that my mother taught me what behavior was and was not appropriate.

A few years ago I was babysitting for a friend of mine. Her two year old daughter was an absolute nightmare. She screamed, whined, refused to do anything she was told, beat on her OLDER brother till he was bruised, and refused to talk - she would just point at what she wanted and whine till you gave it to her. I put up with it for about 2 hours, then I gave her a crack on the behind. I didn't hit her hard and with her diaper on I doubt she really even felt it, but she was so shocked by just the idea that someone would spank her that that was the end of my problems with her. After that I never so much as even had to raise my voice to her, she was obedient, well-behaved, and asked, in words, for what she wanted. I babysat for her for 4 months and never had a single other problem with her after that night. Of course, every night, the second her mother walked in the door she started up with being a brat again because she knew her mother would never do more than yell at her. I even explained to my friend what I'd done, that it just took one spanking, just enough to let the child know that there were consequences for her actions, but still my friend refused to change her disciplining tactics because she was afraid of what other people would think of her.

My opinion? If you can't handle raising a child, don't have one.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
EXACTLY. (um, your last line, that is.) Now. I have no problem with a well deserved spank. None what so ever. It when you react out of anger and start knocking them around that it's a beating.

I like to hit them when I'm cooled off. I come of scarier that way. ;-D

And good for you, BTW, about your friend's kid. More kids need boundaries and good old fashioned discipline. Crikey.
julia_here
Jan. 31st, 2005 07:59 pm (UTC)
I'm way ADHD myself (officially diagnosed at 39, but my gradeschool report cards are sufficient for diagnosis back to first grade), so am a non hitting mom- but I also once told the boychild I could make him invisible when he was being intolerable in the grocery store, and then acted like he was. Might have scared the heck out of him, but he's 18 and doesn't hate me and seems to be pretty functional. That is, he is in college, schedules and carries out his farm work without supervision, is a safe driver, et'c and so on.

The girlchild is 16 and is also massively ADHD, but is Miss Perfect in school (well, except for that pesky B in AP Physics) and on the list of "trustworthy students" that her teachers leave for subs. And socially integrated, kind to strangers, probably a lot nicer than me.

Neither one of them has every been given the delusion that they could argue with their parents, or get what they want by being loud and obnoxious...

And then there's my nephew, who is actually pretty much like that at my house but who has been allowed to argue with his parents since birth. NOT a pretty sight.

Julia, mean, mean, nonhitting nonpunitive mom

stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
And a good mom you are. I prefaced the "my son has ADHD" in case someone wanted to use that as an excuse for bad behavior, which I see a lot. My son knows not to pull that crap with me. The medicine helps the fog clear and the bees in his skin to quit humming. His charts and checklists help him learn organization, but HE is in charge of his behavior. (Ultimately I am, but you catch my meaning.)

I've had people accuse me of being too strict, but my kids are pulling in the high grades and other parents refer to them as "a delight to have over," so strict it is!
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poshcat
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
OMG we are so kindred spirits. Firm boundaries and buckets of love - that's my parenting motto. And my kids are so good! We'll see what happens when puberty hits, but for the most part I'm unafraid. They'll know exactly what to expect from us, including a soft place to fall when the world is rough. But I won't bail them out of jail, either. Hee.

Sometimes I worry, and watch Dr. Phil's parenting shows to see what other people do wrong so I can avoid it. Every damn family on there has a mother who is a push-over. Threatens and screams, and then backs down. I rarely yell at all, because by the time it comes to that, they've lost all their privileges except maybe peeing if they ask nice. I'm far from perfect, but I am good at following through. :0D

PS 13 of 15!?!?!?!?! Dear Lord.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC)
I know, right? My dad was from a Mormon family in Utah, all farmers. It's cheaper to make the labor than to hire it out. Ha!

My grandma (mother of 15) NEVER raised her voice. NEVER. They all testified to that at her funeral. Mainly because they all knew if Grandpa heard about it, he'd take a belt to them. Her philosophy was to keep them busy around the house and love them til you felt like you were going to run out.

You are right on with those shows. The moms are wimps, the dad are yell hounds, and the kids are little shits. When those type of kids come to my house to play, they see we have rules (and that I mean it) and they LOVE to come over. Kids want rules. It helps them not feel out of control. I have enough friends, you know? My kids are my job, my friends are my fun. And my porn? Ha!!

And I'm kinda getting baby hungry with that cute Poshette up there...
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC)
Yay for good mommies!! I'm big on the reward system. (We have a reward and consequence chart in the house so they ALWAYS know what's expected of them.)

It's hard to be hard on them, but the reward is when other people comment on their manners, their spirit, their personalities.

And poshcat said it best: rules and buckets of love. you can't love kids enough.
cityphonelines
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC)
I cannot BELIEVE the way parents allow their kids to behave these days. I know my baby cousin is going to be a shit and it's ALL THEIR FAULT. No freakin' communication between the 'rents. Long, long ago when I was a teenager I worked at the Mall (like OMG Mallrat!) and would loudly voice how horrid some children were and how easily the 'not really being watched closely' ones could be kidnapped. It's sad.

The kids/parents on Supernanny and Nanny 911 hert mah brane. Sometimes I think they ain't worth fixin', just fill 'em up with Benedryl and call it a night.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:36 pm (UTC)
I have tears on my cheeks from your last paragraph. Screw the Benadryl. A few sloshes of Jack in the bottle and it's beddy-bye...

Oh god. The kids running alone in the mall. Hel-looo!! Aside from being kidnapped, there are pervets and pedophiles, folks. Not trying to be an alarmist, but there ARE.

I'll go slap my kids once to let 'em know I love them. Be back in a sec...

:-)
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paynbow
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
I'm right there with you. My parents smacked me when I was a shit. It's not like they smacked me hard, but I sure as hell learned my lesson. And I only got a smack on the ass when I earned it.

I still fear my father's rage, not because I fear corporal punishment, but because it's damn scary when he goes all red like that. I learned to respect my parents and they respected me back. If I was a shit I was punished. Sent to my room, toys taken away, smacked on the ass. When I was good I was rewarded.

I've worked as a counsellor at camps and as a coach for about 7 years now. I hate it when parents treat their kids like a) a friend or b) a little prince/princess. That is not what they are. They are kids and kids have no boundaries unless they are set. And who gets to deal with it? Everyone around them.

I swear to god, I was incharge of the antichrist 2 summers ago. 5 years old and he punched, kicked, bit, and spewed forth some god-awful insults (where did he hear them? Not TV, that's for damn sure. Watch your language mummy and daddy :p). So I kept in mind that the Canadian Charter says "minimum necessary force" and grabbed his arms to stop the blows. And then his mum asks me, an (at that point) 19 year old camp counsellor, how to raise her child. Holy. Fuck.

So ahmen sister *g*
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
It's almost a cliche, but...

You have to get a license to catch fish, but any asshole with a cheap bottle of booze and a good line can be a parent.

(I live in an affluent neighborhood where the parents try and compete with each other as to who can give their kids more. Kid down the block turned 16 and got a HUMMER. Mr. Stoney wanted to key the car. I informed him last night that we are NOT buying our children new cars, they WILL help pay for school, and they are working in the SALT MINES. Ha ha ha! Okay, everything but that last part. how the hell is a kid supposed to appreciate how much work goes into getting stuff if they don't have to put any work into getting stuff????)

Off to praise you on your LJ!
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crayonbreakygal
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:43 pm (UTC)
If my child hit me like that, he would never do it again. Believe me. Never again. I once took all the priviledges away from my eleven year old because he got a C+ in Science when the teacher said that he wasn't getting the work in on time. Boom, a week without anything to do but play games with his brother, back to getting A's. My kids know not to backtalk me and when they forget (which hey they do because they see their friends do it and get away with it), they'll get punished, as in really punished. Let's just say it doesn't happen often.

I am not my kids' friend, I am their mother. You were right on with that. Yeah, they're not perfect, but when they're out and about, they behave. If they don't, well, they stay home. End of story.

Their friends know I mean business too, even though these kids may act up in front of their parents. I don't take anything off of any of the kids and they know it. Or they'll know it pretty quickly. I'm probably known as a hard-ass mom by some of the kids at school, but oh well. Life is rough. Just deal, I tell my kids. So glad to see someone else who deals with their kids similiarly. Have I spanked? Yeah. Did they need it? Yeah. They're not perfect, and we're not perfect, but the kids aren't supposed to know we're not perfect.

OK, no more ramblings. You want them to be independent little beings who you can kick out of the house when they turn 21.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC)
"You want them to be independant little beings who you can kick out of the house when they turn 21."

Hear, hear. I think too many women (and men - let's not leave them out of the bad parenting loop) want kids to play dress up with, and then are surprised that there is more to it than good night kisses and cute outfits that are miniature versions of mom's and dad's.

And good for you. Your kids will thank you for it.
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kita0610
Jan. 31st, 2005 08:43 pm (UTC)
Fucking word.

I'm always baffled when people say to me "Your son is so polite!" and they sound *amazed* by it. Ok, now if you know me, you know I have no tact whatsoever, but I'm talking about random strangers. I'm always like "Hell yea, he's polite. He's SUPPOSED to be polite. WTF?!"

He goes to private school, and I have also noticed a huge honking difference in kids he hangs out with vs. public school kids. So much less cynical and worldly. And I'm sure it's because the school he goes to requires parental involvement at a high level, so any kids there already have parents who work hard, you know, actually PARENTING.

And as a mental health therapist who worked with teens? The worst thing you can ever do to your children when they are children is try to be their friend. They have friends, you're not one of them, and sometimes they won't like you for it. Deal or don't fucking breed.

Dude, yes. Sing it.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
Tra la la!!!

I hear you on the WTF? comment. I'm proud when people complement my kids, but sad, too. They are shocked that a 9 year old boy says Thank you, sir" without my nudge. Fucking sad what parents don't teach their children.

See, THIS is what makes me happy about my flist. No shit-for-brains parents on here. Unless you are all a bunch of LIARS. o_O

Ha!
kimberly_a
Jan. 31st, 2005 09:06 pm (UTC)
I live in a *very* liberal area (the city of Berkeley, in the San Francisco Bay Area), and I am constantly amazed at how terrible most of the parents are here. Now, I'm very politically liberal -- so that's neither here nor there, because I'm not going on a political rant -- but a lot of the uber-liberal parents seem to believe that disciplining (or even GUIDING) their children in *any* way somehow "stifles their creativity" or "hinders their burgeoning identities" or some such crap.

And so you go out to a restaurant and four year olds are racing around the tables, grabbing the ketchup out of your hand, screeching, climbing over the booths. You go to a movie and kids are asking questions at the top of their voices -- whispering would be stifling their linguistic creativity, I guess -- throughout the entire thing with no admonishment whatsoever from the parent (or incredibly inept guardian). You walk down the street and hear toddlers calling their mothers rude names while said-mothers try to placate the demon-children with promises of goodies to reward them for ... uh ... what now?

When I was a kid, there were consequences to my actions, even if it was just a stern rebuke. Granted, I was a very well-behaved kid by pretty much any standard, but I knew when I'd done something wrong. My mom wasn't abusive, but she let me know when I'd done something wrong. And it's only by knowing that you've done something wrong that you actually learn that there is a *difference* between right and wrong.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 10:03 pm (UTC)
Just a by the way... I'm leeeeft-wing myself. Now. The horrorshow you described (rotten punks running pell mel) same thing in Utah. The most right-wing conservative state in the union.

There is a laziness permeating parenthood, and a sense of entitlement. Another friend on my flist said it best: "motherhood has replaced the pastoral myth." And I think moms are shocked that it's hard work. SOmehow the women of a few generations back KNEW it was work. It wasn't glamorous, it wasn't fun, you lost a part of yourself in the process, but you did it. And you were rewarded with a family that was respectable, etc., in the end.

And my friends who are teachers are now having to do that job as well as the 3 Rs. Your last sentence should be a billboard in every town. (And you were the cutest little dickens!!)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC)
Rrr rrr!! (old-timer speak to convey agreeance.)

Bah. I just had my craw full. Am better now!
beadattitude
Jan. 31st, 2005 09:29 pm (UTC)
Oh God, I want to print this out and staple it to my next door neighbors forehead.

Brava.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
Do it! Send her to my house! I've got a wicked Swingline.

When my dad was growing up (and me, too, up to a point) the neighborhood raised you. Other moms punished you, loved you, as well as your own. There were real consequences and everyone knew when you messed up, as well as when you did something lovely. We've lost that...
likeadeuce
Jan. 31st, 2005 09:37 pm (UTC)
word! I always thought my mom let us get away with stuff, and i know we were probably on the "unruly" side. but NOT intentionally disrespectful -- I am likewise appalled by what seems pretty commonplace behavior these days. I must say, whatever you can say about Mormon parenting, I rarely did, and still don't, see kids act like that w/i "the Church." Maybe just the sample I know, but I think there is an old fashioned "respect your elders" kind of thing that still obtains and has its benefits.

in other news, I am working on the theory that Wes is Charlie Brown and need good peanuts quotes for icons. thoughts?

could also use Angel in that scene in "Orpheus" with "Happiness is a warm puppy."
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
HA HA HA!! Oh, little mission-field Carrie. The WORST kids I've encountered are in Utah, and that is not my disdain for the church talking. They have a real problem with prescription drug abuse from parents just drugging their kids tomake them quit because they are too lazy to do it themselves. Now, you have five kids, all under the age of ten, both parents work... It's easier to give them a pill than to sacrifice one parent's income.

The whole "Chosen people" and "Rising generation" (wasn't that us at one point?) has given way to an entire generation of brats with an entitlement complex. My adult friends that still live in Northern and Southern Utah feel the same, so again, this isn't just me talking.

And I'm talking about members of my family, as well as former neighbors. My dad (who grew up in Lehi, just outside of Provo) was appaled at how much things have changed. Parents trust the church leaders to raise their kids. They can't be arsed.

And an aside... I'm working on a theory that Wes is a combination of Alfred and Robin and Angel is Batman. But I'll get back to you on the Peanuts icons. Um, there was that love of a red-haired girl... :-)
likeadeuce
Jan. 31st, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
yeah, Virginia Church is a different Church. and also remember I haven't gone for 10 years, haven't spent significant time around folks there for 5. so my impressions are somewhat dated.

and here's my icon.

I decided that Wes/Fred = Charlie Brown/redhaired girl; and inlovewithnight and I decided Wes & Cordy need a beagle.
stoney321
Jan. 31st, 2005 10:21 pm (UTC)
How about "I got a rock." (From the Hallowe'en ep?)

My son was horrified that adults would give Charlie Brown a rock instead of candy. Maybe he'll grow up to be a fighter for injustice and candy for all...

(Texas Church was a different church. If you are in the mission-field, or rather, not in AZ, UT, or ID, you are outside the sacred circle. In which I mean you have choices. *BG*)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 1st, 2005 11:24 am (UTC)
GAH!!! The grocery store tale. Holy crap. What is wrong with people? This is like bad!fic (which makes me think I'm not as bad a writer as I sometimes feel). This is making me feel like a good mom.

And every parent can improve. Some need to build time machines and un-do the wrong.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 1st, 2005 11:25 am (UTC)
Migraine!

So sorry.
*turns out lights, sends kids away, turns on white noise machine, backs out quietly*
timeofchange
Feb. 1st, 2005 09:23 am (UTC)
Here's my little rant...
Would you like to hear the other side? My son looks completely normal. He's attractive. He has a very high verbal IQ. You'd never know just to look at him that he has brain damage. He can't, for example, process a great deal of what he sees, so there's no way for him to read body language or to figure something out if you show him how to do it. He's paying attention, he just has absolutely no idea what his supposed to be seeing. The part of his brain that is damaged also affects his balance, coordination, and fine and gross motor skills. He has trouble placing himself in space, and he can feel like he's unbalanced if he's just sitting in a chair or on the floor. He wiggles a lot, trying to stay upright. He can't tie shoelaces or button his pants so he has to wear slip-ons and pants with elastic waists. It also affects his ability to taste, and so he eats some strange combinations of food. His voice can be very flat and expressionless. It's hard for him to look at people, especially new people, because if he's looking at them, he sometimes can't process what they are saying. He's 10 years old. Would you like to know how many people have told me that my son has a bad attitude, or is rude, or that I should just make him eat meat, or whatever? Or that it's my fault that he isn't athletic, because I've somehow coddled him. That if he was their kid, they would just...(fill in the blank). That 10 year olds should be able to (again, fill in the blank), with the implication being that if I wasn't such a lousy mom, if I would only put my foot down, if I'd smack him around a little bit... All I'm saying is, you are right. There are a lot of horrid kids out there. But sometimes they aren't horrid at all, just really lost in our neurotypical world and working as hard as they can to figure it all out. So, if a child doesn't look you in the eye, or hesitates to shake your hand, or doesn't have the best control of his fork and knife even though he's ten, or doesn't answer your questions quickly enough, or says please and thank you so quietly that you aren't sure you heard him, before you blame the kid or the mom, maybe you can think about whether that kid is generally mean or cruel or uncaring. Is the mom selfish and rude herself? If the answers to these questions are no, maybe something else is going on. I'm just saying.
stoney321
Feb. 1st, 2005 09:57 am (UTC)
Let me make myself perfectly clear so there is no doubt about where I'm coming from on this. The children I am speaking about are perfectly capable of using manners (ie: not hitting their parents with fists because they didn't want peanuts, they wanted jello *scream, rant*) I'm talking about parents who don't know where their kids are half the time, and the children are THREE. Kids who are capable of understanding right from wrong and choose to call their mom a "bitch" because it's time to go, and they don't want to turn off the TV because it's monster truck ralley or somesuch. And that child is 10. And calling their mom a bitch. And the mom laughs it off, so you know it happens all the time.

Having said that, I understand what you are talking about. INTIMATELY. My youngest sister is autistic. A non-verbal autistic. Well, she knows her name, "happy," "sad," and "Alice." The house has locks on every door because she'll wander otherwise. The knobs on the stove are kept in a locked drawer because she could set the house on fire. The scissors are under lock and key to keep herself from hurting someone. Or her.

I can't tell you how many times my stepmother was told that my sister was "perfectly capable" of learning how to talk, bathe herself, etc. My stepmom just hadn't tried hard enough. Hard, sarcastic laugh. Children with disabilities are a completely different scenario. Number one: you are involved with your son. You know where he is. You are providing the best education you can. You are doing the best for him that you possibly can. I've read your mom posts, and feel that I can say that with conviction.

Anyone who can just observe a kid being quiet and not looking someone in the eye and spout that they are rude is off their rocker. I'm talking about lazy parents who are raising willful and petulant kids. It's the parents that are at fault here, parents who think that it's about dressing their kids up and buying them things and not WORKING with their kids to give them the best they can.

My sister will be in a group home one day, and spend her life there. She will never be able to understand money, spell out her address, etc. She doesn't like to be touched, to talk, to make eye contact... But she is not the kid I am talking about. neither is your son. And if I was there to hear someone say that, I'd pop them in the jaw for you.

Basically, I don't think you are on the other side because you are one of the ones trying. This rant is about parents who DON'T GIVE A SHIT about parenting, and their snotty, petulant, bratty kids are the result. The parents have done a disservice to them. Children with a disability are not at issue in my rant. These kids have nothing wrong with them aside from SCREAMING out for structure and discipline and for their parents to raise them, and quit parading them in their clothes with their cool toys.

I would defend you with my last breath. Moms like you are few and far between, m'dear.
... - timeofchange - Feb. 2nd, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Feb. 2nd, 2005 04:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
timeofchange
Feb. 2nd, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)
Drinks! Yay!

Did your brother ever read Freaks, Geeks & Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence? It's a wonderful book written by a teenaged boy with Asperger's. I highly recommend it, for him and for his family.

I'm incredibly lucky that my boy hasn't had a lot of trouble with mean kids so far, but middle school looms and I'm shaking in my boots!
mirasol
Feb. 3rd, 2005 12:52 am (UTC)
Hiya hun. Hope this week gets better for you. *big smooches*

Firstly, Bravo! Yes, your kids aren't your friends. If you bring them up properly, reward and punish as appropriate, and show that you do actually care about them, then hopefully as adults they will be. My mum acted a lot like you said, and I'd say that I was lucky as an adult to have a terrific friend in her. My dad? Another kettle of fish entirely.

I can't say I've had much experience with ADHD, but I'm AS, and I don't think I've turned out too bad. It wasn't diagnosed until recently, and on that sliding scale I'm at the barely touched end. I was just seen as a little geeky and socially awkward and so a prime target for bullies at school. I think this is why I'm so open on-line - I just don't get body language at all, so I rely on words to relate to people. More fool me, sometimes.
monique_chan
Mar. 23rd, 2005 02:07 pm (UTC)
I'm currently browsing your journal, and well I just have to comment on this.

For starters I am only 18, but that doesn't mean I haven't been around children. I have 4 younger siblings, 3 of then are under 5 (one is 4 and the twins are 2). That said when I think about the parenting of today, I am reminded of a woman I heard bragging about what a good parent she was. She talked about how she didn't believe in spanking and preferred time-out... When asked what she thought was a fair amount of time for her son (who was somewhere between 5 and 10 years old), she replied that around 30 seconds but no longer than 2 minutes worked for her. I remember this because I found it so unbelievable.

On another more personal note. I love my mother, I really do, and I think she did a great job in raising me. She laid down the rules and she enforced them. However, that can not be said about the way she and her husband are raising my siblings. I firmly believe that if you cannot be bothered to raise the children you should not have them, and I will probably never understand why she had them all so closely together. The situation angers me because their father doesn't really do anything to discipline this kids, and both parents like to take off 8 to 12 hours everyday leaving me to watch the kids. Yet, when I try to discipline the kids in their present they throw a fit. I know that the children are not mine, but if I am expected to watch them, as much as I do acting like a nanny, I feel that I should be able to enforce some rules... if for no other reason than the possibility of making my own life easier...

Well now that I have ranted in your journal I'm going to go back to browsing your journal.
stoney321
Mar. 23rd, 2005 02:18 pm (UTC)
*waves hello*
I can imagine you get pissed. You aren't the parent, yet they are apparently shouldering you with the care-giving repsonsibilities without the ability to enforce rules. Sounds like they are tired? Which furthers your point, if you can't see the job through, don't take on the job!

(That's a lot for an 18 year old - you are just starting out in your adult life!)

Feel free to look around, but be warned: I have fannish (BtVS) fics and naughtiness here, so consider yourself warned! Thanks for speaking up!
( 52 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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