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Extra spoons?

I'm all out. (If you get that reference, you're old. Hey, I am, too.)

I decided that I deserve nice things recently and planned a birthday party for myself. (I typically don't do anything for my birthday because my daughter's b-day is the day before mine. She should have the attention. Plus, that's a lot of cake.) So I'm throwing one for myself a week early and have some of my dearest friends coming to help me float in the pool, eat delicious food, drink delicious wine, and talk fandom/random all weekend. (I'm kicking the family out to go camping or whatever.)

In preparation, I've spent the past week scrubbing the house from stem to stern, not to mention getting my butt out in the garden to finish some huge projects that are taking me forever to get done.

Well...the garden isn't going to be done. It's 100F (40C) all week, was close to that last week, and I give up. I was sweating so hard the other day that my kids thought I poured water all over myself. GROSS. The kids decided to tear the wallpaper off their bathroom, so I spent all yesterday finishing stripping that off with them, then prepping the plaster and painting it. (Which meant taking the toilet out, faucets, etc.) HEY, DIDN'T PLAN ON THAT TASK. But it's done? And will look nice for my guests? Gah.

It's hard for me to not have everything looking perfect. I was raised to be perfect. Not strive for perfection, but to BE perfect. Vacuum tracks in the carpet, everything spic-and-span, I'm a Master Gardener, so it better LOOK like I am and...I have kids. It ain't spic-and-span. (And these are my dear friends, they won't judge, I know that intellectually, but my mother's voice still creeps in and it's hard.)

Example: my son was talking to me last week while I was styling my hair in the bathroom, and he pulled the towel bar right out of the wall because he was leaning on it. So I had to patch those holes this weekend. Will those patches get repainted in time? ...probably not. And I am having to tell myself it's going to be okay.

I JUST FIGURED OUT THE SOLUTION: get everyone too drunk to look too closely! Okay, this can work. Ha. *blows bangs out of face*

Comments

( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
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flaming_muse
Jul. 23rd, 2013 05:07 pm (UTC)
NOBODY CARES THAT YOUR HOUSE IS NOT PERFECT. (Besides you. I don't mean to negate your own feelings on the matter.) And nobody wants you out doing hard work in the garden if you could instead be sitting inside or in your pool doing something relaxing. I'm pretty sure your friends love YOU and want YOU to be happy.

And you know what, my dear? You ARE perfect. I don't mean that you don't have flaws, but you are perfect in your very self, and don't make me sing Mr. Rogers songs to you until you get the picture. I know this baggage and these voices are hard to shed, but I PROMISE YOU that the veneer of your house and your life doesn't matter at ALL to the people who are coming to see you. That your carpets are immaculate doesn't matter even a little to the people who care about you.

I LOVE YOU. A LOT.

I'm sorry you're feeling all of these worries and pressures, but there shall be wine (and cake?) soon!
stoney321
Jul. 23rd, 2013 05:17 pm (UTC)
MY FRIENDS DO WANT THAT, IT SEEMS. <3 <3 <3

Those parental tapes are just hard to turn off in your subconscious sometimes. (And old religious tapes, too.)

OMG, Mr. Rogers will make me ugly cry. AND WE WILL HAVE SO MUCH FUN IT WON'T MATTER. Cake!! Yes, yes, I need to make sure I put the order in for deliciousness. *grabby hands at you*
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entrenous88
Jul. 23rd, 2013 05:08 pm (UTC)
It is totally awesome however it looks right now, so you, my friend, are free to kick back, make yourself some amazing panini, and perhaps pour yourself a glass of wine. And take a nap.

<33333333333333

P.S. Wheeeeeeeee!
stoney321
Jul. 23rd, 2013 05:19 pm (UTC)
I LIKE YOUR PLANS FOR ME. I like those a LOT. Know what else I like? YOU. More than paninis, even. MORE THAN FANCY SANDWICHES, NOUS. THAT IS HOW MUCH I LIKE YOU.

<33333333333333 to you!!

*grabby hands at you, too*
sheafrotherdon
Jul. 23rd, 2013 05:45 pm (UTC)
I am pretty darn sure that anyone you'd invite to your house to kick back, celebrate, and talk away the glorious day are not people who will give a hot damn about the state of your carpets ♥ You have way better taste in friends than that.
stoney321
Jul. 23rd, 2013 09:23 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, you are SO CORRECT. I just need reminding that people aren't always judging me.

*slides a piece of cake over your way*
brunettepet
Jul. 23rd, 2013 07:15 pm (UTC)
I know it's hard not to have everything perfect, but just hand everybody their individual pitcher of margaritas and usher them out to the pool. I bet your house and garden look waaay better than most and your bosom buds will admire your excellent taste. As long as their well fed and alcoholed and entertained everyone is going to have a great time. I know you're up for all three!

This rain, heat, humidity thing is wiping me out. I just want to come jump in your pool.
stoney321
Jul. 23rd, 2013 09:25 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha, individual pitchers of margaritas is a BRILLIANT idea. Just brilliant.

Ugh, the weather was HORRID. I'd rather it just be dry and hot than humid and hot. *checks weather for the weekend* Looks like I'm getting my wish!

If I had a spare bed, I'd drag you up here and throw you in! :)
fiveandfour
Jul. 23rd, 2013 07:29 pm (UTC)
For the first time since...high school? no, it was college...I planned a celebration for the birthday-before-last. I'm used to not celebrating my birthday much - it's near Christmas and I figure the last thing people want that time of year is worrying about someone's birthday. (However, I do maintain the rule that if one intends to give me a birthday gift, it can't be in Christmas wrap or it will be considered a Christmas gift.)

Then last year's birthday rolled around and my friends were all, "Hey, where and when's the party?" and I kind of felt bad that it will be at least 10 years before I'll be up to putting myself out there for that again.

But I think the thing is that as much as people want to be appreciated and celebrated and have things just their way every once in awhile, others want to be given the chance to do the appreciating and the celebrating. It's like a gift for everyone when you celebrate a birthday, so just think of it like that: your birthday celebration is a gift that your friends will enjoy, and no one pays any attention to carpet stripes and paint patches when they're enjoying themselves.

Plus of course you're right: add in some liquor and they'll care even less!
stoney321
Jul. 23rd, 2013 09:27 pm (UTC)
"others want to be given the chance to do the appreciating and the celebrating"

Oh, how I long for that! All of my special bosom friends (ha, a little Anne Shirley never hurt anyone) live elsewhere, so I don't usually get to celebrate with them beyond a dinner while visiting, so this is a unique experience for me. (I am surrounded by ingrates, apparently, who don't give as much as they take.)

And that's another vote for "booze 'em up and the smiles come out" so that's great. :D
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altyronsmaker
Jul. 23rd, 2013 08:30 pm (UTC)
I almost always have extra spoons. My only regret is that I can't just give them away. and yet, I still try. *beams extra spoons your way*

I don't have children (well, none that I take home, anyway. My kids are gone by 3 PM), but I do well remember doing destruction when I was one. I never understood why mom was always so frustrated....

Hope it cools down for y'all, and YAY for plastered and painted bathroom walls, and beautiful gardens.

stoney321
Jul. 23rd, 2013 09:29 pm (UTC)
*totally absorbs those spoons and gives you a forehead kiss for sharing*

OMG, the hands on the walls to go down the hallway. WHY. WHY DO YOU DO THIS YOUR LEGS WORK JUST FINE. Dirty hands on the fridge door. Food plopping out of the end of a sandwich onto the floor and a half-assed wipe with a paper towel, not getting all of it. On and on and I am SO READY to be an empty nester, omg. (haha.)

<3 <3 <3
halfmoon_mollie
Jul. 23rd, 2013 09:19 pm (UTC)
everyone else said what I was going to. they aren't coming to see your house, or the condition of your garden.

They're coming to see YOU. And talk to YOU. And have wine (or koolaid, or whatever) with YOU.
stoney321
Jul. 23rd, 2013 09:30 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

I had a smart and dear friend who used to say, "If you're coming to see me, come on over. If you're coming to see the house, make an appointment." She had four kids and a doctor for a husband (gone all the time on call) and didn't sweat the small stuff. I need reminding of that mindset, especially when I'm feeling stressed.

*grabs everyone up in a giant hug that leads to the pool and mojitos*
eac
Jul. 23rd, 2013 09:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, I have that insistent, critical parental commentary in my head all the time, too. What's strange is that now that I'm a grownup (TM) 42 year old, I've had to realize that my actual mother is...much nicer than the tape in my head. The tape in my head is like my mother on the worst day anyone in my family has ever had, hopped up on steroids. Yet the voice still runs me. *sigh*

I hope you can enjoy your party, even with all the nagging imperfections.
stoney321
Jul. 24th, 2013 12:54 am (UTC)
Oh, ha, um - I have a restraining order against my mother. So usually I can turn that tape off because HEY LEGIT CRAZY PERSON, WE DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. I am very happy that you've learned how much nicer your mom is than you thought as a kid. I hope my kids will be like that, too. (Ha!)

I think I hit a state of zen this afternoon while cleaning and sorting laundry - it's going to be FINE. Now to repeat that until Friday... :)
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sunnyd_lite
Jul. 23rd, 2013 10:00 pm (UTC)
Another vote for booze
Sipping over scrubbing says I.

You are all sorts of awesome - but even a Master Gardener can't control unhelpful weather. And this way you can talk about future projects and let your creative guests imagine it!

And unless you plan to play hopscotch with the vacuum lines in the carpet - they won't care!

Have an early birthday as fab as you are! I loved meeting you at WriterCon Atlanta - just wish my transporter/TARDIS would turn up so I could visit!
stoney321
Jul. 24th, 2013 12:58 am (UTC)
Re: Another vote for booze
BOOOOOOOOZE! *slides mojito through the monitor to you*

Oooh, see, the whole "you can talk about future projects" sounds very good! THAT IS GOOD FOR MY BRAIN, THAT IS. <3

I loved meeting you, too! oh, I think about WriterCon often and how much fun it was. Gosh, I met so many LJers that weekend, it was AWESOME. <3
lynnenne
Jul. 24th, 2013 12:14 am (UTC)
I JUST FIGURED OUT THE SOLUTION: get everyone too drunk to look too closely!

Sounds absolutely perfect. (Not that anyone would be looking anyway, when they have YOU AND YOUR SWIMMING POOL.)

I wish I lived closer. Sigh.
stoney321
Jul. 24th, 2013 12:59 am (UTC)
I wish you weren't all the way up in the Great White North (coo-roo-coo-coo Coo-roo-coo-coo!) so that you could come float with me, too. IT IS REALLY HOT, JUST LIKE YOU LIKE IT.
dovil
Jul. 24th, 2013 12:48 am (UTC)
YAY! I'm so glad that you're doing this! YAY I say. Buying a lotto ticket tonight. Not so I can fly over, but so I can hold a better, tidier, party. I'm very insecure.
stoney321
Jul. 24th, 2013 01:00 am (UTC)
You actually are the person that made me decide to do it! So when it all falls apart, I'm blaming you.

"so I can hold a better, tidier, party."

...Mom?
... - dovil - Jul. 24th, 2013 03:16 am (UTC) - Expand
beadattitude
Jul. 24th, 2013 09:08 am (UTC)
Dear one, give yourself the gift of letting it go. I know exactly the level of cleaning you're oing, and you'll wear yourself out before they get there! And they're there for YOU.
singinglark
Jul. 24th, 2013 12:30 pm (UTC)
I once got sick before Christmas. People were coming to our house for the day. I warned them about the germfest, but I didn't want to cancel because my kids were little and I'd already bought all the food. People showed up and my carpets were literally crunchy. And I lay on the sofa most of the day, and other people did most of the cooking while I told them what I had planned to do with my fridge full of ingredients, and the house was a mess, and you know what? Christmas came! Christmas came just the same! Like in Whoville!

I grew up under the thumb of a neat-freak perfectionist, so I get it. But when it comes to being with people you love, the condition of the house and the presence of dust or whatever does not matter. At all. So don't burn yourself out in the 100 degree weather. Give yourself an early birthday gift and just embrace the imperfection.
(Deleted comment)
Christy EllaNoise Morrison
Jul. 25th, 2013 12:42 pm (UTC)
I am has sad that you are not coming! But happy early birthday.
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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