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Laughing while crying

Today was the memorial for my friend Steve, the ex-boyfriend/always my friend from my improv comedy days. If I ask for nothing else in my life, it's this: may every story people have to share at my memorial start with, "Now, I can't share most of my stories about Laura in a church, but what I can say is..." like they did at his.

Which is exactly how the talks led by the other comedy club pals began. Honest, heartfelt tears for a friend we all knew was troubled, but was the sort that didn't burn bridges. He was just an addict. But he was kind, hilarious, and always the guy who would pick you up at 4:30 in the morning when you've had a wreck on New Year's Eve/Day and were stranded on the side of the road. In front of a shady strip club/shady part of town. Or the guy who will take a punch for you when drunk frat guys picked fights with the other comedians after the show with the reasoning of, "I have a lower center of gravity; they can't knock me over." AND THEY DIDN'T. Or the guy who would pick up the tab when he had money, just because that's who he was.

We all stood out in the parking lot for a good hour or more, laughing so hard my stomach ached, crying so hard my glasses fogged up, swapping old, "Oh my god, do you remember the time with the strippers--" and "No one could come up with a better way to sneak into [blah] than..." and "He never sat in judgment of anyone. Unless you weren't funny and acted like you were. That he wouldn't tolerate."

I remembered today how he made me break up with him, because he knew his demons better than I did and didn't want to hurt me with his drug use. He always smiled at me like I was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen and would hold my hand while I spoke. Long after we'd stopped dating, even! He was just a sweet, sweet man. Who had a filthy mouth and would do anything. There was no daring this guy, because his response would always be, "Why not? Ooh, and how about we..." He's why I'm so spectacularly naughty, ftr. :)

(In fact, one of the comedians told another guy - one I didn't know as well - that I could out cuss all of them. I don't know if you can appreciate the hugeness of a group of male comedians saying they couldn't top me, a former Mormon girl. Hahahaha.)

Never did he make any of us angry, he didn't fight or say cruel things or set out to hurt people. He wanted to laugh, wanted to live life to the fullest, and happened to have a drug addiction. But I'll always think of his booming, rapid-fire laugh and his willingness to do anything, because why not? That's a pretty great model for living, right there. Rest in peace, my friend. I'll never forget you.

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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