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little engine that couldn't [iconomicon]


  • make sure all persons in the house wake up

  • make sure all persons in the house eat, take meds, get out the door on time

  • keep all persons in the house positive (or at least not irritating others)

  • feed all animals

  • make sure all animals have fresh water (yes, these two things are a child's chore. And yet.)

  • make sure all kids have homework/prepared for tests/have lunches

  • make sure there is food in the house

  • determine dinner plans

  • make kids have a freaking coat when it's cold/aren't wearing black cashmere/wool when it's hot

  • double check all appointments for the day

  • relay important information to various family members so we're all aware of each other's locations throughout the day

  • keep the house clean

  • (laundry, floors, piles, stairs clear, front porch, front entry, tables, any available surface upon which shit can be dropped)

  • (sometimes literally)

  • (I'm giving you some serious stink eye, Sally Dog)

  • make future appointments (medical, dental, eye, therapy, ARD, etc)

  • take children to all appointments

  • endure every waiting room in the DFW area

  • call in prescriptions

  • pick up prescriptions

  • soothe wounded hearts

  • calm fiery tempers

  • break up fights

  • discipline humans after said fights

  • make people love each other (or at least respect/tolerate one another)

  • arrange college visits

  • prod child to download/fill out college applications

  • remind children daily of their freaking chores

  • go behind children and redo their chores because nothing else is working and I just want things DONE omg

  • create healthy meals

  • keep house stocked at all times of food because my kids apparently have tapeworms and/or hollow legs

  • maintain a healthy kitchen: fridge/pantry

  • maintain clean bathrooms and kitchen in case of surprise visitors

  • entertain surprise visitors (food, smiles, conversation, hiding of animals for idiots who are scared of my big, stupid, sweet dog)

  • manage bank accounts

  • answer every god damn question under the sun

  • try not to murder child for asking every god damn question under the sun

  • maintain the garden because our neighbors are dickbags and think my plants are possibly weeds (they're not)

  • call the HOA and tell them that Mexican Feather Grass is not a weed, it's a plant, and if I get one more fucking call about "weeds in my garden" I'm going to resort to tire slashing

  • also they need to stop wasting water in our neighborhood by shutting off the sprinklers when it rains

  • maybe by planting Mexican Feather Grass

  • smile sweetly

  • drive children to every possible location on the planet earth at the drop of a hat

  • be prepared to replace entire wardrobes at a moment's notice because I mated with a giant

  • sign up for all the UIL/PTO/booster clubs

  • duck out of volunteering for UIL/PTO/booster clubs because ain't nobody got time for that (by which I mean I am nobody)

  • host/plan all Holiday meals

  • have entire family history stored on the occasion that facts need to be recalled for [_blank_] reason

  • be charming

  • care for the stray ducklings that come to hide under my feathers on occasion

  • know where every item in the house is at any time because no one else knows how to find things, apparently

  • help plan future goals for children

  • help children ACHIEVE future goals

  • bolster husband's spirits because men apparently are WAY more delicate than I was led to believe, I'm looking at you John McClane


Yeah. Don't tell me that stay at home moms sit on our asses and have the easy life. This post brought to you by an seeming innocuous comment from my husband this morning about how he "just can't do everything around here, Laura," because I wanted him to call in about getting a repairman to fix the spa heater.



HEY THAT EMPTY NEST THING SOUNDS REALLY AWESOME HOW DO I SIGN UP. :D

Comments

( 44 comments — Leave a comment )
podle
Nov. 12th, 2013 04:21 pm (UTC)
Holy crapola, you are clearly a super hero whose powers are exercised in an extremely localized and focused fashion. I'm betting your cape is still caught up in some hideous super hero bureaucratic loop. Probably you should interpret this as a sign to go out and buy some sweet looking boots, though. That way you'll be ready when the cape finally arrives.
stoney321
Nov. 12th, 2013 04:31 pm (UTC)
ALSO I AM TIRED A LOT.

Oooooh, boots!! I was just looking at a cute pair this morning, in fact. I like the way you think.
flaming_muse
Nov. 12th, 2013 04:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, Jesus Christ. I'd love to see what your life would look like if he DID have to do everything around there. :P You are amazing, underappreciated, and work way more than one full-time job.
stoney321
Nov. 12th, 2013 04:36 pm (UTC)
OMG, I laughed so hard when he said that (which didn't help his temper, but COME ON).

I would really like a raise, let me tell you. AND VACATION TIME. Oh, say, I do have some of that coming up! <3
cindergal
Nov. 12th, 2013 04:38 pm (UTC)
Check. Check. Check. Yeah, I don't manage the bank accounts or the ducklings, but other than that...

know where every item in the house is at any time because no one else knows how to find things, apparently

OMG this. And do you also get the thing where you tell them where said item is and you get "it's not there!" and then you have to go look and you move one tiny thing out of the way and it's right where you said it was? Because if it's not right in front of their face they can't find it.

This is why God made wine.
stoney321
Nov. 12th, 2013 05:04 pm (UTC)
And do you also get the thing where you tell them where said item is and you get "it's not there!" and then you have to go look and you move one tiny thing out of the way and it's right where you said it was? Because if it's not right in front of their face they can't find it.

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. HUGE pet peeve, right there. It makes me CRAZY. And the constant interruptions, because whatever I'm doing isn't as important as their need.

*head desk*
cindergal
Nov. 12th, 2013 08:57 pm (UTC)
Oh, and because I know you'd understand, I have to share this - my husband, who is currently out of work, just came in the room specifically to tell me that he had cleaned up the kitchen, expecting thanks and praise, no doubt. Um...okay? I do that three times a day an no one thanks me. Clean a bathroom and then I'll be impressed. ;-)
fiveandfour
Nov. 13th, 2013 01:21 am (UTC)
OH MAN, THIS!

I guess my husband still hasn't learned that the sarcasm is dialed up to 11 when I'm required to praise him like a puppy after a potty training success: Awww, you did the dishes? What a good boy!
cindergal
Nov. 13th, 2013 01:39 am (UTC)
LOL! At least I'm not alone. ;-)
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:47 pm (UTC)
OH. MY. GOD.

This is a man thing. Wait, this is a non-stay-at-home Dad thing. I always point out Chris Rock's "You don't get credit for shit you're SUPPOSED TO DO."
sheafrotherdon
Nov. 12th, 2013 04:57 pm (UTC)
I am totally giving your husband the stink-eye.
stoney321
Nov. 12th, 2013 05:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you, for mine was all used up with my dog this morning. <3
elisi
Nov. 12th, 2013 05:44 pm (UTC)
!!!!!!!!!

Especially:

- go behind children and redo their chores because nothing else is working and I just want things DONE omg

- know where every item in the house is at any time because no one else knows how to find things, apparently

- bolster husband's spirits because men apparently are WAY more delicate than I was led to believe, I'm looking at you John McClane


I can't even.

Mind you, my list is shorter because I now work fulltime, and have - by necessity - shoved stuff onto my husband (who is a sort of free-lance film maker I suppose). Mostly though that means that I ignore stuff throughout the week, and then do a big catch-up over the weekend. Not that he isn't helpful, he just doesn't understand that 'him getting to it eventually' really doesn't work for me.

(Sorry. I didn't mean to rant. Hope you get a NICE glass of wine and some time all to yourself!)
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:48 pm (UTC)
You can rant all you like! I BELIEVE YOU HAVE EARNED YOUR FRUSTRATION. *tops off your wine glass and clinks mine with yours*

:D
brunettepet
Nov. 12th, 2013 05:45 pm (UTC)
I was exhausted just reading all that you have on your plate! It's a good thing you have a vacation coming up. It sounds like you really, really deserve one.

stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:49 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh, I really, really do. HEY, LOOKY THERE, I HAVE ONE COMING! Whew.
kita0610
Nov. 12th, 2013 05:47 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHA YES. This should be posted on every fridge door/front door/working-outside-the-home person's INTERIOR EYELIDS. Bc seriously, fuck you. Ugh. I salute your ability to not kill people.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:50 pm (UTC)
I don't know how I don't have a string of bodies behind me, I really don't.

Ahaha, your post on your vacation made me realize JUST HOW OFTEN I HEAR ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS. Fuck, I need this trip coming up. SO. MUCH. <3
liz_in_progress
Nov. 12th, 2013 06:14 pm (UTC)
PREACH, SISTER.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:52 pm (UTC)
*MOPS BROW*

CAN I GET AN AMEN?!
empresspatti
Nov. 12th, 2013 06:22 pm (UTC)
Two things:

Both my kids got laundry baskets for their 10th birthday and I would have hacked off my hands before I ever touched their dirty clothes again. You aren't the maid AND their future spouse's will thank you. Never, ever do a pre or teenagers laundry. They are plenty old enough to figure it out ALL BY THEMSELVES.

Same with finding things. Your ovaries are not automatic finding devices. Yes, I know where you left your stuff. I'm NEVER telling you because if I do, you will interrupt my important work (reading a book while laying on the couch) to make me participate in your lost krap drama. Go forth, find your shit and never bother me when you lose stuff again.

This esp works with Husbands who lose their wallets right before vacations. I know where my atm and credit cards are. Sucks for you.

STAY STRONG AND IGNORE THE DRAMA. It will go away
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:54 pm (UTC)
My kids do all of their laundry. They have chores. They just need constant reminders to start/finish said chores so I don't have piles of clothes halfway through folding on my living room sofa/stairs.

"It will go away." HAHAHAHAHA I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. ;)
ladycyndra
Nov. 12th, 2013 06:30 pm (UTC)
I salute you, madam!! Yeah I get so sick of hearing that because I'm a housewife, I sit around and do nothing. My oldest sister was complaining that I don't call her enough or when she calls me, I don't stay on the phone long enough. I said I get very busy to which she told me I don't have kids so no I'm not busy at all.

Huh so I guess the house cleans itself! The clothes wash themselves, the food cooks itself, the groceries come to my house on their own, the dog and cat feed themselves, the dog lets herself outside and back in, the dust magically disappears, the dishes wash themselves, the clothes fold each other, the bathrooms are self cleaning....

Yeah. I do not get along so well with mt sister. <_<
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:55 pm (UTC)
When you find that magical house we were promised in the 50s that does all the chores for itself, PLEASE LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT.

*tops off your wine, slides cheese plate over, side eyes your sis*
fiveandfour
Nov. 12th, 2013 06:50 pm (UTC)
::Nods head:: Yep, that list sounds about right.

What kills me the most some days is that what you would THINK would be a thing on a Mom's To Do list as relating to her child is in fact actually applicable to her grown ass husband.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:57 pm (UTC)
"is in fact actually applicable to her grown ass husband."

YES. THIS. I blame mothers that don't force their sons to learn how to do shit for themselves. My son can cook, do laundry and scrub a bathroom. He just has no MOTIVATION for it. Oh, just way, son of mine. Just wait. Your first roommate will either hate you, or you'll hate him. BUT YOU WILL LEARN. /evil laugh
sdwolfpup
Nov. 12th, 2013 08:19 pm (UTC)
That is the most perfect pictorial response to your husband's comment. Good grief.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 05:57 pm (UTC)
I was just... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
a2zmom
Nov. 13th, 2013 12:01 am (UTC)
Man, this list is sadly familar.

Although, by the age of 7, my attitude was if you want to go outside in a t-shirt when it's 20 degrees, fine, just don't bitch to me later. That seemed to work (although the fact that my youngest refused to wear a winter coat drove many people crazy).

I also stoped checking homework after elementary school. Aaron eventually figured out that maybe actually doing his hhonework once in a while might improve his average.

Oh, and bad news - being an empty nester hasn't helped because I idiotically married the world's biggest slob. I won't go into it because it depresses me but the guy seems to be completely oblivious to the world around him.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 06:00 pm (UTC)
I would rather nag about dressing appropriately than dealing with a sick kid, so that's my thing.

When you have a kid on the spectrum, you can't rely on them having so many innate life skills spring up through some trial and error. What I'm saying is that I am really ready for this child to have his breakthrough moment, oh my GOD.
a2zmom
Nov. 14th, 2013 03:34 am (UTC)
Yeah, you're definitely in a different space with yours.

I got tired of the endless fights over homework so once in middle school I reluctantly came to the conclusion that I could not force my kid to do homework (ounishment never worked with Aaeon. He had a take no prisoners attitude.)

I know our middle school had a whole class in organization/time management which actually was very useful. Once in collge, Aaron could no longer coast on his memory but fortunately he had been taught study skills even if he had never botheredo use them up til that point.
eac
Nov. 13th, 2013 02:51 am (UTC)
Oh, god. I would so blow up if my husband said that to me -- though to be fair, he does quite a lot, and as I only do work that's hardly paid at all, we are all living on his salary.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 06:02 pm (UTC)
We have clear lines drawn here: he works full time, I'm the stay at home mom. (There's a lot happening behind the scenes I'm not expressing here in a public post, but suffice it to say that a little appreciation for the ass beating this past 18 months has been for me would be nice.)

I think a lot of men don't understand how physically draining being the emotional support of a family in crisis can be. Or you know, when they're NOT in crisis!
eac
Nov. 13th, 2013 06:39 pm (UTC)
I hope he's able, eventually, to see how hard you are working. Perhaps you should take a trip for a week and let everything fall apart. :)
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 07:45 pm (UTC)
Ha! I am taking a trip in December for five days! We'll see how it all works out then. ;D
evamagick
Nov. 13th, 2013 03:06 am (UTC)
OH MY CHRIST I WOULD SHOOT MY HUSBAND IF HE SAID THAT TO ME. OH GOD.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 06:02 pm (UTC)
Well, he'd been really sweet for a few weeks, so I guess he was due putting his ass out the window to hang? =P
evamagick
Nov. 13th, 2013 07:16 pm (UTC)
Ah, yes. It is the way of the man. ;)
beadattitude
Nov. 13th, 2013 01:22 pm (UTC)
Sweet Jesus, husband. ::whacks him upside the head::
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 06:03 pm (UTC)
*eats popcorn while you do*
kuzu_no_ha
Nov. 13th, 2013 03:59 pm (UTC)
SAHM
YES
God, thank you for writing it out because I was having some "woe I suck" feelings. But holy fuck there is so much to do. It's hard work and we do it.
stoney321
Nov. 13th, 2013 06:03 pm (UTC)
Re: SAHM
"It's hard work and we do it."

YES. THIS. FFS, guys.
entrenous88
Nov. 15th, 2013 02:04 am (UTC)
*signs you up for all the spa days*
kseenaa
Nov. 16th, 2013 10:55 pm (UTC)
Is that going to be me soon? Oh shit, that is goign to be me soon... o.O

Edited at 2013-11-16 10:55 pm (UTC)
( 44 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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