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Ficlet - Fer Phun

In light of recent revelations on the Angel Season 5 DVD that (duh!) there is history between Angel and Spike of a sexual nature (from Joss himself)... I give you: Spike, Buffy and Angel if they were Native American Indians. So no one calls out the PC Police, my heritage is Choctaw Indian (my grandmother is 1/2), so don't get pissy.


Princess Ninety-Nine Wampum (She always under Buck)

Moon Hair looked across ceremony fire at the pretty squaw sharpening arrowheads for the warriors to hunt with. Ninety-Nine Wampum was pretty, and small like bird. She had hair the color of fresh honey. She had mouth like Mother Blue Jay - always scolding and squawking. Moon Hair did not care. Moon Hair want to tame the Princess.

Moon Hair drop the bear meat he was eating and walk around fire and grab Princess by hair. He tried to drag her to his wigwam to pleasure himself. He forget Princess is strong like Brother Bear, and fierce like Brother Wolf. He did not know she had talons like Father Eagle. He like the idea of bedding a fellow warrior. Moon Hair didn't like to think about that too much. Too many times he sit alone in his wigwam wanting Chief Warrior Stone Head to come to him. Teach him new wrestling moves to make him stronger. No. He think about Ninety-Nine Wampum tonight.

She is not wanting to bed him. She scratch at him like mighty Badger. She howl at him like Puma. Moon Hair flares nostrils and smells her. She DOES want to bed him. Moon Hair smirks and crushes Ninety-Nine Wampum to his chest. She makes noises like newborn cat. He lift her over shoulder and carry her into his tent. He now sees her fighting is for the tribe to think she is not deserving of cast out. Moon Hair throws her on a pile of skins.

He takes off his loin-cloth. He flexes in a warrior pose to show his strength to the Princess. She hisses at him, yet she take off her dress. He comes to her and settles between her legs. He feel the laces of her deerskin boots against his flesh. He tries to not think of Stone Head, who caught the deer to make the boots. Princess makes a clucking noise to him and bumps him with her hips. The tales among the warriors are true: Princess like to be bedded.

Moon Hair teaches her the meaning of warrior. He think. Princess Ninety-Nine Wampum is tricky like Fox. She flip him over and ride him like he is his own horse, Angel Wind. He know this is name a squaw would give for horse, but Moon Hair like pretty words. He hide this from other warriors. He hope to one day tell Stone Head of love of words... He forget about the Princess, now giving war whoops. She is very much like a warrior. He begin to move under her. He begin to like how strong she is - like warrior. He never knew squaw could be so strong. Moon Hair like this very much. He flip her over.

The Princess makes sounds like she in pain. But she smile like she has a secret. Moon Hair pins her arms over her head and pushes harder, faster into her. He want to see how strong she is. She begin to make sounds - he hears her say his name. He feel the thrill he gets when taking a scalp. He cries out when he feels his spirit enter her. She slaps him. He said wrong name. Princess kicks him off and climbs back into her dress, smooths braids, and goes out to the fire.

Moon Hair sits on skins, face in hands. He does not bother to cover himself. He hears the flap of his wigwam open. He thinks the Princess has come back to throw things. He opens his eyes and sees Chief Warrior Stone Face standing tall, arms crossed in front. He is not wearing his loin cloth. He speak. "You called, Moon Hair?" Did he? Clicky clicky


On a DVD note... Anyone else notice on the cover of the DVDs where Spike is holding the cross (Ep. - Destiny) and you can tell it's inflatable, or made of squishy material? You can see he's holding it with his right hand too hard. Ha ha! Prop gaff.

Comments

( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
spikes_heart
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:33 am (UTC)
Thank you for my morning cackle. I don't often find one so it's a real treat!
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:46 am (UTC)
"I don't often find one"

Uh... Where you been? Girl, that's the whole PURPOSE of this journal. Stick around, pour yourself a fresh drink, kick off your shoes, and relax with me for a spell.

*snaps fingers for cabana boy to rub your shoulders*
somecandytalkin
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:34 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, poor Moon Hair!
I do hope that Chief Warrior can find some way to comfort you!
But HOW?
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:44 am (UTC)
Maybe that is a tale for the tribal fire... After Peace Pipe has been smoked.

Moon Hair is shy with his feelings. They clog in his mouth like rocks when Brother Beaver make his home.
somecandytalkin
Feb. 17th, 2005 10:10 am (UTC)
Maybe it is.
Brings you peace pipe.

Is Moon Hair shy with feelings
like rabbit in burrow?
And also like rabbit in other ways?
Or maybe he just happy to see Stone Face.
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 11:41 am (UTC)
Him very happy to see Stone Face. Now have name Stands with Donkey Punch.

And now there needs to be a sequel. Gimme an hour... Gotta finish this blasted ironing.
julia_here
Feb. 17th, 2005 12:24 pm (UTC)
Ironing? You IRON?

I knew you were my hero.

Julia, having dedicated my entire life to the principle of never ever ironing anything, even table cloths. Saved by Shabby Chic!
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 01:20 pm (UTC)
Ha ha! Went on a stroll by the fence line to the big horse farm yesterday and thought about your cow... Any news? Best not to think on it now?

Also, just wrote the next part. Slashy goodness in a wigwam...

And you'll note that I am on the computer and not ironing, as I should be.
somecandytalkin
Feb. 17th, 2005 01:10 pm (UTC)
Yay!

Counting down...
But no pressure.
No pressure at all :)
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 01:18 pm (UTC)
zyrya
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:41 am (UTC)
*snerk*

I love it. Chief Warrior Stone Face! I'm trying to imagine shrieking that at the appropriate moment (or inappropriate moment, as the case may be), but it's a nawful lot of syllables.
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:43 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm sure he grunted out (in a high pitched whine) Stone... Face...

Hee hee!!
zyrya
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:55 am (UTC)
Hey, it does work as strained, pained grunts ... which I'm utterly sure is the sort of reaction Princess's attentions would elicit.

I'm semi-wishing you hadn't prefaced the story with the disclaimer. It would have made a great kerfuffle. Ah well, we'll have to just stick to the insulting fake lesbian displays.

::licks you::
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 10:03 am (UTC)
*Humps your leg*

This is making me think of the old joke with the punchline, "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Humping?"
desoto_hia873
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:48 am (UTC)
She slaps him. He said wrong name.

Hee!
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 10:04 am (UTC)
Ha ha!! I'm a dork of the highest magnitude.
netweight
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:54 am (UTC)
Best. explanation. of canon. EVA!!

And you get bonus points for the horse's name. Bwah!
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 10:05 am (UTC)
Tee hee! "Angel Wind" could mean something entirely different, depending on Chief Warrior Stone Face's diet.

Aaaaand I just grossed myself out.

/nerd
_jealousy_
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:57 am (UTC)
HA! Oh my, how I do love your insanity. :D
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 10:05 am (UTC)
This is what happens when I have a large pile of ironing to tackle.
beadattitude
Feb. 17th, 2005 10:17 am (UTC)
Hee. I especially like "Chief Warrior Stone Head."

::loves you::
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 11:39 am (UTC)
Trying to find Angel's Spirit Name is not easy, let me tell you. Things like Granite and Ox pop into my head...

*loves you back*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 11:40 am (UTC)
hasn't been much around, huh?

*laughs and pokes you with a stick, sans arrowhead*
sangpassionne
Feb. 17th, 2005 10:55 am (UTC)
Bwahahaha!

You silly. :-)
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 11:40 am (UTC)
And if by "silly" you mean thatr I have too much time on my hands? Then, yes. :-)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 12:16 pm (UTC)
No, no... This is what NOT ironing does to me. I've been eyeing the pile of clothes for a bit, now. Have done many things other on my list. Have NOT ironed. Need to, and so? I play with my dolls.

Normally I send his shirts off to the cleaners, but I got an idea that we'd save a lot of money if I ironed them instead, and now I have to DO it.

Harumph. Sequel! I'll write a sequel.
julia_here
Feb. 17th, 2005 12:26 pm (UTC)
Yes, sequal.

Julia, thinking about some truly lame jokes from my res adjacent childhood, and also "Why Indians Play Basketball"
greenstone_j
Feb. 17th, 2005 01:19 pm (UTC)
I was laughing along quite happily, enjoying the humour, when something hit me...I now have a new kink, damn you for putting a 'Spike in a loin cloth' in my head!!! How am I ever going to get that one out??????
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 01:22 pm (UTC)
By reading the next bit, when he is NOT in a loin cloth! And neither is Stone Head, BTW.
violethamster
Feb. 17th, 2005 03:56 pm (UTC)
Hee! This is priceless. Hope the spirits of your ancestors don't decide to retaliate by giving you a case of the funny syphilis.
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 08:48 pm (UTC)
Ha ha!! I am no one's butt monkey. Hee!!

The Spirits of my ancestors rolled over in their graves when the first Casino went up on the Red River. This is nothing.
lynnenne
Feb. 17th, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
They should have had you around when they were writing "Pangs." :)
stoney321
Feb. 17th, 2005 08:50 pm (UTC)
The only thing that didn't work in that ep for me was the frickin' "You don't have a ricer? What's a ricer?" bit. SMG wasn't very good at comedy then.

Oh, but Xander and Anya... Good times. And the "calvary" on the bikes... Heeee!
mskakaako
Feb. 17th, 2005 09:37 pm (UTC)
Moon Hair is such a skank. Uh oh...he's going to get it from Stone Face. Does Moon Hair wear it in braids? Or is it all gelled back all severe like? Maybe I'm thinking about this a little too much. Heh.
( 36 comments — Leave a comment )

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Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

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