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Have I mentioned how much I love my flist? Every little sick monkey out there. Love you.



Title: Connie: The Musical
Author: Stoney321, written for Yinathon
Rating: Grownups only
Summary: Remember how funny it was that the children of prostitutes in Calcutta become prostitutes themselves? No, that's horrible. So what if we make them vampire orphan children, warp the musical Annie, and cast it with people from Buffy and Angel? YES. Greenlight that mother scratcher.
Warning: Incest! (but it's funny. And hot.) Prostitution, SONG!FIC! Warped childhood memories!
Thanks: As always to crazydiamondsue for acting as beta, lover, confindant, sperm donor. Do you guys read this stuff?

Previous Chapter Here


Connie: The Musical

Cast of Characters
Annie - Connor
Molly - Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
Tessie - Fred "Winnie" Burkle
Pepper - Spike
Duffy - Lorne
Ms. Hannigan - Drunken Lilah Morgan
Grace Farrell - Harmony Kendall
Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks - Angel Morecocks
Punjab - Charles Gunn
Asp - Gavin
Rooster - Holtz
Lily St. Regis - Cordy Chase


Part Three
[Setting: Orphanage/Brothel for Wayward Vamps. Miss LaMorgan is drunk, in her tub, hiding from her VPOs that, quite frankly, aren't turning many tricks. Well, Spike is, but he keeps forgetting to get money, the slut. In her drunken state, she is trying to keep her eyes open. She sees a blurry figure standing before her, tries to "shoo" it away with her hand - empty whiskey bottle clutched tightly - and she hits something solid. She cracks one eye open, then in her shock, leaps back into the water, sputtering and coughing.]

Holster: Hello, Sis.

Miss LaMorgan: Holster! What are you doing here? I thought you were in a holding cell!

Holster: I got out.

Cordy Chase: On account of his bad behavior.

Holster: Allow me to introduce you to my girl. Sis? Meet Cordy Chase.

Cordy Chase: Like the bank. I'm sure.

(Miss LaMorgan staggers to her feet, ignoring the rivulets of water running down her legs, pooling on the cheap throw rugs.)

Holster: I was hoping you could share with me some information. I got a lead on my arch-nemesis, and could use anything you could tell me.

Miss LaMorgan: Not even a map to get you to the train station.

Holster: Come, come now. Surely you aren't still going to be mad about me taking that baby from your company's client and screwing up centuries of their watching and plotting, thus causing you to have to take this dead-end job, with your life being sucked away daily, are you?

Cordy Chase: (who is delicately rifling through a jewelry box, trying not to touch the obvious fakes, and stealing the obvious jewels) You two have the same mother?

Holster: No. Just the same DNA.

Miss LaMorgan: If I tell you something, will you just get the hell out of here? And tell your girl-toy that she may be named after a bank, but she can't make no withdrawals without my signature. Hand it over, sister.

(Cordy grudgingly sticks out her cleavage and allows Miss LaMorgan to draw her finger down Cordy's collar bone, in between her full, firm breasts, and pull out the rings and necklaces secreted away under their plump fullness. LaMorgan throws in the nipple tweak for free, eliciting a breathy gasp from Cordy Chase.)

Miss LaMorgan: Now, what is it you want to know?

Holster: The location of Morecocks.

Miss LaMorgan: Spike! Wesley! Get in here!

Holster: No, you drunken twit. Not "more cocks," as you should know I don't have those predilections, but the location of one Mr. Morecocks. Mr. Angel Morecocks.

Miss LaMorgan: What do you want with him? Haven't you done enough? I sent Connie there yesterday to be his house-boy.

Holster: You did what??? Woman, are you completely without your senses? After all the work and effort to steal his child away after its birth, deposit it here, get it pierced, mail that broken piece of metal to the father... Basically my attempt to destroy him emotionally, and thereby bringing on his ultimate demise... And you send the boy BACK?

Miss LaMorgan: What the hell are you talking about? You mean, Connie is his son? (She begins laughing hysterically)

Holster: Perhaps you'd like to share with the class?

Miss LaMorgan: You do realize that he's fucking his son, right? Can't that work into your little scheme to bring him low?

Holster: Stupid woman. (He backhands her. If she wasn't so pissed, she may have actually felt it.) After all of these years tending to vampires, you haven't learned how inherently incestuous their relationships are?

Miss LaMorgan: I... I just thought I was being punished by being stuck with a bunch of skeevy pervs.

Holster: Fool. Tell me - did you save his effects that accompanied him?

Miss LaMorgan: Yeah... yeah. I kept it all and stuck it in a box. Why? There wasn't much.

Holster: The boy had a charm. A locket. It dangled off his Guire piercing, did you notice?

LaMorgan: Yeah. There was a ring inside. Busted. But he keeps that in his locket.

Cordy Chase: Ring? You didn't say anything about a ring, baby.

Holster: No matter. Without the missing piece, it can't work.

LaMorgan: What's it do?

Holster: Only bring about a peaceful reign of a thousand years. Or a thousand years of suffering and evil. Depends on who he's "with" when the ring is whole. I sent a fake to Mr. Morecocks, in the advent of them ever meeting. If you still have the note the baby came with, you will have the missing piece.

(They rifle through the packages, boxes, and accumulated junk of a decade. LaMorgan pulls out a blanket; there is hope in her eyes. Cordy is making squeaking noises, trying to restrain her excitement over a new piece of jewelry. There is a glint in the light...)

Holster: You have it. My god, you have it!! Now - I need to fuck this young boy... Tell me where he is.

LaMorgan: That shouldn't be hard - the boy'll fuck anything that moves. He's pretty sleazy.

(They begin to high kick the clutter out of the way, excited by the prospect of bringing about an apocalypse. The trio sings to the tune of "Easy Street."

Sleazy Meat

All:
Sleazy meat!
Sleazy meat!
They don't come too soon

Sleazy meat!
Sleazy meat!
Connie has the key on his
Sleazy meat!

That's where we're gonna
That's where we're gonna
(Cordy does a complicated bump and roll. Miss LaMorgan stops and gapes in awe)
That's where we're gonna...be!!!!


(Secreted away in the corner is a whimpering Winnie, who has heard the entire plan. She wonders to herself why the bad guys ALWAYS tell their plan. Once the evil trio has collapsed in fits and giggles, she sneaks out to tell the other VPOs of their dastardly plan.)

Winnie: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! Guys! Listen! I gotta tell you something!

Spike: Can someone shut her up? I have very important napping to do!

Lorne: What's up sweetness?

Winnie: Miss LaMorgan and that bad man and that very voluptuous and sensual girl are gonna do something bad to Connie!

Wesley: (pulls out a gun) I'll stop them!

Winnie: Where the hell did you get that? Put that away! You'll shoot your eye out!

Lorne: (approaching Wesley cautiously, hands up) Yeah, gotta agree with Sticks on this one.

Winnie: Hey!

Lorne: (to Wesley) Look. You've got a lot of rage built up in that little frame of yours. It's a wonder you haven't popped like a bug on a hot sidewalk.

Winnie: Ewww!

Lorne: (to Wesley) So... How's about you give ol' Lornikins the gun and we try and solve this with our heads, huh?

Spike: Won't work.

Everyone: Huh?

Spike: It isn't brains, children, it's-

Winnie: Oh, GOD, can you make him stop? Yeah, yeah... blood, bitch, man enough... Okay. Now. What are we going to do to save Connie, get the real ring part to him, let him fuck his dad and then turn the world into a Utopia?

(Somewhere, someone bumps into a record player making it screech to a noisy stop.)

Everyone not Winnie: WHAT?

Lorne: I think you missed a part. Connie needs to fuck his DAD?

Wesley: (holding back the tears) Oh, it's like a fairy tale!

Lorne: Grimm indeed. Winnie, hon, why don't you take a step back and fill us in on all the bits about daddy sex, rings, and utopias, huh?


[Setting: Angel Morecocks' estate. Angel is taking a bath in his large, marble tub. His eyes are closed and he is thinking very hard. So hard that he doesn't notice that someone has come into the bathroom and is sitting on the edge of the tub, admiring the view.]

Connie: Hey. Miss Kendall said you would be in here.

Angel: (startled) Connie! I... Uh... Hey.

Connie: You look relaxed.

Angel: Uh... Yeah. Relaxed. Is that... Are you wearing a mesh unitard?

Connie: You like? It lets my skin breathe. I like it. Plus, it really showcases my junk.

Angel: I'm having... a hard time... breathing.

Connie: That's because you're dead. Vampire, remember? That water looks nice.

(Connie dips his hand in, swirling it back and forth, getting nearer and nearer to Angel's hip.)

Angel: So. Um... you having a nice time? Getting a lot to eat?

Connie: Yeah, it's pretty sweet here.

(Connie lets the back of his hand graze the indented muscle of Angel Morecock's hip. Connie draws his hand up, letting his fingers dance over the top of the tender skin where thigh meets hip. His hand splays flat and rubs down through the curls, splayed hand running up and then over Angel's growing erection. Connie palms it for a moment and then rubs the groove at its head with his thumb. His eyes have not left Angel's the entire time.)

Angel: Uh...

(Connie leans over and down, his long bangs touch Angel's cheek a moment before his lips do. The boy's tongue peeks out and traces the edge of Angel's mouth, then along the edge of his lower lip. Angel slowly opens his mouth in response, Connie answers with his full, lower lip rubbing back and forth.

Angel reaches up and holds the boy's face, thumb tracing meaningless patterns. Now that his weight is supported, Connie is able to use both hands under the water, one lightly holding and gently kneading Angel's sac, the other making long, tight strokes, finishing at the top with a twist and rub of the thumb.

The onslaught of tongue in mouth and hand on cock is too much for Angel. He pulls his face back a bit, rests his forehead on the boy's chin, and shudders.
)

Angel: Don't stop.

(Connie quickens his pace and makes mewling noises into the older man's ear. He traces Angel's ear with his tongue.)

Connie: (whispers) Oh. Dad. Come for me, daddy.

(Angel grips Connie with crushing strength and climaxes with a grunt.)

Angel: (trying to force his eyes open, hands now shaking) Why... Why did you say that?

Connie: (smirking, leaning back) What, call you Daddy? Don't you remember what I do for a living? Older guy, young guy... That usually does the trick. That way I can get more tricks in a night and... I mean, I thought that's what would turn you on, Sir. If you climb out of there, I'll dry you off.

Angel: (trying to get a grip on his emotions) No, no, that's alright. So, um, I got you something. It's in that box on the counter.

(While Connie crosses to open his gift, Angel climbs out of the tub, dries off, and casually wraps the towel around his waist.)

Connie: It's... a ring.

Angel: Yeah. It's a Claddagh ring, like the one in your, um, locket.

Connie: But I have one already, if it's all the same to you.

Angel: (growing agitated) It isn't all the same to me. Yours is broken. That one has an inscription on it. You didn't even look.

Connie: (turns the ring sideways and reads) "You're cool. Love, Daddy Morecocks." (Connie looks up with disgust) You're lame. I told you. I already HAVE a ring.

Angel: But...

Connie: Listen. My parents left me at that shit hole with my ring, a part of it broken off so I'd know it was them when they come to get me. I've waited for that my whole life.

(Angel looks to the heart-shaped box on the counter that holds what he believes is the missing piece of the ring. He's torn as to what to do.)

Angel: What if... What if I could find you that missing piece? And your father?

Connie: I'd say, "See ya!" No offense, but... I've been dreaming of my father my whole life. How strong, self-assured, powerful, big he is... You're good-looking and quiet and all, but come on, man.

Angel: (resigned) What do you say to us getting in the car and checking out some stuff while I get Miss Kendall on it?

Connie: (shrugs) Cool. Let me change out of my slave-boy outfit and-

Angel: No, no... Leave that. That's good for me.


[Setting: Orphanage/Brothel for Wayward Vamps. The VPOs have caught up with the story, and are now attempting to wrap up in heavy blankets and sneak out of the building to find Connie and save him. Wesley steps on a squeaky floor board and they all freeze.]

LaMorgan: Did you hear that?

(Cordy, LaMorgan and Holster walk towards the noise and catch the VPOs. After a few minutes' tussle, all of the VPOs are locked into a closet, where they whine and cry, except for Spike. He sits in the corner, lights up a smoke and starts pulling his pud.)

Wesley: What is wrong with you? How are we going to get out?

Spike: Shush! I'm thinking, I'm thinking! *twockthwockthwock*

(Outside the closet, the Evil Trio is making to leave and collect Connie, the proper missing piece to the ring in hand.)

Holster: We grab him, I repair the broken ring, and then (he shows his hand to the girls where there is an identical Claddagh ring) fuck him the ass and hold his cock with this hand. The destruction of mankind should begin shortly after.

(They leave in Holster's car in the direction of Angel Morecocks' palatial estate. Meanwhile, back in the closet...)

Spike: Uh... UH UH UH!! Right. (Lights a new smoke) Here's what we do. Percy here will climb up my body, pop through that grate in the ceiling, climb through the duct-work and wait outside for us while the rest of us-

Wesley: *grabbing his shirt front and straightening up* Sit here and wait for me to rescue you all. Fine idea!

Spike: No. The rest of us will go through the door because I nicked the key. Get up there, Jennifer.

Wesley: Yes, yes, perfect time for jokes. Not any kind of deadline or time-restraints now, are there?

(They all leave the closet, see that the Evil Trio is gone, and make their way out of the building, hoping someone on the street knows where a Mr. Angel Morecocks lives.)


[Setting: Nighttime at the temple Belgachchhiya, Shri Calcutta Tirth. A limo pulls up, Angel and Connie step out. Connie takes a few minutes to admire the tall steeple that thrusts upwards into the night sky, every inch covered in elaborate carvings, symbols of the artists Jainist faith.]

Connie: Nice (coughs) steeple. Big, huh?

Angel: (shifting and tugging on the front of his pants) Yeah. Bigger than huge. The biggest in all of India. Come on. There's someone I want you to meet.

(They begin to climb the long flight of steps into the temple. Inside they meet a demon sitting lotus-style, humming.)

Demon: Welcome. You. (Turns and faces Connie) You posses a power and strength of which you do not yet know.

Connie: Uh... hi?

Angel: This is my so- my silly little pal, Connie.

Connie: How do you do?

Demon: Not well. Usually I am at peace. But today... I feel a great disturbance. I am unsettled. I don't know what I can do to make my self feel peaceful again.

Connie: You know, that happens to me a lot. But there's a song I sing to make myself feel better. See, I know my dad will show up where I work and let me give him the best blow job of his life, and he'll want me and take me home and I'll never have to fuck a derelict again. It's something I dream about all the time. Wanna hear it?

Demon: (warily) Ooooo-kay?

(Sung to "Tomorrow")

My dad'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your BenWa butt balls
That Tomorrow
I'll get some...

Just thinkin' about
A blow job
Push inside this hobo
Tug his soft nob...
So he'll come

When I'm stuck with a gay
That's fey
And lonely
I just stick in my thumb
And hum
And say, "Oh...

My dad'll come out
Tomorrow
Put away my ass beads
‘Til tomorrow
Cum he may...

A blow job!
A blow job!
I'll give him-
A blow job!
I know that my
Dad.
Is
Gay!


(The demon smiles uncomfortably, quickly gets up and leaves. Angel tries to hide the tears in his eyes.)

Angel: Let's get you back, kid.

Connie: Are you sniffing?

Angel: I'm fine. Just.. Got something in my eye.

TBC... Right HERE
*~*~*~*


I would also like to thank whoever nominated me for "Singularity" and "12 Days of Christmas From Someone Beneath Me" in the Shades of Grey Awards! Thank you eleventy-billion times over!! Just lovely. Thank you.

Comments

( 57 comments — Leave a comment )
inlovewithnight
Apr. 28th, 2005 09:20 pm (UTC)
Lorne: I think you missed a part. Connie needs to fuck his DAD?

Wesley: (holding back the tears) Oh, it's like a fairy tale!


HA!

The evil good times never STOP in Stoney's LJ!
stoney321
Apr. 28th, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC)
"Evil good times."

I want that tattoed on my tushie.
julissak01
Apr. 28th, 2005 09:57 pm (UTC)
Cool. Let me change out of my slave-boy outfit and-

Angel: No, no... Leave that. That's good for me.


GUH. You are an ev0l, ev0l wonderfully pervy woman. Yis.

::giggles::

stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:26 am (UTC)
HEE!! Thank you for pulling that bit. I LOVE the image of Connor in that MESH UNITARD (read: slasher unitard, according to the site.)

O_o

Thanks for staying on my flist after reading this. :-D
zyrya
Apr. 28th, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC)
(Miss LaMorgan staggers to her feet, ignoring the rivulets of water running down her legs, pooling on the cheap throw rugs.)

I'm still scarred from reading dovil's latest! Not to mention another of your creepy Connie manips. Eeek! But I giggled all the way through, because this is glorious in its ... its ... I've run out of words. Glorious! And I'll be singing your words to 'Tomorrow' from now on.

('Easy street', on the other hand, I can't remember the tune to. O woe, o desolation, o mighty Stoney, won't you heed my call.)

stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:27 am (UTC)
Oh, baby, you know I'll croon into the phone for you later. I'll have to do the bump-and-roll while singing, or it won't come out right.

Oh, man, I forgot about Dovil's Pee!Spike when I posted... But... it's bathtub water on her firm, creamy white thighs. That help you any?
lynnenne
Apr. 28th, 2005 10:15 pm (UTC)
Connie has the key on his
Sleazy meat!


HAHAHAHAHAHA

Secreted away in the corner is a whimpering Winnie, who has heard the entire plan. She wonders to herself why the bad guys ALWAYS tell their plan.

Winnie is so smart!

I know that my
dad
is
gay!


*imagines final high note lasting forever*
*single perfect tear*
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:29 am (UTC)
*wipes away your single, perfect tear*

I've couldn't fall asleep last night because of "Sleazy Meat" playing ad nauseum in my head. So, it's hurting me, too. I'm suffering for my "art," people.

*snerk*
hellespont
Apr. 28th, 2005 11:56 pm (UTC)
Snickersome as always, but I clicked on the unitard link. Okay, one thing? That is not "athletic gear". Second thing? The co-ordinating item advertised beside it is something called a "slasher tank". I think they're on to us.
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:31 am (UTC)
I KNOW!!! i saw that and about died. crazydiamondsue got an earful last night with my CAPS OF OUTRAGED HILARITY.

And I was a bit disappointed that they only had them in spandex, when MESH is clearly the way to go.
ex_dovil323
Apr. 29th, 2005 01:17 am (UTC)
Wesley with a gun, this:

Spike: It isn't brains, children, it's-

Winnie: Oh, GOD, can you make him stop?

And me peeing like a vampire with the laughter of it all. I think you may be the only living soul that could make me read any form of Angel/Connor, you sick, wonderful person.

MWAH!
melbournegirl
Apr. 29th, 2005 03:00 am (UTC)
"You're cool. Love, Daddy Morecocks." Heh.

And finally, after years of hoping and praying, someone told Spike to shut it with the 'passion, blood, love' etc.
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greenstone_j
Apr. 29th, 2005 02:50 am (UTC)
Oh God, I just know I'm going to be singing "Tomorrow" now at the most inapproriate times. LMAO, and slut!Spike, I guess we all do rather paint him like that *grins happily* but I can't stop snorting about all these people so desperate to fuck Connie...
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:34 am (UTC)
Well, if it helps you any, I couldn't fall asleep last night for singing my own damned soundtrack. The gods are punishing me for this.

They all want to fuck COnnie, because have you SEEN HIM? He makes me want to be 16 and in my Economics class staring at Michael Lee again.
yin_again
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:21 am (UTC)
Hee!

::has "Tomorrow" stuck in head permanently::
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:34 am (UTC)
Ha ha!!

*points at you*

You did this. YOU!!

*is grateful*
beadattitude
Apr. 29th, 2005 06:09 am (UTC)
I hesitated on clicking on the cut, because I've had "Hard Knock Life." complete with surround-sound memory of the original cast soundtrack playing in my head for days. The only thing worse would be the oc cast of "Les Miserables." (I hate the mother's death scene song...she sings, "I'll see you when I waig,." instead of "wake." Makes me nuts.

But you know what's got me now? God help me, the plot. Lockets? Utopia? All for it.

I'm a sick, sick girl.
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 06:24 am (UTC)
YOU're sick? I'm the weird monkey writing this stuff. *punishes self*

I love that you appease me (with your, I DO NOT WANT THOSE SONGS IN MY HEAD, THANK YOU) with liking the plot. *snerk*

Oh, GOD save me from Les Miserables. A.L. Webber is the DEVIL. Seriously.
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stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 06:25 am (UTC)
Okay, did you see that they SELL SLASHER TANKS??

It's like they are making them just for me. But, they are those "weightlifter" tanks, which means our boobs will be exposed.

Oh. Riiiiight. :-D
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somecandytalkin
Apr. 29th, 2005 10:45 am (UTC)
Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Dear Stoney,
You're cool.
Love,
Daddy Morecocks

PS: Buy me some discoball underwear, please. In any color, it's red hot.
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC)
Re: Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Ha ha!1 back at you. I will BUY you that underwear.

Sue liked that part, too. That's like, the most romantic inscription ever.

I had YUMMY mex food in SNyder plaza today. Almost stopped in to your house after dropping my step-mom off. ALMOST ACCOSTED YOU.

(Zocalo, BTW, next to Kuby's. FUCKING HOT waiter and YUMMY margarita. Am happy.)
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stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 01:35 pm (UTC)
You're welcome, and thank YOU! I was so pleased. It seems someone can see I'm more than poop/dick jokes. Not much, but juuuuust enough.

:-D

*squishes you HARD*
violethamster
Apr. 29th, 2005 01:29 pm (UTC)
I think I lose a little bit of my soul every time I read this. But it's funny, and the songs are genius. Eeeeevil genius.
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 01:36 pm (UTC)
Hooray! Now I have almost enough souls collected to make my own PEOPLE.

*revels in her God-like power*

You know, it's NOT like I don't put a disclaimer up there about me being WRONG inside. you only have yourself to blame. And maybe your parents.
crayonbreakygal
Apr. 29th, 2005 04:57 pm (UTC)
It's just so wrong and bad and dirty, but hilarious. What does that say about me? I thought you were definitely going to do a penis joke when Wesley pulled out the gun. Or did you? I'm so lame.

I'll never get that last song out of my head. Why, oh, why?
stoney321
Apr. 29th, 2005 05:01 pm (UTC)
Penis joke? PENIS JOKE? I am above filthy jokes, thank you very much.

The following comment is being brought to you by the National Opposite Day Foundation

You'll NEVAH get it out of your head! muah ah ah!!
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spikendru
Apr. 30th, 2005 02:51 pm (UTC)
ROTFLMAO! But my favorite part may have been the interactive unitard thingy! But so wrong for sweet little Connie. He would look much better in this!
stoney321
Apr. 30th, 2005 03:31 pm (UTC)
YES. I want to wear that, too.

Although, to see him in this might break the laws of gravity, but please me none the less. It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again...
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viciouswishes
May. 11th, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
Angel cry = priceless.
viciouswishes
May. 11th, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
*crying. Damn, lj.
( 57 comments — Leave a comment )

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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