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And I'm here to represent it. MAN. Treading water. With weights on my feet. I feel like I have plates spinning, and I'm racing back and forth to keep them from falling. Too. Much. To Do. Well, let me re-phrase that. I want to sit in a lounger with a towel on my head, tunes in the background, a mojito in one hand and a good book in the other. So, in that respect, too much. :-D Don't cry for me, Argentina. Or New Zealand. Guatemala? You can cry for me. CRY, dammit!

If there was any wonder why my BFF is my BFF, here's why: Emily (who is three, let's not forget) wanted to send her an email. Their exchange is as follows:

From Emily:
hfh iuytrrrtthgghksjrthbrhtge v ghkegjgdghf.rtuhgetrhg.xu/.ug.rdgrlthjrtkh/ ert j5tyj orytj krefrref.lfteg ,kerj jirejcrejreijreij ;orejorit

ujniyjh yh jhn;kothbjerjdnb nbf.d,kb ,s dnjgv.semkg.se jgretheroigtjrrftbr; tegnrhb h g,dbn

My BFF's reply:
Dear "Emily",
Please don't ever clog my important work email address with this gobbledeegook ever again. And I mean it! Unless you have something constructive to say or a value-add for the university's commerce department, save it. I see you have a numeral "5" in there, too, which makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. I know you're young, but it's no excuse for writing like this. Check back with me in 10 years, and I might be able to understand your writing.

*~*~*~*
HA HA HA. Saying "fucking" to a 3 year old is AWESOME.

Emily (after recovering from her first concrit) declared today to be Love Day. She is so fucking soft. Pussy. *sigh*

Things I Love, By Stoney Stoneopolis

  • Gunn's full lips

  • Xander in a speedo, before covering up in embarassment

  • S1 Angel in a tank

  • S6 Spike digging for his lighter in Buffy's... jeans. Fuuuuuuck. Michael Lee, front door, 12th grade. Fuuuuuck.

  • Sex, rough, sweet, fast, slow, gimmie gimmie gimmie

  • Chocolate

  • SALT (OMG, I want to lick the bottom of the bag of my Kettle Chips)

  • Being still - warm by the sun - listening to birds - my cat making that funky, rusty meow at them

  • Did I mention the fullness of Gunn's lips that want me to chew them? I'm probably pumping his cock, too, and making moans in the back of my throat.

  • When Mr. Stoney gets home from a long trip (read: every fucking week)

  • MUSIC, OMG. Fantino. Owns me today. Oh, and Humpty Dance. Hee!!

  • Naked Tom Wellington. Good fucking lord.

  • The knowledge that I pre-ordered HP and the 1/2 Blood Prince and it will arrive soon

  • OMG, FUCKING STAR WARS!!


So to sum up, life = busy, busy = thinky, thinky = good, therefore, life = good. For the record, I cannot get:

BRR!
It's cold in here!
There must be some Toros in the atmosphere!
I said, oh wee oh wee oh!
Ice, ice, ice.

Out of my head. Hence the music accompaning this post. Gropes all around!

[ETA] just chopped a big, pungent onion, tears streaming down my face. Daughter and friend walk in, I fake sobbing, and turn to my daughter as she asks why I'm crying: "Because of something you DID!" Ha ha. Bonus points for making her friend (who I don't like) uncomforatble = a million. Now, WHY does my MIL think I'm a bad parent? Come on. She laughed when she saw the onion. HEEE!

Comments

( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
serenelystrange
May. 18th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
I remember watching that ep with the lighter and buffys jeans(jesus! was that really like 4 years ago!) Anyway, i was just watching and all i could think was, yummmmmmmmmy, wish he'd look for a lighter in my jeans, lol. That was when i started hating the Buffy character a little, :)
Also, how cute is your daughter? Love Day? Adorable, lol.
stoney321
May. 18th, 2005 02:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, that didn't make me *hate* Buffy, that made me want to *BE* Buffy. :-D

My daughter is SO cute!
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entrenous88
May. 18th, 2005 02:54 pm (UTC)
Downloading now! And that has to qualify as the most hilarious email exchange ever between a three year old and a person who cusses like a sailor at three year old. Really, though, I laughed until my ears hurt!

Omg, I think something is wrong with my ears...

Also, I see Emily has already found the slash key. Hee!
stoney321
May. 18th, 2005 02:57 pm (UTC)
HA HA HA HA!!! Seriously, my BFF is probably the funniest, smartest, nicest person on the planet.

I tried to tell my kid through her tears that she just needs to get tough if she's going to write, you know? And WTF is "ujniyjh yh jhn;kothbjerjdnb nbf?" Clearly there is no need for the semi-colon.

*pets your ears with cat butts - mmm, so furry!*
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marsterslady
May. 18th, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC)
Ah, it's LOVE day! No wonder the hills are alive with the sound of Star Wars light sabers in my house. It's all about the love, baby.

Gunn's lips really do nothing for me. Kind of like Angelina Jolie's. Nothing happening for me. Nope. But, that said, I respect your love for Gunn's lips. Love away.

Xander in a speedo. ::takes a moment:: There should be sonnets written about that.

::mentally rewatches the lighter in the jeans gropage:: I'll be in my bunk.
stoney321
May. 18th, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC)
Seriously. I want that lighter moment tattoed into my brain flesh.

I am *so* tempted to let the kids miss school tomorrow and take them to the midnight screening at the DLP theater tonight. AHHH! But my 7 year old and 3 year old would NOT enjoy it. But me and the boy???

HAPPY. As clams. In butter and lemon sauce.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
May. 18th, 2005 04:01 pm (UTC)
Her repeated use of J is because I'm channeling the J August Richards love through her. Mmmm. DAMN. I stayed up waaaaay too late downloading LL Cool J because I kept thinking about his lips and him licking them constantly and how he is still so hot. I had SUCH a crush on him in his parachute pants, no shirt, and Kangol cap. EEE!

Can I say how much I love that Ewan McGregor is hung like a donkey and pulls it out all the time? I LOVE HIM. I am loving the male form lately. The dude on Bend it like Beckham - not Becks, the coach, and the FUCKING hotness that is the guy on 28 Days Later (also bangs Scarlett Johansen against a barn door in "Girl With a Pearl necklace Earring" who could give JM a run for the money on sexy eyes.

No, I'm not horny and unfulfilled. Nope.

OMG!! YOU ARE COMING AND WE ARE GOING TO SEE THE GREATEST THING EVER!! I am all fluttery with excitement, I kid you not. Check out www.suntimes.com/ebert and click the link for SW: E3. HOLY SHIT!!!
somecandytalkin
May. 18th, 2005 05:23 pm (UTC)
Funny post, funny letter. I cain't wait to meet said letter writer!

And yore MIL be crazy.
stoney321
May. 19th, 2005 05:29 am (UTC)
But... you've met Emily? If you mean my BFF, she lives in Ann Arbor, and won't be coming down.

OH. crazydiamondsue is my BFLJ. You'll meet her! (And it's only because she keeps me at arms length. SOB!)
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crayonbreakygal
May. 18th, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
Nah, you're not horny. When is Mr. Stoney getting back from this trip?

Gunn's lips? There with ya. Spike without clothes for most of season six? There with ya too. Wes' blue eyes. Put that on my list. Why Mr. Whedon hires men that are just so lickable is beyond me.

Give us the lowdown on Star Wars once you see it. I think I might wait a while, let the crowds die down a little bit. Almost all my friends are going to see it tonight at the midnight showing. Kept trying to drag the pregnant lady with them (that would be me). I can't stay up that late. So it'll be me and the kiddies in a few weeks.

Nah, you're not a bad parent. An INTERESTING parent, the mom that all the kids love in high school because you're cool, but firm with them. Hehehe.
stoney321
May. 19th, 2005 05:30 am (UTC)
Mr. Stoney gets home tonight. It has been CRIMINALLY long since the last time I got some lovin'. CRIMINAL.

How *is* the little pregnant lady? Feeling good yet? I mean, expanding, but getting your energy back in the second trimester?
inlovewithnight
May. 18th, 2005 06:34 pm (UTC)
You are wacky fun, and I adore you. :)
stoney321
May. 19th, 2005 05:31 am (UTC)
*hits self on top of head with chicken*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
May. 19th, 2005 05:31 am (UTC)
Mmmm. Tom. I'm sorry, were you saying something?

Nice icon. :-D
likeadeuce
May. 18th, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC)
wait, there's NO Wesley on anything you love?

that is just wrong.

the email to Emily is so funny!
stoney321
May. 19th, 2005 05:33 am (UTC)
CARRIE. *Who* has the obsession with Wesley around here? What's wrong is that I left off Vincent Kartheiser. But lately, it's been all about the love of the black man. Mmm. JA Richards....
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ex_dovil323
May. 18th, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC)
You, you light up my life. You give me hope, to carry on.

But enough of those cheesy song lyrics. Your grrrreeat, and the therapist will just sit back and think 'Wow, I wish my mum had been that cool', when your kids are sobbing and spilling all their childhood trauma.

HA HA HA. Saying "fucking" to a 3 year old is AWESOME.

It SO is!
stoney321
May. 19th, 2005 05:35 am (UTC)
Ha ha ha~ You remind me a LOT of my BFF. Quick witted, smart, but alas - the gods did not see fit to give her a monster rack. HA!

She's working on a way for women to deliver soft, fluffy kittens for those who don't want children. When she figures it out, I'll pass the "how to" on to you, okay?
mskakaako
May. 19th, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA!!!! Your BFF rules so hard!
That's the best email response ever. I think I love her too! BWAH! I feel like sending her all of the crap that my kids write in their journals. Seriously, a lot of it is so lame. *sigh* Really like them (well, all, but one), but dayam it's boring, retarded stuff. Occasionally something cracks me up, like once, I saw this in a kid's journal...YUSdrDaYI foc my Dog. I actually have this saved on my computer because it makes me laff! FOCCING A!!!!
Also, gobbledeegook is one of my favourite words.
HA HA HA. Saying "fucking" to a 3 year old is AWESOME.
YES! Sadly, if I say it to a six year old, they'd fire my ass. :( That's the downside of teaching first graders.

Oh man, Honey Dijon is my favourite flavour of Kettle Chips. YUM! Spike digging for his lighter is pretty hot, but imagine how much hotter the scene would have been if SMG didn't wear that horrible wig.
( 38 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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