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Fic! Drabbles! You bossed me and I obeyed!

Okay, number one is for tx_cronopio who wanted to laugh, for darlingboys who wanted Yoda with anyone, and hellziggy who wanted Spike with anyone. HA HA!! All fics are Gen Fic. Clean as a whistle. After the spit valve has been washed in bleach.


1.
Away Put Your Weapon. I Mean You No Harm.

"Weapons? You will need them not."

"Don't need weapons, you git. I'm wearing one."

"That place, dark with the Force, it is."

"I never understood the backwards speech. Gets a bit old, you know."

"When 900 years YOU live, instruct me on proper speech, you can. I say not: bolllocks."

"Nine hundred? You're like, Master-old. No wonder you look like that."

Sigh "I cannot train him."

"Don't need training, you short frog. What I need is for your friend to hurry up with that report on my chip."

Jonathon pulls the mask off and frowns over to Andrew, who is plopped on the bean-bag in the corner, sipping a Yoo-Hoo with a bendy straw.

"Aw, come on. I had it down perfect!"

Andrew swallows noisily and nods, "Yeah. You were totally Empire. No Grover at all. Okay. Now do Chewie."

Spike bellows, "WARREN!"

*~*~*~


For entrenous88 who wanted Giles and Xander, no parody, and them as race car drivers. Well, this is what came out. And for cityphonelines who asked for something she could relate to. Again, Gen Fic.


2.
They Call Me Mario Andretti, 'Cause I Always Drive My Car Well

"These have to be the lamest demons ever. Isn't there a handbook or something? Aren't they supposed to adhere to some type of code? How can a demon instill fear when he's driving a Dodge Stratus? Although, it is a comfy ride. Good shocks. And they have bucket seats built for a man's ass-"

"Do you mind? I'm trying to catch these bastards and you're detailing the creature comforts of Detroit Steel."

"Heh. Creature comforts. Do you think that's where that came from?"

"Hang on!" Giles turned sharply to the right, almost catching the front bumper on a fire hydrant as he navigated the narrow turn into the alley. A Gordok demon had stolen a sacred book from the mausoleum When are we ever going to methodically go through those and pull out all of the Gems, Swords, Books, etc.? and was racing to their secret location for a ritual. And apparently, they found the leather-appointed GM vehicle a better mode of transportation than shambling quickly, yet awkwardly, through the sewers of Sunnydale.

"There! Giles, turn left."

The boy may not have been the brightest when it came to research, but he was astute when it came to chasing after demons. Which was a good thing as Giles was still getting comfortable with his new sportscar, or his "Mid-Life Crisis" as Buffy called it. Giles was still getting used to the controls and how fast the engine responded to be able to tail the demons properly.

"Giles, hang back. They've shut their lights off. Hang back. HANG BACK! Uh, in English that means to 'slow down right and proper.'"

"Amusing as always," Giles retorted as he down-shifted to second from fifth. The smell of burning clutch filled the interior of the BMW.

Xander looked at Giles with an accusing glare. "I think it would be best if you just pulled over. I'll drive, you incant. Or, you know, whatever."

The lights in front of them had gone out completely, and as dark as it was, they had apparently lost the Demon Dodge. A quick game of "firedrill" at the corner, and Xander turned the engine back on while Giles strapped in. Xander waved his hand at Giles slowly. "Your seatbelt. You will need it not."

"I daresay that I will. Now come on. We have to get to them before they start the pyre. The baby goes on immediately."

"Ewwww. Just once, I'd like to stop a Demon Bingo ring. Where they fight with Nerf footballs."

"Yes, well, dreams and hopes aside, let's try and stop this group of demons, yes? Don't be afraid to use the gas, son."

Normally Xander bristled at the word "son." It was usually preceded by, "how can such a dumbass be my" or "he's YOUR," or followed with "shape up or get the hell out of my house. And bring me a cold beer." But this was Giles. No hand being raised, no doors slamming, no real insults. He chided Xander on occasion, but there wasn't anything mean or cruel behind it. Giles was the best example for how a man should turn out that Xander had in his life. Xander joked and made silly comments because he felt relaxed with the older man. He certainly never joked with his parents. That would almost certainly get him a "how can such a dumbass be my" response.

Giles was everything his dad was not: patient, smart, considerate, thoughtful, structured. And one day he'd get Giles to smile for him like Giles smiled at Buffy.

"On your right! I can see them walking across that field! Oh, well done, Xander. Excellent navigation. I'll get my books and get started on the spell. Contact Buffy and..."

Xander felt his hands tingle. He was just going to play that compliment over for a bit, then he'd call the girls. While Giles sneaked behind a tree and set up his candles and such, Xander pulled out his cell phone and said to himself, "can SO be useful."
*~*~*~*~


More later. Uh... if you want, that is. *bosses YOU around* For those that watched ST:TNG: "LOVE ME!"

Comments

( 60 comments — Leave a comment )
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likeadeuce
Jun. 21st, 2005 09:08 am (UTC)
OK, the first one is hilarious (Trio!!!) and the second is so so sweet! Somehow I never thought of Giles being a surrogate father for Xander. Poor Xander!
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 09:46 am (UTC)
Man, I miss the Trio. Every time I read someone complain about Season 6 I want to shake them: TRIO!! So, so funny! Use of words like mitichloreins! Manga! NERDERY!

Someone (Sue? I think it was Sue) talked about how Giles is a surrpgate father for the gang on Buffy. How they ALL were lacking in fathers, and how Joss had all of his mom issues on screen, but where were the fathers?
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entrenous88
Jun. 21st, 2005 09:27 am (UTC)
The first is very funny. And speeding and rubber-burning Xander & Giles are great! It's really charming, the way Xander wants to revel in the little buzz of praise. Very nice sort of friendship, sort of parental, sort of something more mood.
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 09:48 am (UTC)
Hee!!! I know, I know, no smut. I just... it's hard for me to write smut with Xander and anyone but Cordelia. I can't help it! I loved those two together. don't me mad, mm'kay? Hee!

And lo, how I miss the Geek Trio. Their dorky laughing, the Magic Bone bits... I'm a sucker for that kind of nerd-humor.
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stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:12 am (UTC)
That is one of my all-time favorite scenes from S6.
I don't speak "loser." One of the funniest lines EVER.

HOW DID YOU? What were you doing last night? Hmmmm? Go back an entry and fill out my poll. And check out the picture of my dolly from Anne. SLASH ATTACK. Ah ha ha ha ha!
beadattitude
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:03 am (UTC)
::sighs happily::

::snorfle::about the trio. Hee!

And the Giles and Xander one was lovely.
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:12 am (UTC)
10-Q! And where were YOU last night? I gave the green flag to boss me around. Boss me!!
beadattitude
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:03 am (UTC)
Oh and....GIP
beadattitude
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:04 am (UTC)
THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!
... - stoney321 - Jun. 21st, 2005 10:13 am (UTC) - Expand
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winterlive
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:03 am (UTC)
*LOVES YOU*

More more more more more! Troika! Papa!Giles! YAY! *twirls all around* *molests you*
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:34 am (UTC)
*cries*
*considers calling police*
*remembers who molested me*
*IS TURNED ON*
... - winterlive - Jun. 21st, 2005 11:41 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:36 am (UTC)
Hee!! Someone's paying attention... Yes, I'm not a fan of the crossovers, where various media forms are aware of each other. I'll leave that to Stephen King.

Now in a parody? No problem. (for some reason)

And gotta put a Yoda moment in with Xander. Either SW or Marvel comics. "Action is his reward."
hellziggy
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:17 am (UTC)
OK, Spike/Yoda wasn't exactly what I had in mind...
:)
But it made me giggle and that is good.
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:37 am (UTC)
HEE!! I'm terrible, right? I'm having a hard time writing Spike in anything not funny (which is strange, considering he's a serial killing demon, and all) but... Well, there you have it. :-D

But you laughed!! That's good, right?
... - hellziggy - Jun. 21st, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
desoto_hia873
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:20 am (UTC)
The first one - *snort*. Love it!
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:37 am (UTC)
HEEEE!!! I'm glad.
crayonbreakygal
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:24 am (UTC)
Ah, you had me going there for a moment with the Yoda thing. I was thinkin' you finally crossed over. I loved the line about sounding like Grover. At first, I thought that Yoda did too. Does anyone remember Sesame Street, people? Grover was my favorite.

Lovely little fic about Xander and Giles. Xander always craved attention, especially from Giles. He made a great father figure for the whole gang.
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:38 am (UTC)
There's a monster at the end of this book!! (He's my favorite. SOmeone needs to make me an icon of Yoda with the line: And I'm CUTE, too, on it)

I'm glad you liked these little thingies. Thanks!!
... - hellziggy - Jun. 21st, 2005 02:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
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darlingboys
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:29 am (UTC)
Mwahahahahaha... I didn't think you'd do that one!

Dead, you killed me dead! *clutches stomach*

Thanks so much! *sporfles*
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:39 am (UTC)
HEE!! Glad you liked it!!
marlo
Jun. 21st, 2005 12:05 pm (UTC)
These are GREAT! Xander's voice, especially, is spot-on. Nice twist in the first one, too. :D
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 04:20 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad!! hooray! Phic is phun.
tx_cronopio
Jun. 21st, 2005 12:45 pm (UTC)
Hooray!!! You did make me laugh, no easy task this week. I love Spike and the trio, they rock. (As does S6, by the way) THANKS!

And the racecar was good too --- I like the parental Giles/X thing, although not nearly as much as I love the naughty Giles/X thing, but I do get nervous when those two show up together in a fic, and I'm going to stop typing now, 'K?

XOX!
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 04:21 pm (UTC)
I know, I know, I just *can't* write Giles having sex with any of the trio. Ever. There have been a few Giles/Buffy fics (like, ten years in the future?) that have been hot/well written, but... *I* can't. Eeeep!

Spike and the Trio: some of the best moments of S6.
cityphonelines
Jun. 21st, 2005 02:37 pm (UTC)
You wrote gen fic! I ♥ you! And you gave good Xander. And didn't kill him off!!

"Giles, hang back. They've shut their lights off. Hang back. HANG BACK! Uh, in English that means to 'slow down right and proper.'"
*gigglesnorfle* Dude, yes.

And the first one? Even I could relate to it in all my Star Wars virgin pop culture reference resplendence. Plus it was funny! Loved Spike in the basement in canon. Loved it more your way.
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
Crap. LJ ate my post.

*yay!
*No! No killing! He lasted 7 seasons - he's tough!
*I love the trio! Woot!
*glad it came off funny - I've been worried seeing some fics around that people are calling "hilarious" and I'm all head scratchy. (Um, not that I think THIS was hilarious. I'll shut up now.)
violethamster
Jun. 21st, 2005 02:45 pm (UTC)
Oh, I love these. The Spike and Trio one cracks me up, I'm a total sucker for nerd humor, and I always feel so sad for Xander when he looks to Giles in a fatherly role and never quite finds what he's looking for.
stoney321
Jun. 21st, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
Yay!!! Did you boss me around in my last post? Tell me what to do, woman. I need exercise. Like, seriously.

*jiggles the mental flab*
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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