Hello! If you're new around here, you'll need to read this.
1. I cuss, I try not to, but if you're sensitive to that, there's your warning.
2. I blog stream-of-conscious, generally, which means there will be typos on occasion. I ain't bovered.
3. I don't mind lurkers, random comments, etc. Feel free to chat it up with others.
4. Those Twilight/Sparkledammerung posts? They got HUGE. I no longer reply to comments there [well, sometimes I do] it's just too much to keep up with, sorry. But please enjoy, comment to others, etc.
5. I do try to reply to comments, but life (children, pets, my tush) take priority.
6. Come, go, reply, lurk, delist, I never mind.
7. I'm a former Master Gardener (I had to let my membership lapse, woe) and if you catch me at the right time, I love to help people enjoy their own gardens more. Feel free to ask questions, or for advice.
8. I've had my Spock mood theme for several years, now, and no, it's not shareable. Thanks for appreciating it, however. :)
9. Let this serve as your warning: you may need to not drink while you're reading. I am not responsible for replacing monitors or keyboards. ;)

LDS SPARKLEDAMMERUNG 2: The Sparkle Has Left Your Eyes! Now with 70% less sparkle! (Yuh huh! Yuh huh!)

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Again, allow me to set the tone right off the bat:



( When we last left our heroick, she was falling and stumbling and obsessing over a boy.... That's exactly where we find her again. )

The Secrets of the Sparkle a.k.a. TWILIGHT: STONIFIED (Image heavy)
ETA Due To Heavy Traffic This was written to amuse my buds and me. I am not claiming to be the Mormon Vampire Authority, even though let's face it: I am the leading Mormon Vampire Authority. (Nutshell: laugh, or turn back now. This was meant for joking and is filled with dirty words they can't use on TV.)

ETA #2 This was written ages ago. If you're new, I'm glad you came over, but please know that I'm not commenting/discussing/sharing testimonies over the truth/horribleness/why am I allowed out of my cage to write such hateful things about the greatest couple ever on earth (figuratively.) Sorry, this thing got huge and I was just joking with my buds. But you knock your socks off. :)

The Secrets of the Sparkle a.k.a. TWILIGHT: STONIFIED (For real this time.)

So here's the thing. I was going to be all whipping out the smart essay, pointing out all the subconscious LDS meta that SMeyers jammed in these books, showing how I thought she didn't even realize what she was borrowing (because honestly, I just don't think she's smart enough to lay it out there, you know?) But here's the thing:

THE BOOKS ARE REALLY REALLY DUMB. Like, "Strategery" dumb. (That's a Dubya quote.) So I'm giving back at the same reading-comprehension level if you will. And you will. There's so much dumb, in fact, that it will take a few posts to get it all out there. So here's the first book and change.

( I wish I had a kryptonite cross so you could keep Dracula AND Superman away! )