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*clangs cup against metal bars*

Okay, I typo'd that subject line to metal bats. Stupid unfamiliar keyboard... IT'S STUPID. The keyboard. It doesn't even know how to boil water or protect itself from rain or predators. Fucking WORM BABIES can do that much.


I'm helping my folks with their garage sale. *crickets* No one SHOULD be surprised that their Baptist neighborhood isn't interested in their Mormon Children's video-tapes. Or their back isses of the LDS magazines. *cough* Sweet folks, my parents... Not, um... Well, they're sweet. Oh, you can pick up some Butterick patterns for HOT jumpsuits from 1976 or mumus from 1975 for only TWO DOLLARS apiece. I suspect they'll sell like hocakes. Okay, I really hate this keyboard now. HOTTTTTTcakes. Although, hocakes are a big seller. Hos gotta eat, too.

Uh... stalker neighbors came by last night. And the husband, he of the EXTREMELY IMPORTANT JOB of Manager of Office Depot regaled me for THIRTY STRAIGHT MINUTES about how hard his job is during school supply season. Because some nit-wit only ordered ONE PALLET of 11x17 construction paper, I mean, can you BELIEVE??? And how they are the ONLY PLACE that sells orange, plastic three-ring binders and.... *snooooze* FUCK. YOU ARE NOT A BRAIN SURGEON!!! Getting an emergency shipment of Mead Composition notebooks is not the same as having Medi-Vac rush you a shipment of O neg when the bombs are coming down like hail. I drank a LOT last night. To numb the PAIN. And he also tried to convince me that "The Butterfly Effect" was a REALLY good movie, and the critics don't know what they are talking about. Um, I'm pretty sure they do. In that case, most especially.

Wow, I'm bitchy this morning! I think I'll spray my ankles with more OFF™ and try to push more Raggedy-Ann coloring books that have only been drawn in a LITTLE BIT for two dollars. A piece. *sigh* Bless their deluded, wishful hearts....

Send coffee. To the sad girl hiding behind shades where the Christians are picketing my folks house for being cultist. Because Joseph Smith coloring books = DVDA porn. Apparently. *sigh*


( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
Aug. 20th, 2005 08:01 am (UTC)
SERIOUSLY. Or capes that convert to a handy handbag. THAT IS IMPORTANT. As is the Bedazzler™. You'd have to look in the burned down factories in Jersey to find a good bedazzler these days.


Hee heee!!
(Deleted comment)
... - stoney321 - Aug. 20th, 2005 08:23 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 20th, 2005 08:10 am (UTC)
Be strong! Do not kill the stupid people!

Worm babies. Heh.
Aug. 20th, 2005 08:19 am (UTC)
Heeee! Some woman just got in my sweet s'mom's face for thinking she was overcharged on shirts. "Did you charge me a dollar? I thought you said they were 50 cents!" GAHHHH!!! *drinks all the coffee in the world...*
Aug. 20th, 2005 08:18 am (UTC)
*sends gallons of coffee laced with all sorts of spirits of an alcoholic nature*

I remember our last family yard sale. Hell, sometimes the flashbacks...I still don't sleep.

But hocakes? You might be on to something there!
Aug. 20th, 2005 08:21 am (UTC)
See, the syrup is baked IN the hocake! For hos on the run... BWAH!!

*tries to find something to read... Gives up.*
Yard sale books BLOW. Hence them being sold at a yard sale. :-)
... - ely_jan - Aug. 20th, 2005 08:49 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 20th, 2005 08:32 am (UTC)
Now I want hocakes for breakfast. ::pines::

I love everything about garage sales...as long as they're not mine. Have fun!!!!!

I will take the Raggedy Ann colouring book, though. ::scrounges for two bucks::
Aug. 20th, 2005 09:35 am (UTC)
I'll let you take the whole table-top of Alice in Wonderland (3/4 colored), Finding Nemo (1/3 colored), Pocahantas (untouched) and the Raggedy Ann books for 2.50. CANADIAN. (Wait - is the Canadian stronger than the US dollar? Crap.)

*serves you up extra drippy hocakes*
Aug. 20th, 2005 09:06 am (UTC)
In my religion (the one where going to Bowerman Basin for the spring migration of shore birds is an official pilgrimage) helping at garage sales is an act of penitance and earns special bonus points towards the nicely tailored heavy silk robes in heaven.

Picketed? Really? I myself am waiting for the day when PETA shows up when we're weaning and protests the terrible psychological harm we're imposing on the cows by taking their babies away.

Julia, people meed better hobbies
Aug. 20th, 2005 09:39 am (UTC)
Oh, MAN don't get me started on PETA. BLERGH. Okay, trying to help animals that ARE being abused? I applaud that. Saying my son is as important as a rat? You're retarded. Not YOU you, of course...

And they aren't LITERALLY picketing in front of my folks house... But they have. I remember being 14 when the Dallas Mormon Temple was built and getting death threats, and when we went to the dedication, people threw things at my dad's car. Lovely. Yeah, Mormons believe weird shit, but what about that chick that turned up pregnant because she had seck with god? No? Not weird? Or the sea splitting in half so some slaves could walk through? Or the woman turning into a pillar of salt? No? Huh. Religion's weird.

I HAVE NOW ESCAPED THE GARAGE SALE. Intact. And they sold quite a bit... But the skeeters were getting to me. "Love you! Gotta flee before I catch West Nile!"
... - julia_here - Aug. 20th, 2005 10:34 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 20th, 2005 10:36 am (UTC)
You are so funny. Stop being mean to your husband now. He's job is very important in my world. I'm a librarian, so I know what I'm talking about. Hey, I've been looking for that very Butterick pattern. It's serendipity, synchronicity, and karma all rolled into one.
Aug. 20th, 2005 11:09 am (UTC)
AHHHH!! HE IS NOT MY HUSBAND!! HE IS THE STALKER NEIGHBOR!! That goes on and on and on about how IMPORTANT his job is all year long, and NOW he's making it seem like the ENTIRE WORLD WILL COLLAPSE if he didn't "get on the horn" and get TWO EXTRA PALLETS of fucking construction paper in his store, ASAP. THAT. IS. RIDONKULOUS.

Oh, and he's gross and checks out my bewbies and is not attractive and bugs the shit out of me. *shudders* NOT. My husband.

I'll save that pattern for you, though. Hee!
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 20th, 2005 11:12 am (UTC)
Oh, Girrrr, I'm from dey South. I know AAAALLLLL abouts hocake. Them and grits (with real cream and cheddar) are gooooood. Fun with typos...

AND SERIOUSLY. The guy drives me NUTS. He's also the guy who (over New Years) tried to explain to my husband and I how HORRIBLE it is to have sex education in schools. Basically? He's a tool. :-D I mean, EVERYONE'S job is important in some way, but he makes it seem like he's a Pediatric Cardiologist. In a third-world country. Working pro bono. Fucking manager of an Office Depot, dude. You sell legal pads and bic sticks. JEEEEZUS.
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 20th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
heeee! I know. :-D
Aug. 20th, 2005 11:23 am (UTC)
Hos gotta eat, too.

HEE! *insists that you feed me*

Sorry about the stalker neighbor. I want to kill him just reading about him. He sounds like a whiny, self-important little man. He's Snyder neighbor!
Aug. 20th, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)
*feeds you* BWAH!

He's so irksome. And it's EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I see him. Bah. I'm thinking a nurse or teacher is more important. HE IS SNYDER!!! Ha ha ha.
Aug. 20th, 2005 12:29 pm (UTC)
OMG, can I have a Joseph Smith coloring book?

Aug. 20th, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
Now, Carrie, if you were more righteous, you could get one from your ward house. Ha ha ha!

And you could meet a nice boy, get married in the temple...
Aug. 20th, 2005 01:20 pm (UTC)
You poor, poor girl.
Aug. 20th, 2005 06:40 pm (UTC)
Life is hard for me.

Aug. 20th, 2005 06:01 pm (UTC)
Damn. Why do you guys have to socialize with the obnoxious neighbors? My obnoxious neighbor and I carefully avert our eyes when passing each other in the parking lot, and this makes me happy.

And, hee! Joseph Smith coloring books. It's a funny world.
Aug. 20th, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)
I don't MEAN to socialize with them... They knocked on the door and asked me to sew something for them, because she doesn't "do" that. And I was hopped up on allergy medicine and didn't know what I was doing! I DIDN'T KNOW!!!

J. Smith coloring books. The best page is the Joseph Smith sphinx. I wish I was making that up.
Aug. 20th, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
*digs into her pocket for $2*

What? I was born in '81; Butterick patterns for HOT jumpsuits from 1976 is 'vintage'.

And I happen to feel the Mead comp book as very important to the continuation of life. MY life. ;P
Aug. 20th, 2005 06:43 pm (UTC)
TEE HEE!! YOU WOULD, freak. GAH. This guy is good for comedy material, but sometimes? I wonder if it's worth it...

*rings up pattern on Fisher Price cash register*
Aug. 20th, 2005 11:45 pm (UTC)
What is it with people who run a yardsale like it's a Sotherby's auction? They ain't Faberge eggs, folks, they just ain't!

::brings you coffee::

::rubs your feet::

My keyboard sucks, too. We could mae it with yours and raise an army of defective keyboards and give them to ... I dunno ... who do we hate most this week?

::mates you::
Aug. 20th, 2005 11:46 pm (UTC)
We could mae it with yours

See? See! It's already begun!

::maes hocakes::
... - stoney321 - Aug. 21st, 2005 06:44 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 21st, 2005 01:34 am (UTC)
I'll give you $3.50 for the used colouring in book and half a dozen ho cakes.
Aug. 21st, 2005 06:45 am (UTC)
Make it $4 and I'll throw in the toaster cozy shaped like a turtle.

HI!!! DOVIL!! I meeees you. One month! (There abouts)
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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