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Well, if you were me, you'd wish you were YOU. In about.... 3 hours. *sigh* NO. Wrong attitude. I will plug myself into a book, I will ignore her muttering her instructions for cooking over and over and over and.... I will ignore her enabling my children to be BRATS, I will lick spoons when she isn't looking, just so I know I am fighting against her obsessive her germ-war, although covertly.

I baked a cheesecake last night (crazydiamondsue's flawless recipe, I thank you) and tomorrow I will make my own Parker house rolls, brine my own Kosher turkey, make my own cornbread stuffing and sides, because I am Southern, and I require the FOOD OF MY PEOPLE on this hallowed of occassions. Or, the day we've all decided that calories can go to hell. Mmmm. Acorn squash au gratin. Will I have that today? No. I will have steamed green beans with no seasonings. I will have stuffing from a box. And I will have powdered mashed potatoes. *lip wobble* I will be strong.

For those of you who may need the medicine that fixes everything - laughter - this evening, my celebrity parody comm a_list_celebs (and make no mistake - we've got it back to parody status for those who were scratching your heads at the... serious storylines at the old joint - is going to have another Celebrity Jeopardy. Wheee! Sean Connery! Jennifer Aniston! Gwyneth Paltrow! Ben Affleck! Vanessa Paradis! Johnny Depp! And many, many more. (and we're taking applications for new celebs, for those that like writing cracked out silliness - check the user info page for wanted celebs)

I leave you with Gus Van Sant's film of William S. Burrough's Thanksgiving Prayer. (streaming from the host's site) Funny will return this eve when it is MOST REQUIRED. And so? I flail. *flails*

(psst: how about a monkey washing a cat? hee!!)


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 24th, 2005 08:04 am (UTC)
The William Burroughs is fab.
Nov. 24th, 2005 08:54 am (UTC)
*puts extra cherries on your cheesecake*
Nov. 24th, 2005 09:34 am (UTC)
Whose cherries?!
Nov. 24th, 2005 08:16 am (UTC)
Cornbread stuffing? Splainy? Recipe?
Powdered mashed potato is food of the gods.
Virtual vodka for the mil situation.
Nov. 24th, 2005 08:54 am (UTC)
*cries over your lies about powdered mashed potatoes* REAL ones are sooo much better! I'm already washing a bunch of dishes! One more pot won't hurt!

Cornbread Stuffing: Cornbread is about as U.S. Southern as you can get. It's a yellow, sweet bread cooked in an iron pan to dip into beans, eat with ham, etc. Mildly sweet and moist. NUM. For stuffing, you mix a bunch of cooked veggies and such with it, crumble it up, stuff it in the bird (or cook it alongside, like I do - it's a debate here in the states) and it makes a good starchy side-dish. I looooooove it.

Here's my recipe:

Cornbread (I triple this recipe and cook it in a lasagne pan)
1 C flour, 3/4 C cornmeal
3 TBSP sugar, 1 TBSP baking powder, 1 tsp salt
1 egg, 2/3 C milk, 1/3 cup melted butter or salad oil

425°ree; F oven. Grease 8x8 pan. Mix all dry ingredients together, in separate bowl, whisk all wet, combine until just moist, pour and bake 25 minutes. (If making this for a regular meal, cut into squares and off you go. Makes 9 squares.)

Sauteè one diced yellow onion, three cloves of garlic -minced, 5 stalks of celery -diced, in a little butter until softened. Pour over the pan of cornbread. Crack 10 eggs over the mix. Sprinkle with a few dashes of salt and pepper. Sprinkle half a container of dried sage (30g) over the top, and mince several leaves of fresh sage. Add that, too.

Now the fun part: pour 1/4 C of broth over the top, roll up your sleeves, and start kneading this mixture to break up the cornbread, incorporating the eggs and broth. Add more broth until the mixture feels like a bread pudding. Bake at 350°ree; F oven for 40 minutes, or until no longer soupy.

To make my husband happy, I'll mix in some crumbled sausage, but normally I like just the above recipe. Mmmmm MMMMM!

*tosses back a vodka with thanks*
Nov. 24th, 2005 09:26 am (UTC)
I've tried a couple different recipes for cornbread before - I like it! GIMME that carbohydrate! - but yours looks better, and I didn't know about stuffing.
Thanks for the recipe. I'm gonna try this. Wait! ten eggs?
I'm gonna wait for a feast day and try it, and report back.
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:05 pm (UTC)
You could get away with using half of the eggs, and a bit more broth, but it won't be as fluffy. Not that big a deal, really.

I await your report, mon capitan!
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 25th, 2005 07:44 am (UTC)
HI!! I'm JUST now seeing this! Stupid LJ and it's intermittant notification!

BAH. It...was alright. She ditched the Pepperidge farm stuffing and made: Stove Top. Ahem. Oh, well. Turkey was dry, mashed potatoes turned into bricks, but she SPOKE TO ME! Like... for ten minutes! She made no eye contact while she spoke, but still. We're making progress.

And!! I was allowed to discipling my child! Without her calling the cops on me! I *knew* she was squirming in her chair, waiting to tell me to lay off the poor child. (The poor child being Emily would wanted to plop an antique bear on the table in the butter dish while we ate. I have a hard and fast rule: no toys at the table. Oh, and no ruining of antique bears. She wanted to let Em do it so there would be no "disharmony." NO. And Em knew Grandma would let her, so it became this kicking, screaming affair. !!! Emily *NEVER* throws tantrums like that!

ANd then Mr. S and I left the kids there for a sleepover, came home and--- DUDE. Good day. :-D)
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
GAH. *runs over to eat with YOOOOUUUU*

Oh, wait. I'm making my OWN feast tomorrow! hooray! Ham is of GREATNESS.
Nov. 24th, 2005 09:47 am (UTC)
Awwwww, the poor Stoney. I heart you? *stashes a pouch of seasoning in your purse*
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
*sneaks it out when no one is looking*

Nov. 24th, 2005 09:53 am (UTC)
You mention Depp. Yet I am "many, many more"?

I'm not speaking to you ever again.
Nov. 24th, 2005 10:14 am (UTC)


Are you going to PLAY, sir?? *hopes you'll behiding under the podium*

Rawr. *hugs you TIGHT as I walk out the door!*
Nov. 24th, 2005 10:23 am (UTC)
*crosses arms* Am undecided at the moment.

Is Depp going to be there?
Nov. 24th, 2005 11:22 am (UTC)
But are you going if he is, or if he isn't? O.o
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:20 pm (UTC)
I wasn't able to get out of there in time.

Damn Depp
Nov. 25th, 2005 08:11 am (UTC)
For shame, Farrell! LOOK AT THE SAD FACE! Aww. *pets*
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
YES. And you are spending an AWFUL LOT OF TIME WITH HIM, and yelling at me for my very sexy Alex mustache.

I may not rub your ankles later.
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:23 pm (UTC)
And where did YOU get that bottle of Scotch from?

It's fine. I may or may not withold soup later.
Nov. 24th, 2005 10:39 am (UTC)
Happy Thanksgiving, dahling! Tough it out, you're cooler than them. :)

Nov. 24th, 2005 07:08 pm (UTC)
I DID! I survived!!

Nov. 24th, 2005 12:36 pm (UTC)
You are so hearted. All night long, baby.

I need to be a celebrity, well not me personally, but I need to pretend to be a celebrity. Maybe I could pretend to be Monkey Washing Cat? Or maybe OJ Simpson to bring a bit of light relief? Too contentious?
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD. OJ would actually be hilarious. *pokes you* I know, I know, but I would LOVE IT IF YOU PLAYED, OMG.

*hearts you until you CHAFFE*
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 24th, 2005 07:10 pm (UTC)
She doesn't have taste buds, actually, but more over, she's a product of Redbook from the 50s. Nothing exciting, nothing new, nothing to challenge.

Tell me how the stuffing turns out! Sue gave me the idea of sauteeing the veggies first - I used to just put them in. OH, what a difference! Mmmm.
Nov. 24th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)
So very glad you survived long enough to play. Even if it was rigged. =) Enjoy your day tomorrow, and wear a black armband if you can, in honor of those of us who will be working. *SOB*
Nov. 24th, 2005 09:18 pm (UTC)
Oh, I am SOOO glad you got to play, too! I will hold a candle high and my sniper's rifle higher - aiming at customers, of course - for you.

*tosses back a few in your name*
Nov. 24th, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC)
And so you know? You have been KEELING me dead with the snark and rapist wit.

God damn, I'm glad you're playing with us. *sends up a cheer*
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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