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odd ficlet

Am still sick stop. Sick of Gatorade and tea stop. Writing in telegram form is lame full stop.

winterlive had a birthday, and a request, and I dropped the ball on posting, so I'm doing so today. Ewan/Hayden, general adult themes, shortish, Hayden's POV.

He had quit drinking, was trying to stop smoking. Sometimes he’d punish me by staying away if I lit up after a rehearsal. I didn’t have his strength, and was still young enough to think I could quit at any time. Most times he’d laugh and joke to keep a distance between us when there were others close-by. We were close, he would say, but Hayden’s just a good kid, he’d follow.

I was the inexperienced one, the one who hadn’t learned discretion. It hurt me, cut me deeply to think I was just a way for him to pass the time. His dirty little secret. But still, I never turned him away when he came to me. I didn’t know how.

Odd hours of the day, in between takes, during late night shooting sessions when George and his crew would watch the dailies over and over again - that was when he’d slip into my trailer. Always mine, never his. Mine was in the back of the lot - George wanted my trailer surrounded with trees to keep the fans and their cameras away. I didn’t care - I got to blast my music loud, walk around in my briefs, my smoke hanging from my lip, and be away from my family, my agents, everyone.

He tried to quit smoking. There were times he would come to me after I had finished a few, kissing me roughly, deeply, tasting the lingering smoke on my tongue, nuzzle behind my ear, lip the curls on my head that I always tried to slick down. Sometimes when he left he would pull my tee-shirt on and leave his behind. Once I caught him pretending to wipe his forehead on the sleeve, but I saw him breathe me in. It helped.

Sometimes we would just sit, not speaking for long stretches of time, happy to be comfortable with long silences for a change. Sometimes he would come at me with such need and ferocity I had to choke back a sob as I came. He liked me on all fours - said it made my height easier to manage. I didn’t care how he took me, just as long as he did. Hands gripping my hair, pulling it tight off my skull, pushing himself into me, his voice rising in a strangled tenor, then always, always soft kisses along my jaw, along my temple, his thumb across my lower lip.

He would hold me and soothe me and kiss me until I came down from my high and smiled, relaxed at his touch. He’d flash his famous grin, pop up on his feet, and start dressing immediately. He never stayed long - couldn’t risk it.

Some nights I woke up in a sweat, clutching the sheets, never knowing if I had called his name out loud. Some nights I lay in bed, his forgotten shirt tucked inside my pillowcase, one hand thrown over my head, eyes staring at nothing. Always I woke up alone.


That may suck. I have no idea today, which is why I'm waiting to post more PotC until my head isn't in a fog. (some of you may have missed Saturday's post, btw.)

Happy birthday to annakovsky, and while I don't believe she reads my journal, I do enjoy the hell out of her writing. Fabulous writer, she is. Also, happy birthday to the very funny and snarky grifyn, who probably doesn't want to acknowledge today, but I am always glad to read her funny posts about life, her job and UberKid. I hope today is a peaceful one, G.


( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 20th, 2006 05:57 am (UTC)
*sends you homemade chicken soup the way my grandma makes it (soverign for colds*

*cuddles you*
Feb. 20th, 2006 05:58 am (UTC)
Glah. *burrows in your arms*

Mmmm, good and salty soup.
Feb. 20th, 2006 05:59 am (UTC)
Awww, poor Hayden. I like the descriptions related to smoking and Ewan's pulling the vice out of him to savor it himself.

Hope you feel better very soon, my sweet!
Feb. 20th, 2006 06:18 am (UTC)
Here's the REAL reply. :D

Love you, glad you are well, thanks for reading. *lysols you down to keep you healthy*
Feb. 20th, 2006 06:57 am (UTC)
Get better, NOW. Or - to stop being selfish for a moment - soon. :(

(omg, but new chapter? Whee! Must have missed it. *scampers*)

Feb. 20th, 2006 07:16 am (UTC)
Miss you, too!:(

Am feeling better today than yesterday, which is good. Emailing you...

*wraps self in plastic and cuddles*
Feb. 20th, 2006 07:37 am (UTC)
Shall watch out for it.

Feb. 20th, 2006 07:40 am (UTC)
Err... have sent? Is it time to murder Symantec?
Feb. 20th, 2006 07:44 am (UTC)
arrrrr, no.
Feb. 20th, 2006 07:45 am (UTC)
Feb. 20th, 2006 08:08 am (UTC)
*smooches* Just sent reply.
Feb. 20th, 2006 07:57 am (UTC)
Boo sick.
Feb. 20th, 2006 08:22 am (UTC)

But awww to your pretty icon. You make the loveliest ones around.
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 20th, 2006 08:21 am (UTC)
Ha! Not only did I know about the cereal, but we've RP'd about it! click here. Hee!

Thanks for the thoughts on E/H. I was restless last night, and finished it up - it feels disjointed to me, but... *shrugs*

(And I've determined it's the flu - achey joints, fever, listless... Mr. S was a superstar this weekend and took care of everything so I could just flop and roll about. But he left super early this morning, so it's time for me to straighten my spine and get on with things. This week is the TAKS test - do they have that up north? The standardized testing? I friggin' hate G. Bush. More on that topic later...)
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 20th, 2006 11:23 am (UTC)
Hee!! I bought some for the kids - they picked out all the marshmallows, of course.

I didn't get a flu shot this year, because LAST year I did, and STILL got the flu. A mild version, sure, but - heh. Normally I just don't get sick. My body is WEAK! *fires self*

Third grade is Morgan's year: she's starting them tomorrow. Reading and math comprehension. 3rd year is one of the biggies. The boy's year is writing - a HUGE hurdle for us. He physically cannot spell letters with any regular legibility. We've been getting him tested for dysgraphia, something that's common for boys with ADHD - 40% of them have it. There's nothing you can do about it, either.

Since our school is a Blue Robbon school, meaning, 98% of children in the school have a high success rate, they really push excellence with the tests. That's not to say that they are teaching to the test, something I abhor, but they really want all of the kids to excel. It's been a huge source of frustration for us, as he just CANNOT write. I've been teaching him how to type, and it's so much easier for him to get his thoughts out - his papers have been coming back with higher marks.

I petitioned for him to be able to take the test on a computer, instead of a blue book and pencil. And GOT IT. WHew. Tomorrow's breakfast will be far less stressful for him, knowing he won't be fighting the physical act of drawing letters and can get to the point of it, you know?

Jeez, I'm rambly...
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 20th, 2006 08:40 am (UTC)
Not the fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Poor you. Take lots of Tylenol, my dear girl. ::pet pet pet pet::
Feb. 20th, 2006 08:50 am (UTC)
I'm actually heading out in a few to get more Tylenol... Great minds think alike. *makes you wash your hands after petting me* you'll notice I didn't make you NOT pet me, however. :)
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 20th, 2006 08:53 am (UTC)
(really? because it's okay if it sucks - my writing is weird lately.)

I want me better, too! Alka Seltzer is soooo my friend. You know what isn't? TheraFlu. Ewww. Tastes gross and didn't do a darn thing. Mr S is gone and I have to be a grownup and in charge now and I want to curl up with kitties and sleeeeeeeep. (They're all over me because I'm feverish. Mmmm, warm mommy!)

*Kathleen Turners you*
Feb. 20th, 2006 10:12 am (UTC)
*makes you soup* That was a lovely, little ficlet. Very moody, I like idea of Ewan quitting smoking but still using hayden to get his fix? You are writing a PotC fic? *goes to look back through flist* How'd I miss that? *headdesk* Needs to keep better track of the stoney.
Feb. 20th, 2006 11:17 am (UTC)
Mmmm, split pea. (Dude - you're filtering me! I've posted nothing but PotC for a week - ha! BUSTED.) <-- I keed you.

I feel weird writing these two - it's been a while since I've tried.
Feb. 20th, 2006 01:05 pm (UTC)
You still have the touch with these two. I may have to give you a little pimp for this one. I love moody little pieces. I would never filter you dahhling I love you. *smooch*
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC)

stoney, i don't know how, but you make me care so much for poor little hayden. oh. oh, hayden, sweetie, i'm sorry he won't do like he should, he's an absolute wastrel, you deserve better. oh my hart.

this is precisely wot i wanted for my birthday, my darling. asscone.
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
asscone 2 you.

hayden is broken and shy and has an inner steel and I want to make a dick joke, but that is inappropriate because he wants him so badly. Because he's Ewan fucking McGregor.
Feb. 22nd, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC)
oh stoney. *clutch*
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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