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This post is my "Catwoman."

Because they can't all be "Monster's Ball." Okay, I know four of you are laughing.

Reasons I Should Have My Own Back-hoe

  • digging is fun

  • digging without making your back flip through pre-Born Again Anne Rice novels for appropriate curses on your person is far more fun

  • I enjoy saying "back hoe" as it conjures up images of a spare whore, which I believe everyone should have

  • I would sit in it, feet on the dash, trash mag in my hand and a mojito for sippin' with the BEEP!BEEP!BEEP! noise blaring while my Right Angle Worshiping Neighbor uses his stupid leaf blower

  • sometimes I wish I was a butch dyke, and a back-ho would go a long way to making me feel like one

I have a book. I have a cool drink. I have sunshine. I had a baby last night. WAIT! I said that wrong. I had a surprise visit from one of my best friends that moved out of state with her BEE-YOU-TEE-FUL baby boy Milo (aww!) and he cooed and giggled at me and I almost stole him. Then he needed to be changed and I handed him back. (I'm joking. I love babies. Everything about them. It's TODDLERS that should go to boarding school. Why don't they do this?)

Mmmm, Texas sunshine. (also: hello new friends! Be prepared for an essay contest tomorrow. There will be prizes!)

LASTLY: We have a Tom Cruise (cruisn4alawsuit) now at a_list_celebs and Katie is rumored to pop at any time with their human child. Made from the finest sperm LA sperm banks had to offer. And you aren't following that comm because WHY? Are you ALLERGIC to funny? :D Check out the member list if you're curious who all is playing there. *wanders off whistling*


( 53 comments — Leave a comment )
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Mar. 28th, 2006 12:21 pm (UTC)
I'm gonna get to see the only baby in our family (my great-nephew Wyatt) on the 7th. He was such a good baby when he was here.

I think you should get a back ho. Max agrees that digging is fun. He has his own little digging area and goes to town. In fact he's there now enjoying the Oklahoma sun.
Mar. 28th, 2006 12:25 pm (UTC)
<-- my leetle boy. *SNIFF!*
Poor little weiner dog with only OK sun to warm him. Heh.

BABIES. I literally teared up when he grinned at me. I AM SUCH A SAP. I want all the babies. I just don't want all the KIDS.
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Mar. 28th, 2006 12:27 pm (UTC)
hahahahaha!! whatev. No.

BACK HO. OR. Because - let's face it, I'm too femme to be a dyke - it could help me lure one. Because I won't lie to you. Muscley, short-haired girls with sweet faces do something to me.
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Mar. 28th, 2006 12:26 pm (UTC)
*looks out my window* Dude, it's like rainy and nasty! You have sunshine?


I obviously live in the wrong part of the state today. *grumbles* Was gonna plant my tomatoes today but nooooooooo!, it had to rain.

Does a garden ho count?
Mar. 28th, 2006 12:28 pm (UTC)
One word: TEXAS. There's like... fifteen different climates at any given moment here.

Who you calling a ho? Heh. Gack! Get them 'maters in the ground ASAP! (can't remember: north, south, central Texas?)
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Mar. 28th, 2006 01:10 pm (UTC)
What book! What book! *is 1/4-way through "Going Postal"*
Mar. 28th, 2006 01:12 pm (UTC)
Oooh! "Bones" by Fae Myenne Ng.

Is yours good? (I'm loving mine.)

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Mar. 28th, 2006 01:31 pm (UTC)
::blinks a lot:: Um, I have some flannel shirts I could send you? For the dykeatude?

Your neighbor worships Right Triangles? What would that be, A conservative Archimedian?

"Back ho" is funny, and could also mean that you had a ho with pretty sweet back.

The one thing? Small boys and construction vehicles. Probably not best to mix.
Mar. 28th, 2006 02:03 pm (UTC)
I don't think I can pull it off, but I WILL TRY.

Right ANGLES. (hahaha to your joke, though!!) Every shrub, plant and TREE gets pruned a minimum of once a week into a rectangle.

TREES. He edges his lawn (a pair of perfect rectangles) with precision twice a week. He doesn't look like he ENJOYS this work, yet he performs these tasks without fail.

It's impressive - and exasperating. (I fuggin' HATE leaf blowers. HATE.)
Mar. 28th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)
if you click your dykey boots together and wish, your dream can come true (There's noplace like San Fran, there's noplace like San Fran, there's noplace like San Fran)....

Everyone needs a back-ho, even if it is just the spare that you spoke of...they are amazingly versatile and I have one on my wish list as well as a roto-tiller, which I also think that everyone needs like food and water...however, I am a real dyke, so that doesn't count...lol

and if you used your back-ho right you could dump shit on your Right-Angle worshipping Neighbor's lawn! THINK of the possibilities!

I have considered joining a_list_celebs but I don't know of any dykey a listers that you might need besides Ellen, and I could never be that flakey...okay, well maybe, if I had enough dope...BWAHA!
Mar. 28th, 2006 02:44 pm (UTC)
Puh. My roto-tiller is one of my most favorite things EVAH. I am a gardener, yo! Is important!

And SanFran is one of my most favorite cities on earth. In an alternate universe, I live there in a walkup on Lombard with a view.

(Ha! I thought about playing Ellen, but I am at the character limit. She NEEDS to be flakey to work in that comm, right?)
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Mar. 28th, 2006 03:20 pm (UTC)
*GASPS* so that's what happened to all the ex-boyfriends!
Mar. 28th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
yes. Yes, and I won't lie to you. But I needed to clear out my mind, my house, and my HEART, Ru.
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Mar. 28th, 2006 03:29 pm (UTC)
front end loaders are my favorite, i mean the name itself is just all wrong... front... end... how is that possible?

and this essay, is the topic assigned or can we pick our own?
Mar. 28th, 2006 03:30 pm (UTC)
HA! And as you are not technically new to me, you can choose your own topic.

(You gonna be around any tomorrow, then?)
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Mar. 28th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
I have a roto-tiller you could borrow. No? Well, um, OK. Not as impressive with the chickies.

What? Toddlers can go to boarding school? How come no one told me? Why am I the last to know?
Mar. 28th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC)
Ha! Roto-tiller I have. Big noisy truck would be fun to play with.

(Psst: I was saying there should be a toddler boarding school! Ah the bliss...)
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Mar. 28th, 2006 05:02 pm (UTC)
I'll ho your back anytime, ho. O_O
Mar. 28th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC)
Is it wrong that I made the little mouse pointer carress Faith's boob in your icon?

For five minutes?

While making humming/yummy sounds?
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Mar. 28th, 2006 05:08 pm (UTC)
Backhoes are damned useful; when the Road Work o'Doom was going on at my Mom's house, she got a trench dug across her driveway and left, at 5pm Friday; my BIL filled it in with his backhoe blade. Later, the housing construction next door channeled a bunch of water across the bull paddock, and the backhoe was used to rerout it into their (entirely inadequate) stormwater pond.

Backhoes: faster than lawsuits, and no lawyer's needed!

Julia, the best thing about farming is the wonderful toys you can justify owning

Mar. 28th, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC)
I should remind everyone at this point that I live in the suburbs, surrounded by neighbors, and our lot is just under 1/3 an acre.

Mostly I want the shiny lifty part. Heh. (don't even think I don't know my way around farm equipment with my Mormon background!)
Mar. 28th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
*waving* First you fix fandom, then you DRIVE HEAVY MACHINERY?

Mar. 28th, 2006 06:30 pm (UTC)
I fixed fandom?! AWESOME.

HI! how are you, toots?
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Mar. 28th, 2006 06:31 pm (UTC)
MARI! *squish* Oh, BABY. And his mommy is beautiful with green eyes and pale skin, and his daddy is a suave and handsome Egyptian, and LORD was that a beautiful baby.

Little fingers! Little furry head! Chomping on my finger! Awwww.
Mar. 28th, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC)
This post is my "Catwoman."
Because they can't all be "Monster's Ball." Okay, I know four of you are laughing.

*raises hand* Me!! I'm one of the four who laughed!

sometimes I wish I was a butch dyke, and a back-ho would go a long way to making me feel like one
hee!!! I often wish for a butch dyke ... which is very different than your wish!!

Mar. 28th, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! Yay for being one of the four!

(And truth be told, I like my long hair and my nicely tailored clothes too much, so I'll settle for the dykes liking me. *winks and flirts wtih them all*)

Mostly I just like being physically strong. But, I live in the South. With a primadonna for a mother. *cracks up*
Mar. 28th, 2006 08:00 pm (UTC)
I enjoy saying "back ho" as it conjures up images of a spare whore, which I believe everyone should have

I'm a sick girl. I thought you should know. I read this "Reasons I Should Have My Own Back-ho" and I thought why would L. want a whore especially one that only lays on her back.
I really need to get out more. :)
Mar. 28th, 2006 08:03 pm (UTC)
Puh. Not even gonna lie to you. My hope was for the misinterpretation. :D
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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