Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone
stoney321

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Screams in the Key of Yipes and a Poll

Before all the craziness under the cuts begins, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE INCOMPARABLE yin_again!!!! She is brilliant, a fantastic writer of fanfiction and original fiction, is heading up many tasks with WriterCon - at which she'll be rooming with me, I thank you. Yin, I heart you tons for your smarts, for your grammar nazi ways (um, expecting excellence from the whole is a GOOD thing, no one will ever convince me otherwise), for your wicked sense of humor, and for making me write Connie: The Musical. Okay, you didn't make me, but I like to give you credit for the inspiration. Unless that makes your skin crawl, in which, SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. She is too classy and elegant to ever be involved in depravity!

Yin, I smooch you, I heart you, and I cannot wait to see you in July. *huge hugs, you sweet, pretty little dog rescuer, you* You get the Super Spectacular icon today!


A Conversation with my Self

Self: Psst!
Me: Uh...
Self: Psst! *whistles*
Me: I can HEAR YOU. What?
Self: You know your mustache?
Me: Ewwww! I don't have a-
Self: No, but you have those three hairs.
Me: I hate those hairs.
Self: *nods* And they're blonde, and no one sees them but you-
Me: Everyone lies.
Self: Right. They've lied when they've said there's nothing there. They want you-
Me: ...to look foolish, I KNOW! I knew it!
Self: .....riiiiiiiight. Anyway. You know what would be FUN?
Me: A night of drinking and dancing and to be completely uninhibited? Oh, and hot guys all up on me?
Self: ...
Me: Oh. Um, no, what?
Self: Let's go buy some home wax kit thingy and get those hairs taken care of ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Me: This makes perfect sense and can in NO WAY go wrong!

*A trip to the store later...*

Self: So that one time? At Orchestra camp?
Me: OH! Microwave dinged, sorry!
Self: Directions are boring to read.
Me: *slapping on hot wax to my upper lip* Uh huh. It's like the ones that come with tampons? And you only read them if you have to go number tw-
Self: Hey.
Me: Hmm? *slapping wax on with glee - it's like painting with honey! ON MY FACE! GLEE!*
Self: hey.
Me: *giggling, looking over shoulder* whaaaaaaat?
Self: No one's here.
Me: I know! This is fun! *slap, slap, paint*
Self: You should totally do... you know. *significant look "downstairs"*
Me: OoooooOOoooh. ...you think?
Self: TOTALLY.
Me: *painting while bent over and face is being drawn into a tight ball of wax, making facial movements an impossibility* Hee hee! I mean, I shave, but this way I don't have to-
Self: ...do the deodorant thing, right. Do you think all girls know about that?
Me: *checks self in mirror for good coverage* Hmmm. I don't know. Anyway, what's it say about how long to leave this on?
Self: *shrugs* Hee hee! You look funny.
Me: *laughing - cuts off abruptly* How... how do we get this off?
Self: *checks instructions, quickly hides them behind back* N-nothing. Um, it just melts away in a few months.
Me: Oh god. What the- *grabs instructions* Hmmm. I've plucked. This can't be bad...
Self: *sneaks out*
Me: *pulls up edge of wax, rips*

OHMYGOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

*comes to after several minutes*

Me: *whimpers* I... I only pulled it off the one side of my face. I have- *checks "bikini area"* -three more tugs, OH MY GOD.
Self: This was a bad idea. What on earth made you think you should do this? I mean, you have THREE BLONDE HAIRS. AT THE CORNER OF YOUR LIP. That is NOT a mustache. Why the hell didn't you just TWEEZE THEM?
Me: I hate you so very very much.

The best part is... the kit came with "sensitive lotion" - which I figured had a "cooling" agent or something. I put too much on my hand, so I rubbed it onto my whole face. It has a NUMBING AGENT. So I was Botox-Queen for a full five minutes, laughing my butt off with a Nicole Kidman frozen face. Hahahaha! WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES??

And now for something completely different.


Think you know Hip-Hop lingo? Or.... know without reservation that you DON'T? Take my "quiz" - it'll be like hip-hop Mad-Libs. Or it'll just make me laugh really hard. :)

Poll #717943 Hip-Hop Quiz

Don't push me cuz I'm close to tha ______

cops, foo!
1(2.9%)
pigs
0(0.0%)
edge
19(55.9%)
stage
1(2.9%)
breakin' point, an Imma kill you, foo
13(38.2%)

Girl you _____ too much, girl you never ________

fuck, suck my dick
2(6.1%)
talk, shut up
19(57.6%)
spend, act fiscally responsible
4(12.1%)
bitch, fix me a pot pie
2(6.1%)
scream, get me my gat so I can buss some muthafuckin holes in some fools
6(18.2%)

______ up, ______ down

dicks, bitchez
2(6.1%)
pimps, hos
16(48.5%)
stocks, T-Bills
5(15.2%)
the sky is, green, green grass is
1(3.0%)
you look, I knock yo ass
9(27.3%)

Never trust a _____ _____ that smiles

mean girl
9(27.3%)
black panther
3(9.1%)
big butt
7(21.2%)
black cop
7(21.2%)
G carrying a muthafuckin' AK-47 cuz he gonna blow ya muthafuckin head off
7(21.2%)

Gettin' ______ with it

groovy
2(5.9%)
jiggy
29(85.3%)
down like a person
1(2.9%)
my Five-Oh cocked and loaded biotch
2(5.9%)

Drink a lot of ____ so they call me _____

Jizzum, Hizzum Schism
7(20.6%)
Red Bull, Chicken n'Wings
5(14.7%)
soda, Dr. Pepper
15(44.1%)
coffee, Ghostface Killah
5(14.7%)
danger, my body eats bullets BITCH!
2(5.9%)

Lost a few pounds in my ______ fo ya, sex me so good I say ___ ____ ____

bottom, Good show, sir!
4(12.1%)
arms, holy moly guacamole!
5(15.2%)
ass, ha ha ha
13(39.4%)
whips, blah blah blah
6(18.2%)
brain, where's my muthafuckin' tech-nine so I can kill a bitch?
5(15.2%)

You know what you suck in yo mouth?

A lozenge - very soothing.
6(18.2%)
A lollipop - work it like my dick, biotch
10(30.3%)
Deez muthafuckin' nuuuuutz.
12(36.4%)
The tip of my tech-nine bitch!
5(15.2%)

The girls, the girls they ________

love me! (He's the overweight lover, Heavy D!)
19(57.6%)
suck me! (I'm the ess, oh yes, in double oh pee, biotch.)
2(6.1%)
pay me! (I'm the pimp brangin' in ALL the G's)
9(27.3%)
fall down dead when I drive-by *POW POW* them bitchez
3(9.1%)

Informer!

Skee doodly bop de doo be do be ooow. I'll make you boom boom doooown.
11(34.4%)
there are no words to the fucking dumb song. I'll make you boom boom doooown.
6(18.8%)
Canadians shouldn't rap in glasses with Jamaican accents. I'll make you boom boom dooown.
13(40.6%)
Seriously. What were we all thinking? This sucks! I'll make you boom boom dooown.
2(6.2%)

"We want to _____ you, Easy!" I wanna _____ you too!

love, love
6(17.6%)
fuck, fuck
18(52.9%)
shoot you with theez muthafuckin' guns, shoot you with theez muthafuckin' guns
1(2.9%)
invest in front loaded mutual funds, invest in front loaded mutual funs
5(14.7%)
drink many 40 ounce alcholic beverages, drink many 40 ounce alcoholic beverages
4(11.8%)

Whooop! _________________!

You shot my dick off!
2(6.1%)
There's a sale at the mall!
3(9.1%)
My stocks split and paid out a hefty dividend!
2(6.1%)
There it is! (Louder)
26(78.8%)

Never eat a ___ because a ___ is a ____. Or better yet a _____, like _____

donut, donut, heart attack in fat, kolache, workin' Fibonacci
5(15.2%)
kid, kid, kid, teenager, a walking/talking pager
2(6.1%)
steak, steak, cow, Master Blaster, workin' a gun faster
7(21.2%)
pig, pig, cop, Terminator, Arnold Schwarztenegger
19(57.6%)

I know You're supposed to be my _____ and not just my ________

steering wheel, spare tire
12(36.4%)
main biotch, skeezer
12(36.4%)
mother, wallet
6(18.2%)
best friend, driver when I do some drive bys
3(9.1%)

Nearly broke my ______

dick off.
8(24.2%)
sacroilliac
6(18.2%)
mama's heart.
10(30.3%)
trigger finger
9(27.3%)


And I'll post the actual answers tomorrow. Some.... might surprise you. :D
Tags: funneh, poll!
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