Yin, I smooch you, I heart you, and I cannot wait to see you in July. *huge hugs, you sweet, pretty little dog rescuer, you* You get the Super Spectacular icon today!
A Conversation with my Self
Self: Psst! *whistles*
Me: I can HEAR YOU. What?
Self: You know your mustache?
Me: Ewwww! I don't have a-
Self: No, but you have those three hairs.
Me: I hate those hairs.
Self: *nods* And they're blonde, and no one sees them but you-
Me: Everyone lies.
Self: Right. They've lied when they've said there's nothing there. They want you-
Me: ...to look foolish, I KNOW! I knew it!
Self: .....riiiiiiiight. Anyway. You know what would be FUN?
Me: A night of drinking and dancing and to be completely uninhibited? Oh, and hot guys all up on me?
Me: Oh. Um, no, what?
Self: Let's go buy some home wax kit thingy and get those hairs taken care of ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Me: This makes perfect sense and can in NO WAY go wrong!
*A trip to the store later...*
Self: So that one time? At Orchestra camp?
Me: OH! Microwave dinged, sorry!
Self: Directions are boring to read.
Me: *slapping on hot wax to my upper lip* Uh huh. It's like the ones that come with tampons? And you only read them if you have to go number tw-
Me: Hmm? *slapping wax on with glee - it's like painting with honey! ON MY FACE! GLEE!*
Me: *giggling, looking over shoulder* whaaaaaaat?
Self: No one's here.
Me: I know! This is fun! *slap, slap, paint*
Self: You should totally do... you know. *significant look "downstairs"*
Me: OoooooOOoooh. ...you think?
Me: *painting while bent over and face is being drawn into a tight ball of wax, making facial movements an impossibility* Hee hee! I mean, I shave, but this way I don't have to-
Self: ...do the deodorant thing, right. Do you think all girls know about that?
Me: *checks self in mirror for good coverage* Hmmm. I don't know. Anyway, what's it say about how long to leave this on?
Self: *shrugs* Hee hee! You look funny.
Me: *laughing - cuts off abruptly* How... how do we get this off?
Self: *checks instructions, quickly hides them behind back* N-nothing. Um, it just melts away in a few months.
Me: Oh god. What the- *grabs instructions* Hmmm. I've plucked. This can't be bad...
Self: *sneaks out*
Me: *pulls up edge of wax, rips*
*comes to after several minutes*
Me: *whimpers* I... I only pulled it off the one side of my face. I have- *checks "bikini area"* -three more tugs, OH MY GOD.
Self: This was a bad idea. What on earth made you think you should do this? I mean, you have THREE BLONDE HAIRS. AT THE CORNER OF YOUR LIP. That is NOT a mustache. Why the hell didn't you just TWEEZE THEM?
Me: I hate you so very very much.
The best part is... the kit came with "sensitive lotion" - which I figured had a "cooling" agent or something. I put too much on my hand, so I rubbed it onto my whole face. It has a NUMBING AGENT. So I was Botox-Queen for a full five minutes, laughing my butt off with a Nicole Kidman frozen face. Hahahaha! WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES??
And now for something completely different.
Think you know Hip-Hop lingo? Or.... know without reservation that you DON'T? Take my "quiz" - it'll be like hip-hop Mad-Libs. Or it'll just make me laugh really hard. :)
Don't push me cuz I'm close to tha ______
Girl you _____ too much, girl you never ________
______ up, ______ down
Never trust a _____ _____ that smiles
Gettin' ______ with it
Drink a lot of ____ so they call me _____
Lost a few pounds in my ______ fo ya, sex me so good I say ___ ____ ____
You know what you suck in yo mouth?
The girls, the girls they ________
"We want to _____ you, Easy!" I wanna _____ you too!
Never eat a ___ because a ___ is a ____. Or better yet a _____, like _____
I know You're supposed to be my _____ and not just my ________
Nearly broke my ______
And I'll post the actual answers tomorrow. Some.... might surprise you. :D