Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

Happy happy birthday!

On this your special day! Happy happy birthday, that's all I'm here to say, HEY! Okay, imagine that I am standing with five other waiters I DRAAAAGED over to your table to sing that LAME ASS SONG and give you a free scoop of ice cream and you're totally embarrassed and want to kill your co-workers for doing this to you, and the waiters and I want to kill them, too. It's like I'm RIGHT THERE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY!!

Happy b-day to mpoetess and wendylouwho!

I ended up pawning off Em today and I went for a MASSAGE. Nice. I needed to dash into a body/beauty shop and just grab a tube of lotion, I knew just what I wanted, only needed the one thing and yet they INSIST ON TELLING ME ALL THE SPECIALS. And have I tried... And do I want to save... And you should see our... THIS, ladies and gentlemen, this is why I do NOT indulge in makeup and perfumes and lotions and skin stuff because I hate their SALESPEOPLE. Leave me ALONE. Sometimes I want to get in and out and not be accosted! *shudders and shakes* And dammit, I came out with the wrong thing, because I needed to escape the "just let me know if you need..." for the FIFTH TIME. ACK!

MEME! From just about everyone because I never get tagged for these things...
A) Bold the names of guys you'd definitely shag.
B) Possibly shag after a little persuasion, put in italics.
C) Leave the ones you don't know of or wouldn't want to shag alone.
D) Strike the ones you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
(I added four. WHAT?)

1. Stephen Dorff - Ewwww.
2. Wesley Snipes - Too meaty/dumb
3. Denzel Washington - Is it wrong that I want him to be dressed like Malcom X?
4. Samuel L. Jackson - not even if he wanted his muthafuckin snake in my plane HAHA
5. Hayden Christensen - I would wash his hair in a seductive manner and then YES.
6. Ian Somerhalder - He's a dirty rotten sisterfucker!
7. James Van Der Beek -Biggest skull EVER. So much eww I can barely get it across EWWW.
8. Ashton Kutcher -
9. Sean William Scott - I bet he's a two pump chump
10. The Rock - Um, no. Even though he looks like a steroid version of my ex, who was hot.
11. Brendan Fraser - I bet he cries during sex. And not in the good way.
12. Oded Fehr - Is this the guy that looks like Billy Zane?
13. John Hannah
14. Hugh Grant - Yes, but it would be a trophy lay. I don't picture him being a good sex partner.
15. Colin Firth - OH GOD YES. He has "attentive lover" written all over those long, delicate fingers.
16. Liam Neeson - Am I the only person that does NOT find him remotely attractive?
17. Daniel Day-Lewis - NO. He'd stop in the middle and compare what we were doing to shoe-making or something.
18. Leonardo DiCaprio - Hmmm. I think he'd get himself off first, and I'd have to cock punch him.
19. Billy Zane - If people quit "grooming him," maybe.
20. Harry Connick Jr - He looks like a fantastic kisser.
21. Sean Astin - Ahahahahahahahaha!! Goonies never die! I'm never going to come! Let's talk while I *sounds of my car peeling out*
22. Dominic Monaghan -I have a height requirement, and don't like his ears.
23. Karl Urban - Seriously? He's not gay?
24. Vin Diesel - EWWWWWWWWWW! I imagine he has a teeny, fat pud. Yuck yuck.
25. Paul Walker - Pretty boys are rarely good lovers.
26. Joshua Jackson - Hmmm. Pacey - no. He's probably slopey shouldered with butt acne.
27. James Marsden
28. Shawn Ashmore
29. Hugh Jackman - I'd go drink Cosmos with him and pick up OTHER guys, maybe...
30. Will Kemp - ?
31. David Wenham - Not feeling it.
32. Viggo Mortensen - I bet he's great in bed, but friggin' WEIRD about it.
33. Elijah Wood - Ahahahaha! NO. Again with the height requirement
34. Tobey Maguire - He'd be the friend I got too drunk with and ended up in bed. But I wouldn't work it, yaknowmsayin? (Although: Simmah DOWN Nah!)
35. James Franco - No. He wants to be Hayden, and not in the good way. In the "doesn't wash his hair enough" way.
36. Alfred Molina
37. Harrison Ford - Dude. HAN. Han. Indy. I'd make him do the pout and kiss my elbow thing.
38. Sean Connery - HAHAHA! But Ladiesh! I'm sho shexshy! I'll beat ya if you don't shpread yer legsh!
39. Shane West - Hmmm.
40. Stuart Townsend -
41. Richard Roxburgh - I have no idea who this is.
42. Ewan McGregor - HOLY FUCKING YES PLEASE. Use me and throw me away, even.
43. Jonathan Rhys Meyers - HAAAAAAATE him. (thanks, whiney shit that wrote him elsewhere. LOATHE.)
44. Christian Bale
45. Jared Leto - Dirty dirty and stinky looking.
46. Colin Farrell - I just... I don't think he'd be very good in bed. Lots of noise, lots of thrashing, no pay off.
47. Ben Affleck - I don't care. Yes.
48. Josh Hartnett - .
49. Bruce Willis - I can't HELP IT. He is sexy to me. Even bald. It's the smirk and the throaty whisper and the humor, but if he pulls out the harmonica, I'm outta there.
50. Billy Bob Thornton - If he's good enough to make Jolie crazy... Plus, I have this thing about laughing and enjoying sex, and I would make him do the Slingblade voice after "working on me" and say it's better than "beekits n'musterd." and I'd laugh really hard.
51. Dennis Quaid - True story - he's as NICE as you could want. Nice, nice man. But short. Foldable, even.
52. Jake Gyllenhaal - I think he would be goooooood in bed. Like, many times a night and enjoying every minute of it. Yes, please.
53. Patrick Swayze - Hahahahahahaha!! Nobody puts Stoney in Swayze's bed! *jazz hands*
54. Keanu Reeves - He bugs me SO MUCH. (I love him in our RPG tho.)
55. Gary Oldman - NO.
56. Tim Roth - He seems like the type to fuck 'em and leave 'em. Not always a bad ting but... Nah.
57. Steve Buscemi - Is anyone serious with this guy? Come on.
59. Rick Yune - ?
60. Pierce Brosnan - I would be expecting S3 BtVS Wesley and be disappointed with Pierce.
61. Robert Carlyle - Uh...
62. Jonny Lee Miller - Hmmm. Normally, a fast no because he's blonde. Meh.
63. Jude Law - Sorry, Ru. I bet he is a BLAST in the sack, and in the good way.
64. Matt Damon - too brotherly. Oh, and GAY apparently.
65. Clive Owen
66. Ryan Phillippe
67. Benicio Del Toro - You'd have to degrease the sheets! Or the wall. Or the alley. Or whatever.
68. Johnny Depp - Since he was the cute, good boyfriend in Nightmare on Elm Street, I thank you. UNGH.
69. Orlando Bloom - NO. I'd break him. And not in the good way.
70. Sean Bean - He does nothing for me. What's WRONG WITH ME?
71. Eric Bana - Triangle head
72. Brad Pitt - FUCK YES. I don't care. I don't. It's BRAD PITT.
73. George Clooney - HELLO! George from Facts of Life! The head bobble is better on a more mature Clooney, I will say that. Ungh.
74. Mark Wahlberg - He's the naked junkie in Sixth Sense! And thinning hair. Let it go, fellas.
75. Jason Stratham - uh...
76. Edward Norton - Is it wrong I like him best as a skinhead? But no. He's a bit of a pompous asshole.
77. Ben Stiller - NO. Foldable body.
78. Owen Wilson - The nose grosses me out, sorry.
79. Vince Vaughn - YES. He's so money.
80. Joaquin Phoenix - JERK.
81. Russell Crowe - Seems weird, and like he'd smell.
82. Billy Boyd - See: height requirement
83. Paul Bettany - The THIN HAIR! It's seriously an issue for me. Shave it, brotha!
84. Heath Ledger - Does nothing for me.
85. Mel Gibson - HAHAHAHAHA!! Okay, maybe if it would make him speak in tongues - that'd be funny.
86. Jason Isaacs - Not because he's Lucius. He seems very easy going and sophisticated, and that is usually a great combo in the sack.
87. Alan Rickman - Only if he was Colonel Brandon.
88. Kevin Costner -NO NO NO NO!!!!! Gross, he masturbates in public EWWW!
89. Christian Slater - Fucking HATE this grease weasel. No talent, dirty asshole.
90. Antonio Banderas - He's with MELANIE. Something's wrong with him.
91. Tom Cruise - I do NOT care. I would fuck Tom. I would. He is pretty and athletic and even though I think he's gay (or bi) He's MAVERICK. The silhouetted French kiss with Kelly McGillis!! GUH.
92. Ving Rhames
93. John Cusack - Lloyd Dobbler. YES. A thousand times yes.
94. John Malkovich - He's just a little too odd in RL, from interviews I've seen.
95. Charlie Sheen - Ewwww. 15 years ago? He'd be bolded.
96. Kiefer Sutherland - BLONDE. Short and stocky. Three strikes.
97. Emilio Estevez - Hahahaha! No. Butt-cheek taper.
98. Rob Lowe - 15 years ago? Bolded. Now? Meh. Funny, but fuckable? No.
99. Matt Dillon - I can't see him without seeing his character in "Something About Mary" with the big white teeth. Hahaha! No.
100. Kevin Bacon - NO!! He's SHAGGY. As in, Scooby? No, no, no. I think he would have a patchouli stink.
101. Adam Brody -Gah.
102. Andy Serkis - See: Buscemi.
103. Alan Cumming - Um, I am female. And I am less feminine that he is. So... I'm thinking it's not happening.
104. Josh Groban - ?
105. Sean Biggerstaff - ?
106. Zach Braff - Sex? I don't know. But I'd make out with him until my lips fell off.
107. Harry Sinclair - ?
108. Gerard Butler -
109. Marton Csokas - ?
110. Jeremy Sumpter - it'd be like banging my son's friend. EW. OH GOD EW!!
111. Sean Patrick Flanery
112. Cillian Murphy - Yes, until I found out how SHORT he is. DAMMIT.
113. Hugh Dancy
114. Ioan Gruffudd
115. Mads Mikkelsen - ?
116. Enrique Murciano
117. Jamie Bamber
118. Craig Parker (dude! The LOTR girls will bone anyone!)
119. Dean Cain - GROSS. He makes me think of Slater, but cleaned up.
120. James Marsters - Sorry! you can thank the crazy fangirls for ruining this one.
121. David Boreanaz - I- Yeah.
122. James Spader - only if he was still Steph from Pretty in Pink. GOOD GOD I loved Steph.
123. Kevin Spacey - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! "What's in the boooooooox?"
124. Al Pacino - Say hello to my leetle NO.
125. Jim Caviezel - he's JESUS. Also, no.
126. Josh Holloway Oooh, Ru! He has slopey, meaty shoulders! NO.
127. Will Smith - Mmmmm. *insert "getting jiggy wid it" joke here*
128. Matthew McConaughey - Foldable - nope. And blonde.
129. Patrick Wilson
130. Milo Ventimiglia - ?
131. Jason Dohring - I think he looks like a FANTASTIC kisser. Sex? I'd have to see. But kissing - yes.
132. Brandon Boyd
133. Tom Welling - I wonder if he's any good. Seriously. I don't have all the time, people! I need talent from the GET GO.
134. Sean Maher
135. Tré Cool
136. Billie Joe Armstrong - NO.
137. Mike Dirnt
138. Adrienne Armstrong
139. Jason White
140. Matthew Fox - Does NOTHING for me.
141. Peter Sarsgaard - Be a good friend, but sex? Nuh uh.
142. Derek Jeter - I'd be too busy singing "Derek Jeter's Taco Hole!"
143. Travis Fimmel
144. Michael Vartan - Something about his head is weird. It's a triangle with hair or something
145. Rob Thomas - NO. Hahaha!
146. James Purefoy - Is this the one that looks like Di? Or is this Edmund? NO, either way.
147. Michael Rosenbaum - Three years ago, he'd be bolded.
148. Jensen Ackles - Hahaha! He went to my rival school. NO.
149. William Fichtner
150. Ron Livingston - YES. Funny, thoughtful, dark hair... Yes, please.
151. Adrien Brody - Did you see that Halle liked kissing him?? Plus, he's played a RENT BOY and can DANCE. UNf.
152. Goran Višnjić Oh holy YES PLEASE. Oh god. I... I need a minute...
153. Alessandro Preziosi
154. Chris Pine
155. Ryan Gosling
156. Ray Winstone
157. Taye Diggs - He comes off queeny to me.
158. Gael Garcia Bernal - I don't care. YES. Oh god he's so beautiful and... Yes.
159. Jack Davenport -Are you kidding me?? I've heard the man SIMULATE sex and about chewed through the wall. ACTUAL sex? *explodes*
160. Will Ferrell - WHATEVER. Nice guys finish last. THAT, my friends, was a double entendre.
161. Jon Stewart - Sex? No. Be BFF and laugh all the time? Yes. (He's 5'4"!!)
162. Stephen Colbert - See: Stewart. Sex? No. Laugh all the time? YES.
163. Keith Olbermann - I don't know who this is...
164. Tony Leung - He seems elusive to me, but my GOD is he attractive. Few drinks in, I'd know if he'd be any good.

Add some more? SURE.

165. Vincent Kartheiser - YES. The dirty little fucker. (THANK GOD.)
166. Richard Coyle - funny, serious, floof, THUMB RINGS. Yes, please.
167. Chen Chang - (the young lover in Crouching Tiger) UNG. Cleaned up - guh. Long hair and wild-eyed? UNGH.
168. Mos Def - OH MY GOD. He is so good looking. And a little dirty. And funny. And a great actor. I would make him walk naked before me. Hahaha!

Now... I know I'd sex-up a lot more people. This doesn't seem enough. Hahahahaha!!! They'll come to me. Badumbumching!
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