Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone
stoney321

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Unsung Heroes.

HEROES.

That's what this post is about. Those brave men and women that stand for their beliefs, even in the face of danger and hormones. Those that have scruples. That tuck in their shirts. That comb their... side locks with a black comb that is then carefully rinsed and stored in its proper place - WATCH YOUR STEP, MISTER! The unsung heroes.

THIS is their song. *cue violins*


My Principal Snyder

My Snyder is short.
- but tall inside.

My Snyder follows the rules. EXPLICITLY.
- he just doesn't care what the rule is, he follows it because it is a RULE, wisenheimer.

My Snyder has two suits.
- both bought on the sale rack at Sears.
- with a coupon.
- and he glared at the sales girl until she discounted the loose thread on the lapel.
- and then made a disparaging remark under his breath about the state of her scuffed shoes.

My Snyder votes a straight Republican ticket.
- because they seem to like more rules than those wooly-headed liberals.

My Snyder has lots of rules written down at his house.
- you never know if there will be a visitor, and they might try something... funny.
- he has never had a visitor to his condo.
- which he inherited from his surly aunt.
- she liked rules.
- she was the President of the HOA there.

My Snyder admires HOAs.
- if he wasn't so busy watching the filthy teenagers at Sunnydale High all the time, he would have offered to take the minutes for the HOA meetings.

My Snyder has excellent penmanship.
- sometimes he practices writing newspaper headlines, while watching "Law & Order."
- that's his favorite show, mostly because of the title.
- he only writes one headline: "Buffy Summers Given Life Sentence in Maximum Security Prison"

My Snyder thinks of maximum security prisons every time someone says "Disneyland."
- if he ever moves on after this principal job, he thinks being a prison warden would be keen.

My Snyder would never let anyone hear him use the word "keen."
- or "cool."

My Snyder thinks he is a catch for the ladies.
- I mean, he's so tidy and orderly.
- He pays his bills on time.
- everything is in its place in the condo.
- he is a man In Charge, people. Too bad California is filled with the "wrong sort."

My Snyder thinks Utah - aside from that weird cult - sounds like a nice and orderly place to live.
- but my Snyder likes to be in charge of bad eggs. So... Sunnydale it is.

My Snyder secretly watches how the Mayor exudes casual control and takes notes in a specially designated steno-pad.
- he also practices standing with his hands in his pockets like Mayor Wilkins in the bathroom mirror.

My Snyder thinks "1984" is a handbook for discipline, and has the "Cliff Notes."
- he was also disappointed that "Crime and Punishment" was a novel. He doesn't have time to read novels, people.

My Snyder asked a girl out his senior year in high school, feeling "it was time." She rejected him soundly. In public.
- that girl had blonde hair, a sunny disposition, and resembled a certain slayer.

My Snyder would never call someone a "juvvie."
- he relishes the sound of "juvenile delinquent."
- he sometimes slowly enunciates that in his bathroom mirror.

My Snyder usually hears the whistling intro to "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly" whenever he spots a "juvenile delinquent" in his school.
- which is several times a day.
- and is it really so hard to hit the trashcan with that wadded up paper?
- or to belt your pants?
- or to walk in a straight, orderly line to Mrs. Wilson's history class?

My Snyder wishes he was allowed to carry a bull whip.
- that'd show them.
- or possibly shackles.
- branding irons.
- Iron Maidens wouldn't go amiss, either.

My Snyder would never read Harry Potter, because the children break rules, and he would write a scathing letter to one JKR.
- he would recognize that Filtch was the unsung hero of that series.

My Snyder doesn't believe in magic.
- or monsters.
- or demons.
- he just cleans up the mess after they've been killed.

My Snyder convinces himself that they're just kids on some new illegal drug.
- or they've done something to him to make him hallucinate.
- he blames Buffy.

My Snyder still hated Buffy when the Mayor - as a snake-like demon - chomped down on him, and in the last clicks of his brain, knew that somehow, somehow she was responsible for all of this and would find a way to make her p-






My Snyder was an hors d'oeuver the Mayor found a little on the sour side, and spit him out before going after Buffy.
Tags: essays, funneh, random statements, snyder
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