Standard Disclaimer: this is NOT to insult certain authors. There is no name calling here. This is about the joy of finding over-the-top prose, woeful grammatical errors, terrible euphemisms. Wanna read more? Just click the tag for the other posts.
Let's just get the most eyebrow raising one out of the way first.: "...after taking three of the dog's fingers..." I- Well. We can at least point out that dogs don't HAVE fingers.
You might consider getting a wax... "...his now flowing tears stained the man's baboon pelt." And I think a little club soda'll get those stains out.
"Running his hand through the other's front bangs" When they're "back bangs," we all call that a mullet, right? Kentucky mud flap? Alabama waterfall? Or do we classify that under "baboon pelt?" I'll give you a second on that one.
"[he] removed his foot and replaced it with his bottom" Brings a WHOLE NEW MEANING to the phrase, "It smells of foot and ass in here. Oh, sorry, Bob."
Making sure you know who's who: "[he] groaned as he felt a hand close around his dick and became very hard which didn't go unnoticed by the owner of the hand." The kicker is it was Buster's prosthetic hand. And this is an anime fic. KIDDING! Hah. That may only be funny to me. SO BE IT.
"his clawed hands making their way down to remove his pants" Surprisingly, Wolverine is not the protagonist of this tale. Nor Freddy Kruger.
"mouth frozen in the most sensual 'O' position" As opposed to the "horror O," the mildly erotic O," the "waiting for mama bird with worms O," and the "O sole mio" O. Someone's watched Office Space.
How many licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? "He was only able to get past seven licks." One, a-two-hoo! Thrrrrree. Er... Four. Five? Ssssssssix. Seeeeeevennnnn.
How perfectly in character! "Dance with me," Harry says, leaning towards Ron's body.
Part Deaux: Spike to Xander: "We're like woman. Oh god. We've turned into Willow and Tara." O_O
Words I really don't need in a PWP:
- warm and gooey
- palm-full of fluids
- deflating cock
- bottom's hole (dude, you're writing NC-17. Go ahead and call it a rosy entrance tunnel to love findingness.)
Fun without a beta! Or a read through. Or basic English lessons.
- half breads cheek
- had herd his ordor
- began to laps back into
- "shit its not working ron."harry cruse
I like the idea of an amalgam of Tom Cruise and Harry Potter. Combining the deadly world of Magic and Scientology to save people everywhere. L Ron Hubbard and Voldemort are merged into a super beast! Instead of Avada Kedavra, Voldebard (Hubdemort?) can rain down pamplets of how to get off heroin and/or the Dark Arts in only three days! And poor Hermione and Katie Holmes have raunchy femme-slashy half breads sex. Which can lead to all sort of horrible and wrong yeast infection commentary.
I LIKE IT!
[ETA] I meant to mention that some of these are from anime fics, which I've found is an excellent source for bad writing. It's like they enjoy writing them to sound like the bad English dub-overs. And that totally works for me. Oh, and there are NO PUNCTUATION MARKS. Holy run-on sentence, Batman! Confession: I like reading them and saying "ohhHHHH!" like from the Chinpokomon episode of South Park. Heh.
OH! Yesterday was the fantastic and funny and cool and hip marlo's birthday, and I was a jerk and forgot. I hope you had a great day, sweetheart!! A thousand apologies!