Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone
stoney321

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Link, and My Mayor

First, the glory that is Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert from an old The Daily Show clip, Even Steph(v)ens.
And if you want the soundtrack to Little Miss Sunshine, grab it while it's available. (Thanks again, A for sharing it with me in the first place!)

Second, because I upped my mileage today and I'm probably not going to physically be able to move from this chair for a while, here's one of those "My _____" things.


My Mayor Richard Wilkins the Third


  • Met Edna Mae at a county fair where they both tasted lemonade for the first time. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

  • It was love at first sight.

  • when they realized that having children weren't in the cards for them - and he went to several readers. They literally weren't in the cards for them - tried to change his pending immortality for a family.

  • The sorcerer kindly didn't kill him for that request.

  • And Richard sent him a fruit basket in thanks every year after.

  • told his wife that a tonic he took every morning was the reason behind his "forever young" appearance.

  • hated lying to her.

  • held her hand while she died.

  • told her she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

  • It was the last time he would let himself cry.

  • years later had the movie quote "I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me" inscribed on her tombstone.

  • agrees that the golf course is the best place to do business.

  • Except with vampires, because night golf is just hard on the eyes.

  • really admires Tiger Woods' dedication and devotion to his father.

  • But mostly it's that back swing. Gosh! Just perfect, every time.

  • really loves a parade.

  • saves lemonade for special occasions.

  • always has a meat, two veg, and a starch for dinner.

  • And a tall glass of milk.

  • sent Allan Finch to Costco bi-monthly to buy a gross of Wet-Naps.

  • says the alphabet while he washes his hands to make sure he cleans them thoroughly.

  • believes dodgeball to be the perfect game that illustrates life.

  • started watching that movie until the team came out in S&M outfits because honestly! Did they need to go there? Up until then it was good clean fun.

  • buys the sanitized versions of blockbuster movies from that outfit in Utah.

  • With the exception of his director's cut of The Godfather, because that's just good storytelling.

  • mouths "take the cannolis" along with Clemenza.

  • "tsks" every time he says it, because he knows it's grammatically incorrect.

  • And would it have hurt anyone to know how to properly pluralize a word?

  • wished people focused more on the three R's in school like they used to when he was a boy.

  • has meatloaf every Thursday with mashed potatoes, carrot dimes, and peas. And apple pie for dessert.

  • recycles.

  • loves judging the Pinewood derby every year and feels a twinge at not having a son to compete.

  • loves to unwind with some Sousa marches.

  • also plays Sousa during staff meetings to pump up his employees.

  • likes business casual - he wore a tie every day for 92 years, after all.

  • thinks Mr. Trick is fun, but wishes he'd wear a muted-colored suit every now and then.

  • appreciates the work ethic of Allan Finch, but doesn't like him very much.

  • I mean, there's loyalty, and then there's being a boot lick.

  • Which is why Snyder irritates him.

  • has never used a computer, and doesn't plan on changing that.

  • Mostly because he won't have hands soon.

  • Or people to use them.

  • thought he was going to be killed when he opened the door and saw Faith standing there.

  • she had shiny hair just like his Edna Mae.

  • marvels that this broken kid is his most trusted employee.

  • never EVER thinks of her as just an employee.

  • was positively horrified when she called him Sugar Daddy.

  • sat in his leather office chair for two hours thinking about what must have happened to her to make her not recognize the difference between that and a daddy.

  • wishes she wouldn't swear so much.

  • And would it kill her to sit up straight? Posture is the key to good health.

  • thinks Faith looks like a natural putter, but ran out of time before he was able to take her to the club.

  • knows Buffy is the better slayer, which upsets him more than he can say.

  • because above all else, Richard believes in loyalty.

  • which is why he will kill Buffy first.

  • ...or maybe let his Faithy do it. Heck, she's great at killing, the little sweetheart.

  • ...maybe he'll just knock Buffy around some. He wouldn't want Faith to not have the advantage, nosirree.

  • has penciled into his calendar for the day before his Ascension to be sure and cancel his subscription to Reader's Digest.

  • has had that subscription for over 75 years.

  • is going to miss reading "Family Circus" once he becomes a pure demon.

  • hopes slaughtering everything in sight will take the edge off of that.

  • admires Mr. Giles, but wished he was just a bit more evil so they could have been cronies.

  • didn't know about "Ripper."

  • wouldn't have liked him if he did know, because gosh darn it, Ripper had no goals.

  • And you didn't get to be over 100 years old and the politician with the longest term in history without having a few goals.

  • You kids would do well to heed that advice, even though you'll think it's "square.".

  • couldn't sleep that first night that "Angelus" took his little girl out for a night of killing.

  • not that he thought Angelus would hurt his Faith, it was the "other stuff."

  • Because kids today don't have the same respect for their bodies that Richard's generation did.

  • was bothered by Faith's lack of self-esteem.

  • Sure she talked big, but he could see his little girl's hurt buried inside, and that upset him more than he liked.

  • practically glowed any time he could get her to smile and laugh.

  • touched Faith for the first time when she was lying in that hospital bed.

  • She really did have hair just like his Edna Mae.

  • completely forgot about the Ascension as he pinched Buffy's nose shut and felt her teeth against the palm of his hand.

  • knows to have a contingency plan, so makes arrangements for Faith to get what she's always wanted.

  • It makes him sad to know what she really wants, because he thinks blondes look cheap.

  • went straight to his office to make a video for Faith, in case she woke up.

  • It took two takes.

  • The first was him staring into space.

  • tries to get a good night's sleep before his Big Day, because he believes fervently in Ben Franklin's adages.

  • ate a light breakfast the morning of Graduation, as he was obviously planning on having a large dinner.

  • spent an hour going over his note cards, making adjustments, because kids today really should know that it's "cool" to be civicly-minded.

  • spots Buffy looking right at him in her chair.

  • wants to eat her first.

  • except Snyder's there, so...

  • ...he tastes like weasel.

  • in the flash before the bombs exploded in the school library - which, did they have to destroy the whole school? That was built on taxpayer's money. Well, some shady deals, too, but mostly taxpayer's money - he had a moment of regret because he couldn't kill Buffy for his Faith.

  • but maybe he'd get to see his Edna Mae again.


Tags: faith, snyder, the mayor
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