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AN OPEN LETTER TO MY ARCH-NEMESIS

Dear Hot Wind of 20 MPH:

So we meet again. Do I have to remind you that YESTERDAY was the official first day of Autumn? But this wouldn't be the first time you didn't take other people into consideration, would it? Of course not, you selfish bastard. That whole line "'tis an ill wind that blows no good" is all about you, isn't it? ISN'T IT?!?

Look. I'm training. I need to exercise outdoors. It's been wonderful for several days now. Bet that just pissed you off, huh? So today, the day I've decided to really push it, you come back from Mexico, or wherever you've been and just amp it up a notch by bringing hot humidity alongside your 20 mph self, huh? You're probably hanging out in the jetstream having a real laugh at my ponytail wacking me in the face, because it's not like you can just pick a direction and be done with it, nooooooo. You have to blow SSW one second, then whip around with the ESE confusion. You. Bastard.

So you know what? FINE. You win. Today didn't start off great, what with the Monster Freak-out™ from the boy over his missing shoes (outside by the trampoline - did I tell him three times to bring them in last night? Yes I did.), the fleck of syrup in the eye of #2 that resulted in caterwauling not seen since the rending of cloth and subsequent covering of ashes applied in 572 BC, Cradle of Life, aka Tigris and Euphrates river basin, and the Battle Over The Last Slice of Cold Pizza for Lunch, which resulted in NO ONE GETTING IT, OH MY GOD.

So you know what would have been nice? A good foot pounding on the pavement. Tension releaser. Endorphins. May this year's hurricane season REJECT YOU. I hope you stall out over the Gulf and never pick up steam. I hope you are mocked by butterflies and pelicans for your lack of loft.

May Tumbleweeds Lie Still In Your Stead,
Stoney


Also, it's not helping that I woke up before things got to the good part of my dream last night, the one with me and Stephen Colbert cheating on our spouses together. With his slightly stubbled cheek against my neck. The one obviously inspired by my late night viewing of an old SNL clip with my most favorite host ever, Alec Baldwin. (Canteen Boy and the Scoutmaster.) GRRRRRR. I don't want to be in a bad mood! *checks dl of last night's ep of The Office* 93%, hurrah!! (Man, I could NOT HEAR the beginning!! WHY DID THEY STOP KISSING?? - Don't tell me!! I'm re-watching....)

Comments

xochitl42
Sep. 22nd, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
Not on that day last February. Snow up to da hip...

But it does mean that it evaporates in no time!

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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