Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Random info + quantum physics to prove 'ships!

First, I'm late on my training walk today because it was 36 degrees this morning! What the hell, Canada? Thanks for back-bacon and Tim Hortons, but no thanks on the chilly wind. I'm waiting for a respectable 50ish temp before hitting the outdoors. Today is a 16 miler, so I'll be scarce this mid-day. Exciting news: I've only got $129 left to raise to reach my goal by this Friday morning! If you've been putting off making a donation, act now! 100% of the money I raise goes directly into affecting a person's life! Either by paying direct medical expenses (75%) or research to come up with better treatments (25%).

In other news, I've devised a mathematical formula using physics (both quantum and other) to prove that S/A makes the world go 'round. For dovil, based on a conversation in her journal.

If weight = mass x gravity (W=mg) and is measured in Newtons, and the Earth's gravity is 10 Newtons per kilogram, and Liam weighed 14 stone when turned, then Spike stole Fig Newtons from Andrew's hoard in Season 7.

If Spike ate an entire package - out of spite, mind - then he would still only weigh half of Angel's weight, because Otter Blood weighs more than Fig Newtons by .87 Newtons. To a factor of three, because three is a magic number, and we're talking Vampires.

We've established the weights and measures of our two Masses, and honestly, we could have eyeballed it. But this is SCIENCE and we believe in precision.

  • All masses are attracted to each other by a force of lust gravity
  • the greater the mass the greater the gravity (force of attraction)
  • the closer the mass, the stronger he gravity (force of attraction)

  • Everyone wants Angel and/or Spike
  • Angel weighs more than Spike - especially in later AtS seasons, Spike is noncorporeal and is drawn to Angel because one Mass is larger than the other
  • AtS S:5 had palpable sexual tension between the two and loads of deleted groiny scenes between them and they both were in Angel's bed on occasion

We can calculate the force of attraction by a complex formula and show the work, but that would change the rating of this post to NC-17, so take my word on it being a high number. I've calculated it to 6.9 x1069 because let's face it - they're both going to want to be "serviced" at the same time.

If electromagnetic coupling of the "core" affects the wobble of the earth's axis, and ice gathering in specific locales affects the rotational spin, then we can surmise that anal sex between two vampires, one of whom was recently electrocuted by Gwen, and the core is represented by Spike's ass (we'll discuss Black Hole and White Dwarf theorems at a later time), then their "coupling" disturbs the earth rotational spin until Cold Dead Seed (CDS*) is released - thus speeding up the earth's spin by .800 milliseconds. Multiply this times a factor of 6.9 x 1069, and you have the earth's rotational spin increasing until they take their time coupling yet again. (Vampire stamina, you see. They can go and go and go and...) It is this scientist's postulation that they were attempting to disrupt the rotational ellipses enough so that we would be constantly in darkness - this is Angelus/Spike, mind.

To maintain the current spin ratio, which an ensouled Angel would want, the wobble and speed needs to be contained by a force in the atmosphere circling the earth, yet escape velocity is expressed as follows:
Vescape=11.2x103 m/s. Which means nothing to you, I know. BUT! Conditions that are required for a projectile to escape the atmosphere and stay in orbit:

  • no friction
  • it must have at least as much kinetic energy (energy that a body possesses as a result of its motion) as potential energy (energy that is captured in an object).

In other words:

  • lube - tremendous quantities, obviously
  • reach-around while thrusting, thus putting super strength (let's not forget vampires have the strength of many men) into the projectile from the second mass, ie: Spike's cock. We'll calculate the mass of Spike's cock in subsequent discussions.

This can all be summed up by the following:

If Angel uses an entire gallon of Astro-Glide, If Spike is positioned at 23.5 degrees - mimicking the tilt of the Earth's axis, If Angel can sustain an erection for a minimum of 15 minutes, If the rate of speed of Angel's left hand is equal to the speed of thrusting into Spike's "core", Then the rate of velocity of Cold Dead Seed (CDS*) will be sufficient enough to leave the earth's atmosphere, fall into orbit, and return the earth's rotation to appropriate speeds, in as much as they continue to hump and "couple at the core" at a rate of once hourly, allowing for purring and downtime in between to allow them to snark and snipe at one another.


Happy Monday, everyone!
Tags: funneh, random statements

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