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Because I can't resist a self pimp.

I'm a whore. It's best we get that out of the way, now. Done? Good. My buddy floweringjudas had a class today where a presentation by a fellow student had him referring to Alexander Pope as "The Pope." Ahahaha. My supposition:

Maybe he's a secret closet rapper (the presentation guy) and he's all into Alexander Pope's mad rhymz. So he's all "The Pope, biotch!"

The Pimp now spredz tha glitterin' Foreskin wide,
T' inclose mah JOCK; now joins it, so ride.
Ev'n then, before the fatal cootchie clos'd,
A lo down skeezer too fondly interpos'd

*throws down mic wif mad success, y'all, PEACE*

(Actual poem)

And why do I have Aleister Crowley in my address bar? In other news, fudge continues to rule my world. I just got back from the yarn store with some pumpkin wool, a pretty limey green, black, some "tweeded" navy and green, and I'm gunna crochet like a summbitch while re-watching Friday Night Lights, aka the best show you aren't watching!! Oh, how I wish someone would teach me to knit. I wanna make mittens. I can crochet well, but I want to know how to KNIIIIIIT. *clickety-clack!*

[ETA] For RANT A FUCKING GO GO. Women Aren't Funny?

So I've heard this since the first time I tried out for an improv troupe. Guy comedians DO NOT think women are funny. I've met maybe ONE that conceded that women could be funny, or be able to tell a joke. (Anyone remember Jerry Lewis making this statement a few years back? Asshole.)

But here's the thing about guy comedians, and I've known enough over the years (and my sister Beth, a stand-up comedian herself, can attest) to know that they are the angriest, most confrontational group of people out there, next to stock brokers. (There's always one or two exceptions. HOWEVER.) It's a fine line between ripping someone a new hole and then turning it around to laugh at it.

Which is what a lot of comedy is: laughing at things or ourselves. As Fran Leibowitz comments in the article, what's more male than that? But I take SERIOUS UMBRAGE at the idea that humor is a sign of intelligence and the implication being that women are "slow to get it."

FUCK. YOU. Now, I believe that most women don't have a highly developed sense of humor - they haven't needed to, or it's unbecoming to be "jokey." Does this mean women are less CAPABLE of being funny? Hell no. And every guy that gets a yuck isn't INTELLIGENT. (See: Git 'er done.)

Just because you are STUPID enough to laugh at someone tripping doesn't mean that you are biologically superior in your brain meat over a woman who doesn't laugh at that.

And I see that the guy writing the article is tripping over himself to point out how "awesome" women are, how they "own men" all over the world, (uh... don't get me started) but all the while the other side of his mouth is flapping about how men are funny and women aren't because men are better, nyah.

I wanna Billy Jean King this guy's ass so bad...

MEN DON'T LIKE FUNNY WOMEN. It's not that we don't exist. We do. MEN DON'T LIKE FUNNY WOMEN. (It bears repeating.) THEY want to be the funny one. THEY want to be the yuckster. It's a competition thing. It relaxes women. Believe me, most stand up comedians aren't attractive. But they get tail. Why? Because women like to laugh. I can get biological and explain endorphins, etc., but I'll sum up with how it loosens the caboose, in a way.

Men don't like competing with OTHER funny guys. They tear each other down, albeit while laughing, but it's not unlike dogs nipping at each other. So... who's more evolved? Women who can laugh and empathise and feel and laugh some more? Or your caveman behavior?

MEN LIKE WOMEN TO BE QUIET. Look at all the jokes men do about nagging wives/girlfriends. MEN LIKE WOMEN TO BE DOCILE. "Bring me a pot pie, bitch!"

In conclusion, fuck you, fuck the horse you rode in on, the breeder that raised your horse, the barn he sleeps in, and your doctor for not slapping you in the FACE when you were born.

Oh, and two guys walked into a bar. Which was pretty stupid, since the second guy should have ducked. Ba dum bum CHING. *slow clap with wry expression*



( 62 comments — Leave a comment )
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Dec. 6th, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Do another one!!!

Oh man, I wish I could knit/crochet, too. I love to look at yarn and stuff and every couple of years take up knitting until arms start to hurt. Then I stop. ::rolls eyes::

They keep telling me I'm too tense! But I've never liked camping! I don't even have ONE tent!
Dec. 6th, 2006 07:56 pm (UTC)
I think crocheting is as easy as pie - my UNCLE taught me how when I was about 7 or 8. Awww. I love heem. I get itchy with the need to crochet, but I'm skeert to learn the knitting because there are TWO! Two needles! Ack! plus, I need someone's hands to show me how - I apparently can't learn from a book.

And bah dum bum CHING! Heh. (And crocheting takes my tension away - something about the repetitive nature and the tuning out that does it.)
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Dec. 6th, 2006 07:49 pm (UTC)
I can crochet well, but I want to know how to KNIIIIIIT. *clickety-clack!*
Now see I come from a country where knitting is kinda like breathing. *Every* girl learns how to knit - I remember some of my classmates knitting jumpers and stuff and having folders full of patterns at the age of around 12! (Seriously? Beyond sad!)

Me? I can knit, I just don't do it very often... and never got round to finding out how to read patterns, so mostly I just make it up. Currently I'm desperately trying to get a large Christmas stocking done for the baby - I made one for each of her sisters, so of course she should have one too. Christmas just snuck up on me!
Dec. 6th, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC)
Reading patterns: that looks so complicated to me, which makes me feel ashamed. Haha. And I LOVE that where you're from everyone knows how to knit!! I bought some of the best yarn ever when I was in Europe. I felt like a kid in a candy store when I walked in to some of the shops over there!

And I hear ya on Christmas sneaking up. It's moving too fast!! *clings* I hope you post pics of the stocking, if you get it made! I'd love to see it. What a wonderful tradition you have!
Dec. 6th, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
Ooo, ooo I can knit! I actually love it! Granted, I haven't knitted in FOREVER but I can do it!

Also? Did FNL not just kill you last night? Matt and his g-ma? BEST PAIRING (ewww, not like that!) ON THE SHOW. I was SOBBING during that scene.

Lyla and her dad underneath the bleachers? (Holy hell, I'm making this show sound like high time in backwoods 'Bama) CRYING.

Hot damn, this is the greatest show.
Dec. 6th, 2006 08:00 pm (UTC)
AND SMASH AND HIS MOMMA?!? How could I forget them?!?

There is not one thing I don't love about this show. NOT ONE THING.
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Dec. 6th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
One of the things my husband loves about me is my talent for snark and wit. He SAYS SO. And it doesn't threaten his masculinity at all when I am funny and all our guests laugh at something I say. It doesn't even threaten his masculinity when I make a funny at his expense. This is because he is A REAL MAN, and not an insecure little boy who is afraid of girls and still has doubts about the whole "cooties" issue.

And he's MINE.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, HA!
Dec. 6th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC)
See, Mr. S is the same way. He knows I'm funnier than him (it's an ongoing joke in our family where he always tries to show that he got a joke off) and it's what I love about him. It's rare to find guys that LIKE funny women! (Can change "funny" with "smart" also, I've noticed.)

And you ARE funny. And the guy that wrote the article is a moron, clearly. And so is his wife. (Can you imagine?) BAH.

*high fives you*
Dec. 6th, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC)
Wait. ......wait, there was something funny in that rant, wasn't there? I could ALMOST tell. Maybe if I concentrate REEEEEEEEEEEEAL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD I'll figure it out. *squints*

Now if you'll excuse me I gotta go read the Pope's "The Dunciad." I hear it's an autobiography.
Dec. 6th, 2006 09:08 pm (UTC)

Oh, honey, don't think so hard - you'll get wrinkles and mess your pretty face.

Dude, The Pope wrote some racy stuff for a religious man. :D
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Dec. 6th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
It's like Seinfeld said about only 4% (or was it 7?) of the human populace was datable. That's true for being funny, too, imo.

OH GOD THE ALL WOMEN THAT ARE FUNNY ARE DYKES bit. Let alone the fat and/or Jewish. DYKES. They did NOT print that in a major publication!!

Yes, Madeline Kahn was all sorts of dykey, huh? Bernadette Peters, too. Carol Burnett? Fat fucking Jew right there. The SLURS this guy throws around!
Dec. 6th, 2006 09:16 pm (UTC)
I'd comment but I'm not funny enough to think of anything witty to say.

Come to think of it I believe thinking also makes my breasts smaller.
Dec. 6th, 2006 09:18 pm (UTC)
And thinking gives you wrinkles in between your eyes, so stop. Now go freshen up your makeup, for the Mister is due home and he's had a HARD. DAY.

*throws up* And if thinking = small tits, it's no wonder that guy needs a Mansierre.
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Dec. 6th, 2006 09:21 pm (UTC)
I learned to crochet by watching someone else do it; I learned fancy stitches from first principles; I can't crochet these days because of massive hand damage via farming, but I could if I had to.

I have paid people to teach me to knit; I can cast on, and then I tie the yarn, needles, and my fingers into great big fuzzy knots.

And I'm the woman the male radio sketch comics go to and ask for a page of funny modifying phrases to work into their routines, and about whom all my closest friends warn "Don't hand her a straight line, ever."

Julia, I don't actually go for the balls, but I usually end up with them anyway.
Dec. 6th, 2006 09:24 pm (UTC)
I learned fancy stitches from experimentation. All my crocheters live up north... And I think I'd have the same experience with knitting without a second set of hands that are smarter than mine.

Interesting to note the man who wrote the article asked two women that I don't find particularly funny for advice on the woman species. Nora EPHRON? When did "You've Got Mail" and "When Harry Met Sally" ever EVER be considered some of the funniest things around? He shoulda asked Lily Tomlin.

But then he'd need a surgeon for his balls and- Oh. THAT'S why. :D
Dec. 6th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC)
Ha, it's true. I really do only laugh at your jokes when I imagine that you're a man. OTHERWISE IT'S WRONG!

*runs fingers through your chest hair*
Dec. 6th, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
Oooh, can you French braid that and put some puka shells on the braids? I like how they jangle off my nipples.
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Dec. 6th, 2006 10:04 pm (UTC)
Ouch! *rubs forehead* Who put a freaking bar here!
Dec. 6th, 2006 10:07 pm (UTC)

*hands you a cold beer and gets you chips* I'm an enigma like that. :D
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 6th, 2006 11:15 pm (UTC)
lml -_- lml

(Deleted comment)
Dec. 6th, 2006 11:35 pm (UTC)
Men are funnier because they have more trauma to get over. Like nipple withdrawal. So stupeeed. And remember BJ? That was our biggest issue- I was competition. I'm funny too, Boo! And yes. Eff the horse you rode in on. Two words: Dad. NOT FUNNY. Ok- that's 3 words.

And knitting isn't hard! I even know how! I can't believe you don't know since you are a pro croshetter. Can't you look online and get instructions? Are you making me something? A scarf for my birthday? Something? I love scarves.

I still have to get your kids stuff- I'm sending everything else to Dad, k? (the not funny one) Any requests for the keedos? Smooshy the doggie for me and the cats too.
Dec. 7th, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
Right with BJ!! I mean, yeah, he was funny. BUT COME ON. He walked in to a house of hilarity, who's he tryin' to kid? We have funny in our GENES. Our jeans, too, but I shouldn't make fun of Grandmother's ass, that's not nice.

You know how to knit? Did Grandma teach you? Did you know that Barrett taught me how to crochet? That was back when he was dating Wendy Condiff, hahahaha! A scarf for your birthday? Didn't you like the flowers, ho?

Oooh, I need ideas for your kids, too! As for mine, Polly Pockets for the girls (they don't have any of the new cruise ship stuff - you can combine their gift, btw.) and for The Boy? Bionicles are ALWAYS a fave, as are any of those Lego kits where you can make a Star Wars ship, or something from Harry Potter.

SALLY LIKES SKEINS OF YARN, WHAT? She's tewtally a kitteh inside.
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Dec. 7th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC)
Most of them( ie, female comedians), though, when you come to review the situation, are hefty or dykey or Jewish,

Then again, most funny male stand-ups are Black or Jewish.

Stand-up has more to do with the mentality of the underdog than gender. After all, how many funny WASP comics can you name?

And everyone in my house is funny. So there.
Dec. 7th, 2006 03:05 am (UTC)
Hahaha, as for WASPY male comics, I can name Jim Gaffigan. And... Yeah, that's all I got.

And most male comedians are about 5'4" which is an automatic strike for me, as I'm 5' 6" and I don't like no short men. Hahaha.

*high fives you*
Dec. 7th, 2006 02:13 am (UTC)
o.O Wow, that article's full of shit. Yes, yes, we have the titties, we don't need to bring the funny. And if you knew how to work with what you're packin', you wouldn't need to, either. (Wheeeeeeee! See, sexism can be fun the other way around, too. Twatwaffle.)

I always try to think of articles like that as mortifyingly public intellectual masturbation--the sort of thing that's in line with declaring your work genius, and deriding any critics and/or criticisms/questions as hopelessly stupid (I'm lookin' at YOU, Gertrude Stein, though you're mostly forgiven on account of being awesome); the stupid becomes less burny and more "Aww, lookit the wee man flail about completely humorlessly while telling me how funny and charming he and his brethren are!" Of course women can be and ARE funny, but likely none of the ones he knows, because he's terrified of somebody being funnier or more charming than him (at this point, I'm thinking his dating pool is Paris Hilton). *growl* I'm just glad that Gabe likes the funny, because it is only through snark that we communicate.

I am envious of the crochet ability; I have the mad crochet skillz to make big long strings of things that can never be turned into anything else, since I can't ever successfully build rows. But they are the most beautiful big useless long crocheted strings ever of course. *preen*
Dec. 7th, 2006 03:09 am (UTC)
Yeah - this guy is just very much in love with his white male brethren and is one of those guys that doesn't think "chicks get it" if they're not honking farts from their arm pitts. WHATEV, AMY. :D

Oooh, you make crochet spaghetti! You should tie them ito a bundle and make Cthulhu dolls from them! :D
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Dec. 7th, 2006 03:58 am (UTC)
Anybody who thinks women aren't funny clearly hasn't been spending enough time on LJ.

You know, it's amazing how often I hear this shit. Women aren't funny. Women aren't natural business leaders. Women aren't good artists, painters or graphic designers. The greatest writers are all men. The greatest filmmakers are all men. The best musicians are men. Women can't do math or science or physics.

Yeah, ever notice how the critics who judge the albums and movies and paintings and books and humour, the "leaders" who hire the business people and scientists and engineers are ALL MEN?

Men don't get us. Not our humour, not our writing, not our way of looking at the world. They think the male view is inherently superior, because their puny brains can actually *grasp* it. If women held the majority of positions of power, and were paid to critique men on their abilities in all these areas, I think the consensus would be that men are morons and unfit to run the world. I can't WAIT for that day to happen.

Also, Behold, the conch shell of control! Now THAT's funny.
Dec. 7th, 2006 03:45 pm (UTC)
Awwwww. *loves you senseless - gives you a seeing eye dog and hearing aid - you're on your own for the other senses, however*

And you're exactly right. I emailed this to the BFF and she said pretty much the same thing. Think about how women didn't really have any significant say on SNL until Tina Fey. And that was almost 30 years into the show's history! And I love how he uses Rosanne Barr as an example of women trying to be men. No, that's a comedian trying (and failing, now at least) to be FUNNY.

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( 62 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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