June 6th, 2008

WWJD?, she'd booze use and lose

About that zombie meme...

Guys, I'm seriously worried about your chances for survival, given some of the weapon choices y'all are making. And let's face it: if you don't survive, I'll have to kill you. There's just no other way around this.

Guns are bad. You have to make a head shot EVERY TIME. That's nigh on impossible, unless you're sniper-trained. You aren't, are you? You need something can can separate a head from the body. Machete, samurai sword, or my preferred weapon, the tree limb lopper. It gives you all important distance, you see. Up to 25 feet in most cases. Distance = YOU KEEP LIVING, BRAINS INTACT.

MUSIC: if you use a rock song, you might luck out and have a montage happen, which would reduce an eight-hour siege into five minutes. *taps temple* THINK PEOPLE. Classic music = someone important dying. Is that what you want, you sick puppy?? You trying to off the leader of your crew? Might I suggest "Kill 'Em All" by Metallica? It's a) inspirational and b) rockin'. (B, I liked your choice of "Welcome to the Jungle.)

I guess my upbringing in a cult has just better prepared me for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Do you even know how to start a fire without matches three different ways? Do you have a 50 gallon drum of wheat in your basement? I'm not saying I do because I won't be able to feed you all in the End of Days.

Maybe instead of working, or spending quality time with your pets or writing "fanfiction" you could spend a little quality time planning YOUR SURVIVAL. GOD.

...and now I go back to breaking ground for a stone walkway. (Zombies can't climb stairs, BOOYAH.)