July 14th, 2008

I have many leather bound books

Hahahaha. BAHLEETED.

By which I mean the guy that created the "Mormons Exposed" calendar, who was just excommunicated from the LDS church. This means he is bahleeted from Eternal Mormon Heaven. Which... do you want to spend an eternity canning fruit and drinking Mormon Champagne? (Ginger ale and apple juice) What this means is that I want to strike while the iron is hot, even though something isn't finished. Translation: I want to start posting my Mormon Missionary story based on two of the guys from that calendar, Brandon and Austin, even though I've not finished the last two chapters. That's bad, though, huh? Hmmm. (The calendar's website is currently down, incidentally.)

In other news, I will never ever EVER tell a personal trainer that I think I'm "pretty fit." I had my first session yesterday morning (Jess? I had a new guy due to that last experience - he's AWESOME) and I'm still feeling it. Which is good. (Weird thing about me: I love to hurt from physical activity. It means I did something, if that makes sense.) I was laughing at myself about halfway through because of how much my quads have atrophied due to knee injuries/surgery. I've not been able to do leg extensions or squats in over seven years due to injuries, etc. He had me up on a bosu ball doing squats. HAHAHA. Um, yeah. That ball bounced like Michael Jordan was dribbling it. My upper body was pretty strong, he said, so I didn't have to be completely humiliated, so.

Remember in grade school (for US kids) when they had you do the arm hang to see how strong you were? And most of the kids' arms bounced around until they inevitably dropped back to the ground? That's what my legs were doing. I was SO GLAD that I had told my trainer how I'm really getting fit again, and I just want to "tighten and tone." Riiiiiiiight. Um, and get strong, apparently. (In my defense, my brute strength muscles are strong - it's my stabilizer muscles that need training. Um, yeah. Let's stick with that. Today is a pure cardio and swim day, no weights.

And maybe a trip to Sonic for a shake. <-- so dedicated!!! (OH! Yesterday was a birthday that I missed, and I feel terrible about it: floweringjudas, I'm so sorry you had such a crappy birthday. I would have taken you out for a meal and laughed at our goofy families with you. :( Why is everyone having bad summer birthdays? This does not bode well for mine in a few weeks... *does some happy mojo*)
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OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!

And I thought moving to the suburbs would mean LESS drama

Okay. So... a year? Two years ago I made a post about a neighbor and her husband that were on that sex therapy show on Showtime. Like... Here's how we do such and such, here's night-vision of us in bed, help us be better! Because if *I* went on a reality TV show, that's the one I'd pick. In the way that means OH HELL NO. I mean, I watched (natch. Don't act like you wouldn't) and it made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE. They were basically having sex on camera. Their PARENTS could have seen that!! *feels shame for them*

*note for those playing the home game, they lived next door to my former friend who freaked out, cheated on her husband, dated that lawyer that was skeezy with tasseled loafers and a Grimace body and offered me 'shrooms the first time we met. Classy.

So. It turns out that crazy wife of the sex show fame also freaked out, started selling my friend (the cheater) DRUGS (like, IN THE HOUSE. WITH THE KIDS ON A PLAYDATE RIGHT THERE!!!), tried to buy 100 THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of merchandise at Nordstroms on a credit card (dude. That's a lot of freaking shoes. I'm just saying. I don't think I could find $100K worth of clothing/sundries in a department store), and then when her card was declined, TOOK IT ANYWAY, had the police chase her home, and then she was thrown in jail while her husband was on a business trip. She got cheater friend to bail her out, freaked out on her husband when he got home, called the police on a "domestic abuse" charge, and she is now cooling her heels in a psychiatric hospital in Colorado, and they are officially divorced.

?!?!?!

Why yes I did run into the husband at the gym, why do you ask? He's all beefy (gross) and 'roided out, but he's a nice guy.

Whoever thought that moving the the 'burbs meant a slow-paced life, there's your rebuttal.