In other news, I needed some gloves for working out, so I ran to Ross (dress for less!) the other day and scored a pair for FORTY-NINE CENTS. And they were nice fleece ones! I grabbed the other pair they had, too. \o/ I also picked up a new ball cap in a lovely lavender, girly shade. Which leads me to this:
Dear Titleist Hat,
We've been together a long, long time. Since the days Penn State hat fell apart on me, in fact. You're white, and not that color matters, because it doesn't! It doesn't. But because you're white, you made my head appear larger. Which, given that I have a Chihuahua head on a bull dog's body, it helped. Plus, you matched all of my exercise togs. You have a snap closure in the back, which makes wearing a ball cap and a ponytail a thing of EASE. I shaped your bill into a perfect letter C, and you've made me feel sporty, which I've adored. Because I'm kind of not.
I've loved that all of this about you, to the point where... You're falling apart.
Okay, so you've been falling apart for a while. I've refused to see it. The little tears here, the hanging threads... All I saw when I put you on was the pristine beauty that fit my skull perfectly. And as I mentioned, teeny wee-head, so that was the most important thing. And you didn't even come from the children's department like all the others! Remember the 3 Day? How you stayed on my head in blasting winds? Or what about all those times gardening, when you kept my nose from freckling? Ha ha, we've had some good times. And let's not even go into all the bad hair days you've spared me. *frowny chick smile*
Because of your golf association, I got hit on by a lot of older men, which skeeved me out. But I know you would have chosen the super hot guy at the UPS store to hit on me, if you could have. I appreciate that. You kept sweat from my face in the summer, and maintained the heat in my body in the winter. You covered up that weird zit once - srsly, thx - and yesterday, when I burned my forehead with my curling iron, you didn't laugh. You just covered up the mark and made me believe people would think it was a hickey. I needed that. (And honestly, who burns their forehead with a curling iron now a days? Sheesh.)
But, it's time to let you go. New Purple Adidas is flashier. More youthful. Her brim and cap actually connect all the way around, and she has no gross sweat stains. It's cruel, I know, but you should know the truth. I am totally trading you in for a younger model. If it helps... she puckers a bit over my ears, and you never did. Not once. *bites knuckle* I'll never forget you. Until I actually do, because you're a freaking ball cap.
[insert picture when camera phone decides to cooperate, zomg *Cartman "kehm ehhn" noises*]
All my love, except for what now belongs to Purple Adidas, and the love that always stays with Milagro Tequila, and... minus the portion that resides in the pantry waiting for me to open the new jar of chipotle salsa and eat loads of chips,
*sings "I'm All Out Of Love"*
My dergie Sally has black toe knuckles. And one black toenail. The others are white. She keeps giving me her feet so I can verify, is what I'm thinking. My coffee mug got a scoop of Swiss Miss hot cocoa mix and THEN coffee. Clearly, today is a day for newness and innovation. And in conclusion, happy 8th, honey. <3