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Good morning!! *adjusts donut cushion* Oooh, laws. Sitting on a horse for three days is not conducive to sitting in a chair at my desk. Or in an airplane. Or a car for almost three hours on the way to and from the airport. Oh, but did I have a lovely time...

165 miles from the airport to my friend's ranch. At least I had a fun, zippy car from the rental counter. That... didn't play the burned CDs I made. SOMEHOW I managed to survive without music. (It's a very pretty drive.)

Things I Recommend:

  • Having a friend that you love as much as is possible
  • Not speeding 10 miles outside of Tallahassee - HORNET'S NEST of troopers (I obeyed the law, btw)
  • Rolling down the windows on a sunny day when you're driving through a pine forest
  • The catfish platter on Highway 20 and 1585. Shoo-weee, seriously the best catfish I've ever had. (Don't forget the cocktail sauce!!)
  • Sitting outside with a book
  • Laying that book down and lying back on the grass to watch hawks circle overhead
  • Laughing when you realize they are turkey vultures and they think you're dead
  • Laughing harder when your friend lays down next to you and plays dead after twitching in fake death throes, hoping to lure the birds closer
  • Rubbing a horse's nose
  • Bracing yourself against the cross-ties when Doc has an itchy nose, because he'll just rub against you as hard as you can, and it hurts to fall down. Hahaha.
  • Sitting under a clear, starry night with your best friend and her sarcastic and lovely husband around a huge bonfire
  • Going stock still when a deer and her fawn creep out of the woods and walk past you, unafraid
  • Checking the filter of a pool for baby turtles - then holding them in your hand for a few minutes before turning them loose in the forest (the tiniest little turtle I've ever seen!! Literally the size of a nickel.)
  • The St. Marks Wildlife Refuge - bring a camera.
  • Laughing so hard you snort cocktail sauce up your sinus
  • The native plant nursery in north Tallahassee - it was a bit of a hike for them, but I was so envious to not be able to buy stuff for myself, and so happy to be able to put in some beds at their place

Things I Don't Recommend:

  • snorting cocktail sauce up your nose - yes, it was funny, the joke, but OUCH.
  • Riding on the back of a horse for three days with no saddle and no leg-stretching breaks (actually, I totally recommend doing this. Just... be prepared for a sore tushie, yipes)
  • Getting only two hours of sleep before a big day of travel (yes, Laura, you were excited. But going to bed at 2am when you have to get up at 4am was ridonkulous)
  • Having to fly into a city over 150 miles away and getting a rental car. And having to drive for over two and a half hours each way when you only got 2 hours of sleep
  • Any Clear Channel radio station. I mean honestly. They are all crap.
  • Living several states away from your best friend in the whole world. :(

Man, did I have a great time. Mapped out some gardens for their new place, admired their lovely new home and secluded ranch, laughed until my sides ached, and just had a great time. Huge lodgepole pine forests (with mixed deciduous trees) everywhere, so every road seems like it's in the middle of nowhere. Every turn-off from every road seems like it goes deep into the woods, which can be weird when you see some of the homes (oh my god, the chick with three teeth in a rundown double-wide with LITERALLY SCORES of telephone numbers and names written on her LEGS with a SHARPIE. I... We're still boggling over that one.)

I bought some Tupelo honey and Mayhaw jelly from some old man with a pickup truck and umbrella on the side of the road, and holy SMOKES is that honey good. He was a sweet old country bumpkin in beat-up overalls and a big grin. Then, when we got back to their place and I opened my bag, I saw there were all sorts of Pentecostal inserts he "gifted" me with. Aw, thanks for witnessing to me! Aaaaaaaaand here those go straight into the recycle bin. But the honey is good.

TONS of alligators on the side of the road. It was warming up, so they were coming out of hibernation and sunning themselves in the drainage ditches. O_O We had to skirt a few areas when we took the horses out to make sure we didn't come across them unawares. Ooooh, note on the new horse, Caroline. Good LORD is she a beauty. And so full of it, she can NOT stand still! Always prancing and dancing, and Doc is completely in love with her (awww!!) Chrissy had to take Caroline out on her own to wear her out a bit before we could take Doc (he's arthritic and doesn't need to try and keep up with her) and he would go crazy without her: bugling and crying out when he couldn't see her. And he's such a gentleman: when we'd walk them along the roadside on the way to the Nat'l Forest paths, he'd muscle his way to the roadside to block her from any "danger" on the roads. Heee!

I had fun riding him. It's been a long time since I'd gone bareback, and it was gratifying to know that it's like riding a bike: your muscles don't forget how to sit comfortably and hold on. (And man. If you want to work out your butt and thighs, ride a horse.) Doc has HUGE withers (the part where a saddle horn would be? The base of their neck by the "shoulder blades") so I rode him like a jockey for a large portion. (Oh my god, I am so tired, I can barely sit in this chair, and I'm not joking. but it's a good hurt, Clem.) And by that I mean I sat on him like this with my knees resting on his withers.

Can you tell I love horseback riding? I want a horse so badly... One day. Oh, and we laughed every time we used the word "bareback" because I'm a dirty, dirty girl. And her husband didn't get the joke, because he's an innocent. Hahahaha. Best moment of freaking him out (and let me tell you: it is HARD to get that man to stutter. The most sarcastic human on this EARTH. <3) was when we got him to read the fic I've been working on (incest - gah, I know.) and he got flushed and said, "is it wrong that I have a boner? It's wrong. What is WRONG with you two?" and then he went to clear brush outside and work through his confusion, heeeeeeee! Some editing notes I got from her on this story: "flesh out this three-way. What's the motivation behind it?" Oh, man. Ha.

Non-horse and BFF related topics: I leave you with some quotes from the book I was reading, "You Are Worthless." (It's an Onion Press book. As in the fake newspaper?)

  • A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.
  • When you laugh at work, you're really crying. Think about it.
  • The special skills you possess that help you perform your job could easily be taught to a zoo-monkey.
  • There are certain tried-and-true techniques you can use to take control of your life, get the job you want, get the pay you deserve, and have a very satisfying, successful career. You will never learn those techniques.
  • Dogs are like big, dumb buddies who never leave. They're like Lenny from Of Mice And Men, only with deadly fangs and no bowel control.

Hooooooo. Still. Laughing.



( 39 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 5th, 2007 03:28 pm (UTC)

So glad you had a lovely time, my dear. It sounds like an amazing weekend and BFFs are love. *hugs*

When you laugh at work, you're really crying. Think about it.

I just need to point out that this made me laugh...at work.
Mar. 5th, 2007 03:32 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHA, oh the IRONY. *hands you a tissue* I've ordered my own copy of that book just now. I was laughing at every page.

Mar. 5th, 2007 03:36 pm (UTC)

I'm glad to hear you had such a good time.

I love those bits from The Onion book. Also, your icon? Had me rolling.
Mar. 5th, 2007 04:26 pm (UTC)
I had a great time, thanks!!! *squishes you* And seriously: I cannot begin to express how freaking hilarious that book is. I had to order myself a copy as soon as I got home. :D

I love that icon, too! I found it on an icon hunt, so it's shareable. I put the maker's name in [], if you decide to take it!
Mar. 5th, 2007 03:57 pm (UTC)
Yeah! It sounds like you had a wonderful time with your BFF.
Girlfriends rock hard.
So do you.
Mar. 5th, 2007 04:27 pm (UTC)
I did!! She's such a great human being, SHEESH!! *loves her so hard*

How are YOU doing? Are you starting to go slowly crazy from the impending move? I'm channeling extra energy and serenity your way... *squishes and LOVES*
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Mar. 5th, 2007 04:31 pm (UTC)
Awesome vacation. There is nothing better than chilling with a good friend in the outdoors. Although I prefer more alcohol and less vultures. :)

When you laugh at work, you're really crying. Think about it.

Oh I AM thinking about it. And laughing. At work.

(I hear you may be getting a Lee visit soon. Let's talk the fine art of restraining orders before then, k?)
Mar. 5th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. themidseye make the best icon, right?! Hee!

And seriously: what was I thinking extending her an invite? She's going to a) try and steal Mr. S and get him in a threeway with Hugh Grant, right? and b) stay for two weeks and have stinky feet.


Hahahahahaha - she should stuff you in her suitcase and bring you along!! (You're totally crying at work. It's okay. It's because you'll never, ever be as good as some of your co-workers, and you're skating on thin ice as it is. Let's be honest with ourselves: you don't deserve a raise.)
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Mar. 5th, 2007 04:32 pm (UTC)
I was all excited on my way in to work this morning because I could smell this flower I adore that has the scent of sugared lemons. I've never been able to figure out what it is, but I associate it with sunshine and spring and summer and it's sooo lovely to smell at the tail-end of winter. But this was an even bigger burst of sunshine, so thank you.

Though I now miss my BFF like crazy. ::Am said and yearny::

And, Dude, I am SO gakking that icon.

Mar. 5th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
*holds you* Man, it's HARD not having them within gripping distance, huh?

Oooh, that smell for me is clover after a hard rain. That smell is so wonderful and happy making. And now I'm wanting to know what flower you're talking about so I can HAVE IT!! *wants all the flowers in the word ever*
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Mar. 5th, 2007 04:39 pm (UTC)
Sooooo glad you had such a great time! And omg, your icon has me HOWLING with laughter.
Mar. 5th, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC)
I had a GREAT time!! Lynne, why don't I have horses?!?! Oh my god, there are some seriously skurry folks in them thar woods, but there were also some LOVELY people out in the wilderness.

Like... some of the red-necks out there like to blow up their trash. !!!! WTF?
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Mar. 5th, 2007 04:40 pm (UTC)
is it wrong that I have a boner?
Guh. I'm dying to read this. DYING.

This whole vacation sounds FANTASTIC! Except for the horseback riding. Too much work. I could go for some bareback, tho.
Mar. 5th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
*barebacks you* OH MY GOD, DON'T KILL ME ESSENE, SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT. What with her short skirt and that come hither look in her eye?!

Oh, L, horsies are so lovely, though!! And if you have a saddle, it's not a lot of work. You just sit there! Especially if you can wrangle a ride on a Tennessee Walker - that's like a Barcolounger with legs. :D

*edits furiously to get that fic ready for you*
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 5th, 2007 05:08 pm (UTC)
I wish you could do that, too!!! Sorry Mississippi and Alabama! YOU EXIST NO MORE. *g*

Bareback isn't for the faint of heart. Or... for a rowdy horse, that's for sure. Doc is as gentle as they come, so I'm comfortable on him, but I'd never consider riding Caroline bareback. She can spook at loud, sharp noises. Easy to keep your seat when you have stirrups, othewise, you'd slide off the back and be in danger of being stepped on. YIKES.

I would seriously ride every day if I had my own horse. They're such sweet, funny animals. Doc is more like a large, overgrown puppy than anything else. :D

*adds ice pack to my chair* Hahahaha.
Mar. 5th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, your icon is perfect, because I hear stories about rural areas and think, awww, that sounds pretty, and then start thinking about crazy people who live in the woods. O_o
Mar. 5th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
JESS. There are CRAZY PEOPLE in those woods, srlsy. Remember me telling you about that girl with the phone numbers on her legs??? The people that border the edge of Chrissy's property have parties where they drink and shoot things. Then dump their trash on my friend's property. NICE.

(They gather the trash up and drop the bags back over the fence, hahaha.)
Mar. 5th, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
It sounds like you had a superdouperscrumdumptious time. It's always great to reconnect with a BFF.

Although it was mean of you to corrupt her poor husband with incest fic. That poor man, an innocent no longer.
Mar. 5th, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC)
I had a GREAT time. I hate that we go months without seeing each other...

And YEAH, RIGHT. He was soooooooo innocent, mmm hmmm. :D
Mar. 5th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
Yay, fun! Ain't nothin' like a BFF, man. <3!
Mar. 5th, 2007 11:42 pm (UTC)
That's the TROOF!! Oh, fun. How I'd missed you. :D
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Mar. 5th, 2007 11:42 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA, laughing at work is really crying.

Man, I miss being around horses with regularity! I mean, sure, it's been almost 10 years, but WAAAH. I love their furry little faces. My boy is allergic to horse dander, which breaks his heart. Thank goodness for Claritin!

Mar. 5th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
What a wonderful weekend!! Whoo-hoo! (Also, BFF's husband? *hearts him*)

Do I need to go ahead and send you my rider, the list of everything I require when I come visit you? Because you might need these next couple of weeks to hunt everything down. I'm just sayin'.
Mar. 5th, 2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
BFF's husband is one of my most favorite people ever. He's HILARIOUS.

Oooh, please send me that rider. I'm assuming you need an all white room with all white flowers for unwinding, a sawhorse with vibrator mounted, and cheese-in-a-can and pumperknickel toast points? And rotten milk.

GOT IT. ;)
Mar. 6th, 2007 01:20 am (UTC)
Actually, when I laugh at work, I am laughing. Sometimes I sing, but I try to minimize that in deference to my co-workers. 99% of my non-wife meaningful adult interaction is a work. Unfortunately there is too much damn work at work, puts a dent in my socializing.
Mar. 6th, 2007 03:36 am (UTC)
*pokes you* It's a satire, the book. I think you and Anne would laugh yourselves sick if you had a copy. ;)

One of the funnier lines in the Religion section:

Suggested prayers: Dear God, I understand that if I fail to believe in you, I'll burn in hell for all eternity. Thanks for being such a good sport about it.

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Mar. 10th, 2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
Sounds like an awesome time. I used to horseback ride, back in New Hampshire when I was wee. But not anymore. Though I did make Mr. Daroga go with me on a trail ride one Valentine's Day. He'd never been before.

Glad you had a good time!
( 39 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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