- a moldy mascot costume
- a hole cut over the genitals of that costume
- someone else in a similar get-up
- Sheena Easton on the HiFi (I'm throwing that in there for free)
- a cheap plushy won from a local carnival, worn out from your sweaty night-time needs
- to get it up, have one off, bust a nut, pop the wad, release the hounds, flog the frog, choke the chicken, jerk the gherkin, split the log, tap the eel, clean the gutters, dip your wick, hide the salami, trim the hedges, yiff the kitten, plug the taco... YOU ARE BAD INSIDE AND I MAKE FACES AT YOU. I am making a face right now of "EWWWW"ness and it is because you are NOT normal. You are not okay. Bad. BAD WERIDO!
And now I'm imagining some sweaty, pimply sad sack with four hours left until he has to get back to the server farms to update the new Cisco routers, standing in a room with two other people clearly not interested in him while he's wearing a Pepe Le Pew costume with a field hockey net over his dong, holding a hamster-shaped buzzing vibrator and a tube of lube while whining, "If y'all aren't going to focus, we might as well not even do this. COME ON, PEOPLE. I can't get off without all the steps performed!"
Also... were we all aware of HorseFucker being "married" to a SHETLAND PONY??? As someone on F_W said, NOW we're dealing with beastiality AND pedophilia! NO. No no no. STOP. IT.
If you are contemplating a WATER BED so you can SCREW YOUR HORSE FACE TO FACE and factoring in the weight your FLOOR BOARDS can withstand, you have gone too far, sir. TOO FAR, I say! Okay, you went too far at the whole "his wife? A horse" bit. NOW YOU ARE JUST TOYING WITH US.
Finally, I really REALLY liked the pilot episode to The Riches, with Minnie Driver (good hell, she's gotten thin!) and Eddie Izzard, although I can't place what sort of accent he's doing, aside from Newscaster American. No matter, the show is FASCINATING. Like, the gypsy version of The Sopranos. I'm hooked.