- You keep scowling all the time and your face will freeze like tha- Oh. Too late!
- Fuck you.
- I'm not sure what you're trying to prove, but it's not working. Now let someone help you with the baby, for god's sake.
- No, I'm no longer Mormon, and do you think your sniggering in another room about my upbringing will hurt me? It just makes you look like an ass. Oh, and hey. Mormons may be crazy, but at least they've been raised to be FRIENDLY and HELPFUL towards others. Ass.
- Speaking of looking like an ass, your "I've embraced Rockabilly and I think I'm badass" new attitude falls in this same category. Because seriously: you're not.
- I mean, you weigh MAYBE 140 lbs. soaking wet, and you're over 6 feet tall. And you wear glasses. And I could take you, and I'm a suburban house frau with a blonde flip. (okay, and really - I'm waaaaay tougher than I look.)
- No, you are not a better writer than me.
- No, really. You're not.
- And just because I write fic online doesn't mean I'm an idiot, and I cannot BELIEVE you have the nerve to tell my husband that it did. What it means is that I'm practicing all the time and learning what works and what doesn't.
- The tortured artist bullshit you've adopted doesn't fly with me, mostly because I grew up in the house of a tortured artist. And you're all assholes.
- I'm glad that you're writing for your school's paper. That's cute. I also went online and saw all the nasty comments your articles get. So....
- SAYING you're going to write the novel that changes the literary landscape and WRITING the novel that changes the literary landscape are two different things. One is for assholes.
- No, seriously. WHAT are you trying to prove with that baby? It's okay to admit you don't know what you're doing. Let your mother or I help, for the BABY'S sake.
- It's also okay if your child stands in a chair, provided an adult is supervising. No, really.
- I laughed my ass off when I overheard you say to your parents how LENIENT I am. Jesus, you really are uptight, because I'm a bitch and strict.
- I get that you want your kids to have safety and health as priorities. REALLY. I do. But for god's sake, a sliver of Angel food cake for a 2 year old isn't like giving them a SODA.
- Although I will give you that it pissed me off your mother threw a birthday party for your 2 year old and your bitch of a wife wasn't there. That pissed me off when she did it to me, too.
- So I'll give you that. And that your two boys are beautiful, which is surprising coming from the pair of you.
- You were such a cool kid. Then you went to college and thought you were some tough intellect with a penchant for lml hard core life. YOU ARE EPISCOPALIAN. FROM NASA. I'll show you a hard life, jerk wad.
- Straighten up, give me back my maternity clothes your wife mocked - to my FACE - and took, and grow the fuck up.
Love, your once loving sister-in-law.
GAH. That was my Friday night. I'm seriously DISGUSTED with who he has become. He was really the neatest kid, I was so happy to have him as a brother. Then he became HORRIBLE. And his poor little baby (four months) had an ear infection AND conjunctivitis (which apparently was the reason we may or may not have been invited over - would the baby still be contagious?) and you could see how miserable the child was, and dad was all stressed and angry and stomping around the house with him, trying to keep him away from everyone, meanwhile, there were two mothers waiting to take the burden off his shoulders and soothe the baby (and seriously, gimmie the babies. I love them. I don't mind the fussing, the crying, the spitting up, the diapers... I. LOVE. BABIES.) But he wouldn't have any of it, so I quit offering, and finally got the kids and my husband together to leave.
Then I went to my friend Alison's and drank a bunch. NIIIICE.
Oooh, that felt good to dump. Now to see if I can make some donuts for them cheerins.