Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Thus sayeth thuh Lord, for I am too tired to sayeth it myself

I have given leave to my child Stoney, for she is without strength in her body, yea in her limbs.  She has touched the Spirit and it has weakened her, even unto consuming of the Coke-a-Cola and unto the chips of tortilla, and they have been fried to a delicious crispness and sprinkled as with salt.

She has been about doing The Work.  And The Work is of a tiring nature for it involves speaking to the flock, and the multitudes.  And they are weak minded, even unto being called Simpletons.  For they do consume many pork products, which thus sayeth God are unclean.  Especially when they are wrapped in corn bread and fried and placed on sticks and left out to come to room temperature, which my son Leviticus didst speak unto you about earlier.  And when they are consumed with over-priced colas and served with popcorn, woe unto those that are carrying an extra 100 pounds.  For they will sweat.

And on this yesterday didst our prophet Stoney speak unto the multitudes.  And she spake at the Convention Center which is downtown, and was filled with the Devil.  And the Devil was disguised as Snake Oil salesmen who told the people that they had products to make their lives easier.  And mesh covers for gutters, and hard coating for fences that maketh unto them an ugly site unto the Lord.  And tchotchkes that should be burned at an alter annointed with oil to make a pleasing fire unto the Lord.  For Precious Moments figurines are not pleasing unto me, yea, they maketh me want to send a plague of something to wipe out their creepy big heads with eyes that round in a most unpleasing way.

And the people were afraid of the words the prophet Stoney had.  They were afraid, yea that she would causeth them to open their monies and cause them to spew forth.  But she yelled at the money changers, for they did want to charge a transaction fee for the taking of her own money.  But she did speak unto the people and did instruct them to not overwater their lawns.  Yea, and to not put plants that do not belong in the clime of Texas, and things unto this.  Mostly she spake unto the removal of fire ants, for they are not of God, but are the spawn of Satan.

And lo, as the meeting did begin to close, the people began to see that she spake the truth, for she did not want their money.  She did, but only if they won the lottery and were of heart and mind to share, but that is not important now.  And on this day she did heed her own words and lay down 20 cubic yards of manure unto her garden.  And it shall flourish, thus sayeth the Lord.  And with the laying on of hands, most likely by her loving mate, she shall rise again for another day to spread the word of growing your own tomatoes and roses.  For I am the Alpha and the Omega, and my god, if you read this far you are a true friend.

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