Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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I think I'm the only one out here that can say this...

I love life.  I love stupid people, weirdos, and the like.  It makes me seem so smart and normal in comparison.

I got a last minute call by the Master Gardener association to give a presentation to a convention today at THE MESQUITE RODEO.  If you know nothing of Texas, know this: that is the epicenter of all cheesy Texana.  The pro shop outdoors is "Gay's Pro Rodeo Shop."  (hee hee!) Next door is the Trail Dust, where they tackle you and cut your tie off (should you be foolish to wear one), nail it to the wall and then ring a big dinner bell.  And the whole arena is sponsored by Resistol Cowboy hats and Justin boots.  'Cause everyone needs a pair of steel-toed Llama boots.  (??)

I'll just say right now that I was not needed.  As a female, and a young one at that, and a relatively stacked young female, I served no purpose.  The Shitkickers there (big difference between a Cowboy and a Shitkicker.) looked at me like I was there to fetch them a "cobeer," the salesmen of the landscaping products booths knew I wasn't there to fill up my "flower shop," and the rest was filled with "Natural Gardeners" who were so out of place, I can't even begin.

Let me tell you what I think about Natural Gardening.  This is a selling gimmick.  Your plants don't care where their nitrogen comes from.  Just because someone dug something out of the ground doesn't make it inherently better than a chemical made in a lab. Example?  Sure thing!  Rotenone is a "natural" product made from chrysanthemums.  It has an LD50 so low, that you can die from breathing its fumes.  Now, you can breathe Malathion and not die.  You may get a headache, but you'll live to see another day.  Guess which costs more?  And guess which gets a bad rap? Plutonium comes from "Mother Earth."  So does opium and uranium.  And stupid people.  The earth produces the worst thing on the planet: Bush supporters.  Hee hee!!

There was a lady who I was getting along famously with about using smarts when it comes to gardening.  (Meaning, don't just nuke your lawn, use compost, etc.)  I had to stretch my legs (I have TERRIBLE arthritis) and she noticed.  "You should take a teaspoon of tumeric to fix those knees of yours."  Well, I certainly appreciate your concern, and I wish I could do something so simple, but I have to have total knee replacement soon.  "No you do not!  If you would just TRY the tumeric, you'd be amazed at how it works."  She was truly huffing and puffing at this point.  "Ma'am, all drugs and doctors aren't bad.  You wanna try to have an appendectomy without anesthesia?  Want the doctors to sterilize their scalpels with crushed garlic?  Should we tell diabetics to hit the basil patch?  Gimme a break."

So it was fun!  Because I got to tell a story in LJ.  Oh!!  And the booth across from me had the most horrible display of Tchochkes ever!  Statues with little girls in bonnets holding a picnic basket under one arm while clutching an American flag in the other.  Or stepping stones shaped like 4 leaf clovers.  And more statues of little "Huck Finns" clutching American flags and fishing poles.  Classy stuff like that.  Lots of fat bellies straining at the buttons on their American Flag shirts.  A few cowboys were there, they were older folks and I enjoyed talking to them.  We talked of 4-H and who grows the best tomatoes.  But those conversations were few and far between.

In other glorious news, the best LJ friend in DAS VORLD sent me 2 (count 'em) CDs of excellent music.  chantal87  is the bomb diggity!!!  And crazydiamondsue  and elcazavampiros  are coming to see me!  Woot!!!

In honor of the discussion brought up on Fer1213 's LJ, I bring you my jaw-dropping (or just brought me out of it) moments from Buffy.
6. The forced Angel kiss in End Of Days with Spike watching.  It's the writers attempt to rile up the Spuffy fans, IMO.
5. Dawn's first kiss with that ugly Vamp Kid.  She just looks like a bad kisser.
4. You don't have a ricer??  SMG is so horrible at the Lucy stuff.  I love that episode, otherwise.
3. Get out get out GET OUT!! Who DOESN'T hate that moment?
2. Riley's first haircut.  Ughh.  Long bangs in a bowl cut?
1. Professor Walsh's shambling as a zombie.  You can practically see the actress thinking "stumble shuffle, stumble shuffle."

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