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Monday Spam

I have a million things I want to post about. I'll try and limit it to less than that. :D

1. My awesome buddy Alison has an LJ now, and once she gets the hang of it, I'll pimp her out to all of you, hahaha. She's an artist (and a damn fine one) and lovely and: I have FINALLY gotten her hooked on Buffy. \o/ Also? She's an avid reader. (We'll get her reading the non-canon pairings by summer, you watch and see.)
2. I made the risotto dolce from my cooking class all by my lonesome and it turned out flipping good. *flips*
3. Last night I filled my belly to bursting with ribs. And southernbangel? We used Dreamland BBQ sauce. Note to everyone: Lee, when she came for her visit last week (was it only last week? I miss you and Jess already!), brought a MASSIVE gift basket as a hostess gift to me, which was absolutely lovely. Not only was there Dreamland BBQ sauce, there were TWO kinds of chocolate sauce (dark and white), wine, cheese straws, both sweet and savory, and some spicy chow chow, which, if you're not Southern, you're missing out. I've now sampled all of it, and am FILLED TO BURSTING. *pats belly* Satisfied doesn't cover it. (And really: Lee brought FOUR BOOKS for EACH child, tuned to their reading level. Was she trying to get us to love her, or trying to get us to KIDNAP her for keeps? You decide!)
4. The Office made me so happy this past week, I can't even articulate it. LAYING BRAIN. Oh, my GOODNESS, Creed! Howling with laughter.
5. I've made a significant dent in writing something... real. I've taken Lynne and Mandy's advice (and used the wonderful encouragement Jess gave me with helpful "here's how you could do this" info) and have started writing up a horror and humor filled memoir/instruction book on what it is to be Mormon. (Like, my goal is to have it feel like Sarah Vowell and Dave Sedaris wrote about the topic. It'll be fun to watch me crash and burn on this, wheee!) I went to the bookstore (Half Price Books) and found loads of books I didn't want to ask my father to borrow. (Ack. I'm kind of getting worried about what they're going to think - the whole family. I mean, they're good people, they just believe in some wacked out hoodoo.) But I'm super charged, writing furiously, and feeling a drive to something. I'm going to stick with that as long as I can, I think. It's not what I thought I would try and "go legit" with, but hey. Writing is writing.
6. Which leads to me all of the memories flooding back from my youth: the date that brought his own date to the date (worst. date. ever.), my cousin Katie being asked out by Joseph Smith (actual descendant, not reanimated zombie) by having her brother dress up as the Angel Moroni and appear in his bedroom to make him get up and dig up his invitation to Sadie Hawkins (written on paper plates spray-painted gold) in his backyard, the guy that told us he didn't die because he was wearing "Garments" - the holy underwear of Mormons - when he was electrocuted. On and on and on. What the HELL was I doing in this religion, y'all? No, seriously. WHAT.
7. I got a package this weekend from dovil!! Music from her homeland in New Zealand and a note and love and squishes and drugs! Except for how there weren't any drugs. DAMMIT. Dovil! I love you, matey! Thanks!! I have a second package with the final eps. of The Office coming your way in two weeks, btw.
8. My peas are coming in, and I have weetiny tomatoes popping out, and the cucumbers are starting to climb the trellis and my summer garden is starting to burst forth as the spring garden goes out with a flourish. Which means I want to buy more plants. Someone needs to put a leash on me.
9. My husband bought my Emily (the 5 year old) a pair of HEELED KNEE-HIGH BOOTS. And naturally, she wants to wear them everywhere. (They're like... whore boots. What!?) She just showed me her school outfit which consists of: turquoise cargo shorts, a heathered pink top with a blue and green butterfly on it, and the black boots of OH, HELL NO-ment. That there is a sassy outfit. One that will not be worn to school, TRY AGAIN.
10. I just remembered I have a kinkathon fic due in ONE WEEK, which means I need to get on that Coreys RPS fic, ahahaha. Crap.

And happy birthday, xochitl42 and janedavitt! May your Monday be like a Friday! You know what? I wish that for ALL OF US. *pours a round of lemonade for all of us*


( 51 comments — Leave a comment )
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May. 7th, 2007 01:49 pm (UTC)
Dwiv is threatening to make the risotto dolce. Do I get to blame you for my thighs after this?

Also, is now a good time to make my "Moroni puts the I in MORON" joke?

In conclusion, your husband has odd taste in girls footwear. (WTF? O.o)
May. 7th, 2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
Yes - blame me. (Make it when you have many people coming over. It makes a LOAD.) It is SO TASTE-TACULAR, L. Seriously.

Ahahaha, all jokes are welcome! (I even bought a "Mormon Joke Book" to remind me of the mind-numbing vanilla-ness of that culture. WOW.)

These boots, THESE BOOTS! His argument was "I wore cowboy boots every day when I was a kid." Cowboy boots on children = adorable. Boots with a one inch heel? That go to her knee? I say we go ahead and mount a pole in the gameroom. O_O
(Deleted comment)
May. 7th, 2007 03:11 pm (UTC)
::thanks you profusely!!::
May. 7th, 2007 02:17 pm (UTC)
Is SouthernBangel from Tuscaloosa or Birmingham? (I'm going from the Dreamland BBQ)

I didn't know that (of course this probably mostly has to do with not running in the same circles due to the Bangel / Spuffy divide.) It just sounded like Dreamland is the gift of an Alabamian.
May. 7th, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC)
She doesn't have her city listed on her user info page, so I'll just say she's a 'Bama girl. :D

And man, it is SO GROOD. We were (appropriately) sopping up the sauce with Sunbeam. *g*
... - southernbangel - May. 7th, 2007 03:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - shipperx - May. 7th, 2007 08:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 7th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC)
mmm, ribs.

Your husband is a crazy person. She'll probably want stripper ware when she's 12 based on TV, she doesn't need it any earlier. (I would say thank goodness I have sons, but recently Aaron wore a t-shirt that fit him when he was eight. It had some sort of saying on it that he wanted the world to see. Meanwhile, he looked like a rent boy.)

Write that book and I will read it! It sounds like you could do a one-woman show with it, they're all the rage.
May. 7th, 2007 03:14 pm (UTC)
I think she's just loving that she pointed something out to Daddy, and he bought the boots on the spot because of her sweet smile. O_O Mother is not amused. (I'm cracking up at the Aaron!rentboy comment, ahahaha.)

And I might ask you to read it, and be a first-person Jewish account for me. :D
... - a2zmom - May. 7th, 2007 05:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 7th, 2007 02:48 pm (UTC)
Best of luck to you on the book, darling. I'm sure it'll be insanely hilarious.

LOL @ the black boots of OH, HELL NO-ment. I hope your husband hasn't scarred her for life.
May. 7th, 2007 03:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you!!

And the boots were OBVIOUSLY her idea. I mean, no one in their right mind would BUY THESE. Which is why, I explained to him, that they were on the clearance rack for 5 bucks. WHAT. WHAT ON EARTH.
May. 7th, 2007 03:17 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA, I LOVE EMILY'S BOOTS. The fact that she wanted to wear them all weekend (even on the trampoline!!) cracks me up like nothing else---especially since Mr. Stoney was so very proud of picking them out for her. *hearts your family*

Let me know when the Dreamland sauce is running low because I'll grab you some more when I get mine. Mmmm, Dreamland. . .

I can't wait to read that book! You + Mormonism + writing = AWESOME.

May. 7th, 2007 03:20 pm (UTC)
THE BOOTS. Lee, she had on TURQUOISE SHORTS and those boots. No. Not goig to happen. In her weetiny mind she's all, "I love boots! I love Sally! I love my shorts! I love Hope the Kitty! I love drawing! I will incorporate all things I love today, YAY."

And I'm all *clotheslinerape* <-- funny only to Lee, because we have inside jokes, HA.

If you wouldn't mind getting some sauce, that would be awesome. And tell me what that there costs, because Mr. S will not hear of any more kindness from you. (Okay, mostly I'm afraid he'll leave me for you if you keep on being AWESOME.) haha.
... - southernbangel - May. 7th, 2007 03:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - southernbangel - May. 7th, 2007 03:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - May. 7th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 7th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
I can't wait to read your book on Mormonism - the image of someone dressing up as the Angel Moroni to get a date had me laughing out loud. Paper plates spray painted??? I am grinning with delight at wacky Mormon antics.

Your daughter must be one sweet talker to end up with hooker boots at 5. I didn't get my first pair until I was 14!
May. 7th, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)
Oh, MAN. The antics. The tales I have!!

This kid, man, she knows she has daddy wrapped around her finger. On the plus side, this keeps her from sneaking into my closet and putting on my boots and walking around in them... She can't have my pasties, though. Ahahaha.
May. 7th, 2007 03:38 pm (UTC)
It's kinda' scary how daughters can wrap their fathers so tightly 'round their little fingers. My husband got the same kind of shoes for my daughter once, and she proposed wearing them to school many times with outfits like the one your daughter selected. My girl's persistant, I'll give her that ("but DAD bought these for me, how come you don't like them?!").

My daughter turned 11 over the week-end and is now old enough to join this quasi-religious youth group I was a part of when I was a kid. Having that realization brought back a lot of memories - it's interesting to re-examine things as an adult and let the full WTF? flavor wash over you. I think the kind of memoirs you're writing would be very well received so I hope you keep at it - I'd buy 'em and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

And finally/tangentially, my husband and I are half convinced that Patrick Wilson is a descendant of Joseph Smith. It could be because the first time we'd ever seen him was in Angels in America and we've called him The Mormon ever since so there's that association we've had from the start, but I swear there are times when he'll be in a scene and certain expression will cross his face and we're convinced he looks just like the portraits we've seen of JS.
May. 7th, 2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
Ack, I'm digging through my old photos to see if I can find a picture of Joseph SMith (the one alive now) and you'll see the living face of the old wacko. He was used in the Church's production "Joseph!" that shows in Salt Lake City, and was in a PBS production of the Mormons moving across the US. CREEPY.

And I don't think Patrick Wilson is Mormon, actually. (I know what you mean, though. It's the nose and the set of his eyes.) First off, he's naked in almost everything, heeee! But his son's name? Kalin? Boy, that screams Utah to me...
... - fiveandfour - May. 7th, 2007 04:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 7th, 2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
my summer garden is starting to burst forth as the spring garden goes out with a flourish. Which means I want to buy more plants. Someone needs to put a leash on me.
Well, I would but that would make me a hypocrite since I was out yesterday planting my white rosemary plants and Brother Cadfael climbing rose...
May. 7th, 2007 03:50 pm (UTC)
And I got more pentas, and some Japanese painted ferns, and plan on moving my goldenrod, which means I'll need something to stick in its place...

Hahaha! I CANNOT BE STOPPED, muah ah ah!
May. 7th, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)
Very happy to pretend today is Friday :;concentrates hard::

Thank you! ::hugs::
May. 7th, 2007 04:19 pm (UTC)
Which means you should go sit on a patio with a cooling beverage and many friends!! (I hope your celebration turns out to be a fantastic time!)

:* MUAH!
(Deleted comment)
May. 7th, 2007 05:49 pm (UTC)
Ha ha, the Bur-Uns. (Burtons) Brady Burton. I can't remember... BRIMHALLS. The Brimhalls were the ones next door to the Burtons.

CLOG LESSONS! I remember that! What the hell? (And I remember being JEALOUS because I didn't get to take a class, what?!)
May. 7th, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
I'm so excited about your project, seriously. There's great emotional and intellectual material there for you, and the narrative is absolutely going to be compelling!

What the...with the boots? Isn't Mr. Stoney supposed to be the "HELL NO!" voice to what his daughters want to wear? Heee! I can just see Emily sashaying around in the outfit, and then telling someone all about sharks for half an hour. :D

*gets Emily Hello Kitty Mary Janes*
May. 7th, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC)
Jess, you are making me SO EXCITED about this project, I can't even begin!! *prepares dedication page in advance with your name on it, haha*

The BOOTS. I mean, they are a) unattractive and b) out of style and c) wholly improper for my child. And she LOOOOOVES them. Goes on the tram-ampoline with them. o_0 And she'd totally tell you all about sharks SOME MORE. (okay, I want to go find her Hello Kitty MaryJanes now, because how cute - and age appropriate - is that?)
(Deleted comment)
May. 7th, 2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm having fun remembering all of this stuff (and boggling at how DEVOUT I was, yeesh.) You'd think that daddies want to dress their girls in burkas! He was just enjoying HER enjoying something, I think. So, I'm calling them "home shoes" like the Dorothy Gale glittery dress shoes she and her sister had. :D

Oh, ACK. Emailing you RIGHT NOW!!
May. 7th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
Squee! Thank you!

Watched Hot Fuzz again yesterday (saw it first in Australia, with my man), for my birthday. May do it again today! Obsessed? No. No. Not at all.

Totally forgot to organize a group outing, so it'llhave to wait till next week. Silly me. Ah, well, a day older, a week older, not that much difference...

ANd you keep going with that memoir! WHen your brain says "meh, I'm bored," it actually means "holy crap I'm brushing up against those huge dark things that scare the crap outta me can we please not go there yes?" So just keep writing.. :D
May. 7th, 2007 07:42 pm (UTC)

I cannot WAIT to see Hot Fuzz! I might take myself this week while the kiddos are in school, in fact... YAY.

Happiest of birthdays, darling!!
May. 7th, 2007 07:54 pm (UTC)
May. 7th, 2007 08:01 pm (UTC)

(Although seriously. If you're going to ask Joseph Smith out, you'd TOTALLY get your brother in a white robe with a flash light, write out in macaroni "Go to Morp With Me, Yea Verily", and spray paint the paper plates gold. YOU WOULD BE A FOOL NOT TO.) Ahahahaha.
... - floweringjudas - May. 8th, 2007 01:42 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - May. 8th, 2007 01:48 am (UTC) - Expand
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( 51 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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