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But I'll try. Except for how I'm currently writing Sacha Baron Cohen/Will Ferrell fic, because come on. In the words of a Hungarian Tourist with an incorrect translation guide, "My nipples explode with delight!" [/random Monty Python reference]

moosesal tagged me for a 10 things meme, which I will lovingly jam under a cut, because YOU PEOPLE MATTER. And I don't want you getting carpal tunnel from all the scrolling, omg.

Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little-known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag-backs. (I don't want to pressure anyone. Consider yourself tagged by me if you want to do this!)

  1. I have a chihuahua head. And by that I don't mean an actual canine head, but a weetiny head. I have to buy hats in the kids' section. I'm incredibly self-conscious about how out of proportion my head is to my body, which is silly, but there it is.
  2. I have to have a minimum of 10 minutes all by myself every morning, or my entire day is shot. Like, seriously. It's my buffer between the dream-state and responsibility of being a mom/wife/etc.
  3. I don't want to relive my teen years (the go -back and do it all over again thing) but I definitely want to re-do certain things and, if left to my thoughts long enough, can get emo about wanting to go back. Things I want to relive: that first real kiss - Oh, MICHAEL LEE, that feeling you only have as a teenager that you are feeling something so intensely that it's only YOU that has felt that way before, the first time I realized I had my own taste in music apart from my parents/siblings. (Like, I was listening to U2 on my MP3 player this morning and remembered how cool I felt when I was 12 because I knew it was good music and I liked it. Hee!)
  4. I get melancholy sometimes thinking about how I'll never have a first kiss again. (I... have a thing for first kisses. *g*)
  5. I forget sometimes that I have an actual mother in the world. (Which is fine.)
  6. Sometimes I ache so much for a mother that I feel like I'm drowning in need and it scares me because I don't like to "need" anyone or thing. (Wanting is something different.)
  7. I will go WEEKS without looking at myself in a mirror. (Like, my body. I'll look at my teeth when I brush them.) I do not like looking at myself, which probably says LOADS about me. :)
  8. I really, honestly believe that I could survive in the wild if given only a ball of twine and a pocket knife. (I use to do it for two weeks every summer.) And I watch that show Man vs. Wild and scoff at how he's obviously making some things more "dangerous" than they really are, while secretly comparing myself to Bear Grylls and wishing I could have a Bionic Woman-type spin off and he and I could meet up in the Australian Outback for a 2 hour special and go off in the brush and make survivor/end of days babies because have you SEEN HIM? Hahaha.
  9. I can tie every single knot in the Boy Scout Handbook with one hand. Truly. (what if you're hanging by one hand and someone throws you a rope? How would you tie the knot to safety? EXACTLY.)
  10. I actually get very hurt when I realize there are people out in Binary Code Land (aka the internet) that honestly believe I am a mean person, because I'm not. But then I realize they like shit I think is ridiculous and I remember their opinion doesn't matter much and I go back to my crayon drawings and sipping my juice box. *swings feet and waits for recess*


In addition to this Will/Sacha fic I'm writing, I'm wanting to create this whole 80s 'verse with the Coreys and Rob Lowe and Jason Bateman from his teen years and Ricky Schroeder and Elizabeth Shue and Molly Ringwald and I realize this means I'm trying to relive my youth and I should just turn off the Go Gos and Cure music and MOVE FORWARD. Hahahahaha. I get to meet with the pool designer later today and find out if my idea is doable. *bites nails* Today is a GOOD DAY! There should be cookies. Anyone have cookies? Oooh, or brownies! Brownies! Brownies are good, too.


Jun. 6th, 2007 12:34 am (UTC)
See, that's it right there: they would be DREADFUL at a party, probably knit booties for their cats and talk about all of their aches and pains and the beautiful bodice ripper they picked up at the market and how Mr. Tuppins the cat was the only one that could ever love them.

And then I'd inch away slowly and go find you so we could do body shots off hot sailors. :D

(I'm so sorry your workmates are pestering you! Maybe you could make a blow dart tube out of old manilla files and shoot paper clips at them everytime they fake type and say "Computer Says No.")
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:10 am (UTC)
They would bring pictures of their cats wearing the knitted booties and there would be different kinds for different days and seasons. Then they would complain about loud youth music. They would be 25 and I would despair.

It would be AWFUL. We'd have to fake our own deaths and people would be standing their looking awkward with you face first down in the punch bowl and me drapped over a lamp with my feet in a bucket of water. And then we'd have to roll our way quietly out of the door to freedom. AWFUL!

I should have known that 'computer says no' came off from that show - yes, that gets brought out every five seconds as well as 'but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no'. Sometimes I sit in my office with the door shut and have a little cry. Hahaha.

Jun. 6th, 2007 01:14 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my god, you are going to HATE this fic I'm about to post in the morning. It's Vicky and Lauren, her counterpoint on the Catherine Tate show. Uh... you might want to skip it. :D

Don't forget the cat photos that would be on display! They would be those "conscious" photo shoots. You know, where they get a picture of you looking into the camera, then up in the corner there's a superimposed shot of you looking off in the distance? EXCEPT THEY WOULD BE CATS.
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:36 am (UTC)
I have no idea why because all my friends LOVE the show to bits but it's just never done it for me. Maybe I need to knit some cat booties and just give up on life?

Hahahaha about the cat photos! They'd be using bits of string dangling dead mice about the place trying to get Mr Tiddles attention just to get the perfect shot for their baby cat album. And then they'd dress him in baby clothes and crone softly to him as he attempts to shred their arms up and struggle to escape.

See, now does that make you feel any better? It would be nice to like everyone and have hugs all round, but does it really matter if the most boring people on the planet who can suck the fun away from a mile away get all humpfy pants about you? You're better looking, smarter, more popular and funnier than they could ever be. They suck, you win, the end! \o/
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:43 am (UTC)
Well, it took me a bit to love the show, too. It took me seeing Giles (as the Prime Minister) snogging his male black assistant after turning down the advances (and making you think he was very straight) of his male secretary. I have a thing for ridiculous sketch comedy shows, and they really push it - they have these two guys that dress up as a Victorian woman and her "baby" which is the other guy in a nappy. It's so ridiculous and I love it.

But then, I like spicy foods, so what do I know?!?!

PEOPLE WHO DRESS CATS. I'm officially saying for posterity that I'm better than those people. O_O I'll add your name to the list. (UNless they're dressing their cat up like a pirate. That is cuter than you and I combined. Ahahahahaha.)
Jun. 6th, 2007 10:01 am (UTC)
I think the people in my office killed any possibility of enjoying the show - though on the other hand I feel like I've never missed an episode, haha! I have no idea why I don't find it funny though, it should be right up my alley, or backside if you will, but no, leaves me dead, like I am inside.

You like spicy food? Freak! I like boiled cabbage served on a boiled plate and eaten with boiled cultery like god himself intended. And then I boil myself to rid of the sin that's held in my dirty sinful body, again like god intended. God sure likes a good boiling. And the smell of singed cooking flesh.

I used to dress cats, but I was 8 and spaced out on pain killers and angel dust, so I was pretty much out of my head.

Can't you fix the broken people and make them less annoying? Huh?


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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