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OKAY SO THE WORST AND BEST THING HAPPENED JUST NOW OH MY STARS.

SO. I went for a run this morning - unintentionally - as the mosquitoes were swarming me, and I was afeared of them. Turns out that running and slapping at your legs on a sharp incline causes your cell phone to fall out of your cell-pocket in your running shorts without you noticing. I'm about to leave on a trip, so I'm packing, and that would have sucked to have lost my phone, right? Except I didn't KNOW I had lost my phone. Wait, it gets more interesting than a missing cell phone I ASSURE YOU.

I get a call, ID says my last name, cell. (Mr. S's phone is one number off.) I answer, "Hey, Baby." Someone else's voice answers, "Uh, hi, the kids found a cell phone in front of our house, and this was the 'home' number?" Oh my gosh, I say, I'll come right over, I say, where to, I ask. He tells me. (I have it in my head that it's some kind of Mr. Mom from his statement.)

I rush over (it's about five blocks up from my house, whew) and race up the door (I'm still in my running clothes, probably stinking of exercise, GAH) and MR. HOT ASS TEENAGER ANSWERS THE DOOR SEMI-NAKED.

I need a moment....

Okay. So maybe he's about 17 or 18? He's in swim trunks. And nothing else. And he is CHISELED CHEST AND BELLEH BOY. Like, he has that hot freaking muscle that snakes over the hip bone (which means that's how low his trunks were, holy god.) YES I WAS STARING AT HIM. But I was staring at him in a BECOMING MANNER. (right.) Oh, and he's GLISTENING with moisture because he just got out of the pool. *imagines Fast Times at Ridgemont High but with his hot ass*

So, his hair is all spikey and black and wet, and he has a runnel of water on his chest - bare and perfect, I mentioned that, right? - and he's square-jawed and light-eyed and very very tall and lean and fit and smiling and he totally wanted to throw my hot mom-ass against the wall and take me and make me feel young and desirable again. (SHUT UP WHY WOULD YOU RUIN THIS FOR ME?)

He's a NANNY. And a hot ass. I have found the will to carry on with life yet again. BLESS YOU, KARMIC FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE!

*exhale*

And now I have to do laundry and fold little girl panties and scrub my son's shorts and I can DAY DREAM WHILE DOING IT, HURRAH.

I would totally be smoking right now if I did. (And I'm leaving in a few hours to see southerbangel and marenfic for the weekend, WHOO HOO! \o/

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST!!
*claps in rhythm*
Happy happy birthday!
On this your special day!
Happy happy birthday,
that's all I'm here to say (HEY!)
Happy happy birthday!
May
Aaaaaaaaaaall
Your
Dreeeeeeeeeams
Come
Truuuuuuue!
Happy happy birthday!
From Sto-ho-ney to you (HEY!)

I love you, Kitten!! Have an excellent birthday!!

Comments

( 72 comments — Leave a comment )
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moosesal
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:31 pm (UTC)
LOL. Hot damn, baby. Your description totally beats the one of the guy who just came to my door to talk about aerating our lawn. It's so cold here today that he's in a coat and gloves and hat and if he's got perfect abs, I will never know about them. *sigh* (And I had to go to the door in my jammies -- at least I've brushed my teeth and hair already.)
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC)
SAL HE WAS SHOCKINGLY HOT. Like, "this person is real, standing before me. Ungh."

I like to think that the sweat circle between my breasts from my run turned him on. (Shhhh. Let me have this.) Heee!
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herself_nyc
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)
Good God.
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
It took all my power of concentration to not say that to his beautiful chest face.
margarks
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:36 pm (UTC)
omg. that is so hilarious! and imagine that he lives so near you :) you can jog by that house every day (or so) and 'accidentally' lose your phone!

stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:45 pm (UTC)
Ha, I'm trying not to think about how I *do* job by every day, and worrying that I pulled my britches out of my butt or blew my nose or something, hahahahahahaha!
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cordelianne
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
OMG this is a totally awesome story! I am very entertained by it! :D
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
And it really happened!! I swear, I am going to relive (and embellish) this incident for MONTHS TO COME. Heeeeee!

<3
savoytruffle
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
Best thing I've read all day.
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
Oh, Camisha, it was the best thing to HAPPEN all day! *eyes cat box* Oh, to live in fantasy world... :D
ladycat777
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
Thank you, love!

And eeee. I want pictures of the hotass male nanny because he sounds YUMMEH!
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:47 pm (UTC)
*SMOOOOOOCH*

Man, *I* want pictures of hotass male nanny of nearly nakedness beyond my mental picture! then I can photoshop his face onto a centaur Heeeeeeee!
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trepkos
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:54 pm (UTC)
You totally need a nanny to do that scrubbing and ironing for you ...
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 03:58 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE SO RIGHT. A clothing-optional nanny. Mmmmm. Wait, that might be too much nudity, the folding and scrubbing? I need a "reach for high things while standing too close to me" nude nanny. :D
thebratqueen
Jun. 7th, 2007 04:06 pm (UTC)
Mmmm....manny.
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 04:08 pm (UTC)
Hot naked wet glistening manny. AND WHAT IF THERE WAS A FICATHON. With you/who you think is hawt and bonable? Moosesal is thiiiiiiis close to running one. I WOULD PARTICIPATE. Stoney/Manny fic yes please. (heeee!)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC)
I was definitely on the "loving it" column, too! :D
aimeelicious
Jun. 7th, 2007 04:31 pm (UTC)
This post gets my stamp of approval.

Have a wonderful trip! =)
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 04:57 pm (UTC)
HEEEEEEEEE! *is validated*

Thank you!! (Let's hope Lee doesn't screw things up, OMG. Hahahaha, I'm kidding, Lee!)
essene
Jun. 7th, 2007 04:43 pm (UTC)
I love that you have the ability to crack me up and make me all hot and bothered at the same time with the mere description of your day.

Alas, I have no hotness around me. Only 13 year old stinky boys and hormonal 13 year old girls. Ew.
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 04:58 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha. And you know, I'm usually SO GROSSED OUT by the thought of female teachers boinking their students - they're always 13, what the HELL???

And then Mr. Almost Old Enough To Vote answers and I'm all panty dropping. HAHAHA.
southernbangel
Jun. 7th, 2007 05:27 pm (UTC)
PACK HIM WITH YOU, DAMNIT.
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC)
Is it wrong that I'm humping my computer screen because of your icon??

Oh, so I bought (on a whim) a hippy/loose top from Old Navy to wear to your place and HOLY SHIT I LOOK HORRID. So I'm all stressed about having lame Mom clothes so don't be all super cute and dressy, 'k? (Also, I packed your heels, so they're coming home!)
viciouswishes
Jun. 7th, 2007 05:37 pm (UTC)
Damn. *takes a little imagination vacation from work*
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 05:42 pm (UTC)
I'M SAYIN'.

O_O Niiiiice.
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beanbeans
Jun. 7th, 2007 05:48 pm (UTC)
O.O
Can I have your running route while you are away?
Because I am so dropping everything re-claimable and praying really hard that ChippenNanny is on patrol.

Hnnngh, your description of Mr. Hottass is gonna keep me smiling and daydreaming all day. Thank ya muchly. :)

Have a fabulous trip, hon! :D
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 06:02 pm (UTC)
If that ain't motivation to keep up with a work out regime, then I don't know what is! Rawr.

:D

Thanks!! Have a good weekend yourself!
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entrenous88
Jun. 7th, 2007 07:21 pm (UTC)
YUM!

There should be a shirtless glistening hot boy nanny sexathon ficathon starting right...NOWgogogogo!
stoney321
Jun. 7th, 2007 07:39 pm (UTC)
I MEAN SERIOUSLY. J, I'm trying to convince Sal to host it (except it would be a Mary Sue ficathon, wheeee!)

I'm okay with ALL hot nanny/nude/glistening fic options, let me state for the record. :D
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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