SO FUCKING PISSED. I'm sorry to start off swearing. I have a HEAD ACHE and have had one since half-way through the movie. I must revert to bullet points, or I'll be here all day.
- OKAY. Dudley. What is wrong with your mouth that you can't get words out? BAH to the weird playground. Too "arty" and not fitting in. Also, Harry having his wand up Dudley's neck with all of his friends around? Although hahaha to the Chav necklace on him.
- ARABELLA FIGG and her complete APATHY. What. I ask you!! There was no tension whatsoever with this woman. This is a reoccurring theme, unfortunately. "Lalala, Dementors. *shuffle along*" I'm sorry, but I must point to the book on this one.
- What the what with Vernon looking like he couldn't bully a pillow, let alone Harry and Petunia all sexed up? My husband leaned over and mentioned how hot she was, minus the sour face. Agreed. Also, WHERE WAS HER HOWLER? More on that.
- Why is it that Harry had sexual chemistry with EVERYONE BUT Cho? Hi, Tonks and Harry at Grimmauld Place (which... no. That house was not working for me. In my head Sirius' home was a mansion. Where's the screaming Mrs. Black? Where's the fear/repulsion from.for Kreacher? Again, see lack of tension.)
- Speaking of chemistry, my husband asked me when Sirius and Harry were going to get it on. o_0 Yeah. (Okay, where's the fic?) Also, where was the tension with Mrs. Weasley and Sirius? Where was the cleaning of the Black house? They could have had exposition of the Order over the kids doing it - it would have added much needed levity, imo. (Also I believe FIRMLY that the "heavy locket that couldn't be open" on page 116 in OotP is the horcrux Dumbledore seeks out in Book 6. FIRMLY BELIEVE THIS.)
- There was too much weird wasted time, and the timing was off for the first hour. It felt like it was dragging to me, and this is a Harry Freaking Potter movie. Once the DA got started, THEN it felt right.
- Argus Filch running makes me laugh every time. The DA was awesome.
- THE PUNISHMENT WASN'T SEVERE ENOUGH. Dolores Umbridge was irritating in this movie, she didn't make me feel like she is evil. Not until she slapped Harry's face did I get that feeling. (That whole bit was very good.) "I must not tell lies" should have been written over and over and over again. It should have healed over, then they cut it in again. WHY DID THEY NOT CONSULT THE BOOK? That's what makes it so horrible: having to do it over and over until it "sinks in." (The Weasley twins consoling that poor little boy? At first I thought something shifty - read: sexual - was going on, then I figured it out, and thought it was lovely of them. Um... Why was I thinking the Weasley twins were soliciting sex from a small boy, Mr. Director???)
- OKAY. Weasley Twins. They made a POINT to not disrupt OWLS. And yet... I would have liked to see Filch punting people over the swamp, also. And where was the teacher's quiet rebellion? Where was the REASON the Twins were leaving? You should have emphasized that, Mr. Director!!
- GRAWP. I'm okay with there BEING a Grawp, what I was NOT okay with was the trio's LACK OF FEAR FOR HIM. See: lack of tension part a million. Um, there is a 16 foot giant in front of you and he moves ALARMINGLY FAST. You'd think those kids would have flinched or something.
- WHY DID RON NOT FREAK OUT OVER HERMIONE SAYING HARRY WAS A GOOD KISSER?! I ask you. Side note, holy guh, did he look like a good kisser. ALSO: uh... that scene was pretty porno. With the changing camera angle to slide up Harry's body? *moans*
- One of my BIGGEST COMPLAINTS: Harry. HARRY mo fo POTTER would NEVER EVER give Malfoy the prophesy. NEVER. He GAVE it to him! And then what, it accidentally just dropped?! GAAAAAAH. And! And! And!! What the WHAT with the removing the most important part OF the prophesy!? *beats head* WHERE WAS MY MOMENT TO KNOW ABOUT NEVILLE? Where was the CRUCIAL information about Voldemort MARKING Harry as his equal!? Jesus jumped up Christ! Did the screenwriter just COMPLETELY ignore the book??
- NEVILLE. Neville Longbottom. Oh, darling. How I wanted him to have his shining moments in the Department of Mysteries (which - where were the freaking mysteries?? A floor that stops you from falling on it? BAH.) I wanted SO BADLY to have him (as in the book) shoulder to shoulder with Harry, fighting with all he's got. "I DOH YOU HABE!" I wanted that. *cries* I wanted the prophesy to tell us more about NEVILLE. Him getting it in the DA meetings and learning how, and everyone congratulating him was awesome. (I'm mixed on not seeing his sad mother giving him a gum wrapper and him pocketing it. I don't know that my heart could have taken it....)
- OH MY GOD. Where was "SNEAK" I ask you? WHERE THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT?! Cho. CHO?! And - I hate almost to say this - Cho could have cried more. So we could understand the whole "wet" thing.
- Emma Watson needs to learn how to make a face that is not a) a smirk, b) a scowl or c) wide eyed fear. Also, that her EYEBROWS were not hired to act FOR her. Other than that, she looked very pretty and I wanted to see her and Ron share significant looks and make out. Hee!
- LUCIOUS MALFOY would never EVER try and talk soothingly to Harry to get anything. I'm sorry, I won't budge on this one. He would TAKE THAT prophesy by FORCE. He would sneer, insult, cajole, grab, threaten. Not try and soothe HARRY. Never. (And Harry should NOT have acted like he was BEING soothed by Lucius freaking Malfoy.)
- Oh!! Oh! TO be filed under: NO SERIOUSLY, WHERE THE HELL IS THE TENSION?! category: YOUNG SNAPE. There was NOT enough emphasis on what happened to him to make any SENSE of him shaking with rage and ordering Harry out, and to never come back to lessons. If you didn't understand the book, you would have NO IDEA the importance of what just happened. GAAAAAAH!
- We needed to KNOW that Dumbledore loved Harry. He told us, but it was like he was mentioning to someone to mind their head as they walk through a doorway. O_O I didn't get that Harry was ANGRY throughout this movie. I mean, hello Potter Mouth and the CAPSLOCK of RAGE, where have you gone?
- WHERE WAS PETUNIA'S HOWLER? Where was the exposition explaining WHY Harry must live with the Dursleys? Did JKR in fact wanna kill a bitch after seeing this movie?!
- AND!! Percy slimy git Weasley! Why did we not get all of THAT story? Then he just shows up in a pinstriped suit clutching Harry's shoulder-sleeve? WHAT.
Things I very much enjoyed:
- Luna Lovegood. I love her. And I love she's an actual hardcore fan (the actress) SHe was perfectly cast. Enough dreamy and weirdness mixed in. And hello, again with the sexual tension with her and Harry. O_O
- Every single moment of Ron on the screen (and there were NOT ENOUGH. Weasley is my KING, y'all.)
- The Twins. Their extendable ears. Ahaha.
- Molly and Arthur looking worn out, but having smiles for their family.
- The Arthur Weasley attack - gah, it freaked me out.
- The wet dreams, I mean... the dreams of the corridor, etc. (Um... SNAKES. Tunnels. Wands. HELLO, PUBERTY. At one point I pantomimed a jerk-off and my husband cracked up - "I was just thinking the same thing." Heh. WERE YOU NOW? Hee!)
- The actual dust up with the Death Eaters, even though I wanted more of the Department of Mysteries.
- The actual battle with Dumbledore and Voldemort, even though I missed the Magical Brethren interceding. I loved the sonic booms because of the strength of their spells. YES. That was v v cool. Also the thing Dumbledore did with the water to encase V? Awesome. (Um, the whole possession thing was weird. I liked it and I didn't. Hmmm.)
- The D.A. meetings.
- The use of the Prophet to further the story along. Also, it was cool visually.
- Belatrix Lestrange. (Oooh, especially her in Azkaban. That was awesome looking.)
ARRRRGH. This screenwriter pissed me off royally, and I have NEVER said that about an HP movie yet. Bah. And humbug. Perhaps I shouldn't have finished the book an hour before going to the movie. All of the wonderful plot was just sitting in my brain, all fresh and happy. :( People were CLAPPING at the end at my theater. I just... I just couldn't.
Okay, I have GOT to finish this fic that is due today. JEEEEEZ. *covers self in sackcloth and ashes*