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Personal draaaaaaaaama: feel free to skip.

I had mentioned last week that I was going through a bit of a health scare (for me at least) and was trying to stay positive, etc. Just got back from the doctor's office and thought I'd post about it because a) I think I was shitty in mentioning something and then explaining when I should have zipped my lip and b) I think a lot of people might be like me in that I never NEVER EVER take myself to the doctor. Kids? Yes. Remind my husband? You betcha. But some how, I've always made excuses to not take myself in. (Thaaaaat's a discussion for another day.)



For, oh, say six or seven months I've been feeling lousy. I chalked it up to the 3 Day being over and my post-big-event let down sinking in, post-holidays blues, or just the ho hum of suburban haus frau life, or something. In other words, I was giving myself an Olympia Dukakis smack upside the head, "Snap out of it!" But not being able to. Exercise always makes me feel better, and for the record, I work out 6 times a week. I walk (hard walk) about 7 miles every day, with one day off. I also garden, and by garden I mean hoist heavy bags, dig holes, etc. But it wasn't making me feel better.

I rarely eat out, I grow my own veggies and herbs (mostly) and we don't "eat out of a box" for dinner. I make our foods. We eat well - healthy choices, in other words. Aaaaaand, I started putting on weight. (Note: if you try and tell me that I was putting on muscle, I'll throttle you. I have muscle. I'm also not new to working out.) Well, maybe it's just that "I'm hitting 35 this year. That's why I'm gaining weight." thing.

I decided to get a jump on the weight gain, so I cut out all sodas. *cries for Coca~Cola* I cut out desserts and was good about not eating 4 hours before bedtime. This was Memorial Day. I also upped my work out to include more sit ups, push ups, etc. I gained 10 pounds in one month. And it was fat. I could see it. My hair started breaking off when I ran my hands through it. My nails would tear when I ran my hands through my hair. My skin started drying out like I've never seen. And I was tired. Man, I can't remember a time in my life when I've been so tired as these last two months. I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I fantasized about napping.

I was worried that I had the hypothyroidism gene that runs in my family. (My g-grandma was nicknamed "Big Fat Maw" because she was 4' 11" and weighed 436 pounds. I am not exaggerating.) I went last week to get blood work done, and during the course of talking about my symptoms (including a monthly cycle that was neither monthly nor a cycle, discuss) he said he had fear that I might have the C word due to the sudden onset of all of my symptoms - some ommitted for being TMI. An ultrasound quickly put that to rest *knocks on wood* so I was just waiting for blood work to come back.

I got there today and the doc (whom I adore - he's hilarious and to the point) had a grim look on his face and my labs in hand. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing wrong with you." Hahahaha, smart ass. (He broke into a grin.) Evidently I'll never be an honorary Kiwi or Aussie, because I have the liver of an Amish teenager. My blood pressure is to be envied. My resting heart rate is back to normal, 61. (It was 85 last week - stressed? Nah!) I have beautiful hormone levels, my cholesterol and thyroid are almost pornographic in their perfection and... What the hell is wrong with me? I know myself, which sounds cliche and hippy-dippy, but it's true. Something is Not Right.

Well. He sent me home with a vitamin list last week, and that was terrific. I got the GOOD kind, and they did add some energy and resolve some... digestive issues I've also had. But he also sent me home with Wellbutrin last week. I-

I've felt better than I've felt in a long time. I'm not collapsing every three hours, exhausted. I've been cracking jokes around the house. I've been hugging people more. Basically, I feel like ME again. It's not permanent, it's not a lot of medicine, but I can't deny that it helped. I've been depressed. (That is very hard for me to say.) And I'm getting better, and I'm feeling really positive and good about it.

Here's the thing: I am going to be your moms for a minute. Don't be dumb like me. I have to admit just talking to my doctor about all the things wrong was overwhelming, but gratifying in the end. I think really laying it all out there was key. And actually having a plan that is working for me makes me feel like my old self again.

In conclusion, YAY LIFE! *leaps like I've got a Toyota feeling* (Oh, and note to harmonyfb, who sent me the most AWESOME retro tote bag (did you make that?) and cocktail napkins ("The only drinking problem I have is that I'm running low on vodka" ahahaha) and Bpal!! You may have awoken a monster in me. MMMM SMELLS. And sewing. You've got me thinking of sewing again. <3)

LOVE! I send you all buckets of love and sunshine and puppies (unless you prefer kittens or bunnies. Please submit your request in triplicate, thanks.)

Comments

( 81 comments — Leave a comment )
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halfmoon_mollie
Jul. 17th, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC)
You have a WONDERFUL doctor. Consider yourself very VERY fortunate.

I"m glad you're feeling like your old self again, too. You sound like her.

stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 04:52 pm (UTC)
\o/ I FEEL like her again. :)

(And man, don't I know how lucky I am to have a good doctor. I went through a bunch with the kids until I found the right one, my doctor was a referral from our ped!)
sunnyd_lite
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
*kittens kittens kittens* (well you said triplicate!)
Glad you have a doctor you trust and who was able to help you with a plan.

Happy that you're feeling you-ish again!

stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeeee! *stamps your submission for approval, sends to warehouse*

I'm happy I feel me-ish too! (I didn't realize I missed me. Hee!)
ladycat777
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
A good doctor makes such a difference. I'm glad you did go, and hey, most people who have this kind of low-level depression an wait six months or years before seeing a doc because, well, it's not bad. No, it's not. Sure, you're tired. And cranky. And hey, that's totally not muscle. But everybody gets moods, right? It's no big deal.

You would... probably not be amazed at how long people can go before it's bad enough to go to a doc, but it's a pretty damned long time. Three months? A piffle.

*snuggles* I'm so glad you're feeling better, love. And that it's not the C-word! Ack!!
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:37 pm (UTC)
(Seven months, but who's counting?) It was pretty overwhelming reading out my laundry list of ailments. When you take them one at a time, it's like you said. "Okay, I just feel tired." Another day, "Man, I'm losing a lot of hair. What's up with that?" But to say a, b, c.... t, u, v, uh- *cries*

I feel SO much better! (If only for being proactive about my health, you know?) *plays with your hair until you purr*
petzipellepingo
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
My hair started breaking off when I ran my hands through it. My nails would tear when I ran my hands through my hair. My skin started drying out like I've never seen. And I was tired. Man, I can't remember a time in my life when I've been so tired as these last two months. I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I fantasized about napping.
Yeah, those definitely sound like a low chugging thyroid says the low thryoid lady. But yay! for that not being the case (plus being your old self again).
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:38 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it did to me, too. Almost everyone on my maternal side has hypothyroidism, so I had red flags waving in my face. (I'm very glad my results came back as they did! PHEW!)
southernbangel
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:09 pm (UTC)
ILU LOTS DOUCHE MONKEY
Stoney, it's clear that you were putting on muscle. Please. And you're too skinny anyways! Get some meat on dem bones. Be fat like me. /snark

4realz, I am SUPER GLAD to hear that you are feeling like yourself again. (And thyroid is okay? Sososo glad to hear that but wow. I was certain that was the dealio, what with all my medical training and all.) Knowing something is Not Right but not knowing what that is can be so incredibly frustrating. Now you know and you're taking steps to get *you* back. YAY!! And bonus: if/when you're involved in future wanks, you have a handy dandy "get out of jail free" card to toss in alongside those with Asperger's.

Having a doctor you can really talk to, and who will *listen*, is so key and, I've said it once, and I'll say it again, I'm thrilled you have such a wonderful doctor. Go Stoney, go Stoney!Doc, go Life!

*hearts you times a million*

I WILL return your call re: HP. (FOUR DAYS. ZOMG.) There is much to be discussed. Much.
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:40 pm (UTC)
Re: ILU LOTS DOUCHE MONKEY
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. *stabs you*

Man, I'm SO glad he was all, "Damn you and your healthy body! DAMN YOU! *shakes fists*" Oh my gosh, I'm not going to be all "I'd love to reply to your Potterdamerung wankery, but my thyroid is causing me to have to tell you to shove it up your ass so I can take my meds."

I CANNOT WAIT TO TALK TO YOU ON THE PHONE, ZOMG. I've missed you, douchemonkey!
Re: ILU LOTS DOUCHE MONKEY - southernbangel - Jul. 17th, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: ILU LOTS DOUCHE MONKEY - stoney321 - Jul. 17th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
pernickety
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:13 pm (UTC)
I'm so relieved nothing's wrong with you.

Also, gardening is the best workout in the world. I miss the digging, shoveling, carrying action so much. My biceps is pathetic these days. :D
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:41 pm (UTC)
And now it's too hot to garden here! (I think I've dug all the holes I can. FOR NOW. *plots to put more trees... somewhere)

I'm so glad I'm all healthy and sad! Hahahaha. <3 <3 <3
slasheuse
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:15 pm (UTC)
You clearly have an evil toddler of a thyroid that likes to PRETEND it is mank, when it is in fact perfectly all right and just not wanting to go to school today. Also, being worried about your thyroid and thyroidy symptoms canNOT have helped. One of the sweetest girls on my flist (and Oxford people) has thyroid woes, so, yeah. Can see it is of the gross. Am so glad it's not the C-word, and your doctor sounds hot. My mum had a rubbish doctor in the years/months leading up to her hysterectomy, who was all "oh, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, WOMAN" about it, then offered her massive anti-depressants because he said she was Depressed. She said yes, I AM depressed, depressed because MY INSIDES ARE MANKED UP AND YOU DO NOT CARE, and switched to a lady doctor, who swore a lot and referred her immediately.

Also the famous story of last summer when my appendix was giving me Worst Pain Evar and one elderly male doctor was all "oh, clearly I should ram you with large spiky metal prong to see if that, like, hurts" (without y'know. any kind of external/ultrasound examination) and sent me to wee in a jar. I weed in jar, knocked on the door of the next doctor along and flailed at him, he prodded me once, I went through the roof, he said "...er, yes, that'd be your appendix" and Gave Me Drugs. Mmmm, drugs.

*hugs you lots. also HEARTS* Life is good here too, yay!
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:44 pm (UTC)
Oh god, my doctor (physically) is a TROLL and you do not want to use words like "hot" in conjunction with him again, or I may be ill. Hahahahaha! But he is smart and matter of fact and LISTENS, which makes him fantastic. I want so badly to one day meet your mum and give her big hugs and possibly kiss her cheek and sit near her. :)

I love drugs! Your APPENDIX, omg, I remember that!! *hugs you* I'm so glad life is good where you are! <3 <3
altyronsmaker
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:15 pm (UTC)
Whew. Glad there's nothing physically wrong with you! *was worried*
'They' say that depression can make all kinds of things go wrong or if not wrong, not exactly right (you know, half a bubble off plumb). But it's so hard to get at.

Glad you're feeling better, stoney! *high fives*
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you!! I realized it was pretty shirty of me to have hinted at that, and not give information. And my doc said as much, re: depression leading to your body going kerplooey.

I'm feeling much better and positive, which I haven't in a while. YAY.
yin_again
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:34 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you're feeling better, sugar, and that you are taking care of yourself. I'm also glad it isn't your thyroid, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone - it sucks rocks and makes you feel ultra-crappy. You have an excellent doctor. Hold on to him tight. Sure, it'll be odd while seeing other patients, but the important part is that he takes care of you.
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC)
I asked him if he knew of an adult-sized Bjorn that I could slip in while he was on rounds, but he said he'd have to get back to me.

And yeah - watching all the women (and the one man) on my mom's side of the family deal with it made me freaked that could be what was wrong. SO GLAD IT'S NOT, I'M JUST MISERABLE, YAY!!! Ahahahaha. *pops sweet sweet relief in pill form*
sdwolfpup
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:34 pm (UTC)
Glad to hear it's not the c-word! And extra-super glad that you're feeling better. The fact that your doctor actually let you talk to him is fantastic, keep that one. :) *hugs*
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:48 pm (UTC)
I know, right? And he was you know... LISTENING to me. And asking me questions. And then listening to THAT! Mind boggling. :D

Thank you so much. Boy, I felt so buoyant last week when the C wasn't an option after all. That was scary!
beadattitude
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
ZOMG, for a minute there I was worried I was going to have to fly down to TX and fix you some good soups!

I'm so glad you're okay, honey baby chile. SO glad. And it's the vitamins? Sheeeit. ::Goes to buy some::

::loves you hard::
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:50 pm (UTC)
SUSI Q. *hearts times a million* Except, you NEED to fly down and fix me some soups! Before we head off to a spa for pedicures and massages and hot rock therapy, natch.

(Well, it's the vitamins and the anti-depressant. :D) But yeah - B Complex. Get the good stuff. And C. And Calcium. And Fish Oil. Boy, that gave me loads of good inside feelings.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC)
I tried calling you, but I think you were just opening. Derp.

You know, I have no second guessing with this guy. Other doctors I've had (or the kids have had)? Yeah - second and triple guessing. I can't express how GREAT I felt this weekend - like ME again. Funny, goofy, easily entertained, not angry/upset. It's a good feeling. <3
aimeelicious
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC)
YAY!! So glad you're feeling better. I know from personal experience it's not always easy to accept medication as helpful, but when it is, it is, and we should just go with it. There is no need to suffer unnecessarily. And Wellbutrin, it's a good one. Helped me out considerably as well.

I sound kind of pretentious and preachy, BAH. I mean well. All's I'm saying is...YAY for you, feeling like yourself again!

*hugs*
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:53 pm (UTC)
No, you don't sound preachy at all! And it's like you said: why suffer if you don't have to? There's such a sense of shame associated with our mental health. (Well, not with me any more) but I have this thing where I feel like I don't deserve to go to the doctor, or it's such a bother... Ridiculous.

*loves loves loves*
... - aimeelicious - Jul. 17th, 2007 06:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
spikendru
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:52 pm (UTC)
I want your doctor! I really, really want your doctor! And YAY! for discovering what was making you feel lousy and being able to fix it. That is terrific. I know damn well I'm depressed, because basically, my life sucks and if I wasn't depressed, I'd be crazy. But with the amount of meds I have to take for the RA and the horrible side effects I'm already dealing with from them, I really don't want to add another med and wait to see how it will react with my other meds, so bummer for me, but YAY!!! for you.
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 05:55 pm (UTC)
He's awesome. And the best part is that his office is right across the street. I can walk out the door, cross at the light (because I Follow Rules) and there he is. YAY!

(But you know... try taking some really good vitamins. I know, I know, but really. B complex. Gives you at least an energy boost to help you tackle life? MASSIVE HUGS. I hope you can feel better - and talk to your doctor about all the meds you're taking! Maybe they can be tweaked? I don't know. But I wish you well, sweetheart!)
... - spikendru - Jul. 17th, 2007 11:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
harmonyfb
Jul. 17th, 2007 06:03 pm (UTC)
::hugs you:: I'm glad the doctor found what you needed to have to help you. And I'm glad it wasn't anything horrible. Yay! For correct medication!

(And yes, I did make the bag. Enjoy.)

Bpal!! You may have awoken a monster in me. MMMM SMELLS.

Mwahahahahahaaa. I have other smellz I can share, too. I shall email you with the catalogue of Pokemans scents.
stoney321
Jul. 17th, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
I was SO GLAD, too! Correct medication = WIN.

(I love it! And the funny thing, I have that SAME PATTERN and I used to make baby bags with it for my bread and butter! Great minds think alike!)

Heee, Pokemon! I love that.
... - harmonyfb - Jul. 17th, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - harmonyfb - Jul. 17th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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