• Mood: peaceful

Personal draaaaaaaaama: feel free to skip.

I had mentioned last week that I was going through a bit of a health scare (for me at least) and was trying to stay positive, etc. Just got back from the doctor's office and thought I'd post about it because a) I think I was shitty in mentioning something and then explaining when I should have zipped my lip and b) I think a lot of people might be like me in that I never NEVER EVER take myself to the doctor. Kids? Yes. Remind my husband? You betcha. But some how, I've always made excuses to not take myself in. (Thaaaaat's a discussion for another day.)



For, oh, say six or seven months I've been feeling lousy. I chalked it up to the 3 Day being over and my post-big-event let down sinking in, post-holidays blues, or just the ho hum of suburban haus frau life, or something. In other words, I was giving myself an Olympia Dukakis smack upside the head, "Snap out of it!" But not being able to. Exercise always makes me feel better, and for the record, I work out 6 times a week. I walk (hard walk) about 7 miles every day, with one day off. I also garden, and by garden I mean hoist heavy bags, dig holes, etc. But it wasn't making me feel better.

I rarely eat out, I grow my own veggies and herbs (mostly) and we don't "eat out of a box" for dinner. I make our foods. We eat well - healthy choices, in other words. Aaaaaand, I started putting on weight. (Note: if you try and tell me that I was putting on muscle, I'll throttle you. I have muscle. I'm also not new to working out.) Well, maybe it's just that "I'm hitting 35 this year. That's why I'm gaining weight." thing.

I decided to get a jump on the weight gain, so I cut out all sodas. *cries for Coca~Cola* I cut out desserts and was good about not eating 4 hours before bedtime. This was Memorial Day. I also upped my work out to include more sit ups, push ups, etc. I gained 10 pounds in one month. And it was fat. I could see it. My hair started breaking off when I ran my hands through it. My nails would tear when I ran my hands through my hair. My skin started drying out like I've never seen. And I was tired. Man, I can't remember a time in my life when I've been so tired as these last two months. I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I fantasized about napping.

I was worried that I had the hypothyroidism gene that runs in my family. (My g-grandma was nicknamed "Big Fat Maw" because she was 4' 11" and weighed 436 pounds. I am not exaggerating.) I went last week to get blood work done, and during the course of talking about my symptoms (including a monthly cycle that was neither monthly nor a cycle, discuss) he said he had fear that I might have the C word due to the sudden onset of all of my symptoms - some ommitted for being TMI. An ultrasound quickly put that to rest *knocks on wood* so I was just waiting for blood work to come back.

I got there today and the doc (whom I adore - he's hilarious and to the point) had a grim look on his face and my labs in hand. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing wrong with you." Hahahaha, smart ass. (He broke into a grin.) Evidently I'll never be an honorary Kiwi or Aussie, because I have the liver of an Amish teenager. My blood pressure is to be envied. My resting heart rate is back to normal, 61. (It was 85 last week - stressed? Nah!) I have beautiful hormone levels, my cholesterol and thyroid are almost pornographic in their perfection and... What the hell is wrong with me? I know myself, which sounds cliche and hippy-dippy, but it's true. Something is Not Right.

Well. He sent me home with a vitamin list last week, and that was terrific. I got the GOOD kind, and they did add some energy and resolve some... digestive issues I've also had. But he also sent me home with Wellbutrin last week. I-

I've felt better than I've felt in a long time. I'm not collapsing every three hours, exhausted. I've been cracking jokes around the house. I've been hugging people more. Basically, I feel like ME again. It's not permanent, it's not a lot of medicine, but I can't deny that it helped. I've been depressed. (That is very hard for me to say.) And I'm getting better, and I'm feeling really positive and good about it.

Here's the thing: I am going to be your moms for a minute. Don't be dumb like me. I have to admit just talking to my doctor about all the things wrong was overwhelming, but gratifying in the end. I think really laying it all out there was key. And actually having a plan that is working for me makes me feel like my old self again.

In conclusion, YAY LIFE! *leaps like I've got a Toyota feeling* (Oh, and note to harmonyfb, who sent me the most AWESOME retro tote bag (did you make that?) and cocktail napkins ("The only drinking problem I have is that I'm running low on vodka" ahahaha) and Bpal!! You may have awoken a monster in me. MMMM SMELLS. And sewing. You've got me thinking of sewing again. <3)

LOVE! I send you all buckets of love and sunshine and puppies (unless you prefer kittens or bunnies. Please submit your request in triplicate, thanks.)