Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the rights to the song lyrics, or much else in this world. but I do own my imagination....
My apologies to the song writers of Grease. For clarification, S: Spike, A: Angel (duh)
ToS approved words will be in R E D ink, so there's no question that it's all cleaned up. :D
Our story begins on a moonlit beach, our two lovers holding each other at arms length and in a manly way because they are men of legal age and consent, wishing it wasn't over...
S: Angel, this summer has been a dream. I don't want it to end!
A: Spikey, I'll never forget you, or the time we've had.
[Music swells as our lovers kiss like Michael and Fredo in the Godfather, which is the only way for men to kiss - the kiss of DEATH, thinking it is the last time]
CUT TO: ENTRANCE TO SUN-HELL HIGH (a night school)
Angel and the T-Birds (demons with bird heads, and the token Fyarl demon) are lounging, waiting for school to start, and talking about the hot females because that is manly and acceptable of the Sisterhood of Jhe, who happen to have pink skin and are referred to as the Pink Ladies, by the way, when said group of chicks show up, Spikey in tow.
A: Spikey!
S: Angel?? ANGEL!!
They run at each other, clasp one another LIKE BROTHERS, until Angel hears sniggering behind him. And when you've heard a Fyarl demon snigger, you can safely die because you have heard everything.
T-Bird: Yo! Angelus! You doing that chick out here where we can all watch? because misogyny is acceptable, for we are MEN
A: (adjusts his collar and goes back to game face) Yeah, I thought I'd bang his sweet
S: (with tears coursing down his face) Angel! How could you? I thought we MEANT something to each other!
A: What can I say? I was born bad, baby.
S: (wails) That's MY line! (runs away, sobbing)
[SPLIT SCREEN, SPIKE AND PINK LADIES - SOOTHING HIM- ON LEFT, ANGEL AND T-BIRDS HIGH FIVING ON RIGHT]
PL: Spike? Can you tell us what happened?
[MUSIC TO SUMMER LOVING BEGINS TO PLAY, AND SPIKE IS A SOPRANO]
S: Summer lovin', happened so fast...
A: That's because he jumped up my
S: Met a vamp - cute as can be
A: Met a vamp - my love makes him wee
Together: Summer days bu-urning my face, so I (oh!) waited for summer nights...
All: Oh, well a, well a, well a OOH!
PL: Tell me more, Tell me more: did he have a tight hole?
TB: Tell me more, Tell me more:
S and A: Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh!
A: Got love from me, it made him wee-ee.
S: He walked by me, I felt so free-hee-hee.
A: I took his life, he drank my blood.
S: He was gay,
S and A: Summer sun, ended our fun, but OH! all the hot summer.... niiiiii-hights!!
ALL: Tell me more! Tell. Me. More!!!!
[LATER THAT DAY, SPIKE AND ANGEL ARE ALONE OUTSIDE SCHOOL]
A: Spike! Spikey! Come here. I want to apologize for embarrassing you like that.
S: (pouts and turns his back to him, although he is smiling) You really hurt my feelings. Didn't our summer mean anything to you?
A: I sang about it, didn't I? Did rainbow hands in 4/4 time and everything.
S: You did? Oh, ANGEL!!
A: Come here, my
Spike throws himself into Angel's arms and they
[MUSIC TO SANDRA DEE SWELLS IN THE BACKGROUND]
S: (sings in his high, clear soprano)
Look at me, I'm Spike that's Wee!
Lousy with my
I may be dead, but not as much as Fred! Hey, look! I'm Spike that's Wee!
Watch it! Hey! I'm a vamp and
Won't come until Angel's gotten his fill! Because, I'm Spike that's Wee!
I drink responsibly! (A: no!)
I swear to behave (A: gasp!)
I DO white my hair (A: Huh!).
I've always got a cigarette a habit which I'm using Nicorette™ gum to curb my habit. See your local drugstore!(A: cough, cough, cough).
Get your filthy paws on my
Did you pull that crap with Buffy?
N'gelus, N'gelus! Come
Get that pelvis where I can see!
You're getting hot
You can
Hey! Fongool! I'm Spike that's Wee!
Angel picks up his Liliputian love machine and carries him in his pocket to auto shop. The T-Birds are hanging out, not doing anything, and complaining about their lack of scoring.
A: You guys gotta get one of these. (A pulls out Wee!Spike and shows him to everyone in the room. They all ooh and aww Angel's little
TB1: I wish I had a Wee!Spike to
TB2: Me too. (kicks a pebble on the floor)
[MUSIC TO GREASED LIGHTENING BEGINS WHEN ANGEL SPEAKS]
A: Why, this vamp is shrunkomatic! He's a sex addict for which he is seeking treatment! And a touch pragmatic! (S: it's true.)
Why, he's Wee Spikey!!
All: Go go go, go go go go go go go go!
[A: passes his wee lover to
A: We'll get my Wee Spike in you, hell, this guy has got a prostate which he checks routinely for cancer and uses the latest drugs from GlaxoKlineSmith productsor three
TB1: Keep talking, whoa, keep talking!
A: He'll ride your
TB2: I'll
A: When he gets you on all fours,
Your
For Wee Spikey!
ALL: Go go go, go go go go go go go go!
A (and All): (Spike has changes into a body suit covered in tassels, and is shaking it for all it's worth)
Go Wee Spikey, your
Wee Spikey! GO Wee Spikey!
Go Wee Spikey, Your body is so tiny and wee!
Wee Spikey! Go Wee Spikey!
Your
Eveyone now sated, Angel takes his
S: Say we'll be together forever as best pals. I'll
A: I'll love you forever,
Spike scoots down to the back of Angel's
A: Spike? Schmoopy dumpling? Itty bitty
Stranger: Way to talk to yourself, LOSER! (Laughing as he walks off stage)
(Angel buries his face in his hands, thinking his
[MUSIC TO SANDY'S SONG BEGINS TO PLAY]
A: Stranded at the swingset, branded a fool...
What will the demons say Monday at school?
Spikey, can't you see? I'm in misery...
I sat down, you're not around, there's nothing left for me.
Wee!Spike's gone, I'm all alone, I sit (S:UNF!) and wonder why-y-y oh, why.
You left me, ooh, Spikey...
[SPOKEN]
Spikey, darlin', you hurt me real bad, you know it's true.
But baby, you gotta believe me when I say, I can't
[SINGS]
Wee!Spike's gone, I'm all alone, I sit (S: HEY!!) and wonder why-y-y oh, why.
You left me, Oh Spikey...
[ANGEL BEGINS TO
S: (while leaning forlorn against the
My head is saying, "Spike forget him," my heart is saying, "don't let go."
hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly embedded in you... Like journalists in war time
But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed me
UHG! There's something on my head, hopelessly embedded in you... Like journalists in war time
hopelessly embedded in you, hopelessly embedded in youuuu! Like journalists in war time, like journalists in war tiiiiiiiiiiime
Angel hears the final high note coming from the region of
A: Spike?
Angel pulls his pants down like a fraternity man - of legal age - mooning someone, because that is fun and everyone enjoys a harmless frat mooning, leans over the picnic table and twists so he can see his
S: Oi! Sizzle tits! I've been here all along! And I love you too!!
[MUSIC TO YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT PLAYS]
A: You're the one in my
You're the one in my
You're the one in my
You make me
A: I got chills! They're multiplying, 'cause we know that math is Hawt!
On your
S: (in his high and clear soprano)
You better not squat!
You better clench your emotions up up, need to understand, to your
Both: You're the one in my
You're the one in my
You're the one in my
You make me
The T-Birds show up with pieces of the Pink Ladies stuck in their jowls, horns, protrusions that are not genetalia, because that violates the Millers Test.
TB1: Aww, you two are really together now!
TB2: *Burp*
Angel takes a pinch between his cheeks of manly tobacco - he's trying to quit and using Nicorette™ which is helping curb the cravings (yep, THOSE cheeks) and sloooowly pulls
A: Spikey?? (He noticed that Spike removed his
S: Tell me about it,
All: Wow! We really are ready to take over the world now! The U.S. is the greatest democracy on the planet. Buy American!
Angel and Spike are
[MUSIC TO WE GO TOGETHER PLAYS]
Both:
We go together like
You make me
Cream,
Ooh, Almighty God ....SPLAT!
We're for each other like
Cream,
Ooh, Unf....SPLAT!
[MUSIC PLAYS TO FADE WHILE OUR
Muuuuuuch better now, right? All cleaned up and tidy and unoffensive and PC. Yay! If you need to do this to your fics/artwork, perhaps this icon will help you remember the rules? (credit is lovely, but not necessary. hahaha.) I'm COMPLETELY SURPRISED that no one brought up South Park to the LJ execs. That's on basic cable, and syndicated even!
xposted to InsaneJournal.
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