By me, so as to not cause confusion. I figured that I could take my most offensive/obscene offering on LJ and by using LJ's vague and ever changing ToS (and a little help from Mr. Mackey) I could clean it up! *enormous grin* For those who don't know what Lubed: The Musical is, it's based on Grease and involves Wee!Spike, my satirization of really bad Spike/Angel fic where Spike is ladyfied and always crawling in Angel's lap. o_0



Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the rights to the song lyrics, or much else in this world. but I do own my imagination....
My apologies to the song writers of Grease. For clarification, S: Spike, A: Angel (duh)

ToS approved words will be in R E D ink, so there's no question that it's all cleaned up. :D


Lubed! The Musical!


Our story begins on a moonlit beach, our two lovers holding each other at arms length and in a manly way because they are men of legal age and consent, wishing it wasn't over...

S: Angel, this summer has been a dream. I don't want it to end!
A: Spikey, I'll never forget you, or the time we've had.
[Music swells as our lovers kiss like Michael and Fredo in the Godfather, which is the only way for men to kiss - the kiss of DEATH, thinking it is the last time]

CUT TO: ENTRANCE TO SUN-HELL HIGH (a night school)
Angel and the T-Birds (demons with bird heads, and the token Fyarl demon) are lounging, waiting for school to start, and talking about the hot females because that is manly and acceptable of the Sisterhood of Jhe, who happen to have pink skin and are referred to as the Pink Ladies, by the way, when said group of chicks show up, Spikey in tow.

A: Spikey!
S: Angel?? ANGEL!!

They run at each other, clasp one another LIKE BROTHERS, until Angel hears sniggering behind him. And when you've heard a Fyarl demon snigger, you can safely die because you have heard everything.

T-Bird: Yo! Angelus! You doing that chick out here where we can all watch? because misogyny is acceptable, for we are MEN
A: (adjusts his collar and goes back to game face) Yeah, I thought I'd bang his sweet ass buns right here for all to see.
S: (with tears coursing down his face) Angel! How could you? I thought we MEANT something to each other!
A: What can I say? I was born bad, baby.
S: (wails) That's MY line! (runs away, sobbing)

[SPLIT SCREEN, SPIKE AND PINK LADIES - SOOTHING HIM- ON LEFT, ANGEL AND T-BIRDS HIGH FIVING ON RIGHT]
PL: Spike? Can you tell us what happened?

[MUSIC TO SUMMER LOVING BEGINS TO PLAY, AND SPIKE IS A SOPRANO]
S: Summer lovin', happened so fast...
A: That's because he jumped up my ass buns...
S: Met a vamp - cute as can be
A: Met a vamp - my love makes him wee
Together: Summer days bu-urning my face, so I (oh!) waited for summer nights...
All: Oh, well a, well a, well a OOH!
PL: Tell me more, Tell me more: did he have a tight hole?
TB: Tell me more, Tell me more: did he suck your thick pole? did you participate in fraternity hazing, like getting duct-taped naked to a pole?

S and A: Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh!

A: Got love from me, it made him wee-ee.
S: He walked by me, I felt so free-hee-hee.
A: I took his life, he drank my blood.
S: He was gay, dick sucking is good! So we ostracized him, being gay is crud!
S and A: Summer sun, ended our fun, but OH! all the hot summer.... niiiiii-hights!!
ALL: Tell me more! Tell. Me. More!!!!

[LATER THAT DAY, SPIKE AND ANGEL ARE ALONE OUTSIDE SCHOOL]
A: Spike! Spikey! Come here. I want to apologize for embarrassing you like that.
S: (pouts and turns his back to him, although he is smiling) You really hurt my feelings. Didn't our summer mean anything to you?
A: I sang about it, didn't I? Did rainbow hands in 4/4 time and everything.
S: You did? Oh, ANGEL!!
A: Come here, my Little Precious Flower of an Albino Vamp childhood friend, but we are not children, we are of legal age and not naked or touching body parts!
Spike throws himself into Angel's arms and they kiss played basketball passionately. As Angel tongues his lover shares stock tips with his pal, he notices that Spike is beginning to shrink in his arms again. Spike looks up to his lover pal, bats his eyes a bit, and with an endearing gaze from his lover buddy Angel, Spike zooms to a 5 inch stature with a *POP!*

[MUSIC TO SANDRA DEE SWELLS IN THE BACKGROUND]
S: (sings in his high, clear soprano)
Look at me, I'm Spike that's Wee!
Lousy with my Cold, Dead Seed™ manatee!
I may be dead, but not as much as Fred! Hey, look! I'm Spike that's Wee!

Watch it! Hey! I'm a vamp and gay I like women of legal age! I was SIRED that way.
Won't come until Angel's gotten his fill! Because, I'm Spike that's Wee!

I drink responsibly! (A: no!)
I swear to behave (A: gasp!)
I DO white my hair (A: Huh!).
I've always got a cigarette a habit which I'm using Nicorette™ gum to curb my habit. See your local drugstore!(A: cough, cough, cough).
Get your filthy paws on my silkydresser drawers.
Did you pull that crap with Buffy?

N'gelus, N'gelus! Come fuckmm'kay me!
Get that pelvis where I can see!
You're getting hot
You can do me a lot pass me that pot (for boiling noodles)!
Hey! Fongool! I'm Spike that's Wee!

Angel picks up his Liliputian love machine and carries him in his pocket to auto shop. The T-Birds are hanging out, not doing anything, and complaining about their lack of scoring.

A: You guys gotta get one of these. (A pulls out Wee!Spike and shows him to everyone in the room. They all ooh and aww Angel's little fuckmm'kay-bucket.)

TB1: I wish I had a Wee!Spike to have sex lift weights or other healthy male pastimes with. (dejected, he plops head in hand)
TB2: Me too. (kicks a pebble on the floor)

[MUSIC TO GREASED LIGHTENING BEGINS WHEN ANGEL SPEAKS]

A: Why, this vamp is shrunkomatic! He's a sex addict for which he is seeking treatment! And a touch pragmatic! (S: it's true.)
Why, he's Wee Spikey!!
All: Go go go, go go go go go go go go!
[A: passes his wee lover to screw throw a softball with all of the T-Birds, who are dancing with glee]

A: We'll get my Wee Spike in you, hell, this guy has got a prostate which he checks routinely for cancer and uses the latest drugs from GlaxoKlineSmith productsor three
TB1: Keep talking, whoa, keep talking!
A: He'll ride your knob bicycle just like a champ, that's why I love my Spikey that's Wee!
TB2: I'll fuck mm'kay you honey, I'll kill to fuck mm'kay you honey! (snaps neck of auto shop teacher as proof)
A: When he gets you on all fours,
Your cock loving stay-at-home mother will weep, yeah it will pour,
For Wee Spikey!
ALL: Go go go, go go go go go go go go!

A (and All): (Spike has changes into a body suit covered in tassels, and is shaking it for all it's worth)
Go Wee Spikey, your dickshovel is like a fucking digging machine
Wee Spikey! GO Wee Spikey!
Go Wee Spikey, Your body is so tiny and wee!
Wee Spikey! Go Wee Spikey!
Your dick's pizza is supreme! You make me cream want to add on an order of hot wings! Oh Wee Spikey!


Eveyone now sated, Angel takes his lover fraternity buddy, almost as close as a war buddy, you wouldn't understand to the park, where Spike climbs up onto Angel's shoulder and nuzzles him affectionately stoically lends his support by not touching or speaking, just being a good male friend. Of legal age..
S: Say we'll be together forever as best pals. I'll make love to you be there for your first child's birth as a good friend right now if we can always be just as we are - right now.
A: I'll love you forever, baby best platonic friend for whom I have no sexual desires because it was Adam and EVE not STEVE.

Spike scoots down to the back of Angel's leather pants boat dock and slides himself down between the cool vamp-flesh and silky boxers cool lake water and powerful ski boat, looking for his prize. A twig snaps in the distance, and Angel jumps up, unaware that Spike has slid down to his puckering love hole boat dock and is hanging on to the sphincter ring boat's ladder of safety. Not seeing anything, Angel sits back down, lodging Wee Spike in the deepest part of his descending colon incredibly large and powerful ski boat.

A: Spike? Schmoopy dumpling? Itty bitty fuckinator mm'kayinator? Where'd you go? Baby? Honey buns? Heterosexual, of legal age best buddy?

Stranger: Way to talk to yourself, LOSER! (Laughing as he walks off stage)

(Angel buries his face in his hands, thinking his love fraternity brother has deserted him.)

[MUSIC TO SANDY'S SONG BEGINS TO PLAY]
A: Stranded at the swingset, branded a fool...
What will the demons say Monday at school?

Spikey, can't you see? I'm in misery...
I sat down, you're not around, there's nothing left for me.
Wee!Spike's gone, I'm all alone, I sit (S:UNF!) and wonder why-y-y oh, why.
You left me, ooh, Spikey...

[SPOKEN]
Spikey, darlin', you hurt me real bad, you know it's true.
But baby, you gotta believe me when I say, I can't cum load this ZTZ99 battle tank's canon without you.
[SINGS]
Wee!Spike's gone, I'm all alone, I sit (S: HEY!!) and wonder why-y-y oh, why.
You left me, Oh Spikey...

[ANGEL BEGINS TO CRY LIKE A SLAPPED CHILD WHITTLE, WHILE SPIKE - WHO HAS HEARD THE HEARTFELT PLEA FOR HIS LOVE PAL, CLASPS HIS HANDS TO HIS TEENY LITTLE BOOBIES LIKE A FAT MAN IN A COCONUT BIKINI, SO IT IS HUMOROUS AND DOESN'T FRIGHTEN ANY ONEAND SINGS TO HOPLESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU]
S: (while leaning forlorn against the final curve in the colon before it merges into the rectum piles of dead insurgents)
My head is saying, "Spike forget him," my heart is saying, "don't let go."
hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly embedded in you... Like journalists in war time

But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed me deep inside down in a bar fight
UHG! There's something on my head, hopelessly embedded in you... Like journalists in war time
hopelessly embedded in you, hopelessly embedded in youuuu! Like journalists in war time, like journalists in war tiiiiiiiiiiime


Angel hears the final high note coming from the region of his tushee a church, which he regularly attends for moral fortitude, of which he is filled to the brim.

A: Spike? Fuck Mm'kay-knuckle? You in there? Is that my conscience?
Angel pulls his pants down like a fraternity man - of legal age - mooning someone, because that is fun and everyone enjoys a harmless frat mooning, leans over the picnic table and twists so he can see his bum Porterhouse steak. Meanwhile, Spike has been able to work his way to the light and has popped his head out of the foxhole.
S: Oi! Sizzle tits! I've been here all along! And I love you too!!

[MUSIC TO YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT PLAYS]
A: You're the one in my butt tank!! (S: I'm the one in your butt tank!) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey,
You're the one in my butt tank!! (S: I'm the one in your butt tank!) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You're the one in my butt tank!! (S: I'm the one in your butt tank!) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You make me cum patriotic, (S: I make you cream patriotic!) It's lots of fun! (S: Oh, yes indeed!)

A: I got chills! They're multiplying, 'cause we know that math is Hawt!
On your love friendship, I'm relyin', it's VAMPIFYIN'!
S: (in his high and clear soprano)
You better not squat! 'Cause I'd fall out man! And my hands are holding high-fivin' you!
You better clench your emotions up up, need to understand, to your love-hole country I am true-ooooo

Both: You're the one in my butt tank!! (S: I'm the one in your butt tank!) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey,
You're the one in my butt tank!! (S: I'm the one in your butt tank!) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You're the one in my butt tank!! (S: I'm the one in your butt tank!) Ooh, ooh, UNF! Spikey
You make me cum patriotic, (S: I make you butt tank!) It's lots of fun! (S: Oh, yes indeed!)


The T-Birds show up with pieces of the Pink Ladies stuck in their jowls, horns, protrusions that are not genetalia, because that violates the Millers Test.
TB1: Aww, you two are really together now!
TB2: *Burp*

Angel takes a pinch between his cheeks of manly tobacco - he's trying to quit and using Nicorette™ which is helping curb the cravings (yep, THOSE cheeks) and sloooowly pulls little pygmy Spike a tooth out, shakes as the chills run up his naked backside powerful forearms, and then beams at his fetoidal love bunny in the palm of his hand which is alive at conception. He will insure his female partner, who is of legal age, covers when she breast feeds.

A: Spikey?? (He noticed that Spike removed his sequined and tasseled body suit and is naked gas mask)
S: Tell me about it, stud platonic, legal-aged friend.

All: Wow! We really are ready to take over the world now! The U.S. is the greatest democracy on the planet. Buy American!
Angel and Spike are nuzzling and cooing to each other fixing up an old car, listening to Lynard Skynard, while the demons barrel roll off in the distance.

[MUSIC TO WE GO TOGETHER PLAYS]
Both:
We go together like stick your crunchy bleachy head up into my poop chute large steaks and baked potatoes
You make me co-ome want to pay my taxes like, shoowop, showalla walla, yippity boom-de-boom
Cream, cream, squirtity-squirt ski plop cheese cinnamon bun frosting, that's the way it should be-eee
Ooh, Almighty God ....SPLAT!
We're for each other like stick me in your poofty ass, my big Irish lovah, Just like my brother, but not as hot and sexy as brothercest stories buddy who survived Normandy, Saving Private Ryan was a powerful movie
Cream, cream, squirtity-squirt ski plop cheese cinnamon bun frosting, that's the way it should be-eee
Ooh, Unf....SPLAT!

[MUSIC PLAYS TO FADE WHILE OUR LOVERS OVER 18 MALE FRIENDS WHO ARE SIMPLY FRIENDS, THAT'S IT, WHY DO THE GAYS HAVE TO BE EVERYWHERE? CLIMB INTO THE DESOTO WITH THE BLACKED PEOPLE OF COLOR OUT WINDOWS AND DRIVE OUT INTO THE SUN...]


~*~


Muuuuuuch better now, right? All cleaned up and tidy and unoffensive and PC. Yay! If you need to do this to your fics/artwork, perhaps this icon will help you remember the rules? (credit is lovely, but not necessary. hahaha.) I'm COMPLETELY SURPRISED that no one brought up South Park to the LJ execs. That's on basic cable, and syndicated even!



xposted to InsaneJournal.