Oho.
For all of you who tried to REASSURE ME that the Spider Of Doomitude™ was just as scared of me as, blah blah blah, they are beautiful, magnificent creatures that I should make out with, that it didn't want to eat my face and make its egg sac in my brain meat, that it really just wanted to sing romantic R&B hits while strolling barefoot on the beach while we planned our new web together...
YOU ARE FILTHY LIARS. You kiss your mothers with those mouths?!
I kissed my husband goodbye this morning, he opens the front door, steps out, SCREAMS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL and LIMBOS, spilling his coffee all over his dress shirt. Because the EVIL SPIDER MOVED FROM THE GARDEN TO BUILDING HER WEB ACROSS THE FRONT DOOR.
AT FACE LEVEL. I have tripled checked that all of my pets and children are accounted for. (Mr. S took a rake, gently scooped the She-Beast onto it and headed back to the garden with it. It PROMPTLY SCUTTLED UP THE HANDLE, ready to eat his face and lay her eggs in his brain meat. I heard a second little girl squeal and saw him fling the rake towards the neighbor's house.)
The neighbors are on their own. WE ARE IN A MARTIAL STATE, PEOPLE. (I have broken out in hives for the SECOND time. I itch everywhere. *whimpers*) But I would like to make some positive statements so I don't sit in my closet with my arms wrapped around my children and a loaded shotgun propped against the door:
slackerace gave me a party hat on my user info, hahaha, THANK YOU!! and entrenous88 phoned me yesterday morning, and in a clear, lovely soprano, sang me happy birthday. Heeeee! I love my friends. Thank you for all of the birthday wishes - I think I found you all, if I didn't, its just because I've been hiding in terror in my home.
NOW COME RESCUE ME!!!!!!
Haha,entrenous88 had the idea hee!
For all of you who tried to REASSURE ME that the Spider Of Doomitude™ was just as scared of me as, blah blah blah, they are beautiful, magnificent creatures that I should make out with, that it didn't want to eat my face and make its egg sac in my brain meat, that it really just wanted to sing romantic R&B hits while strolling barefoot on the beach while we planned our new web together...
YOU ARE FILTHY LIARS. You kiss your mothers with those mouths?!
I kissed my husband goodbye this morning, he opens the front door, steps out, SCREAMS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL and LIMBOS, spilling his coffee all over his dress shirt. Because the EVIL SPIDER MOVED FROM THE GARDEN TO BUILDING HER WEB ACROSS THE FRONT DOOR.
AT FACE LEVEL. I have tripled checked that all of my pets and children are accounted for. (Mr. S took a rake, gently scooped the She-Beast onto it and headed back to the garden with it. It PROMPTLY SCUTTLED UP THE HANDLE, ready to eat his face and lay her eggs in his brain meat. I heard a second little girl squeal and saw him fling the rake towards the neighbor's house.)
The neighbors are on their own. WE ARE IN A MARTIAL STATE, PEOPLE. (I have broken out in hives for the SECOND time. I itch everywhere. *whimpers*) But I would like to make some positive statements so I don't sit in my closet with my arms wrapped around my children and a loaded shotgun propped against the door:
slackerace gave me a party hat on my user info, hahaha, THANK YOU!! and entrenous88 phoned me yesterday morning, and in a clear, lovely soprano, sang me happy birthday. Heeeee! I love my friends. Thank you for all of the birthday wishes - I think I found you all, if I didn't, its just because I've been hiding in terror in my home.NOW COME RESCUE ME!!!!!!
Haha,
entrenous88 had the idea hee!- Spock is::
FREAKED OUT!!!
'Oos dis bint, then?
- stoney321
- Laura Stone
- Hey, Don't Judge Me
Comments
Jesus, is it time to call the bug people? Because OH MY GOD.
*HIDES*
I believe you, Stoney. All spiders that big want nothing more than to eat your face and lay eggs in your brain meet. I have long suspected this.
I think I might have to wrap my head (and my children's heads) in tin foil to protect our brains from egg layers.
If you have a flame thrower, I would like to borrow it.
But in your case...maybe a good idea.
I'm looking for my spider squishing outfit right now.
Oh, it's poisonous? I'll just spray the bee-keeper suits I'm going to be purchasing for protection, then. ;)
Hahahah. GAH.
A workshop? Did you rock the
body'shop with your mad skills? *climbs up your back like a monkey to hide from Evil Spider*::ducks and hides::
(In all seriousness, I love spiders, but those are a little freaky. I wouldn't have wanted it on me either. ::HUGS:: for both of you.)
And I like spiders in theory! I like what they do, I think they are amazing creatures... I just don't want them hollowing out my eyes to turn my skull into a Holiday Inn/maternity ward! Heeeee.
Oh who are we kidding, keep that creepy thing away from you, hopefully in neighbors yard. Aw, your poor husband, his new dress shirt. Spiders make me shudder, what eats them, you could get their natural predator, and then you wouldn't feel bad about killing it!
(I have no icon to suitably represent my grossed out/scaredness
My husband just emailed me from work to check and see if we were all still alive. :D I emailed back: NO. THIS IS THE SPIDER. I WIN.
*clings!* And thank you for th eb-day wishes, too!
*throws Stoney's plump little pets at spiderzilla and runs for the hills*
*cries* Whyfore did you sacrifice my fur babies to the evil? Let's steal the bad neighbor's Dobermans and shove THOSE in the way. It'll keep the neighborhood quieter... (hahahah)
*hands you a shotgun, sits back to back for protection*
I have a Family of Evil Spiders making webs all over my tomato plants. Every time I walk out onto the balcony, I wave our swiffer mop around to make the world safe from webs. Bleh.
That reminds me to go collect some tomatoes today before the mockig birds get them... Cover me. *slaps welding mask over face* I'm going out.
Okay, I'm just kidding. ABout the neighbors not being alive tomorrow. They'll probably just be brain-controlled by El Spidero Mysterioso! Beware your zombie neighbors, Ms. S.!
<3 <3 <3
*squints* S-t-o-n-e-y m-u-s-t d-i...
And then it trails off. What could it mean? *clings* Ahahaha, I will TEWTALLY keep an eye out for zombie, spider controlled neighbors, zomg!! *wraps skull in tin foil*
We had those exact same spiders build HOOOOOOGE webs across the front walk during the summer, from the maple tree to the shrubs in front of the house. Like about 15 or 20 feet. I AM NOT EXAGERATING.
It's like a drift net for bugs.
And they'd catch us. Oh, precious, they'd catch us. And I would scream and cry and dance and run and howl and flail and rock back and forth for HOURS afterwards.
Bastards.
::sobs in post traumatic stress disorder flashback::
I BELIEVE YOU. Dear god, I believe you. I fully expect at some point today to feel that ghostly, sticky net wrap itself with blinding speed around my head then feel a scuttling on my hair and then...
An explosion of babies from my frontal lobe. OH MY GOD, WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?!?!? *builds a wall of bricks and steel to lock myself in*