This post works best when read in a Jacque Cousteau voice. Ev-air-ee sing you read 'ere is ze complete and unadulterated trooth.

Day four 'undred and sairty-sree. We are under seige from ze She Beast, she 'oo gives no quartaire. We sought zat lobbing 'er like an 'and grenade would be ze end of all of our troubles. We were wrong. So very wrong...



In ze middle of ze night, (okay, can I stop ze Franch? Bon.) two nights ago we heard a horrible sound - the sound of a dying giraffe. But how could that be? There are no giraffes in North Texas. The next morning, I would have sworn I heard a lost child's terrified crying, but I could not locate the sound. Also, I was eating chips, so... *shrug*

Last night, as my husband mowed the lawn and edged under the side yard's bushes, we saw... HER. Clearly she had finished off the neighbors - who are old; their meat must be stringy and unsatisfying - and evidently she was looking for something... jucier.

This is what we found:



WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!? The family down the street has three of these, so I don't think they'll miss little Timmy. Or Billy. Jon? But what about ME? I have to listen to this kid as its life is slowly drained away by Shelob. This is highly inconvenient.

So, we called in reinforcements:



And not a moment too soon as you can see, because a busload of nuns had - at the very moment the soldiers arrived - driven past the forty foot web. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE NUNS? Look at the evil maw on that creature! And the spider is horrifying, too. [/rimshot]

Okay, truth time. We DID find Aragog yesterday while mowing, and she's taken up residence on the side of the house and already had a few grasshoppers bound up. YAY SPIDER. Just don't eat my face, kthx. ALSO! I harvested all of my pumpkins (40!! 40 frickin' pumpkins that I didn't plant! Who wants pumpkin butter?) and let the Mister mow back where they were growing. As he got the grass down from two feet to ground-level, he saw something squirming in a hollow in the grass. BRAND NEW BABY BUNNIES!!!

(Um, my husband was freaking for hours, worrying that he might have... mowed them down. :( He did not, and they were fine.) Little, hairless, naked bun ears (!!) and no mama cottontail to be found. We were worried sick that we had chased her off. We gathered all of the animals and kids, put everyone on strict instructions to not go in the backyard so Mama Bun would come out of hiding and move her babies on her own. HOURS went by, and we were getting very nervous for them. They looked only hours old. We ran to the pet shop and got ER food and eye droppers, in case Mama didn't show up by nightfall. I snuck out and checked by 10 last night (we were watching the meteor shower) and saw her moving the last one under our big cypress tree. *WHEW*

Now I don't know whether to keep my eyes peeled for a back-flipping pig or a large rat named Nicodemous next. I think I'd rather live in Nimh than Charlotte's Web, truth be told. Hmmm, I did see a power cord running out towards the vegetable patch... (Wait... Am I Mr. McGregor? I'll check to see if these bunnies start wearing bluw coats and clogs.)

This post brought to you by the "Foundation for People Sick of Bloggers Blogging About Livejournal and Nothing Else," an "It's A Million Degrees Outside" Corporation. :) (And a happy belated birthday to rainkatt!)

[ETA] Note: I am ONLY posting to LJ unless it's fic, which goes to IJ (stoney) but I will link HERE that I've posted... something. I'm not big on spamming flists, you see.