Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Pimps up, hos down

First, I want to talk about my excitement this time of year with all the back to school prep. Not just because I will be ridding my house of three food-eating, arguing, mess-making machines (although that's a big part of it) I get so nostalgic for college with all the dorm supplies cropping up everywhere. I'm not going to lie to you: I dicked around a LOT in college. Somehow I managed to graduate summa cum laude - I think it's because I slept with all of my professors. I AM JOKING. *gags, remembering Principles of Biology professor* My roommate was a huge flirt and partier, for a Mormon school, and was so much fun. In between the Mathematics building and our dorm was a large lawn. We went to a toy shop our sophomore year and bought a water cannon/trebuchet. Holy crap, did we have fun douching the nerds.

FOR THE RECORD: I was a nerd with my science degree. (But come on. Math students are such primadonnas.) The college was situated near some of the best rock climbing in the world; as soon as class was over, we'd hop in my crappy Buick2 (every college student should have a crappy car - and learn how to FIX IT. I rebuilt a Buick1 from the ground up, I thank you: '64 Special, bad ass hooptie) and hit the mountains. Sometimes we'd hook our gear up outside the dorm and climb up the walls and rapel down before security would come.

We had "theme" days (hey - it was a Mormon school - unofficially, ALL schools in Utah are Mormon - so there wasn't any drinking and screwing) where we'd dress up in costumes. And go to class. OF COURSE you would wear a leopard print catsuit with a blonde fro to Calculus. Didn't everyone? We roller skated every Saturday night, huge groups of 18-25 year olds dressed in fly 70s gear, skating to the hits. Good times. I still feel great shame at the boys I chose to date in college - it was SLIM PICKIN'S ladies. Very slim.

We would also make trips into Colorado City (Short Creek, aka the town Juniper Creek of Big love is based on) and boggle at the Plygs. Until they'd escort us out, of course. I taught Sunday School while in college. Can you believe that? CHURCH. In COLLEGE. And I went to church classes every school day, too! What the hell? Good, clean fun. Er... yeah. This was where I met the BFF - we were set up by a teacher, heeeee! We still laugh at that. This was where I got to be away from my family, be myself, figure out who I was, and got a nickname that wasn't insulting (um... my family? They could be assholes.) Oh, my nickname was Tex. :)

Screw high school as the "best time of your youth." It was college for me. [/wistful] (Even though I was surrounded by some of the biggest weirdoes imaginable. I've told y'all about the girl that lived down the hall that got married after two dates, had her FIRST KISS at the altar, and called her mom crying the night of her honeymoon because her husband wanted "to do something disgusting" to her? And her mother sobbed and said she had hoped this man would be different? HOLY DIRTY PILLOWS, CARRIE.)

In other words, I'm going to Staples to buy school supplies today. \o/ Check out these awesome Bento boxes for kids' lunches!! (I'm harsh and cruel and make my children eat heathfully - no packaged foods.)

Yesterday I was fitted for my costume - oh holy night, I was cracking the hell up. The SHOES!! Clear heels (of course) with a braided jelly strap across the toes - clear, with multi-colored shimmers inside. One of the tank tops belonging to my character reads: Back Door Bitch. *laughs and laughs* The one I'm wearing is bedazzled and eventually will have silver stars on the boobs. I need to get a leopard print bra today so it can poke out of my top. CLASSY!! (Oh, the SHORTS! moosesal? They're Britney-short. The pockets hanging out from underneath? Except there's classy black lace sewn on the hems. \o/ I'm a leetle nervous about my whole leg being exposed. I mean, my WHOLE leg. On a freaking movie screen. I'm doing leg lifts like a mo fo. (And if this was human, this is about the look we're going for.)

Finally, a very important and SCIENTIFIC POLL, which your answers are very much needed to solve world hunger. Or malaria. SOMETHING.

Poll #1040151 Polling the world, one lame question at a time

Do you get ready:

sock sock, shoe, shoe
sock, shoe, sock, shoe
shoe, shoe, sock
tentacle wrap, sealant

Do you brush your teeth

immediately after eating
right before bed
only in the morning
I drop my dentures in a fizzy glass at night

Do you keep it:

up tight and out of sight
clean, mean machine
krunked up?
to yourself?

I immediately assumed "it" was:

I (the poll taker) am:

all outta love... (I'm so lost without you!)
coming out! (I'm coming!)
a rock. I am an iiiiiiiiiisland. (And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.)
Woman, hear me roar! In numbers too big to ignore!
the walrus (goo goo g'joob)

Ain't no party like a ______ party, 'cuz a _____ party don't _____.

West Coast, West Coast, stop
East Coast, East Coast, stop
white trash, white trash, know when to let the hogs outta the livin' room.
(n) lj, (n) lj, allow child porn, linking to porn or anything questionable, are we done talking about LJ now?

Which of the following is true: (as per entries here)

I have known someone that has been on the Jerry Springer show.
I have known someone that has complained about buying an arm for someone that didn't appreciate it.
I have known someone that packed a lunch to sit outside the fire station and follow them around while listening to a scanner.
all of these are true, and it's the same person.
none of these are true, because you can't make that stuff up.

Tags: both, movie magic, poll!, random statements
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