Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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(I cannot even wrap my head around the awesomeness of The Office, y'all. I <3 everything about it. EVERYTHING.)

Note: when I read "his/her intentions were clear" in a story, I think a) they're about to rape someone, b) they're going to get their quilting on!, c) someone is about to addendum their 1099s for their Schedule C, bitchez! or d) I assume the next sentence will read: "they were going to possibly intrigue someone with their enigma like quality while standing in the shadows and mumbling."

IT ISN'T CLEAR IF YOU DON'T USE WORDS. You are a writer. Use your words. Otherwise, you're a mime.

From a story where the "man" has two penises, one on top of the other. Like a rhino, but apparently not instilling you with fear. Now, "she" has just finished sucking off the double-dick dynamo (why don't people use alliteration more? It's so FUN.) where he came for TWO MINUTES, and his penis was SO HUGE that it was sitting in her throat, past her tonsils, and he shot his "slimy wad" straight into her stomach, to the point where she feels like she's "overeaten." (I mean, he's going for two minutes after all) Who isn't turned on by THIS? Here's the next bit:

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t until I felt his dicks touching both of my holes that I remembered about his twin dicks. Knowing what he intended, I was paralyzed with fear, fear of the pain I knew would come, the pain I could do nothing to prevent. I found myself thankful that he had allowed me to lubricate his dick first, and that realization chilled me more than anything else.

HOW DID SHE FORGET HE HAD TWO? I mean, while he's got his hosepipe down her esophagus, wasn't #2 slapping her face, jabbing her eye... Or was it the lower cock? Because then, it would be choking her, pinching off her esophagus and... Ah. Making her throat tighter, thus giving D3 a better erection! I see. (We'll just ignore the double ball sacs. Which the author spelled ballsacks.)

D3 then uses his double Ds to his best advantage: "Both of my cherries were robbed from me, at the exactly same time" CHERRIES. Okay, I get the whole frat boy use of this word, but some of these kids writing fic.... I think they feel there is LITERALLY a cherry up there. When we all know it's a kumquat.

And I don't know what's going on with the teens of today, but I keep reading these fics with consensual rape - when I don't know there's rape involved, because they're LOVE STORIES. I know. WHAT?!!? you may be asking yourself. But it's the latest and the greatest: someone is raped, but they really WANT it, and these kids today with their nonsense...

Finally sated, Machamp cried out “Machaaaaamp!!”, and pushed himself as far into me as he could get while his upper cock released the second load of the night. It felt hot and slimy as it made its way up my intestines, a strange feeling, but actually quite soothing after the fiery pain of the anal rape.

Words that aren't hot: LOAD. Oh, and "fiery pain of the anal rape." But I'm totally excited about screaming my own name as I climax, like Machamp. I'll carry the "o" sound for a long time, because guttural tones from a woman are sexy. And yes, I call out my "handle" when having sex. DON'T YOU?

Lastly: WORKED ITS WAY INTO MY INTESTINES??? [insert picture of failboat] [insert cat macro reading "you're doing it wrong] [insert a Machamp into intestines] Um... scratch that last one.

*deep cleansing breath*

I'm throwing a party tonight and need to get food items, clean the house, buy a cute top so I look sassy, buy ashtrays because they're all smokers, write out my proposed menu so I don't forget something. I'm very much looking forward to hanging out with folks from my movie. \o/ Tomorrow is the Red River Rivalry, so there will be foosball in my future of yayness (or ultimate sorrow - SCREW YOU, OU) And I need to finish making a pattern for these drapes that are kicking my ass. Note to the public: arched windows are a pain in the ass to cover. Especially when the ceiling is arched, as well. Hey pattern makers of the world: it would be SUPER if y'all made drapes for these so I don't screw up with hundreds of dollars worth of fabric, thanks. (Lee? I went a different way with the border, and it looks AWESOME. Pics to come after a few days.)

HAPPY FRIDAY. (And if you want to read more bad!fic on your own, check out my bad!fic tag at Next week? I share the worst of the Bible_slash. WOW. The modern talk on Jesus/Judas!! I ROFLed reading "cock" from Jesus' mouth. Ahahaha. And the girl-hate is built in with Mary Magdalene REALLY being a whore!! Heee.)
Tags: bad!(great)fic, to do
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