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Do you want to play a game?

And it's a mark of my age to note that I hear that subject line in a broken computer voice, then follow it up with "Global Thermonuclear War." (Oh!! And happy birthday to ponders_life!!)

I'm full o' beans today and want y'all to PLAY and HAVE FUN WITH ME. There's been entirely too much griping and silence, yes? Yes. So here's how it works:

1. Make up a quotation.
2. Make up someone famous who said it.
3. Make it funny. (Or ironic. Or ridiculous.)

Here's mine:

"I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one."
~Oscar Wilde

"No, really. Frank Bacon - I call him Frank - wrote all of my plays. I'm, uh, not as talented as everyone thought. Whoops!"
~William Shakespeare

"What I find most interesting about Quantum Physics is how at the subatomic level, those particles, say, quarks, for example, can be in two places at once. Or, not exist at all! It's mind boggling. Also, I hope to finish my doctorate in one year.
~Paris Hilton


"I could fucking murder someone for a steak."
~Mahatma Ghandi

"Did you hear something?"
~Helen Keller

"A little club soda will get that out."
~King of Denmark to his wife, Lady Macbeth.

Either comment here, or put this in your own journal and comment with a link so I can laugh with you. YAY FRIDAY!


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 16th, 2007 04:14 pm (UTC)
That whole dying on the cross for all of mankind's sins? Kinda blew. Oh, and Mary Magdalene? Kinky bitch in bed. - Jesus Christ (I would like to go ahead and reserve my seat in hell now, thanks.)

I meant to say, give me liberty or give me pie. I really like cherry. - Patrick Henry

(HI! I'm lame at this but I can't wait to see what others say!)
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:28 pm (UTC)

"Actually, liberty is over rated. I'll take cheaper gas prices."
~Patrick Henry

Nov. 16th, 2007 04:16 pm (UTC)
Also, War Games is the greatest MB movie ever, aside from Ferris Bueller, natch.
Nov. 16th, 2007 04:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the birthday wishes, Stoney! And you aren't the only one to hear that broken computer voice for that line...
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
I hope it's a terrific day!!

*hugs you bunches*
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
"My hero is Mother Theresa. She took such good care of so many children." - Britney Spears

Alls I've choked through half of that Jill Ann Spaulding woman. JESUS ON A CRACKER She's on self absorbed crazy lady
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:02 pm (UTC)
Seriously I need tp proof read my posts before hand
That last sentance didn't come out right at all.

let's try again...

ALSO I've choked through half ot that Jill Ann Spaulding woman's BOOK. She's ONE self absorbed crazy lady.
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
My god, isn't that book weird? On one hand, it's creepy about the Playboy Mansion. On the other hand, she is SO SELF-ABSORBED. Good lord.

And hahahahaha to your Britney Quote!
Nov. 16th, 2007 06:13 pm (UTC)
That book is like a train wreck. YOU CAN'T STOP READING but you really really want to. If she alludes one more time to how famous a female poker player she is I'm going to puke. I'M FAMOUS I'M FAMOUS AND TRASHY AND FAMOUS FAMOUS FAMOUS

::Deep breath::

I'll probably read more tonight.
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:13 pm (UTC)
Day One. Slaves shagged: 3 but is only lunchtime; cups of tea: 0 - stupid redcoats; pipes smoked: countless, as Ben Franklin (pervert) stayed over. Nights of drunken debauchery, hurrah! Tho Patrick Henry no longer invited to debaucherous evenings as is complete fuckwit given to speeches at inappropriate moments. Hamilton keeps giving me odd broody looks, but is money-laundering philandering murderer. Quite like his new waistcoat. Nano wordcount only approx 14, got into argument with bloody Adams about the possibility of unions being "more perfect." Stupid arse. Off to a wig-fitting, la! Going to be prettiest at Dunmore's party and make him sulk. Hope Hamilton doesn't go. Broody looks v disconcerting. - from Thomas Jefferson's personal diary

Shit, did you see the tits on that bitch? - Lance Bass

Sean Preston, you put that microscope and petri dish DOWN this instant and come review your calculus flashcards with Mommy! I only have half an hour before we have to strap you both into your carseats to take you to your brother's violin lesson! - Britney Spears
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)
" *hitting bong* Okay, so like, I made up all this shit? And I'm getting so much 'tang, y'all. I AM GOING TO LIVE FOR EVER!"
~Joseph Smith

"I'm not gay, but my asshole is."
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:43 pm (UTC)
"No okay guys LISTEN, okay, we need to concentrate if we're going to make this really work. But it's really easy. You just put on the stupid hat and the apron and then you stand in front of the mirror and then you - " (Joseph Smith)

"CAST MAGIC MISSILE!" (Brigham Young)
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
I might throw down some more later on. :)

"Well, the real tricky part was getting the judiciary to not invalidate my non-existent campaign, seeing as I got written in on every ballot, and I never once used The Daily Show as a campaign platform. And we were pretty good about skewering all sides, anyway."
-Jon Stewart, upon winning the US presidency entirely by write-in vote.

"I solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."
-Barry Bonds

"God, is it a backslash or a forward slash, for URLs? I never remember."
-Bill Gates

"I drive a 1978 Volvo station wagon. No power windows, no turbo, no automatic transmission, no nothing--why?"
-Steve Jobs
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC)

"Okay, don't tell anyone, but I have NO IDEA how to fix bugs in this system. I just kinda slapped a bunch of stuff together and BAM. Billionaire."
~Bill Gates

"I dunno."
~Albert Einstein.
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
I can't stop giggling at your Wilde quote. Maybe because I can just see Stephen Fry as Wilde say it and that will entertain me for the next couple of hours probably.

I got a bit carried away with the quotes, so here's a link. :D
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:38 pm (UTC)
I've been laughing at your post, too. (Hahahaha, there should be a meme all to itself with Stephen Fry as Wilde made up quotes!)
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:40 pm (UTC)
I actually think "Rock On" is one of the best songs ever written, and I gladly gave up any other career to devote my life to performing this one magestic tune.
~Michael Damien

Secretly, I'm a Pro-Lifer.
~Dr. Jack Kevorkian
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:44 pm (UTC)
"Not only does God play dice, but... he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen."
- Michael Jackson

"I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."
- Dick Van Dyke

"At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory.">
- Michael Moore

Edited at 2007-11-16 05:44 pm (UTC)
Nov. 16th, 2007 08:49 pm (UTC)
HA HA HA! The Dick Van Dyke one makes me laugh so hard!

"I could fucking kill someone for a steak."
~Mahatma Ghandi
Nov. 16th, 2007 05:55 pm (UTC)
"OK, guys, haha. Real funny, you guys. You got me. Joke's over, OK? Come out, come out, wherever you are...? Hellooo? Guuuuys? Where'd everybody go?" - Alexander Selkirk AKA Robinson Crusoe, for the first 8 weeks or so

"Hey, honey, look, someone's waving too us from that grassy knoll." - JFK

"You said to smoke this and I'd feel good, but I don't feel any diff- Woah. Woah. Dude, write this down..." - Mohammed

"...and then Judas totally went for third base with Jesus in front of everyone." - Peter
Nov. 16th, 2007 08:47 pm (UTC)
HEEEEEEEEEE!!! Oh, those are all awesome.

"I want to tell the world I'm gay and involved - for 33 years now! - with a black, Jewish man, but I'm scared."
~Jerry Falwell
Nov. 16th, 2007 07:43 pm (UTC)
"You know, now that you mention it, having Harry and Hermione end up together would have been a good idea!" -- J.K. Rowling

"Why can't we all just get along?" -- Voldemort
Nov. 16th, 2007 08:46 pm (UTC)

"I'm gay. Penelope was my beard. And I'm in love... with Cornelius Fudge."
~Percy Weasley
Nov. 16th, 2007 09:48 pm (UTC)
oh my gosh, these were hilarious. i haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. :D
Nov. 16th, 2007 10:11 pm (UTC)
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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