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Gah, one more thing.

I feel it's as important to show my own flaws as often as I point out others. :D

I bought a new office chair yesterday, and started putting it together. Wheels on the base, "gas lift" into that, then you're supposed to take the seat cushion and push down onto the gas lift until it connects. (remember the wheels part.)

The seat, wobbling, is resting on the nubbin it's supposed to connect to. I push. The gas lift raises me up. (The thingy that makes the seat go up and down when you pull on the handle deely-bopper? Why yes, I have a PhD in Mechanical Engineering, why do you ask?)

I try again. And again. I literally cannot push the seat down. (I mean, the seat lifts you up while you sit on it, yes?) So I get a clever idea: I'll lay on the seat cushion and push down with all of my body weight.

Go get a quarter. See how big it is? That's the size of the nubbin I'm attempting to push the chair onto. I also cannot ride a unicycle. I grunt and push down, the whole thing wobbles, the wheels shoot left, the seat cushion shoots up and right, and I go flying. I have a lovely bruise on my arm and knee.

Pissed, I email the company asking how the hell this is supposed to work, but without swear words, just very tersely.


I then realize that I'm pushing the wrong thing onto the nubbin. You know the twisty tension thing on some office chairs? Um... Yeah. I find the right hole (that's what she said) and voila, it connects. Uh.

I got an email this morning from the company, apologizing for my hurt arm and knee (yes, I threw that in there) and trying to explain it to me more fully. Here's my reply email:

Dear M___,

First off, thank you so much for your helpful tone and email.  For the record, it's official: I'm an idiot. Thankfully my husband came home and pointed that out to me.  I was attempting to insert the seat plate into the tension twist thing, hence the Flying Wallandas act.

I am now happily typing this to you from my incredibly comfortable chair (properly constructed) and hopefully the humble pie on my face won't short out my keyboard.

Thank you again for your kind email.

Ms. Moron

I got this back:

You are very welcome. You had me cracking up, as well as my employee too! I figured that’s what you were doing, as we get that one quite often.  You are way more sweet though, the male customers that call in (whom are also Engineers might I add, well so they think) get quite embarrassed and somehow its now my fault. Haha. I’m glad everything is back to normal, and if you have any questions in the future, you know where to find me.

Ps. Still laughing at flying Wallands. You know I’m going to have to save your email... :)

So if this exchange starts floating around, it's from yours truly. It's official: I'm a moron. I should make bumper stickers...


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 18th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! My mom loves e-mail forwards and I swear to goodness, sends me tons every day. (God love her, the email, it fascinates her.) If I get this from her, I'll be sure to tell her who the person in question is. She'll feel so proud!
Jan. 18th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC)
Orrrr....you could beat her to the punch and send it to her first! :D
Jan. 18th, 2008 05:10 pm (UTC)
In an otherwise craptastic day you have given me a laugh.

p.s. Happy Anniversary!
Jan. 18th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. I love that they responded so personally! Enjoy your new chair! :D
Jan. 18th, 2008 05:34 pm (UTC)
"It's official: I'm a moron. I should make bumper stickers..." *raises hand* I'll take one of those.
Jan. 18th, 2008 05:58 pm (UTC)
Everybody loves funny customer service emails. I've gotten free stuff out of them.

At least there wasn't video?

Happy anniversery!
Jan. 18th, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC)
You're awesome to eat your humble pie with such relish and then share the experience back with the company. Also, I'd like to order 100 of your bumper stickers (where you can design and order at www.makestickers.com) for my teenager, plzkthx.
Jan. 18th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)
Hee hee. Humble pie is underrated. It is quite delicious, if a bit seedy.
Jan. 18th, 2008 09:06 pm (UTC)
LOL. Awww. I've been having similar issues putting together my daughter's new bed. Though at least it was more my five-year-old's fault than mine! (Yes, I am that pathetic)

Me: ::getting extremely frustrated with the bed and the directions for putting it together:: Insert screws, tighten screws...WHAT screws? Am I supposed to go out and buy my own screws? ::stomps off to the kitchen, grumbling::
Darla: ::smiles beatifically at me:: Hi, Mommy.
Me: Hey, kiddo--woah, wait, what are you playing with? Are those SCREWS?!
Darla: Uh-huh. They were in the box with my new bed.

On the bright side, at least I hadn't gotten as far as calling customer service, demanding screws. ;-)
Jan. 18th, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC)
You are squishable in your adorablness except for the screaming that would occur because of your internal bruising.
Jan. 19th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC)
Hahahahahahaha. Smart, funny and sexy, you are. :)
Jan. 19th, 2008 02:33 am (UTC)
You win at grace, and I mean your emails, not necessarily the aeronautic gymnastics.
Jan. 19th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
I try to buy chairs that are already assembled in the store to avoid such scenarios :)
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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