I bought a new office chair yesterday, and started putting it together. Wheels on the base, "gas lift" into that, then you're supposed to take the seat cushion and push down onto the gas lift until it connects. (remember the wheels part.)
The seat, wobbling, is resting on the nubbin it's supposed to connect to. I push. The gas lift raises me up. (The thingy that makes the seat go up and down when you pull on the handle deely-bopper? Why yes, I have a PhD in Mechanical Engineering, why do you ask?)
I try again. And again. I literally cannot push the seat down. (I mean, the seat lifts you up while you sit on it, yes?) So I get a clever idea: I'll lay on the seat cushion and push down with all of my body weight.
Go get a quarter. See how big it is? That's the size of the nubbin I'm attempting to push the chair onto. I also cannot ride a unicycle. I grunt and push down, the whole thing wobbles, the wheels shoot left, the seat cushion shoots up and right, and I go flying. I have a lovely bruise on my arm and knee.
Pissed, I email the company asking how the hell this is supposed to work, but without swear words, just very tersely.
I then realize that I'm pushing the wrong thing onto the nubbin. You know the twisty tension thing on some office chairs? Um... Yeah. I find the right hole (that's what she said) and voila, it connects. Uh.
I got an email this morning from the company, apologizing for my hurt arm and knee (yes, I threw that in there) and trying to explain it to me more fully. Here's my reply email:
First off, thank you so much for your helpful tone and email. For the record, it's official: I'm an idiot. Thankfully my husband came home and pointed that out to me. I was attempting to insert the seat plate into the tension twist thing, hence the Flying Wallandas act.
I am now happily typing this to you from my incredibly comfortable chair (properly constructed) and hopefully the humble pie on my face won't short out my keyboard.
Thank you again for your kind email.
I got this back:
You are very welcome. You had me cracking up, as well as my employee too! I figured that’s what you were doing, as we get that one quite often. You are way more sweet though, the male customers that call in (whom are also Engineers might I add, well so they think) get quite embarrassed and somehow its now my fault. Haha. I’m glad everything is back to normal, and if you have any questions in the future, you know where to find me.
Ps. Still laughing at flying Wallands. You know I’m going to have to save your email... :)
So if this exchange starts floating around, it's from yours truly. It's official: I'm a moron. I should make bumper stickers...