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bullet points for the very busy

(which is me, or at least, I'm determined to be very busy today.) I was pretty amazed by my hit counter to see how many people went back to read my Mormon and Polygamy tags. (Maybe there is a market for this book after all...) Whoops, bullet points!

  • I watched a report last night on the YFZ ranch that shocked even me (and Carolyn Jessop and Dorothy Soloman, etc.) They had multiple beds lined up in a special room in their temple to consummate the marriages instantly. (More about this after the jump, for those curious)
  • I know that some of you expressed frustration with not being able to do anything, and wanting to help in some way. Go H E R E to Texas' DFPS page and you'll find a list of ways to help the women and children. This is the largest case of this type in US History - there's bound to be some weirdness, and anything you can do to help (I'm pitching in, too) will help get these poor folks out of the mindset that they're cattle. (Keep in mind this is in the beginning stages - they're still trying to assess what all will be needed.)
  • Keep in mind that these folks are old school - they'll work to feed themselves, clothe themselves. They'll just need the resources to get started. (And my hope is the mothers will get some job training to help them have tools to get out and stay out of this culture. FLDS: putting the Cult in Culture since 1840!)
  • ION, I've been crutch-free for 36 hours and have a zombie-quality to my shambling about the house. (I should stop moaning and frightening the children, huh?) I plan on wearing an old fashioned, Jules Verne-esque diving helmet until I can walk correctly, to protect my precious brains from you ever-vigilant zombie-killers. (Are you ever-vigilant?! They could rise up at ANY MOMENT, zomg!!)

[ETA] This appears to be the original affidavit filed? I'm still reading it.
[ETA 2] I'm slow on the uptake. The reason they're taking names for volunteers is they are afraid that people that secretly left the compound will "volunteer" and ferry away wives and children. Makes sense. There's a hotline for people to call that may have lived there but left, too. Very smart. (1-800-252-5400.) Get an electronic collar on them. I love my home state, y'all.

Okay, I think I've talked about temple practices before, but I can't remember. In a nutshell, Joseph Smith, a 32nd level Mason, stole ripped off modified some of their practices for the Mormon temples. Now, not anyone can get in, remember. You have to be "a worthy member" to get in, which means not all Mormons can get into their own temples. (Read: pay your 10% tithe on the NET, not GROSS salary, no hanky panky, no alcohol, smoking, coffee <-- HELLO. Why I'm not a member any more. hahah.)

When you get married, there's a series of hoops you have to jump through.

  1. Get interviewed by your Bishop (local pastor) for worthiness. If approved, you get a year membership card and access to the hot tub. I mean, the baptismal font and locker rooms. (Um, why are their lockers in the Lord's House? Didn't you prove you weren't a theif? Huh.)

  2. Get your "endowments" which roughly translates into coventing with God that you will be a Good Mormon and wear your Holy Panties (shirt and long short/boxers.) Masonic symbols are sewn over the nipples and at the right knee. Most Mormons do not know they are Masonic symbols, btw. The FLDS Holy Panties go to their ankles and wrists, hence the clothing they wear.

  3. You will ALWAYS wear your Holy Panties, and nothing will come between you and your Calvins H.P.s Which means for ladies, your bra goes OVER the shirt. How sexy is THAT? You can take them off to swim and bathe. They do have holes in them for coitus, which, come on. That's hot. ???

  4. You then, either in a separate ceremony or in the same day, go through the Marriage Ceremony where you and your spouse are "Sealed For Eternity." (Hope you chose well.)

  5. Aside from old ladies that work at the temple touching your nethers (groin, breasts, belly, armpits as well as your head, neck, legs, and feet) with "sacred oil," you wear an apron and chef-style hat (in green over your white clothing that covers everything but your lower arms, hands, face, and feet) and go to the "sealing room" where your family and soon-to-be spouse wait for the Bride (the POV I'm writing here)

  6. The woman gets a new name from that same oil-anointing biddy (um... it's the same name for everyone that goes through the temple that day. I laughed my ass off when I heard that from a temple worker) and that's the name your husband will call you to a) resurrect you in the Last Days and b) how he can identify his soul mate. (There's going to be a lot of Sarahs and Ruths looking confused.)

  7. He then leads you through a vagina, I mean, a sheet hanging with a big split in it vertically, and you're married.

(there's a few other things in there, too, that were taken out of the Mormon ceremony in the past few years, like saying you will spill your bowels and slit your own throat if you ever discuss what goes on in the temple. They took that shit seriously, too. It was scaring all the new converts, so now they don't do that. People who know anything about the Masonic Lodge's practices are rolling their eyes. That's directly from their play book.) There's something in there about fertility, but I can't remember exactly how it goes - I'll have to ask my folks. And don't forget: once you do this for yourself, you're expected to do this for other people who have died without this being done. Like for Eva Braun and Hitler. (True fact.)

There are a series of chambers you go through during this process: the Creation Room (with murals of Adam and Eve and Eden) where you learn where man came from (cough) and it's acted out live. By old people. Playing Adam and Eve. (Okay, now it's on videotape produced at BYU, but still. It's hard not to laugh.) This is where women are commanded to covenant that they will obey their husbands, always. (The Law of Obedience.) Then you all proclaim you'll give up everything you own for the Church's benefit, should they need it. (Law of Sacrifice.) Um, what a blissful wedding ceremony! Then, you learn a special handshake (another Masonic thing - the finger wiggling in your palm? Good god.) THIS is when you pantomime splitting your throat.

Next is the "Lonely and Dreary World" room where you see what could happen if you are not the Best Mormon Ever, zomg!! Way to go, asshole. You could abstain from coffee, and now the world is a horror-scape Zdzislaw Beksinski didn't even dream up. A few more hand shakes are learned, then the curtain-slit walk is done, but you grasp your spouse with the sheet separating you first, you do the hand shakes you just turned, the hokey pokey, you walk through to the "Celestial Room" and bam! Happy wedding day! o_0

Long story short (too late), it was rumored that Mormons "had sex right there" in front of the family during our marriage ceremony. Well, they don't. BUT. Apparently the Warren Jeffs' sect of the FLDS DO. In that Sealing Room (where the family is waiting and there's an altar you kneel at to get some of the instructions for the ceremony) in the YFZ Ranch, the investigators found a row of beds, all messed up from people using them. (And ladies hair. Good god.) So... Warren just took it that final step and did it right there. But multiple beds? Like, an orgy? I don't know.

My speculation is that multiple women would be "sealed" to one man in a single ceremony (to save time?) and they'd all be lined up and he'd go from woman to woman. GAG. God, I hate these men. Well, the whole thing, really. But hey - I'll limit it today to one thing.


( 62 comments — Leave a comment )
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Apr. 10th, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC)
*is speechless*

But yay for no crutches!

Apr. 10th, 2008 02:45 pm (UTC)
I know, right? It's like... how can anyone BELIEVE this stuff???

Boy, you're telling me! *does a zombie shuffle from Thriller*
... - drusplace - Apr. 10th, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 10th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 10th, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC)
WOW. Your take on all this is always so fascinating. That shit is NUTS.

I'm glad you're not on crutches anymore!
Apr. 10th, 2008 02:46 pm (UTC)
If I may show how lame I can be, this stuff is bananas, b, a, n, a, n, a, s, this stuff is BANANAS! B! (etc.)

I am too! Are you feeling less "walking dead" yourself? (I recommend steel helmet/neck wrap so you're not confused with a flesh eater. That would be terrible to lose you in the fight against the undead!! :D)
... - redbrickrose - Apr. 10th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 10th, 2008 02:46 pm (UTC)
*sigh* What is there to say but WTF to infinity? Thanks so much for the link to the DFPS page, sweetie. Those poor girls are going to need all the help they can get. :(

Shuffle on, you magnificent zombie!
Apr. 10th, 2008 02:47 pm (UTC)
I know - it's to the point where you almost can't keep your mouth open in shock, because you're going to find out something new in five minutes that's MORE shocking.

*slide to the left, head shake, clap over head* CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER!!
Apr. 10th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC)
Besides the obvious mess-upedness of it all, what strikes is how it cobbled together it is. This is why it's better to go with the ancient religions who are a few thousand years away from the rituals and myths they copied from other groups.
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:00 pm (UTC)
Like worshipping Ra! Personally, I'm a fan of Pan, what with the wine, orgies, and song. :)
Apr. 10th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC)
I'm starting to think every time I see one of those mormon dudes trying to convert people I shouldn't so much be amused but rather more frightened.

And did anyone in the ranch actually believe in anything?

Or where the men perfectly aware that they were dealing in slavery (sexual and otherwise), and the women too terrified to do anything?
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:02 pm (UTC)
The LDS aren't as scary as the FLDS, but yeah - don't let them in. They're like rats. Once they're in, it's nigh on impossible to eradicate them. :D

Oh, those folks in the ranch believe EVERY SINGLE THING. Devout Mormons do, too. (Obv. not practicing polygamy in the flesh. They only practice it in "heaven.") But it's also a combo of the last thing. That's why I hate religion: you put the fear of god's wrath in people, and it makes them too scared to think for themselves and act accordingly. (You know, logically.)
... - jgracio - Apr. 10th, 2008 06:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:14 pm (UTC)
Do the actively Mormon members of your family (extended, I guess) know you're writing a book? If so, how do they feel about it?

That wedding ceremony sounds like the It's A Small World ride without being in a boat.
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC)
Well, my dad does. The others? Um, no. I'm sure they'll be angry (and sad for my lost soul.) But... whatever. They raised me in a cult, so-

Hahaha, right! Or the beautiful multicultural faces.
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)

Yay for you not being on crutches anymore. I hate those things, I have the hardest time getting around on those.

Your posts on the FLDS are as fascinating as they are disturbing.

My speculation is that multiple women would be "sealed" to one man in a single ceremony (to save time?) and they'd all be lined up and he'd go from woman to woman.

Okay, this question is going to sound like I'm taking the piss, but I'm not. If one dude - and from the sounds of it, they're all older - is "sealing" multiple women at once, how are they able to keep getting it up? Do they have stock in Viagra or something?

Okay, I'm kinda taking the piss. But I also really want to know.

Thanks for the link to where one can help. I feel so much for these women and children, this whole thing just breaks my heart.
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:30 pm (UTC)
I have no idea. Remember, it's all speculation. (And I would be shocked to find out that a lot of these men AREN'T taking Viagra. You know. For Jesus.)

It's just a horrible situation all around. (And thank you for the well wishes! Off to do some physical therapy, in fact.)
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:30 pm (UTC)
It makes me physically sick!
This, (and the recent videos of the 14 teenage girls from Florida beating the crap out of one of their schoolmates) really diminishes my faith in humanity.
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:50 pm (UTC)
I'm glad I don't know about that other vid, then! (Don't link me, please.)

You know, as much as I'm NOT a fan of Oprah's, we love to watch "The Big Give" on Sundays and remember that people really can be good. I highly recommend it. *hugs*
... - _tayler - Apr. 10th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - fiveandfour - Apr. 10th, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Apr. 10th, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - _tayler - Apr. 10th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC)
I've been thinking about you when I read the news on all this, so I'm glad you had time to write up some stuff. =)
Apr. 10th, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, I'm glad I've trained y'all to think of me when perverted older men marry younger women. MY WORK HERE IS DONE. :D

....except for how I've got a million more things to say on this topic. Heeee!
Apr. 10th, 2008 04:00 pm (UTC)
It all sounds so completely wacky, but it's really just horrifying. Generations of women and children being enslaved in the name of religion. The Holy Panties are a constant reminder of your commitment to the Lord and your husband. I don't think I'm going to be able to stomach learning more about that Sealing Room...

Your shambling is making me nervous *pets new machete,* but congratulations on being crutch free!
Apr. 10th, 2008 04:15 pm (UTC)
I pass my dog's sniff test, so I am (as of this comment) NOT a zombie. If I get a penchant for brains/flesh/not having a pulse, I will let you know. By my MOANS for BRAAAAAIAIIIIIIINS.

The Holy Panties... Even when I was seriously devout, I always had a problem with that. How bunchy for women with actual boobs to have that UNDER your bra! Not to mention you're trapped in Bermuda shorts or capris for the rest of your summers, and no sleeveless tops EVER. Hi. I live in Texas. No.
Apr. 10th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
I haven't had a chance to read your last post in depth, but I will. For now I just had to say that when I read this: They had multiple beds lined up in a special room in their temple to consummate the marriages instantly. I gasped. Literally gasped. I just...wow.

It makes me so very, very thankful for my own situation. I've certainly had some life challenges, but they appear as nothing when thinking about what that kind of attitude towards women really means. What a long road it would be to deep-in-your-heart realize all those things you'd been brought up to believe about being nothing more than chattal was all a bunch of crap.
Apr. 10th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
I did, too, and the famous women that escaped this group that were on Larry King last night gasped and took a few seconds to grasp that thought, too. It's pretty damn shocking.

And yeah - whenever you think you've hit rock bottom, you realize you've just hit an abutment, because rock bottom is waaaaaaaaaay down there. *hugs*
Apr. 10th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks as always for sharing the facts, details and insights, not to mention the links. Too long in coming, but I'm glad someone finally figured out grounds for going in and showing some of these trapped folks that there are other options.

Now let's hope it sticks. The track record is not so great once the initial crisis is over. It's not even Stockholm Syndrome, sadly it's "going home."
Apr. 10th, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC)
Shoot, you betcha. I'm so happy that my home state cowboy'd up and got the ball rolling on this.

My hope is a team of specialists will be called in and help them figure out that there's a better way of living. It won't work for most, I'm sure, but if ANY of them get out, that'll be a blessing.
Apr. 10th, 2008 04:22 pm (UTC)
Yay, no crutches!

And to all this other mess...gods. Yes, how terrifying to think that other 'church members' will come and snatch these poor kids and fucked-up women away to some fresh hell.

And dear gods, what the fuck *is* it with men and their secret ceremonies and their absolute *terror* of women? Gods.
Apr. 10th, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
It's all so FREAKING AWFUL. But, like I said elsewhere, the good thing about every one finding out about this is that it will be MUCH harder for them to go anywhere, now.

Their hatred of women is breathtaking.
... - tabaqui - Apr. 10th, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 10th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
It's all scary, but I'm kind of hung up on the Holy Panties. WTF?
Apr. 10th, 2008 06:30 pm (UTC)
I KNOW. Those are the "garments." I seriously used to pray to Jeebus to help me not hate them, so when the time came (it never did) I wouldn't balk at wearing them.

...I got better. :D
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 10th, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
Isn't it terrible? (But the good thing is, they are REALLY exposed now. They won'tbe able to curry any public favor this time!)

Ooooh, excellent idea! hahahaha.
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( 62 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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