Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Oh, wank. I love you when you're breathtaking in your stupidity.

There's some outbreak of stupid being heaped upon southernbangel for wanting to write a fictional story about fictional people in a fictional setting and how this is WRONG and AWFUL and DISRESPECTFUL. (Um, this is fanfiction, not RPF, for the record.) It all boils down to: if you don't write what I like, you a) aren't a fan and b) you are mean and awful and dirty. So, same song, different verse.

In light of this, I've created a list of fics that I'm going to write (no I'm not, I'm lazy) just to be unpopular. :D

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (with some AtS)
Pairing: Eve/Spike/Kendra/Warren
Summary: Warren never died, he just had a change of heart through the loving ministrations of a Vampire he loved, a new Slayer In Training, and a hell-beast from Wolfram and Heart. Four-some tender lovings with tongue baths, cold sperm shakes, vaginas that feel bad for being on ladies and not between men's legs, and eventually they buy a puppy and name it Dawn. Also, they feed each other ice cream and cry a lot.

Fandom: Harry Potter, Books
Pairing: Hermione/Moaning Myrtle/Dumbledore
Summary: Hermione learns where Myrtle really got her name through some kinky carpet munching on ghost bits, which means Hermione isn't really gay, because it's a ghost. Also, Dumbledore likes to watch and remembers all the sex he and Lucius Malfoy had back at Hogwarts before Lucius met the dark lord. Peeves offers helpful love advice and tongues the Fat Lady's portrait. Also, Crookshanks gets fixed! (I like a good PSA in my fic, don't you? Please spay and neuter your pets.)

Fandom: Pirates of the Carribean
Pairing: The fat guy in the red coat, you know, that one?/Elizabeth
Summary: Elizabeth hates James Norrington, Capt. Jack, and most of all Will. She needs a man that can help her carry the weight of her enormous jaw, and that man is a faithful flunky in His Royal Highness' Navy. Hijinks ensue! Also, detailed information about how no one brushed their teeth or bathed often back then, and Elizabeth comes down with a huge, pulsing case of the gout, and the guy in the Red Coat nurses her back to health. And then they buy a monkey, who gets fixed! (Please, spay and neuter your pets.)

Fandom: Star Wars
Pairing: Anakin/Padme/C3P0
Summary: Anakin decides not to kill all the baby Jedis, but be a good father to the babies growing inside Padme. C3P0 has some wonderful tips on how to pleasure a pregnant woman, and gets involved in a heartbreaking drama of three who long to be two. Will R2D2 forever be left on the sidelines? And will Han and his lover, Chewie, come to the baby shower NOT drunk this time? (Yoda stages an intervention.) Also, Emperor Palpatine gets dentures! (Don't forget to brush, kids. 2 minutes, morning and night!)

Fandom: Angel: The Series
Pairing: Connor, a new friend
Summary: Connor buys a puppy, decides his dad, Angel, is the best ever! They go to the carnival and buy cotton candy. Poor Connor eats too much junk food and gets the whoopsies, and Angel soothes him by rubbing his back. Will Angel ever be able to get over his love of Eve, or can he convince her to join their happy family? A/N: Angel will never turn evil again, he'll only be happy forever more.

Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing: Adama/Kara Thrace
Summary: It was all a lie. She never loved Zack, she never loved Lee, all she's ever wanted was Admiral Adama, but can she melt his heart of ice? Also, Dee fights her in a vat of oil for Adama's love. Then, once they've sealed their relationship (Laura Roslin presides over their wedding) they buy a puppy and get it fixed. Then they feel like shit, because the whole fucking universe was blown up, and that was the only female puppy ever, and now there won't be any more. They have a Very Special Chapter about it.

One I said in email about it... (And my favorite, because I don't even KNOW the offending fandom pairing.)

Fandom: One Tree Hill and HBO's OZ
Pairing: Nathan/Schillinger/Haley/Brooke
Summary: Nathan goes to jail for beating Haley (she still loves him, though, no worries!) and becomes Schillinger's bitch. Haley has to come up and let Schillinger "spoon" her to get all the white supremacists to quit it with Nathan. Brooke comes, too, and offers herself up, which leads Haley to realize how hot Brooke is. They bust Nathan out of jail and have hot three way sex which leads to babies, and they all go shopping to decorate the nursery (described in two whole chapters with links to stuff I registered for, LOL) and they all cry and eat ice cream a lot, then love the babies and are perfect parents for ever. And they never tell the babies about daddy being in jail for beating a mommy.

(Oh my god, if I didn't have laundry needing folding, I'd do this all day.) Now you!
Tags: alternate things, wtf no seriously wtf?
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