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Okay. So... a year? Two years ago I made a post about a neighbor and her husband that were on that sex therapy show on Showtime. Like... Here's how we do such and such, here's night-vision of us in bed, help us be better! Because if *I* went on a reality TV show, that's the one I'd pick. In the way that means OH HELL NO. I mean, I watched (natch. Don't act like you wouldn't) and it made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE. They were basically having sex on camera. Their PARENTS could have seen that!! *feels shame for them*

*note for those playing the home game, they lived next door to my former friend who freaked out, cheated on her husband, dated that lawyer that was skeezy with tasseled loafers and a Grimace body and offered me 'shrooms the first time we met. Classy.

So. It turns out that crazy wife of the sex show fame also freaked out, started selling my friend (the cheater) DRUGS (like, IN THE HOUSE. WITH THE KIDS ON A PLAYDATE RIGHT THERE!!!), tried to buy 100 THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of merchandise at Nordstroms on a credit card (dude. That's a lot of freaking shoes. I'm just saying. I don't think I could find $100K worth of clothing/sundries in a department store), and then when her card was declined, TOOK IT ANYWAY, had the police chase her home, and then she was thrown in jail while her husband was on a business trip. She got cheater friend to bail her out, freaked out on her husband when he got home, called the police on a "domestic abuse" charge, and she is now cooling her heels in a psychiatric hospital in Colorado, and they are officially divorced.


Why yes I did run into the husband at the gym, why do you ask? He's all beefy (gross) and 'roided out, but he's a nice guy.

Whoever thought that moving the the 'burbs meant a slow-paced life, there's your rebuttal.


( 58 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 14th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)
Desperate Housewives! Or sort of.
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:32 pm (UTC)
I guess!! Just... good lord. I thought I was moving to a sleepy, quiet town. (Um, evidently there's no such thing. I should remember my Southern Gothic, huh?)

HI SOPHIE! *squish*
... - slasheuse - Jul. 14th, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jul. 14th, 2008 11:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - slasheuse - Jul. 15th, 2008 12:01 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)
Tasseled loafers?
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:34 pm (UTC)
A shoe that I'm terribly prejudiced against because it makes me think of schiester lawyers listening to Jimmy Buffet, checking out women just barely legal.

..that's a lot of thought into those shoes, huh?
... - dovil - Jul. 14th, 2008 11:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - dovil - Jul. 14th, 2008 11:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jul. 14th, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - dovil - Jul. 14th, 2008 11:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC)
Um....wow. Just seriously wow. You should be taping this stuff and making your own reality show!
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC)
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. A fortune lies in waiting, amirite?

Also, your icon is a thing of beauty. Oh, Molly, I heart you.
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC)
Holy crap. All I can do is agree with your tags. Because, DUDE... that's some screwy business, right there.
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
GAH! Man, I am so happy to be living drama free, then I hear this and I could fall upon the neck of my husband, weeping with gratitude that we are NORMAL.
... - soberloki - Jul. 15th, 2008 03:30 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:46 pm (UTC)
Dude. My neighbors in the burbs back in NY used to get into knock down fights- literally. He would toss her down two flights of stairs. We'd count the thuds. She threw him through a wall once. Not ours, thankfully. In the end, he embezzled half a million dollars and got arrested by the FBI and she was arrested as an accomplice and they lost custody of their adoptive daughter.

Our other neighbors across the way? Devout Catholics. Until he came home and found her going down on the priest. Who he then shot in the leg.

Suburbia ain't got nothing on city folk.
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC)
I JUST WHOOPED at the Catholic wife blowing the priest. how Thorn Birds, but tackier and with less cattle.

Then you have the country tales. Like the guy that shot off another guy's arm for talking to his woman. Then they all went on Jerry Springer to talk it out.

It didn't go well.
... - kita0610 - Jul. 15th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jul. 15th, 2008 12:26 am (UTC) - Expand
... - kita0610 - Jul. 15th, 2008 12:26 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC)
I live in a much considerably more lamer suburb.
Jul. 14th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
Are there homes available? Sheesh!
... - dlgood - Jul. 15th, 2008 12:05 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:02 am (UTC)
OMG! Our neighbors are so boring! Not that I'd want to see any of them on Showtime talking about their sex lives. The wife (ex) sounds capital C Crazy Cakes.
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
She is SO crazy. And I honestly just listened to the show, I couldn't bear to watch. It's just so... sleazy, you know?
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:08 am (UTC)
100 THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of merchandise

Holy crap! And for some reason I read that with the voice of the wedding dress store owner in Runaway Bride in my head.

But its a THOUSAND dollars!
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
Sheeesh! You could write a book, but no one would believe it.

Jul. 15th, 2008 12:28 am (UTC)
I could make a soap opera, but I'd have to use horses. Wait...

HI BABY!!! *hugs you gently*
... - lynnenne - Jul. 15th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:40 am (UTC)
That is an awesome story. If I saw it on TV I'd think it was bullshit!

Jul. 15th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
If I hadn't heard it from the husband, I wouldn't have believed it myself!

Crazy people!
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
You hit the nail on the head: pathetic and CRAZY.
Jul. 15th, 2008 02:15 am (UTC)

wtf, people? wtf?
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
Did it make you look in the mirror and think, at least I'm not trying to steal $300 jeans and high heels and going mental? Because I sure did. :)
Jul. 15th, 2008 02:35 am (UTC)
Wow. The most exciting weirdness we ever get in our suburb is the screwy family with the two fucked up sons that I never ever wanted to babysit because, seriously, those kids were emotionally disturbed. They gravitated between hitting each other with sticks and screaming crying tantrums (and I know that's par for the course with a lot of male toddlers, but on a seriously constant BAD level). I just found out recently from my mom that they've apparantly been divorced FOR YEARS but just never told anyone about it...they kept living together because they couldn't afford to move away from each other. They HAD A DAUGHTER during the time they were divorced. (I mean, I don't care one way or another for whether or not kids are legitimate, that's not what freaks me out. But when you've decided to divorce someone, but then keep sleeping with them and have another kid together, all of this while STILL being divorced...really, is it just me, or is that kind of effed up?) Just recently they moved out of the neighborhood, or rather, my parents thought they had moved out but come to find out that the bank foreclosed the house because I guess they couldn't pay for it anymore, and they didn't bother fighting it. They just...let them take the house. And left, one supposes.

Still. That all rather pales in comparison to your hijink-laden tale.

Edited at 2008-07-15 02:35 am (UTC)
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
Yeeeeeesh. That there was a saaaaaaaad house, that was. Damn.
Jul. 15th, 2008 05:26 am (UTC)
That is insanity. But least it's hilarious insanity?
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
I'm leaning that way, myself.
Jul. 15th, 2008 12:46 pm (UTC)
Oh wow that's some serious whatthefuckery. Though I could see spending a 100 grand at Nordstroms *visions of 3000 handbags and thousand dollar shoes dance in her head*
Jul. 15th, 2008 01:49 pm (UTC)
Keep in mind that she CARRIED IT OUT OF THE STORE, I guess hidden in other bags, or something. Or they didn't have many people manning the cameras, I don't know.

That's frickin' brazen, that is.
... - bitchygrrl - Jul. 15th, 2008 01:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
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( 58 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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