From the Current Tale of Woe, No Need For Names
- "I need other stimuants besides your gorgeous penis." There's your finger, the thing you do with your tongue, and wait. Did I just say your penis was GORGEOUS? No offense, but it's all purply and shiny and hangy-down. INTRIGUING, maybe, but not gorgeous.
- "The place had it's warnings. Before entering the lower level, there would be signs posted that would say leave moral issues or anything of such nature at the door, giving everyone a choice." It's like she's talking about this story, isn't it?
- "Well, I'm fucking you so I guess that makes you a freak too." Oh, you! You and your sweet talk. Now egress down my throat.
- "Claiming Elizabeth as her pillow queen." I dub thee: Sir Lady Pillow Queen of the NotReadyfortheBigTime Fictitious Characters. Arise!
- "Her cum had run down the insides of her thighs like warm soup." Because "soup" is the OBVIOUS descriptor for excitement. Try our newest flavor, Cream of Cum! *brought to you by the Campbells Soup: Soup is Exciting! Campaign*
- "'What is it?' 'Ecstasy. Don't drink any alcohol.' Faith then gives Buffy water to drink." Looks like SOMEONE took Sue's advice and watched the Ecstasy episode of 90210. Or Dawson's Creek, most likely. Way to go, Jen!
- "They walked down three flights of STARES." Ow! Fuck! Quit it! My eyes!!! Xander? Gah!! Georgia! Georgia... D'oh! What the-OWWW!! Hey! Make it stop!! SHeee! Ow!
- "Faith watered the blonde's chest with her tongue." After adding Miracle GrowTM to the water, Buffy grew a luxuriant bush of chest hair, setting off her breasts nicely.
And from a new discovery, Member's Only
- "He awarded her with his cock, buried deep inside like a rare pearl." Considering that pearls are made from sand irritating the lining of a clam, while funkily appropriate, this is NOT a pleasant analogy.
- "Dripping from the pages of her mind." Aww! I wrote something like this when I was in 8th grade. And had a mohawk and wore Doc Maartens and thought the world was out to get me. Then I grew the hell up and threw those notebooks away.
- "Soiled, sweaty sheets." HAWT. Have I just discovered an Oscar the Grouch kink? I believe I have!
- "Pleasure feasted on by their senses, seasoned by salty sweat, dead semen, and borrowed blood." And just a hint of cumin. Maybe dead semen comes from the Ethnic grocery store? Is it Mediterranean? *knock knock* 'Hi, Mr. Jenkins. I've run out and was hoping I could have a cup of blood? No, AB is just fine.'
- "The flavor of their skins a delicacy to the other, an acquired taste." And they both decided that it would be best paired with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Ffff-fff-fff-fff-fff-fff.
- "Calm whispers, dangerous confession, and silent exchanges make bad seem so good." Calm whispers: I see bad!fic. Dangerous confessions: I can't stop reading it. Silent Exchanges: You are constantly reading it..... SHE KNOWS WE'RE HERE!!!!
- "They answer each other's mating call of the wild..." Mating call of the wild bunch of bananas foster care for you so much. I think I'm getting the hang of this... Isn't this a category on Wheel of Fortune?
- "They rock together like a swing suspended in midair touching, feeling, and satisfying a hunger with resigned acceptance. 'Mine.' 'Yours.'" NO SHE DI-INT! dovil! crazydiamondsue!! She's copying us!!
- "Like a dog whistle silent and calling to bitches in heat." Like a duck call, making that farting noise and reminding them to fan the bedclothes (the soiled, sweaty ones) discreetly. Preferably when the other's eyes were closed and they were rocking back and forth like a pendulum, but a really big one that takes a while, in order to give them enough time to fan those sheets. While making a silent DOG WHISTLE sound of love.
And the coup de grace...
- "Death to those who speak about it departing on a one-way ticket to hell. The signs are all there, NO ONE ALLOWED WITHOUT PERMISSION, NO ACCESS GRANTED BEYOND THIS POINT, MEMBERS ONLY." Jacket. Or this sign: Danger: Bad!Fic writer at work. Personally, I think the sexiest sign in existence is STOP.